Friday, May 29, 2009
Why the F*** Do YOU Have Kids?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I've Come to Realize (from Facebook)
1. I've come to realize that my c0ck...IS AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE, ALWAYS WANTING MORE!
2. I've come to realize that my job...SUCKS...BUT AT LEAST I HAVE ONE
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I SING...SO THEN I COVER MY MOUTH WITH ONE HAND SO I DON'T LOOK LIKE ATOTAL DOUCHE.
4. I've come to realize that I need....MORE MONEY...AND SEX!
5. I've come to realize that I have lost....MY MIND
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...MOST PEOPLE SPEAK
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I TALK TOO MUCH...YOU KNOW, MORE THEN NORMAL
8. I've come to realize that money...IS A NECESSARY EVIL
9. I've come to realize that certain people...SHOULD BE DEAD
10. I've come to realize that I'll always....HORNY...AND AN ASSHOLE
11. I've come to realize that my siblings...DRIVE ME CRAZY
12. I've come to realize that my mom...IS A SAINT
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...IS BROKEN BECAUSE I THREW IT AGAINST THE WALL
14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I WANTED TO GO BACK TO SLEEP
15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep…I RUBBED ONE OUT
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking....I NEED TO RUB ONE OUT...EVEN THOUGH WE JUST HAD SEX AN HOUR AGO.
17. I've come to realize that my dad....IS MY BEST FRIEND...AFTER THE WIFE
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I HAVE TROUBLE GETTING OFF FACEBOOK
19. I've come to realize that today...IS OVER
20. I've come to realize that tonight...WAS MUCH LIKE LAST NIGHT
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...WILL BE MUCH LIKE TODAY
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...WRITE FOR A LIVING...AFTER KILLING MY BOSS WITH A CHILUPA
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is....CK.
24. I've come to realize that life...IS WAITING FOR US
25. I've come to realize that this weekend...WAS FUN...EVEN THE DOUBLE ON SATURDAY
26.I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...BAD RELIGION, SOCIAL D, RAGE, ALICE IN CHAINS
27. I've come to realize that my friends...ARE GOOD FRIENDS...EVEN IF I DON'T LET THEM BEHIND THE MASK ENOUGH
28. I've come to realize that this year...HAS GONE TOO FAST
29. I've come to realize that my exes…ARE MY EXES FOR A REASON
30. I've come to realize maybe I should...TRY TO NOT BE SO ANGRY
31. I've come to realize I love...BEING MARRIED...AND I LOVE WRITING...I LOVE MY KIDS TOO...BUT THE BOY MAKES IT TOUGH
32. I've come to realize my past...IS JUST THAT...SO F*CKING WHAT
33. I've come to realize that parties...GIVE ME A HEADACHE
34. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...ROLLER COASTERS...AND DYING ALONE (should have just stuck to the roller coasters)
35. I've come to realize that my life...AWESOME...EVEN THOUGH I BITCH ABOUT IT
Later, The Beeze
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Dishing Out Some More Skull F**ks
Let's start with the Indy 500...They still do that f**king thing!?! I remember it being a big deal when I was a kid...Maybe that was because we only had 15 TV stations...Now I got over 300...So f**k all that driving in circles crap...I don't even know who won...Some dude...So drink you milk and get the f**k out of here...
Monday, May 25, 2009
I'm sure I'll be seeing plenty in the morning...Every year the Beeze family goes to the small parade our little community has...The kids love it...People throwing candy at them...Fire trucks blaring their horns and sirens...Old cars...Kids on decorated bikes...and still plenty of proud veterans...Oh,and don't forget the douche bag politicians trying to get your vote with a smile and a handshake...
The Kronwall hit... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqanH27U338
Well if it looked like that...I could go along with ya...But it doesn't...It looks like this...
A happy, slightly buzzed (like me) Casino owner....(there goes that envelope)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Beeze's Top 20 Sports Movies
Now before we get into the list of the top 20 sports movies, let me be clear on a few things....There will be no auto racing movies....I don't pay attention to it, so I don't feel I can objectively comment on the movies made about it....There also won't be any Will Farrell movies...He's funny, but I'm just not a fan of his "sports" movies....If you want to see a tall white guy rockin' a fro, check out Chevy Chase playing for the Lakers in Fletch...Alright here we go....
