Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Question: Sleep Number Beds



 For some time we have been hearing about "Sleep Number Beds"...They seem to have become popular...you know the commercials where him and her share what their " Sleep Number" is...I've also talked to friends who have them and they love it...

 The basic idea is you and your partner can set your individual sides of the bed to your specific settings for optimum sleep comfort.... But there is a question that no has come out and answered about these beds....

 What about sex?

 I know, I'm a pig...But I like to be comfortable when it's time to get some stank on the hang-low...I'm sure most of us prefer to be comfortable when it's time to bump uglies...So how are you suppose to set your "Sleep Comfort Bed?"

 Does it depend on who's on top, or bottom? Or is there specific settings for each position?

 I'm sure this seems trivial, but these beds are a big investment and I'm sharing this bed...I want us to be comfortable not just when we're sleeping, but when I'm laying the wood too...

The salespeople don't answer this question...The website doesn't...We all aren't lazy, just using this thing to sleep...I plan on driving this bitch to Pound-Town! So help me out...

 What's your sex number?

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday Moaning



I posted this picture to start this blog, about 45 minutes ago...I've been surfing around the net looking for something to inspire me...But nothing got me going...So, I'm just going to tap these keys and see what happens...

I can't write about sports...I haven't watched any this week...Oh wait...I saw about 5 minutes of the  BU vs. BC Hockey game Friday night...But that was it...

Friday evening Molly spent at my parents...A little sleep over with grandma and grandpa...So, the oldest got to take a test drive at watching little Beeze...She's always been a Mother Hen, so we weren't worried...So what did we do?

We went and looked at a house we can't afford...The wife wants a bigger house...I wouldn't mind either but there is the whole issue of trying to sell our house as well...We would also like to be a better school district...Our oldest is having nothing to do with us moving...Luckily, she doesn't need to worry...It's not happening right now...Just not there financially...Plus, this house was overpriced...When the relator describes the kitchen by saying, "It's kind of queer!"  Well, that's not gonna help sell it...We walked in the front door, and almost smashed into the kitchen island...They redid the kitchen, expanding it, and screwing up the flow...Plus, they slacked off on a lot of finishing work...The living room was huge...The master bedroom was huge...It had 4 bedrooms total...All good size...2 baths...Both on the second floor...No yard...and needed a new hot water tank, furnace, washer, and dryer, and some plumbing work...

Good luck getting that asking price dipshits!

Then we went out to dinner...A place called Ferris Steakhouse...The food was good...She had a Filet, and I had Prime Rib...We started with Bruschetta...I had a Caprese salad...I forget what salad she had...She finished with Crème Brulee, and I had a Triple Chocolate cake...The Moscow Mules were good...And well, the key for all my restaurant reviews, that gets them a positive grade...I got road head on the way home! Good Job Ferris Steakhouse!

And Saturday morning we had some classic morning sex...It's so nice not having a 3 year old (almost 4) waking you up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday! Thanks grandma and grandpa!

The rest of Saturday was work...I finally saw Molly at 5:44 AM Sunday, when she puked in our bed...Why, we have no idea...But then she felt great, and was quite the chatty little shit for the next hour, filling me in on her adventures...Then come 11:00AM it was back to work for a long Sunday pounding...

And now, "here I sit broken hearted, I came to shit and only farted!"

I've got some music going on my iPhone...It's on shuffle..."Captain Jack" by Billy Joel is on right now...




It made me think about a girl I dated oh so many years ago...She put this song on a mix tape...Yeah, I'm that old, fucking mix tapes!  She had this thing where she'd tell me to imagine I was on an island when I was having issues...Either stressed, or angry, or whatever...But you know what "Captain Jack" is? what the song is about...Shooting heroin...Holy shit, I think that bitch wanted me to kill myself!

No, she wasn't...She wasn't hip enough to understand drug lingo!

How's this blog working out for ya...Just a wacky guy babbling while listening to music...What's song will be next?

?
?





It's a pretty cool tune...Especially since in it's original form it was done in a techno, club style...I'll stick to this jazzy, mellow version...

I'm sorry for this rambling through writer's block post...It feels like I'm writing in a High School journal...Hopefully I'll get my shit together...

The Beeze

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Stop the Madness!


We have a very important topic to talk about right now...This is of the highest priority....




...Blow-Jobs people...Blow-Jobs and ass sex!

Last week, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, who is running for Governor filed an appeal asking the Supreme Court to "revive the state's law, banning oral and anal sex." The law was ruled unconstitutional earlier this year...

What the fuck is wrong with this guy!  Way to lose every fucking male voter in your state asshole!  Seriously, what guy doesn't like knob slobbed...Blow-Jobs are like pizza...Even a bad one isn't that bad...You still take it...And against anal too...Listen, some people are into it...(pun intended)...Some aren't...Let people make their own poor decisions....If she's willing to let you pop it in there, are you really saying no?  Is this guy gonna try to stop people from finger blasting each other next?  Sometimes you need a finger or two swirled around there...(You pick the hole)

Nothing about this guy makes sense...You can't even call him out for being a closet case, weenie puffer...If that was the case he would have been doing fucking cartwheels earlier this year, just grabbing cocks and sticking them all up in himself...

I don't get it...All I can say is, Virginia, it's up to you...This fucking asshole must be stopped!


The Beeze.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Finishing St. Patrick's Day with a Bang!



This gives a whole new meaning to cum dumpster!   That's how you finish off or start off your St. Paddy's Day!

I wonder if he hit her up with the old, "Do you have any Irish in ya?" line!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Bill Burr On Sports (vol. 8...Bill vs. Pittsburgh)

I heard this and had to get it out there...Bill killin' like he always does...Suck it Pittsburgh!




