Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Beeze Reviews Alto Cucina
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sour Grapes and Some Skull F*cks
Finish This Sentence
1. I've come to realize that my ex was......WAY TOO RELIGIOUS, KEPT ME FROM BEING MYSELF, AND A LITTLE F*CKING CRAZY!
2. I am listening to ......NEWS...WAITING FOR THE STORY ABOUT A DOUCHE-BAG COP THAT GOT BUSTED THIS MORNING...F*CKING DOUCHE!
3. I talk ……SHIT, ALL THE TIME!
4. I love ......MY WIFE...MY KIDS...SEX...MASTURBATING...MUSIC...SPORTS...PORN
5. My best friends .....MAY AS WELL BE STRANGERS
6. My favorite hobby is.... POLISHING THE BISHOP
7. I lost ......MY MIND
8. I hate it when people ......SPEAK...ESPECIALLY THE REAL CLOSE TALKERS...F*CKERS!
9. Love is ......EVERYTHING MAN! OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY...IT'S TOUGH
10. Marriage is .......GREAT...AND FRUSTRATING
11. Somewhere, someone is thinking ......THIS COP IS A BIG GAY DOUCHE....THEY WOULD BE CORRECT!
12. I'll always be .....HORNY!
13. I have a crush on .....ISLA FISHER!
14. The last time I cried was .....WELL I HAD TEARS IN MY EYES WHEN I WAS WATCHING "MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL"...HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FUNNY!
15. My cell phone is…..BROKEN (they aren't made to fly into walls)
16. When I wake up in the morning .....I HAVE A HARD-ON
17. Before I go to sleep at night .......I HAVE A HARD-ON
18. Right now I am thinking about …......SEX
19. Babies are .....AN EMOTIONAL DRAIN...BUT CUTE...RIGHT?
20. Last night I ....JACKED OFF!
21. Today I ….....WILL MASTURBATE
22. Tonight I will ….....TRY TO HAVE SEX
23. Soon I will ......CUM
24. I really want .....A BLUMPY
25. The person who is most likely to re-post this is ....WHOEVER WANTS TO!
Later, The Beeze.
Monday, April 27, 2009
The NFL Draft is over...I'll be honest...I watched a total of about 10 minutes of it...My weekend was not about me...Mrs. Beeze turned the BIG 4-0 this weekend...It was all about her...Any sports I saw...I had to sneak in quickly...Then catch Sports Center after she was asleep...
To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about the Browns draft...I've been reading up on their picks, and the players they got from the Jets...Let's face it...The Browns have a lot of holes to fill, and they did a hell of a job getting bodies to try and fill some holes, and hopefully make some sort of impact on the field...
You may not care, but here are the players the Browns picked up this weekend...
First in the trade with the Jets they got Abram Elam (S)...Kenyon Coleman (DE)...and Brett Ratliff (QB)
Their first pick (21 overall) was Alex Mack (C) from Cal...He was a 3 year starter who can also play guard...Versatility is good...So is depth...You can never have too many good O-linemen...
Pick 36 overall was Brian Robiskie (WR) Ohio St. I think he will do well...It may have been too high to pick him, but WR is a need, and he has a great football IQ...
Pick 50 overall was also a WR...Mohamed Massuquoi from Georgia...I'm not happy with this pick...The main reasons being...Rey Maualuga was still on the board...The brownies could use a good Linebacker...Second reason...LeSean McCoy was still on the board...We could use a back to play behind Jamal Lewis, and take over eventually...
Pick 52 overall was LB David Veikune from Hawaii...I really don't know much about him at all...
Round 4....pick 104 overall was LB Kaluka Maiva from USC...Lot of USC linebackers in this draft...This is the guy you heard the least about...
Round 6...pick 177 was DB Don Carey from Norfolk St.
Pick 191...another DB...Coye Francies from San Jose St. I think he may wind up being a good player...
Pick 195 was RB James Davis from Clemson...A little stat I found on him was...In 805 touches at Clemson...Only 2 fumbles...Not bad...More of a grinder...Not gonna be a feature back...
The Browns weren't flashy...But I'm hoping they come out looking smart...Like I said...The Browns have lots of holes to fill...This weekend they got some bodies...Let's hope some of them fit...