1. RUDY: If you aren't moved by this true story, than you either don't have a soul, or really hate Notre Dame. Oh wait,...I think those two things go hand & hand.
3. Bull Durham: How can you not love Crash Davis and his speeches?
5.Friday Night Lights: Great book, great movie.
15. Remember The Titans: Great cast. Great story. Quickly becoming a classic!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Another Random F**king Survey from facebook
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
So She Runs Like a Girl....
I just watched the Preakness...All week there's been a bunch of hype about the filly Rachel Alexandra...Well to the disappointment of the boys she backed up the hype...
After the race, jockey Calvin Borel said she's the best horse he has ever ridden...Borel and Rachel Alexandra hung with pace setter Big Drama, before taking an early lead...A lead they would not give up...Mine That Bird, the horse Borel road to victory in the Kentucy Derby gave an amazing effort finishing second...
Jockey Mike Smith followed Borel's strategy he used in the Derby...Hanging in the back and waiting for his chance to overtake the field...Unfortunately for Smith, the rest f the pack would not give him the rail...He had to swing Mine That Bird outside to make his run...Just as he reached the front of the pack, Musket Man was trying to make a move on filly...
Mine That Bird took Musket Man, but didn't have enough to catch Rachel Alexandra...Although he may have if the race was another quarter mile longer...
Borel said she didn't run her best and he had to push her at the end...Maybe she is the best horse he has ridden...Now the question in my head tonight is....After Borel taking a 50-1 horse to victory in the Kentucky Derby...Then taking a filly to victory in the Preakness...How much of it all has to do with the Jockey?
Interesting side note...Rachel Alexandra's owner also owns 2007 Preakness winner Curlin...And he plans on them breeding the super horse together...I can't wait to see that porno!
(pictures courtesy of the AP)
Later, The Beeze.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Beeze's Thoughts on an "Isolated Incident"
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Mr. Skull...I'd Like to Introduce You to My C**k
This week we will start with Manny Ramirez...Not just for taking performance enhancing drugs...But also, for a complete douche...Here I cum Manny...Balls deep right eye socket!
Next on the list...From the Carolina Hurricanes Scott "sucker punch" Walker...Why? For his cheap shot, sucker punch on Aaron Ward...A total and complete bitch move...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Kd6_eccyYc
Walker...I've got a nice warm load just for you prick!
While on this topic...I'd also like to give a lovely Skull F**ck to super douche, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman...Now You could keep him on this list forever just for being a total idiot...But he gets mentioned today, because him and his yes men didn't feel this cheap shot deserved a suspension...I'll guarantee if it was Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin, that got blasted in the face like that...Dude would have been suspended...Hell if anyone looks at Crosby funny they a penalty...
The NHL has been very inconsistent with the way it has dealt out penalties for things this year...Sean Avery calls a chick his sloppy seconds...and he gets suspended...Now while this may have lacked class...It was also true...Yet a guy throws a cheap shot like Walker...and nothing...
Pull your head out of your ass Gary....So I can gram my rod right through your dome! Douche bag!
And since I'm hear...I was listening to part of the Bruins, 'Canes game on XM tonight...It was the Carolina broadcast...I didn't catch the guys name doing the play-by-play...But WOW! does he f**king suck...How are you gonna call hockey games, and not be able to pronounce names like Chara...Or Bergeron...And besides that...This a$$hole sounded like his mouth was full of sh!t...Well now he gets a mouthful of Beeze!
Next is Roger Clemens...I really hadn't thought about this fathead in quite some time...But then he was on Mike & Mike this morning...I listened to the whole interview...I don't care what anyone says...He's a liar...But even if I'm wrong...He's still getting a skull F**k...Why? Because he said if Brett Favre comes back this year...Then he's gonna have to comeback...That's not even funny...
A) Only John Madden wants Favre to give it another go...
B) I don't want to see your dumb ass trying to pitch another half season...
So Roger...Here you go...A few good power thrusts to your cranium...Dick!
That's all I have in me tonight...I guess I shouldn't have spent so much time at Porn Hub before I wrote this...