Shit, how about a bit more...Bill on Sex...




Later, The Beeze.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Beeze Reviews Johnny's Bar

That folks, is what I had for dinner Saturday Night! That is the Long Bone Veal Chop, Pounded, Breaded & Baked...Topped with Tomato Coulis, Arugula and Balsamic Vinaigrette...And it was amazing...

The wife had decided to take me out for a nice dinner for my birthday...Read my PREVIOUS_POST for the Birthday recap...She told me to pick, so I decided on JOHNNY'S_BAR...It's kinda stupid to call the place a bar...Bars don't usually put out this type of food...I've always just called it Johnny's on Fulton...One of the few gems you'll find on Fulton road in Cleveland...

To start, I went simple, getting the Mozzarella Marinara...Don't be fulled...This isn't some bullshit Mozz sticks like TGI Fridays...this is quality Mozzarella, with Cleveland's best Marinara sauce...The Mrs. is real picky when it comes to red sauce...Johnny's is so good, we bought to jars to go!

She started with the Bacon wrapped scallops...How can you go wrong there...Well, she actually was a little disappointed...The scallops were small, and each was totally encased in bacon...She felt the bacon over-powered the flavor of the scallops...

Then we had house salads...Fine...Salads, nothing special...I was drinking Great Lakes Brewing Company's Oktoberfest...(yes, that's how they spell it)...She was drinking a Riesling...I don't know shit about wine, except to keep pouring it down her throat!

Then she had one of the specials...A 14ounce strip steak, thinly sliced, served medium-rare, topped with sweet onions, and mushrooms, in a demi glace...With aged cheddar and pancetta mashers...The steak was so moist, and tender...It melted in your moth...She thought they could ease up on the sauce, but she loved it...

As I said, I had the Long Bone Veal...Talk a about flavorful...Sorry folks, but baby cow tastes great...And it was so tender, I was cutting it with my fork...The tomatoes, arugula, and balsamic worked so well with the veal and the breading...It's a can't miss dish, only made better being served over top of Johnny's house specialty, au gratin potatoes...

For desert, The Mrs. has the Raspberry Cheesecake...Holy huge slice! I had the Bananas Foster...Rum, Bananas, and Ice Cream...Hard to screw up, and they didn't...We finished the evening there with coffee...Nice, bold, brew...

Now, this all sounds great, and it was...But it was an expensive evening...Drinks, all four course, coffee, two jars of sauce, and tip got us for over two hundred bucks...Considering how little we go out, and how good it was...I'm okay with the price...

Then we headed home...My goal, get the kids to bed...Watch Notre Dame beat the hell out of Purdue, and squeeze in some halftime sex! Birthday weekend rules!

Later, The Beeze.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Monday Moaning


Last week I wrote about how I feel Baseball is dying...Well I may have found the root to this problem...Tee-Ball! My journey into coaching has started and I have to say, What the f**k!?! My God Tee-Ball has changed over the years...I'm not liking these rules...Back in my day, we used wood bats...You're still able to use them, but most don't...Well the Beeze's Sea Wolves will be using wood bats...These kids are gonna be cock strong! But that's not the real problem...The real problem is some of the rules...You can make outs, but there's no 3 outs and it's the end of the inning...Nope, the whole lineup bats, then switch...That goes on for 45 minutes, then game over...Then there's the no running on an overthrow...WHAT? They want you to play 8 infielders and 4 outfielders...Luckily I don't have to do that nonsense since my team and most the others only have 10 kids...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the ultra-competitive Dad, crazy asshole parent...I know, it's Tee-Ball, and it's about introducing the kids to Baseball and the fundamentals, but they seem to be taking some of the fundamentals out of youth sports these days...This is another example of the pussification of our youth...At the end of the year, everyone gets a trophy...Listen, when I played, only the winners got trophies...1 year we won it all, and got a trophy...The next we didn't, and we got nothing...That's ball, and that's life...But now everyone needs there kids coddled...They all need to be winners...Guess what? THEY AREN'T!!! You're setting them up for a devastating blow when they get older, and they lose, and they get nothing!

I'm going to do my best to teach these kids some fundamentals while having fun doing it...I'm not trying to take the fun out of this, but damn it, they need to know which of my 8 infielders covers 1st base if the first baseman needs to field a ball!

Moving along...Stephen Strasburg came to Cleveland this weekend and helped the Tribe sell some tickets...The kid looked good again, but he looked a little more human...He actually walked 5 batters, and ONLY struck out 8! Now the pitchers mound giving out on him may have helped that a bit, but when you're a Cleveland team, you gotta do whatever you can to try and win...Which they didn't! On a side note, Indians outfielder Trevor Crowe, who has been one of the many highly tauted prospects in the organization, has spent the last week proving the hype wrong...He has botched 3 fly balls so badly, it looks like Ray Charles is playing Center Filed for the Tribe...I never thought I'd actually miss overrated Grady Sizemore...

Quick NBA update...The Celtics took a 3-2 series lead over the Lakers...Now they head back to LA for games 6 and 7 if needed...I hope the Celtics just take game 6 so I don't have to see Anymore basketball for a few months...

Don't ask me about the World Cup...I have no idea what the hell is going on there...But clearly The New York Post knows something I don't...


Last time I checked, a game ending with a 1-1 score was a tie...So either the New York Post is f**king stupid, or soccer is...Maybe both...Can some one help me with this?