Now moving on...Let's go to Hockey...
The biggest thing I noticed was about rookie goaltender Steve Mason...Mason seemed to give up a lot of big rebounds that put him out of position for the follow up shot...That's the type of thing the Red Wings will take advantage of...
What else do we have this week...My D&T Fantasy Baseball team sucks big hairy balls...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
People Who Could Use a Good Skull F*ck!
You see folks...I have a bit of a temper...Maybe even some anger issues...There seem to be many things that get under my skin, and piss me off...Some big...Some little...We'll start big...Like AIG asking for a bailout...Then handing out bonuses...Because these people have done such a great job running the company in the shitter...Then coming back and asking for....GO SCREW!!! Actually let me do the screwing...Right in your eye with a nice warm nut!
Next the first class, Douche Bag, Montreal Canadiens' fans, who booed the Star Spangled Banner...If the game had been in Boston, and Bruins fans would have done that to the Canadian National Anthem...There would be holy hell to pay...Rivalries in sports are great...But it is totally and completely classless to boo another country's National Anthem...
There were two types of people there last night...Good old fashioned hockey fans, who wanted to see a good game, and hopefully see their team win...Sorry Bruins whooped your ass again...
Then there was the assholes who make their mothers regret not giving their fathers a blow job instead...Way to go...You are the first winners of the Beeze's Skull F*ck...Here it cums...A nice warm load all up in your grill!
Next up...Every morning I take my kids to school...And sure as shit every morning there is some dolt who brings their kid, while they're still wearing their pajamas...If you get your kid ready...You could at least throw on some jeans and a hoodie...But this isn't the worst of it...That makes me crazy...But what makes me want to throw my c0ck right in their eye socket...Is when they come back to pick up their kid at the end of the day, and they are still rocking their PJs..WTF!
Oh, yeah...You're gettin' a load!
But even f*cking worse....The hillbilly douche that goes to the grocery store at 4:00 PM and they're wearing their PJs...F*ck you! you're getting a double shot!
Something else that makes me want to plow my hog into the back of some body's skull (and I know I'm not alone on this one...I'm pretty sure I read a rant about it on http://defective.co.nz/)
I hate those stupid ass motivational posters...Not the funny ones so much...I enjoy a good laugh...But the ones that try to be inspirational...Believe me one of those f*cking things isn't gonna make me a better cook...Or make me like being at work...Those just make want cram my junk right down the bosses fat face...
Ah...Another shot released...
Here's a good one for all you people who need to be motivated....
Well gang...I think that's all for now...I've gotta go reload...
Later, The Beeze.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
And goalie Tim Thomas has continued is excellent play also...What the hell am I saying...The entire team is playing the same consistent hockey, they played all year!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
When I'm Bored...I Give Tou More Sh!t About Me (from facebook)
1. What bill do you hate paying the most? ALL OF THEM IS TOO EASY TO SAY...I'LL GO WITH THE WIFE'S STUDENT LOAN.
2. Do you miss being a child? NO! I ACT LIKE ONE ALL THE TIME! HA!
3. Chore you hate the most? DOING MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR IN THE MORNING...STILL NEED MORE PRACTICE!
4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? TEXAS ROADHOUSE...HA!
5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? I WOULDN'T HAVE MAJORED IN BUSINESS...
6. Name of your first grade teacher? SISTER KATHLEEN...NICEST NUN I HAD!
7.What do you really want to be doing right now? HAVING SEX AGAIN...IT WAS REALLY GOOD TONIGHT...RED HAIR...RED STOCKINGS...OH YEAH!
8. What did you want to be when you grew up? 1ST A DENTIST...THEN ONE OF THEM RUINED THAT FOR ME...2ND A STAND UP COMEDIAN...NOW...A WRITER
9. How many colleges did you attend? 2
10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? IT WAS THERE
11. What are your thoughts on gas prices? THEY HAVE BEEN QUIETLY CREEPING BACK UP...EVIL F*CKING OIL COMPANIES!
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I HAVEN'T SET AN ALARM SINCE MY DUGHTER WAS BORN....THESE TWO KIDS ARE UP BEFORE THE ROOSTER!
