Sunday Night with Beer and a Blog

 

Today we dropped our oldest daughter off at college. Normally a BIG moment in people's lives and for families. But it didn't have that exact feel that you expect, because like so much in these times it was kind of fucked up. You see, this event was meant for last August, but two weeks before move-in we were informed she would have to do her first year online from home, yet the only money we saved was on her dorm and meal plan. Personally I think some of the tuition should have been kicked back to us as well.

Sadly, fucked is something becoming normalized for us. Her Senior year of high school got fucked by COVID and then going away for her first year of college get fucked by COVID. Now there she is, a second year student feeling like a freshman...with things still fucked by COVID. Still on high alert. Still wearing masks still not getting the full experience.

 I said fucked by COVID, but at this stage things are fucked by COVID mostly because of the ignorant, Trump loving, FOX NEWS watching selfish, brainwashed, fucking assholes! Fucktards that would rather buy fake vaccine cards instead of getting a free vaccine. Cunts who would rather buy cow deworming medicine instead of getting a free vaccine. Dipshits who scream about the evils of vaccines while they have had a lifetime of getting vaccines and never bitched about it until Tucker Carlson and the crazy QAnon lady told them to.

 By the way, all Fox News employees are vaccinated and have to show proof and wear masks at work. They and those jack ass governors in Florida and Texas don't care if you and your kids live or die. These cocksuckers are screaming that mask mandates are "government overreach," yet them making laws banning mask mandates and cutting funding for school districts and staff if they do implement mandates, is somehow not "government overreach." Sorry dickheads, you can't have it both ways!

These fucking people who scream "my body my choice" about wearing a fucking mask, but never gave a damn about anyone else who said "my body my choice." Typical Republican hypocrisy. 'My rights to not wear a mask are important, your reproductive rights aren't.'

These fucking dolts are out here trying to shutdown COVID testing sites and vaccination centers. They are screaming to not allow children to wear masks...Children who cannot get vaccinated yet...And they say God will protect them and save them. These types of religious people are the worst because they cheery-pick what God is good for. They give him credit for creating this and that, damn near everything, themselves included, but somehow, in their uncle fucking mind, their God didn't create smart people and doctors and scientists. 

They'll thank God for when they won that high school football game back in the day and they'll thank God for the food on their table, but their God had nothing to do with science? Odd huh? Since Science helped figure out growing that food...And what, God was all in with the butcher shop and the grocery store and the trucking industry that got everything where it needed to be so you could eat, but God has no hand in the people who create medicine and vaccines. God has nothing to do with the amazing Doctors and Nurses trying to heal people and save lives? 

Okay God will save you people, here's the deal. When you or your spouse get sick or your kid, that you as such a great parent, didn't protect, gets sick to this point pictured above...FUCK YOU! Don't go to the Hospital! Go to church! Call up your God. Ask him why your kid is dying. Ask him to help. 

If you're lucky enough enough to get an answer, you know what he'd say? Hey asshole, I gave you a free vaccine and scientific experts who told you what precautions to take, and instead you bitched, moaned and complained like a bunch of cunts!

This will sum it up a little nicer:

12 years of Catholic school, I came out less religious, but smarter than you Bible thumping fuckstains. What you read maybe 2 Bible verses and thought you knew something...and Stone Cold 3:16 doesn't count!

Assholes

#GetVaccinated

#HaveEmpathy

#MaskUp

#CareAboutOthers

#Love

Farewell Payton

 

I just had my cry at 1:00 AM. I had to get it out of the way because later today I have to be the father and husband and rock. We'll be taking our dog Payton to the vet for the last time and saying goodbye.

We got this handsome Beagle/Australian Cattle Dog  5 years ago from a great place here in Erie called The ANNA Shelter. On their paperwork his name was Peyton, but this isn't a Peyton Manning kind of household, we're more a Walter Payton kind of group, so I changed the spelling. They took him in as a stray. He was there for a long time, got adopted and then was dropped back in to the shelter after he got heartworm and his owner didn't want to deal with it. The shelter took care of it and he sat there for 8 months. 

 I took my daughter there to look at some cute little fuzz ball we saw online. An older couple was signing the paperwork for it when we got there. So we went and looked at the rest. All the dogs were barking and going wild. Jumping and wanting attention. Except Payton. He just sat there, against his pen door, shy and quiet. Eventually we took him outside and spent some time with him. He was sweet and timid. We got my wife and son to come with our other dog to meet with him. (This is a requirement they have.) All went well and he came home with us.