College Football has been crazy this past week...This team is going here, that team is going there, where the hell are those teams gonna go...At first I was annoyed by it...Now, I'm seeing a possibility of something good...Let's say, the Big-10, Pac-10, SEC, and ACC swallow up the rest of the Big12 and the Big East...4 super conferences...This could help lead to an actual playoff format...Of course you throw the smaller guys like the MAC, Mountain West, Conference-USA a slot each...Just an idea...What you think?

Now, this weeks tweet of the week...(You may not want to click the link if you're at work!)

"Alexa_DiCarlo: WARNING: If you DON'T want to see a video of a very rough BJ w/ lots of hard face slapping, DON'T click on this!
http://bit.ly/cX1CBM "

Clearly, I'm a bit of a perv...Bouncing around online I find all kinds of stuff...Sometimes I hit those special sites...Once in awhile I'll watch a CUCKOLD video...I was watching this one, but the mood got ruined when the Cuckold puke...



I know some one was worried they were about to watch some freaky porn!

Speaking of which...Saturday night I was out with some friends, and if you know me, the conversation always ends up on sex...A friend there is the same way, and we had great time drinking beers and making people uncomfortable...There's nothing more honest then some real, down and dirty sex talk...When it comes to talking openly and honestly about sex and relationships, there's no one better at it then Patrice O'Neal...



That's it for now gang...Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Legs & "Side P*s$y"

This post is a simple one...The title says it all...LEGS...There's something so wonderful about legs...Strong and firm, but yet, so very soft...(Unless you're dealing with some unf*ckable creature that doesn't shave her legs)

YUCK!


There's nothing like starting at her feet and slowly working your way up to that sweet, sweet, lunch pail...Legs are the Yellow Brick Road, that lead to the promised lands...(yes, I said landS)


As Al Pacino said in "Scent of a Woman"...

"Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a f*ckin' genius."















Now the second part of this post...
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Sound designer Troy Quan from Sirius XM put this together recently...A song called "Side P*ssy" ...He used clips from comedian Patrice O'Neal...Patrice has some strong and funny opinions on women, relationships, and sex...You may not laugh, but I sure as hell did!



Have a good weekend...

Later, The Beeze.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sex Addiction = BS


I've been thinking about this for awhile now...There seems to be a trend happening lately...Every time some one famous like Tiger Woods...Or slightly famous like Steve Phillips, gets caught cheating on their wife...They play the "I'm a sex addict" card...Then the head off to some bullsh!t sex rehab program...

Then afterwards we have douche bags like David Duchovny, and Phillips doing interviews, telling us how this is a disease...IS IT!?!

So I started wondering, 'Am I a sex addict?' Honestly...Now I haven't cheated on my wife...But I do love sex...If have sex today with my wife...I'll still find time to rub one out...At least one! I think about sex all the time...I want to f**k all the time...Ask her...I'm always hounding her for more! Thinking about this made me do some research...God bless Google!

I found this when looking for symptoms: "It is thought that sex is used by the addict as an escape, a means of avoiding stress, emotional strain, boredom, anxiety, and the pursuant shame and isolation that results from their compulsive behavior. Sex may be used to feel powerful or desirable."

Okay, raise you hand if you haven't in any of those ways...We're all screwed!

I also found this...
"Other signs of sex addiction include regularly engaging in the following:

-Excessive (compulsive) masturbation (self-stimulation to produce sexual pleasure) or use of pornography

-Obsessive dating (e.g., through personal ads)

-Phone sex or sex via the Internet (cybersex)


-Sex with anonymous partners (e.g., one-night stands)"

Okay, I do masturbate a lot, and I like pornography...I use to get into the phone sex...Until the wife found that one huge phone bill...Who hasn't had a one night stand in their youth?

I've spent a couple hours looking at all these sites that want to tell you all this stuff is bad...Sex is good! Actually, it's f**king great! Masturbating is good...Having sexual desire is good...Ruining your career and marriage is bad...But, these dolts didn't ruin these things because they are sex addicts...They ruined things because they're assholes with no self control...

I want to f**k all the time...But my wife isn't willing to spent 20 hours of the day bumping uglies...So I tug one off when I can...I don't go banging other woman when ever and where ever I can...Unlike Tiger Woods...It's self control...Just like fatties...If you don't want to be a fat tub of yuck...Don't eat half a dozen donuts every day...

I'm trying to lose weight...Which means I need to have the self control to not eat twenty Oreos at 1:00AM before I go to bed...All these douche bags are just trying to save their ass...

Worst thing is, average Joe could play the sex addict card...Say average Joe gets caught cheating on his wife, average Jill...If tries to tell her he's a sex addict...She's slapping him across the face, and throwing his sh!t out the door...She knows it's bullsh!t...And what good does it do her to stick with him...He's not rich like these other so-called sex addicts...Plus if she did buy it...The average family can't afford to send Mr. Horny to sex rehab with that bullsh!t artist Dr. Drew...That guy needs to choke on a c*ck!

I think this sex addict stuff is a bunch of crap...If it isn't, then I better get some help...I wonder if I can get disability for being a horn-ball!

Later, The Beeze.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What I Did, Instead of Watching the Browns

I meant to post this sooner, but oh well...Monday night the Cleveland Browns played the Baltimore Ravens on Monday Night Football...I've grown tired of how poorly this team has been run since 1999...I've grown tired of the crappy players and the lame excuses...I gave up on the Browns this year...

There was no way I was going to drive myself crazy watching this game Monday night...I was already crazy enough, because our FOX affiliate bought the rights to show the game locally for those who don't have cable and what-not...I was enraged by this...Why? Because I watch "House." That prick is my kind of doctor...

So, what did I do Monday night? I thought I'd make a list of the things I did...My friend -A likes to make lists...She's very good at at...And write some great blogs...Check her out... http://www.weeklyadventuresordinarygirl.com/

Now, here's my list of what I did instead of watching the Browns game...