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? 'SHOULD I RUB ANOTHER ONE OUT?'
14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? IF IT'S GOING TO LEAD TO SEX...ISLA FISHER....IF IT'S JUST ABOUT GOOD CONVERSATION...GEORGE CARLIN OR NIKOLA TESLA
15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? NO!
16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? YES
17. Get up early or sleep in? I GET UP EARLY...BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP IN
18. What is your favorite cartoon character? STEWIE FROM FAMILY GUY...MAYBE BRIAN...
19. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy/girl? SEX!!!!!!!
20. When did you get married? APRIL 13/14 2001...TWO DATES I KNOW...LONG STORY
21. Favorite lunch meat? ROAST BEEF
22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? F*CK WAL-MART THOSE EVIL C*NTS!
23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? NO
24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? WELL IF I WOULDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW...WHY WOULD I TELL YOU...OH, WHAT THE HELL...THE NEW GUY...I KINDA DIG COYOTE UGLY...THEM CHICKS ARE HOT!
25. What's your favorite drink? COFFEE...BEER IS A CLOSE SECOND
26. Who[m] from high school would you like to run in to? JUST YOU...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...HA!
27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? THE VIRUS
28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? SOPRANOS
29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? STAYED TOO LONG WITH SOMEONE I DIDN'T LOVE
30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work? I DON'T SIT AT WORK
31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes? YES
32. Last book you finished reading? WHY WE SUCK
33. Do you have a teddy bear? NO
34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? NEVER BRUSHED IN A STRANGE PLACE
35. How old are you? 33
36. Thing you hate about Facebook? WITH A PASSION...THAT'S WHY I HERE EVERY F*CKING DAY!
37. How many cars have you owned (not that your parent's gave to you)? 5
38. Since Graduating College, how many times have you moved? 5
39. What is your college degree and are you using it in your current job? BA IN BUSINESS....NO!
40. What's the best advice to offer children? DON'T BE A DOUCHE! BUT SERIOUSLY...WORK HARD IN SCHOOL...AND STAY AWAY FROM DOUCHE BAGS....YOU DON'T WANT TO BECOME ONE!
Later, The Beeze.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Time For the Indians to do Some House Cleaning
I don't like top be the guy screaming for a coach or manager's job...BUT...I've had enough...I thought the Indians should have fired manager Eric Wedge after last season...What a piece of sh!t that was...And I don't want to hear the crap about how he had to deal with a bunch of injuries...Every team has to deal with that crap...It's part of the game...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What the Hell Kinda Game is This?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Here's what they look like....
In the Eastern Conference...#1 Boston Bruins vs. #8 Montreal Canadiens
#2 Washington Capitals vs. #7 New York Rangers
#3 New JerseyDevils vs. #6 Carolina Hurricanes
#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers
In the Western Conference...San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Anaheim Ducks
#2 Detroit Red Wings vs. #7 Columbus Blue Jackets
#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 St. Louis Blues
#4 Chicago Blackhawks vs. #5 Calgary Flames
As most people know...I'm a New York Rangers fan...Unfortunately I don't see them going all the way...They have been too inconsistent all year...And Goalie Henrik Lundqvist can only carry them so far...Somebody has to score goals for the guy...I think the Boston Bruins will take the East...They have been solid all year...They have great goaltending in Tim Thomas...And they have a great mix of skill players, and grinders...
Unfortunately for the Jackets...They open with the Detroit Red Wings...That's a hell of a test for your first time in the playoffs...
My pick to win the West...The San Jose Sharks...In the past they have faltered in the playoffs...But I think all the pieces are there now...the most important piece they have...Evgeni Nabokov...So you heard it here first...the Stanley Cup Final will be Boston vs San Jose...What a bitch that travel schedule will be!
Moving on...Did ya hear...Baseball Season started...The Cleveland Indians didn't get the message until Sunday...When their 5th starter was the first one to give the team 6 innings...Hell he was the first to give them 5...Oh...and he helped them gt their first win...Way to go Tribe...I was starting to worry you would go 0 for April...