Later, The Beeze.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Beeze's Sex Quiz
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I'm a Junkie...Facebook is My Drug of Choice
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Passing Out Some More Skull F**ks!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Last week I mentioned the evening out with Mrs. Beeze for her 40th Birthday...Well gang, in case you missed it...Here's a little write up I did about our evening.... http://thebeezestalesfromthefishhouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/beeze-reviews-alto-cucina.html
Now on to a little sports...Since I was a kid I always followed the Cleveland Indians, and the Chicago Cubs...Yeah...I can really pick 'em...The Tribe, because well...I'm a Clevelander...You get stuck with sh!t like that...Speaking of Cleveland and sh!t...Check out these two freaking hilarious videos....
Seriously funny sh!t...Now back to my bad choice in Baseball teams...I always followed the Cubs, because when I was in second grade my dad gave me a Ryne Sandberg jersey for Christmas...I have no idea why....And to be honest I never asked...But after that I was always watching those day games on WGN...
Then when I hooked up with Mrs. Beeze I became a Red Sox fan...She's originally from Beantown, and has family there...Best damn city there is...Any f*cking way...where the hell is this going...I'm not sure....Oh yeah....The Indians SUCK!!!
Seriously...I bitched about this a couple weeks ago, and then they beat the hell out of the Yankees...So maybe it will work again...
Let me ask this...Why call up the prize prospect from the C.C. Sabathia trade, and then have him sit that first day up...BTW he looked great Sunday staring at 2 called third strikes...Welcome to the big leagues...Swing the bat douche!
Another question...Shin-Soo Choo has been pretty good with the bat...But the way he has played the outfield...He looks like Ray Charles...But my BIG problem with this is...The outfield coach is Jeff Datz...Jeff Datz...A former Catcher...Christ Eric Wedge...Is there anyone on your staff that isn't a former catcher?
Fun little stat about the Indians skipper...The Tribe is 69-80 in March and April, under Eric Wedge...Every year they dig themselves a whole...This team has no fire...The lack leadership...And that starts with the manager...They will continue to suck under Wedge's piss poor leadership...I've said my peace...Now go win some f**king ball games!
Moving on to this weekend highlight...Well not so much for me and my kids' college fund...Mine That Bird...A 50-1 horse won the Kentucky Derby Saturday...You can read all my thoughts on that right here....
Don't ask how much I lost...The real problem is that I won Nothing!...But my daughter won our little family pool...Smart a$$ little....Speaking of the little Beezers...I haven't found my son laying on the bathroom floor in his own sh!t...And I haven't found any surprise puddles anywhere...But I was proud of him this week...Often when I pick the kids up after school they play on the playground with some friends for a while...There's this one boy from my daughter's class...Who I hate to say this, because he's a kid...But...You can already see he's an "in the way person"....He's got Douche-bag written all over his future....
Well Little Beeze kept trying to climb up one of the slides...But a bunch of kids kept coming down it...I told him to "knock it off...You're getting in people's way." So now he's going down the slide with my daughter and her friend behind her...And the D-bag kid now keeps getting in there way and saying mean sh!t to the girls...All the while his "in the way" hillbilly mother isn't doing sh!t...So I told my son..."If he gets in your way again, or is mean to you guys...Slide right through him...Take him down!"
So this dolt does it again...Got in their way and said something sh!tty to the one girl...And my little boy looked just like Ty F*cking Cobb...Feet up, right in the kids junk...Road him right down the slide, and to the ground...My son then gets up and says..."Yeah! That's how we do it!" All the sudden mom is concerned...But once she heard what he said she realized, at least slightly that her son is a dolt, and she may also qualify!
To the NHL...The second round of the playoffs is underway...The Bruins put a beating on the Canes in game one....
But Cam Ward and company came back strong Sunday night and tied the series at a game apiece...
Chicago, Vancouver...And Detroit, Anaheim are also knotted up...The Caps are up 1-0 on the Pens...I know hockey isn't for everyone...But give it a try...The Playoffs are great...Do it for me!
The last thing I want to touch on this week...I just read this little article in Sporting News Magazine about how base stealing is falling by the way side...One of the players featured was Carl Crawford...Who just happens to be on my Fantasy team...I guess Carl decided to say Screw that...Because Sunday, he went out and swiped 6 bases...Way to Go Carl! Base stealing isn't dead yet!
That's all for now...Have a good week...
Later, The Beeze.