1. Continued my campaign of blasting FOX 8's message board, and twitter account, for not showing "House." They did end up showing it at 7:00PM Tuesday night...I DVRed it...

2. I watched some of the Columbus Bluejackets game with my kids...We also jumped over to the Boston Bruins game...Wasn't happy to see them lose to the Islanders...I'm a Ranger fan...Screw the Islanders!

3. After the kids were in bed, and sound a sleep...It was time for Mrs. Beeze and I to spend some quality time bumpin' of the uglies...

4. After that we had a snack and watched the movie "Crash"...I had been wanting to see this since it came out, and I have no idea why we haven't...The Mrs. bought it last week, so we threw it in...

I'm not here to give a full blown movie review, but this movie was awesome...I've never seen a movie delve into race, racism, and racial stereotypes like this...It really shows how truly dark we can be...It slaps you in the face with brutally honest racism...Then kicks you in the groin with how f**ked up and wrong stereotypes can be...Just to belt you again, with a stereotype being right...There's twists and turns not just in the story, or the characters...But also n the viewer...

The cast was great...The only person who stunk was Brendan Fraser...His character is a douche bag...And he pulls it off okay, since he is a douche bag...But honestly, his best role was in Encino Man...Everything else was crap!

If you haven't seen "Crash" check it out...

5. After that, I started reading a book called "The Five Hole Stories." two of my favorite topics combined...Sex and Hockey...How can you go wrong?

Later, The Beeze.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Ooouuuch!!!!!!!


Yes, I'm a perv...And yes, I often share too much...My wife thinks so at least...But that's just how I am...Sorry honey...For better or worse right!?!
-
So tonight, I saw my penis flash before my eyes...Not literally...Let me explain...We've all heard or read the stories about guys who have broken their penis right? Well if you haven't, it's happened...Hell I knew a guy it happened to...We started calling his wife "Iron Pelvis" after that...
-
Anyway...Tonight Mrs. Beeze and I were getting on, as we often do...When I say often, I mean more then most of our marred friends do...But not as much as I want to...Let's put it this way...I ask for it at least 10 times a day...That's a minimum of 70 times a week she has me pestering her for it...If she says yes 4 times in week...That's 4 nights I'm getting some...Which considering she works at least 60 hours a week, and has two kids wanting her non-stop attention when she gets home...Then she has me grabbing her ass, and tweaking her nipples, and saying "let's do it" constantly...That's pretty good...And I know it's better then a number of our friends...
-
So back to the sex...We're going at it strong...She's on top...I could tell she was close (to orgasm)...then she did this move...And my c*ck bent in a way that an erect c*ck shouldn't bend...I believe what I said next was..."OW, F**K! F**K! F**k!
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Then there was a bit of worry...I checked...I checked again...It was okay...hurting a bit...But okay...She apologized a number of times...Then I said "fix it"...She was nervous...But I said, "get back on here"....
-
From there it became a hard angry ride...I guess I felt the need to prove I wasn't hurt...I was working hard...We both got where we were going...And afterward she had a good laugh about the loud angry noises I was making as I was cumming...Then she went to check to see if we woke the kids...Nope...Or they were just pretending, because they were scared...I checked myself again...I'm doing good...
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After that we went downstairs and watched Rescue Me...Now she's sleeping and writing all of this for some reason that I can't really explain...I'm sure I'll have to tomorrow when she reads it at work...Then calls me and tells me I'm an asshole...In that loving way that only she can.
-
Later, the Beeze

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Beeze's Sex Quiz


Often I take those silly quizzes on Facebook, and then re-post them here...Well tonight I'm writing my own quiz, and I'll be posting it there later...I hope you all will take part in it...Although, I know not everyone is as willing as I to share some personal sh!t...But what the hell...

Some questions will need to be specific to a man or a woman...In those cases I'll do the question twice...Example #5a. for the male and #5b. for the female...Just answer the one that pertains to you...Ready...Too bad...Here we go...


1. What type of underwear do you prefer you partner(s) to wear? (none is not an option...too easy) THONG

2. Lights...On or Off? ON

3. What's your favorite position? REVERSE COWGIRL

4a. Do you prefer to cum in or on your partner(s)? IN

4b. Do you prefer your partner(s) to cum in or on you?

5. How often do you masturbate? EVERY DAY

6. Have you ever used toys in bed? NO

7. Have you ever gotten food involved in the process? YES

8. Have you ever had sex in public? YES

9. Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? YES

10. Have you ever had sex in front of other people? (sure they were sleeping) NO

11. Have you ever been part of a threesome? YES

12. If #11's answer is yes...Was it 2 girls 1 guy? 2 guys 1 girl? or 3 girls!?! (please say three girls) FINGER CUFFS

13. Have you ever bumped uglies with a total stranger? NO

14. Have you ever accidentally shit yourself while having sex? ALMOST

15. Have you ever intentionally shit while having sex? NO

16. Have you ever been pissed on during sex? YES

17. Have you ever pissed on someone during sex? NO

18. Have you ever given or received a blumpy? (Blumpy=a blow job while taking a sh!t) RECEIVED

19. Have you ever had sex with a hooker? YES

20. How about a stripper? YES

21. Have you ever covered you gash or crack with peanut butter, and had a dog lick it out for you? NO

22. How about a person? NO
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23. Do you like to be spanked? NO

24a. Do you like receiving anal?

24b. Do you like giving anal? YES

25a. Have you ever performed ATM (ass to mouth)?