So I took little Beeze to the a park today...That seems to be our thing...Checkout a new park and see how many "in the way people" we can find...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/04/fck-your-dogyoure-ahole.html
...Mrs. Beeze and our daughter were going to the Hannah Montana movie...There was no way I was putting up with that shit...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/04/spongebob-vs-hannah-montana.html
So we're at this park...It was a nice...Very nice Neighborhood...But then I saw them...This couple...Two Dolts for the price of one...Both of them with that totally lost look in their eyes...Like walking and talking at the same time was a real bitch for them...I don't want to attack there kid...It's not his fault...This is just a public service message...If you know your spouse is one of those "in the way people"...and you think you may suffer from the same problem...Don't have kids...They're just starting out with two strikes against them...Much like the Cleveland Indians!
In closing, I'd like to say...Happy Anniversary to my Beautiful, Smart, Sexy, Amazing, Wife...8 Years ago...On Good Friday...April 13th...We were married in a Chapel at Niagra Falls....It was the smartest thing I ever did...And I am truly a lucky man...I don't know what she saw in me...And I don't know how she puts up with me...But thank God she does...I love you Mrs. Beeze!
Have a great week...
Later, The Beeze.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
F*ck Your Dog...You're an A$$hole!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Baseball season kicked off tonight...But it really gets going tomorrow...So if you can sneak out of work early and find a nice watering hole to catch a game in...Go for it...Forget about all the steroids crap, and just enjoy the game...Friday is the home opener here in Cleveland...I'm sure it'll snow!
So I clean him up...Then I start cleaning the mess...Oh the joys of parenthood...While I'm in there...I figure lets' just clean this whole damn place...So I crap the toilet brush, to give that a scrub...It's dripping...Dripping piss...This little asshole took a wizz in the f*cking toilet brush holder...WTF!
One last thing before I go...Today I took my kids to a park...We often go to the park right by our house...But today I thought I'd change it up...We went to a park I love...It's right on the Lake, in a very nice (rich) community....This 'burb is about 99% white...The 1% that isn't is mostly pro athletes...While we're there I see these kids...They're trying to act all "gangsta"...They wanna be "thugs" so bad...WTF!
A) these kids wouldn't last 30 seconds in a tough neighborhood....
B) A drug deal to them is, stealing sh!t from mom's medicine cabinet...
C) their parents should have the sh!t slapped out of them! Wake the f*ck up people...Spend some times with your kids so they don't become assholes!That's it for...Have a good week...
Later, The Beeze.
30 Random Things About Me
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? NOT YET
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster? I DON'T RIDE THEM
3. When's the last time you've been sledding? A LONG F*CKING TIME AGO
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? WARM BODIES ARE ALWAYS GOOD
5. Do you believe in ghosts? YES
6. Do you consider yourself creative? YES
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? F*CK YES
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? I THINK THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT BOTH OF THOSE C*NTS IN IT.
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? YES...MORE THEN I LET ON...AND MORE THEN YOU!
10. Do you know how to play poker? NOT WELL
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? YES
12. What's your favorite commercial? I DON'T WATCH COMMERCIALS
13. Who was your first love? MY WIFE...EVERYTHING BEFORE HER WAS FILLER AND LIFE LESSONS...AND CUM DUMPSTERS
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light? NO
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? YES
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? RED SOX!
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? BITCH PLEASE...OF COURSE
18. How often do you remember your dreams? RARELY
19. What's the one thing on your mind? SEX
20. Do you always wear your seat belt? YES
21. What talent do you wish you had? BEING ABLE TO SHIT MONEY WOULD BE NICE
22. Do you like Sushi? YES
23. What do you wear to bed? SWEATS, T-SHIRT
24. Do you truly hate anyone? F*CK YES...DO YOU WANT A LIST?
25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be? ISLA FISHER
26. Do you know anyone in jail? NOT AT THIS TIME
27. What food do you find disgusting? TOFU
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? YES
29. Have you ever been punched in the face? YES
30. Do you believe in angels and demons? I BELIEVE IN ME!
Later, The Beeze
SpongeBob vs Hannah Montana
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday Moaning....A Couple Days Late
I originally though I was just getting sick watching the Fighting Irish lose their first round tournament game, to Bemidji State...Bemidji State? Yes there is such a place, and they play excellent hockey...As a matter of fact, they skated circles around the Irish...Beating them 5-1
But Notre Dame wasn't the only top seed to fall this weekend...Air Force upset Michigan....Miami beat Denver...The only top seed that got out of the first round was Boston University....the Terriers beat Ohio State (who shouldn't have gotten in) 8-3...It wasn't even that close!