25b. Have you ever been on the receiving end of ATM? NO


Okay have at it...
Later, The Beeze.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Beeze Reviews Alto Cucina


This past weekend The Beeze Family went to Erie PA. Mrs. Beeze's parents are there and many of her friends...We went in for her birthday...saturday night the kids stayed with the grandparents, and the Mrs. and I went out to dinner....I found a nice place...Well at least from what one of her friends said, and by what the menu looked like....Feel free to take a look yourself...http://www.altocucina.com/contactus.html

I have to be honest...I didn't think Erie would have a place like this...It's a town littered with chain restaurants and bars...and bars...and more bars....Which isn't a bad thing...Nobody loves a good dive bar more than the Beeze!

So we walk in and right off the bat I'm surprised....The atmosphere is great...Great decor...You feel like you're walking into a very nice home...They may because at one time it was a home...Also There was music playing...Not crappy restaurant music...Live music...A pretty cool band called The Heliotropes...

I'm not sure if they would descibe themselves this way...But...I would say they were kind of a Folk, Jazz fusion...They did a number of contemporary tunes, but with their own spin...Very enjoyable...

But now on to the important sh!t....The food!

I started with the Fontinella Cacchione...Baked Fontinella cheese in puff pastry topped with mushroom ragu....Yes, it was $13 and they may seem too much for some cheese, puff pastry, and mushrooms...But it was well worth it...I would say it was the highlight for me...Well food wise...We'll get to the other highlight later...

Mrs. Beeze started with the Spider Bellinis...Crab cake stuffed soft shell crab, polenta crusted and sautéed...Served with a spicy garlic aioli....Also very good...

We both had house salads...They were simple but good...Not too filling...Romaine lettuce...2 cuke slices...2 tomato slices...8 garbonzo beans...2 olives...And a light red wine vinagrette....

For our entrees...I had the Pollo Ferrito...Lightly breaded and sautéed chicken breast topped with sweet peppers, mushrooms, marinara sauce and a blend of Italian cheeses...Served over cremini mushroom ravioli...This was very good...It's basically a hot rodded Chicken parm...The mushroom ravioli was the best part...I only wish the would serve it with a couple more...It came with 4...Not enough! Especially when it is truely the best part of the dish...

Mrs. Beeze had the Scampi Ferrando....Sautéed jumbo tiger shrimp in garlic lemon butter cream sauce...Served over shrimp & ricotta cheese ravioli...She loved it...It looked good...And the little that she let me try was great...

For dessert the Mrs. had the Key Lime Cheesecake...It was was very light and had great flavor...I had the Strawberry Shortcake...Again, very light with great flavors...That is something you don't get enough when you order dessert...Most the time desserts are heavy, and make you feel like shit afterwards...These were so light and airy...Just excellent!

So along with all this great food...The Mrs. had 5 glasses of wine...Now it was her birthday...and all week I was telling her I was gonna remind her that she isn't old yet...I kept telling her that after dinner we were gonna find a nice dark place, and get it on like a couple of high school kids...She kept saying..."whatever!"

Well as we walked out of the restaurant and I was asking "where should we do it?" we noticed it was pitch black in the parking lot that was surrounded by a very wooded area...So she says..."We may as well do it here!" So there we are...Mrs. Beeze all buzzed up...just taking like in the front seat of a Honda...

It's good to relive your youth....Car sex is awesome...Keeps you on your toes...or knees...Or knees behind your ears...So get out there and get to humping in your car!
If your ever in Erie PA...Check out Alto Cucina...And then get your f*ck on!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday Moaning

What the F*ck!?! The weekend is already over...That sucks...Well I guess I need to fire some shit off then...

The NFL Draft is over...I'll be honest...I watched a total of about 10 minutes of it...My weekend was not about me...Mrs. Beeze turned the BIG 4-0 this weekend...It was all about her...Any sports I saw...I had to sneak in quickly...Then catch Sports Center after she was asleep...

So, about this draft...How'd your team do? I heard a rumor the Jets fans didn't boo the shit out of their first pick...Well f*ckers...Thank the Cleveland Browns for trading with you!

To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about the Browns draft...I've been reading up on their picks, and the players they got from the Jets...Let's face it...The Browns have a lot of holes to fill, and they did a hell of a job getting bodies to try and fill some holes, and hopefully make some sort of impact on the field...

You may not care, but here are the players the Browns picked up this weekend...

First in the trade with the Jets they got Abram Elam (S)...Kenyon Coleman (DE)...and Brett Ratliff (QB)

Their first pick (21 overall) was Alex Mack (C) from Cal...He was a 3 year starter who can also play guard...Versatility is good...So is depth...You can never have too many good O-linemen...

Pick 36 overall was Brian Robiskie (WR) Ohio St. I think he will do well...It may have been too high to pick him, but WR is a need, and he has a great football IQ...

Pick 50 overall was also a WR...Mohamed Massuquoi from Georgia...I'm not happy with this pick...The main reasons being...Rey Maualuga was still on the board...The brownies could use a good Linebacker...Second reason...LeSean McCoy was still on the board...We could use a back to play behind Jamal Lewis, and take over eventually...

Pick 52 overall was LB David Veikune from Hawaii...I really don't know much about him at all...

Round 4....pick 104 overall was LB Kaluka Maiva from USC...Lot of USC linebackers in this draft...This is the guy you heard the least about...

Round 6...pick 177 was DB Don Carey from Norfolk St.

Pick 191...another DB...Coye Francies from San Jose St. I think he may wind up being a good player...

Pick 195 was RB James Davis from Clemson...A little stat I found on him was...In 805 touches at Clemson...Only 2 fumbles...Not bad...More of a grinder...Not gonna be a feature back...

The Browns weren't flashy...But I'm hoping they come out looking smart...Like I said...The Browns have lots of holes to fill...This weekend they got some bodies...Let's hope some of them fit...

Now moving on...Let's go to Hockey...
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The Washington Capitals have decided to nut up, and have forced a game 7 with the New York Rangers...
-

I am not happy about this...The Caps have a ton of momentum now...If the Rangers are going to win...Henrik Lunqvist is going to have to carry them...He will need to be perfect...I hope he can do it!

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The Columbus Blue Jackets were swept by the Detroit Red Wings...I was really hoping to see the Jackets make some noise in the playoffs...They played hard and well...But the Wings know how to win in the playoffs...The Jackets took a big step this year, and will hopefully learn and grow from this...A few things that stood out to me in the series were...R.J. Umberger played great...This guy is a keeper...He brought a spark to this team that they have never had...

Also, Antoine Vermette played great...His stats may not show it...But he was playing non-stop, aggressive, two-way hockey, every shift...

The biggest thing I noticed was about rookie goaltender Steve Mason...Mason seemed to give up a lot of big rebounds that put him out of position for the follow up shot...That's the type of thing the Red Wings will take advantage of...

What else do we have this week...My D&T Fantasy Baseball team sucks big hairy balls...
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Oh yes...Mrs. Beeze's B-day...We went to Erie PA...The hot-bed of entertainment that it is...She spent her teenage years there...Her parents are there...And many of her friends...So, that's where we went to celebrate...Saturday night we left the kids with the grandparents, and went out to dinner...I'll be posting a review of the great restaurant later this week...The food was great...The $45 worth of wine she drank was great also...I was feeling frisky...As I always do...I kept talking about going somewhere for a little bump session...When we went out to the parking lot...It was pitch black...She said..."We may as well do it here!" CAR SEX rules! I told her...If we're still f*cking in a car, in a dark lot...You're not old yet!

After Dinner we got together with some friends for a little while...I'm pretty sure some of them could smell the sex in the air...It was a warm evening...She hates when I share all this personal shit!

Now I know many of you look forward to reading if my son did something f*cked up each week...Like leaving a surprise shit somewhere...Well, we haven't found anything recently...Yes he had moments of being a pain in the ass this week...But that is just par for the course...When I stumble across whatever nightmare he has rolled up his sleeve...You'll be the first to know...

One final bit of sports...The Red Sox swept the Yankees at Fenway this weekend...That's just awesome...I guess the Yankees don't just suck at home...They suck on the road too!

Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

TFtFH: C*ck Blocked by a Tw*t

I had another title for this, but this one was a little softer.

This week Tales From the Fish House looks at me getting shot down, and the wonderful world of lesbians....So lets get to it....

Long before there was a Mrs. Beeze, I was a horny f**ker, trying to get as much as humanly possible...This was 12-13 years ago...It's kinda blurry....A new server had started at the Fish House...She was a good looking blond with nice big creamers....We'll call her Karrie...We use to call her tits for brains....So like all new good looking servers I started spittin' some game at her...



Finally one night after work about five of us, Karrie included went out boozin' after work...I was doing well, but then my toughest competition moved in....Tanya...We referred to Tanya as "the Man"....She got more a$$ then all of us guys combined...Yes Tanya is a lesbian, and a very good one at that....we're both leaving it all out on the field...This was a last man standing match now....Eventually Tanya starts acting drunker then she is..."Karrie do you think you could give me a ride home?"



Are you sh!tting me? Karrie tells the rest of us she'll be right back....Well I closed that joint, and she never came back...But I knew that was gonna happen...Tanya is Ohio's number one muff diver...Her moto..."No Muff to Tuff"...For a chick, she was c*ck strong....That night was the beginning of a 3 year relationship between Karrie & Tanya...Unfortunately it ended ugly...Karrie began seeing her ex-boyfriend on the side, and got knocked up....Tanya flipped....She sought revenge by getting every young, hot, hostess, bartender, and server to give it a try...just once...She had some repeat business...



One time I was fortunate enough to hear Tanya and this one knock-out going at it...I had plenty of beat material in my head....I didn't even make it home...I handled myself on the drive home.



Karrie is still around the Fish House...We're good friends...She lives with her baby's father, but they're not together....It's f**ked up.



How about a recipe?



This week we have Grandma McBeeze's Potato Soup...

1 green pepper...diced

1 large onion...diced

6 stalks of celery...diced

1 carrot...dice

1T garlic

6 strips of bacon...chopped

12 potatoes...chopped, cubed, whatever.

1 t basil

1 t oregano

1 t thyme

S & P...to taste

1 c vegetable broth

2 pints of Guinness

3 qrts heavy cream

Saute Bacon until crisp....Add green pepper, onion, celery, carrot, garlic....Saute for a couple minutes, and add basil, oregano, and tyme, S & P, and Guinness...let it reduce by half...add veggie broth, and potatoes....Let it simmer for 5-8 minutes...Add heavy cream, and let simmer until potatoes are soft...Check seasoning.

Enjoy.

Later, the Beeze.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Be Careful...This One May Be Like a Shotgun Blast...