The weekend was full of other great games....Minnesota-Duluth came back late to tie Princenton....Then put the Tigers away in overtime...But Minnesota-Duluth would not get past a hot Miami team, as the Red Hawks took the West Region...
In the East Region Vermont took out Yale 4-1...Then went to double overtime with Air Force, before winning 3-2, and heading to DC for the Frozen Four...
In the Northeast Region the winner of two traditional college hockey powers...New Hampshire and North Dakota, would face BU for a trip to DC....The Sioux were up 5-3 in the third...But the Wildcats of UNH battled back....Tying the game with under 5 seconds left...Then UNH finished the comeback 15 seconds into OT....This game was awesome! Unfortunately For the Wildcats it was short lived...They lost the next night to BU 2-1 with 15 seconds left in regulation...
That brings us to the Midwest Region...Cornell beat Northeasterb 3-2...Then came the Irish melt down...Really it isn't all on the Irish...The beavers of Bemidji State played a great game...The Beavers goalie Matt Dalton was outstanding...And Tyler Scofield was without a doubt the best player on the ice all night....So what would Bemidji State do against Cornell...WIN AGAIN! 4-1...The Beavers join Boston University, Vemont, and Miami, in the Frozen Four....
This was a very disappointing way to end the season for the Irish...The team had high hopes...as did big mouths like me! On the slightly brighter side...Irish center Christian Hanson signed a 2 year deal with the Toronto Maple Leafs this week...Best of luck to him....
In other new in the world of the Beeze....The Mrs. did something very special for me this week....No guys...Not the BLUMPY....She colored her hair red for me...
For those who don't remember.... http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/02/women.html
Now due to the Fish House Flu I haven't seen it in all it's glory...But I hope to have that red hair in my lap very soon....
Sunday night the You Gab crew, had our D&T Fantasy Baseball draft...I was lucky enough to be picking 11th out of 12...As I sat there wrapped in a blanket, around round 5 I began to wonder what the hell I was doing...I'm not thrilled with my team but I projected myself getting about 7 of the players I did...Here's how it went....
1Tim Lincecum (P, SF)
2Ian Kinsler (2B, TEX) My strategy was to grab these two guys with my first two picks...Well I would have taken Pedroia, but some other douche grabbed him up....
3Geovany Soto (C, CHN) This pick was also planned...But I'm not sure why I took Bay next...Maybe the Fever...
4Jason Bay (OF, BOS)
5Shane Victorino (OF, PHI) I planned on going for Victorino here or in the 6th and grabbing a pitcher with the other pick...I like these two picks
6Daisuke Matsuzaka (P, BOS)
7Jhonny Peralta (SS, CLE) I thought I good get Peralta here...Big numbers this year...Wait and see...
8Francisco Liriano (P, MIN) Idon't know...I dropped him already to get another reliever...I picked up Wheeler from the Rays....
9Aubrey Huff (1B, BAL)
10Brad Hawpe (OF, COL)
11B.J. Ryan (P, TOR)
12J.J. Hardy (SS, MIL)
I like These two picks ...Young guys with lots of upside...
13James Loney (1B, LAD)
14Jeremy Guthrie (P, BAL)
15Ted Lilly (P, ! CHN)
16A.J. Pierzynski (C, CHA) I dropped him already...Not sure why I picked him...Grabbed up Felipe Lopez....He's having a good spring and is gonna play everyday...
17Fausto Carmona (P, CLE) I think Fausto is gonna bounce back this year, and be dominant...
18Denard Span (OF, MIN) Big Season from this kid!
19Oliver Perez (P, NYN) Takin' a chance here...
Is anyone still awake after that....F*ck I dozed off for a couple minutes...Sorry for all the long winded college hockey and fantasy baseball talk...Stilltrying to get back in the swing of things...Have a good week...
Later, The Beez