All over the place....
I hope everyone had a great New Years...Mine was no great shakes...After work at the Fish House, I came home to my wife, my sick daughter, and my son, whom by my best guess was snorting pixxy stixx all day....My daughter had a stomach flu....She spent the night (2nd in a row) in our bed....I was on Tomas the speed-freak duty....I let him stay up late...Actually I didn't have a choice...I got him to sleep by 10:30PM...Mrs. Beeze fell asleep with our daughter....Ahh, another New Years alone....This has become a tradition in our house....Last year all three of them were sick for New Years....The year before....He was....The year before my wife....So I don't make plans...I just wait for someone to get sick and then, let the good times roll.
--
So I cracked open some Great Lakes Brewing Company Christmas Ale. (I'm gonna start charging those guys for all the plugs I give them) I parked myself infront of the tube and watched some football....Then I flipped around for awhile....wher did I end up? ESPN...You can keep your slobbering, slurring, Dick Clark...I'll take Robbie Madison doing crazy f**king $h!t on a dirt bike....Dude is un-f**king-real.
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If you haven't seen it check it out at MadMan's place.
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As I'm writing this I'm also making dinner for the kids...The Mrs. went to a movie with the girls....It's better that way...She wanted to see Twilight, and I didn't...So it's me and the kids...It's cool, she owes me a low jo....If you don't know what that is, think of it like this....What starts with a B and ends with a b, and feels so good? Got it yet....If not you need more help then what you can get from me....Hell I got one last night...That was because I kept feeding her wine...Looking like a good start to the new year.
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Did anyone else see the Winter Classic....That was awesome...Old school uniforms...Division rivals....Wrigley Field turned into a ice rink....This is a great tradition, and the NHL better not screw it up....They have a tendency to do that. This is a great way to get people excited about hockey, and it's great for us who who played outside 'til all hours when we were kids.
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After watching USC roll Penn State, I'm a even bigger supporter for a College Football Playoff....
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I hope Utah beats the hell out of Alabama...Not for any type of loyalty, I just always cheer for the non-BCS conferences....That and I hate Nick Saban...That guy is a douche...He's a good coach, but he's a douche.
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I'm gonna go eat now....I'll catch ya later,
--
The BEEZE.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Monday Moaning / Christmas recap

Happy Holidays!!! I hope everyone has enjoyed this Merry week as much as I...How could I not? Jimmy Clausen and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish won a game...They won a Bowl game....And they won BIG...What a great gift to get on Christmas Eve. I have to say i was surprised by the outcome...I though the Irish could win, but i didn't expect the offensive explosion I saw....I hope this is something Charlie and the boys can build off of.

Next up, the Cleveland Browns....I've never been so happy after a loss to the Steelers...let a alone a 31-0 a$$ beating....But it's like Christmas all over...the Browns' Season is done, and so are Phil Savage, and BIG, FAT, FATTY, FAT, Romeo Crennel....Now it's time to hire some people with experience...No more first timers...We need some Cock strong mutha f**kers to turn this $h!t around.


Let's stay on the topic of football for another minute or two...I have to feel bad for my friends and family in the Boston area....11-5 and the Pats don't make the playoffs....11-5 without Tom Brady, and they don't make the playoffs...F**king Jets can screw anything up....Including their own season...it wasn't too long ago when their were a bunch of douches talking about a possible Jets vs Giants "Super Bowl"....But No!!! Here comes Brett Interception Favre....that a boy Brett, end on a high note....Douche!!!

How about Chad Weak Arm Pennington....He's gotta be loving it...I wonder what Mike Greenberg did after that game...Did he cry for his Jets? Or did he cream his pants for Chad?

"How about them Cowboys!!!" way to $h!t the bed boys...And to my friends in Philly...CONGRATS!!! The Eagles are back from the dead.


Now I'm moving on to Hockey....I've had a subscription to The Hockey News since I was 13 years old...They try to be objective, but over the past few years they seem to follow the party line when it comes to the NHL....I'm not surprised by this, but some things in the latest issue surprise me...This issue is their "10th Annual 1oo People of Power and Influence"....Number one was Sidney Crosby, which shouldn't have surprised me, but it did....I don't mean to dog "Sid the Kid" because he an awesome, young, talented player, but he may not even be the best player on his team...Evgeni Malkin, who is ranked #91 carried the Pens last season, while Crosby was out with an injury....And his all-around game has improved even more this season...

Number 2 on the list was Alex Ovechkin...and after what I've been seeing from him the last couple of seasons, he may be #1 next year....Number 3 was Gary Bettman....I guess he has "power and influence" but that isn't a good thing....dude is a top 5 douche....Speaking of Douche, and this is another thing that surprised me....Number 27 on the list was Sean Avery..."the most hated player in hockey"...the guy the league makes rules up for on the fly...the guy the league wants nothing to do with....A guy who The Hockey News hasn't always been a fan of...so why give him any ink?

This is what they wrote about him...."Avery,28, is the undisputed winner of the biggest mouth, smallest mind award. He casts himself, the league and the game in a negative light because of his poorly thought-out actions and comments - making this list for all the wrong reasons. The league came up with a new interpretation of a rule just for him."

So I ask again....If he is so bad for the game, and the league, why do you still keep giving him coverage?

I'll tell you why....Because with a dummy like Bettman in charge the league needs characters to help draw attention to the game. The NHL hates Avery, and many in the Hockey world say they hate him, but they keep writing about him....They can't wait for him to open his mouth, so the media will be talking about hockey....They know bad PR is better then NO PR....I hate Hypocrites, and hockey is full of them.


Moving on from sports....How was every one's X-mas? Mine was good...Christmas Eve was a little crazy....My wife's parents decided at the last minute that they were coming to our house for Christmas. I've had to deal with them for every holiday the last 4 years...I was looking forward to this one off....They showed up X-mas Eve as I was getting things ready for my family to arrive....We all ate some apps I made (you can get the recipe on Tales from the Fish House...http://thebeezestalesfromthefishhouse.blogspot.com/ )....we opened some presents...and shot the $h!t for awhile....Oh yeah, we did some drinking....

My family left, and we got the kids to bed....The in laws were here to stay...You have to understand a few things about them...they don't like each other...She just goes through life with blinders on....he can't shut the f**k up....Seriously these two could make anybody crazy...It's bad enough I didn't want them here, but my wife was bummed about it then me.

So the kids are in bed, and I'm playing Santa, and trying to watch the Irish...This a$$ won't leave me alone....He isn't talking about anything...He's just talking to talk...I'm trying to put stuff together, my wife is putting stuff under the tree, and what do we hear....the same $h!t we hear every year..."when you were kids we didn't get you this much stuff." All I wanted to say was, 'well that's cause we're not a couple of cheap, crabby, loveless, a$$holes.' But as always with grandpa, I bit my tongue.

Another problem when our favorite visitors come....I don't cum...Sex is off the table, or the bed, or the floor, or anywhere else....this is because of the one time when granny was staying with us, and she did the ole open & knock...You know, when somebody is opening the door at the same time they are knocking on it...There I was jack-hammering away on Mrs. Beeze, and something so important that Grandma had to get out of bed and tell us right then....She walks in and just starts stammering and then runs out...she didn't even close the door...Then Mrs. Beeze, who often acts like a child, just starts this annoying I'm embarrassed giggle....So ever since then...No love for Daddy.

I could go on about those two, but maybe I'll just save it for a special blog...just for them.

The kids had a great Christmas. They got everything they wanted and more...The Mrs. was very happy with all her presents, as was I....She got me too much...A Blow Job would have been nice though.

I hope You and Yours had a very Merry Christmas.

Have a good week.

Later, The BEEZE.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The BEEZE'S Holiday, Hump Day Survey



HO HO HO!!! It's time for a holiday edition of the Hump Day Survey. Let's get to it....I got a lot of crap to do today....It's not easy being Santa.


1. Will the New England Patriots make the playoffs?


2. Am I the only person that is wishing pain and suffering on the New York Yankees franchise?



3. What is your favorite Christmas movie?

4. What is your favorite Christmas song?

5. Will the Notre Dame Fighting Irish beat Hawaii tonight?

This next one was brought on by my friend jaek, over at Sporting News....


6. Who is the greatest Hockey player of all-time?


a. Wayne Gretzky

b. Gordie Howe

c. Bobby Orr

d. Mario Lemieux

e. Rocket Richard


7. On this Fine Christmas Eve/Hump Day....Which of these pieces of Holiday joy would you most like to Hump?

a.

b.
c.


d.

How about that guy CK ?


I like this one..........

(thanks for the pics mac)

Merry Christmas

Later, The BEEZE.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tales From the Fish House: Holiday Edition

Back for more Tales from the Fish House? This week I thought with it being the season of giving, I would share some tales from the many company Christmas parties the Fish House has had.

We've all heard the stories of office Christmas parties, where the boss is nailing his secretary, and the hot insecure chick is walking around with mistletoe just to be sure that guys pay attention, and keep her self-esteem up....Eventually she'll go home with one of them, or just go to a bathroom stall and get used, and continue to feel insecure...Then there's the creepy dude from the mail room...But this year some chick is going to get to know him. Really get to know the inner him...until she gets hammered, and then all she knows is he got in her, and everyone knows it.

Well Fish House parties weren't much different...I say weren't because the rich guys stopped having them when the realized they could make more money if they're open on Christmas Eve, instead of throwing a party for their hard working employees....But we had some good ones....I'm just gonna throw some examples at ya....But before that.....

You have to understand many of us in our youth really liked to drink, and maybe even liked to try out some drugs. Restaurant people work in restaurants because the white collar world frowns on us....Why? Because we don't hide our vices, and we tend to speak our mind....and we think sexual harassment is bullsh!t. That said on with the tales.....

One of the first things I think about, when I think about the good ole days is one of the owners of the Fish House, dressed up like Santa, with a bottle of vodka in one hand, and a 2' bong in the other, and a server, dressed like a slutty elf grinding on him....My how he's changed.

Then there was the GM who's wife was upstairs looking for him at the party, while he banging a server in the office...many of the staff members knew about this, because they kept going into the office to steal his blow, and watch the show...Everyone seemed to forget to tell him his wife was there. I was sitting with the kitchen manager at doing shots of whiskey, as we did a little play-by-play of the festivities.

There was one year I was getting sh!t faced with this server, and she is just going on, and on about being engaged, and she doesn't really love him, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....So after many drinks I got her to re-think this whole thing...She came home with me and spent Christmas Eve with the Beeze...She later broke things off with him, but we were just a X-mas Eve one-nighter... She his happily married to an old friend of mine now....See everything works itself out.

I remember one year, one of the owners wives coming up to me with mistletoe....Yeah, she was that chick....and yeah we made it to a stall...I did what I had to do, and so did she....I didn't feel bad about it at all...You want to know why? Her old man was in the stall next to us with a server....F**king freaks!!!

I think that should give you an idea...hell I'm getting a chubby just remembering all this sh!t.

Alright, how about another recipe....

You're gonna need more party ryes for this one. (see previous post)

This is a Corned Beef and Swiss Appetizer.

1pkg (8oz) Philly Cream Cheese (softened)

2 t. Grey Poupon

1/4 lb. corned beef (chopped)

1/2 cup Kraft Shredde Swiss Cheese

2 T chopped green onion

Party ryes

Pre-heat broiler.

Beat cream cheese, and mustard in medium bowl with electric mixer. medium speed. Blend well.

Add corned beef, swiss cheese, and onion. Mix well. Spread onto party ryes.

Place on baking sheet, broil for 3 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Merry Christmas....Keep cooking, and keep F**king.


Later, The BEEZE.