He was afraid to go up stairs and it was a couple months before he tried. He was afraid to go on the couches, but once he realized he was allowed, he loved it. And if you got up he was skootching over to where you were, or he was jumping into your spot from another. 

He was terrified of feet. Walking past him, swinging by him, whatever, he was terrified. It seemed clear he at some point was roughed up and abused. He had this one rib that was screwed up and stuck out weird. Oh, and he didn't bark. it was 4 months before we ever heard a peep from him. But when he found it, and saw he wasn't punished for being a dog, he used it. It was powerful with a howl on the end of it. When he got excited and howled it was hilarious because our other dog, Finnegan (a Shih Tzu) wanted to howl too. Eventually Payton taught him how to get his own little howl out.

Payton was always gentle. Always sweet. He didn't know how to play with other dogs or toys. When he finally played with a toy on Christmas, we were all so excited. He saw this and quickly you saw him walk with a little more pride, and lead you to the treats to reward him. 

Payton loved fleece blankets and he loved to curl up on them, build a nest with them, and sometimes, cover only his head with them.

After his first St. Patrick's Day with us, he got very sick. He was having a lot of stomach pain. We went to the vet and they found out he had Pancreatitis. The Corned Beef did him in. He took some medicine and we watched his diet, and cut out people food. Then this past holiday season we noticed him losing weight but still eating a lot. he was having accidents and always thirsty. They diagnosed him with Diabetes, which is commonly brought on by the Pancreatitis. They also diagnosed him with serious arthritis in his hind legs.

So I've been giving him his two insulin shots a day but things didn't get better. He kept losing weight and was always hungry. Constantly hungry. The Vet's office kept harping on "he needs 600 calories a day" and were somehow missing what we were saying about how much he was eating. Then I gave them a tally of exactly what we were feeding him. Well over 3000 calories a day, and in 4 months he lost 25 pounds. 

We've spent a bunch of money on vet visits and test and medications and enzyme powder to add to his food to help him keep it in and retain some calories. But he would eat and immediately go outside and crap it out. His organs have just stopped doing their jobs. Over the last couple months his vision has been going and in the last few days, he pretty much gone blind. The Vet let me know we have exhausted all of our options for treating and preventing the only guarantee about life...That it ends.

That's him, in his favorite spot...Where ever Mom is, snuggled with her.

It was clear that the first eight years of Payton's life were hard on him. I hope being part of our family the last 5 years washed some of that away for him. I'm glad he got some of the love he deserved. He gave us all the love he had. You'll always be my handsome boy Payton. I'll miss dearly.

Getting In the Mood (vol. 12)

 

Christmas has come and yes, it ended up being a white Christmas. Very white. Snow started falling here on Christmas Eve around 5:30 PM and as I post this at 11:30 PM Christmas night it hasn't stopped. Right now we are getting 2 inches of snow a hour. Luckily it's 2020-COVID times and we don't have to go anywhere, so tomorrow will be filled with watching Movies/Shows, playing games, eating and relaxing.

As for my mood, the snow falling helped last night, along with our traditional Christmas Eve snacks, watching Christmas movies, a couple Holiday Beers and then doing my job as Santa. Setting up the presents under the tree, a surprise gift for my wife, filling the stockings, moving the Elves, (we have three Elf on the Shelf with three Elf pets) eating the cookies, drinking the milk, putting the carrots for the Reindeer back in the fridge. I put our big dog to bed, the little one followed me up to bed, snuggled with me as I softly put on Christmas music to fall asleep to. I was feeling very Christmassy.

Morning came quickly, and we gathered  around the tree to open presents. "A Christmas Story playing on the TV in the background. The kids were very happy. They all still have another present coming. Each of the kids have a gift stuck somewhere in transit as FedEx, UPS, and the USPS have all gotten slammed even harder this holiday season. The dogs were happy. The wife was happy, as was I. 

We ate early. I made Ham and Lamb Chops with a couple sides. My wife baked homemade rolls and I made a whipped Honey Butter to have with them. The wife and I snuck off for a quickie.  We watched "Wonder Woman 1984." It was a great day. We are very lucky. I won't get into the bad news of the day or the politics and crap that has gone on. I turned much of that off today. But it reminds me, I'm lucky. My family is lucky.

Today's song is an easy one. It was popping in my head all day. I felt it all day. I felt good, all day. "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

Good ole, Andy Williams.

Here's a bonus song for you. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" from Birdy. I hope you do. It's 2020 and all screwed up, Christmas doesn't have to end tonight. Enjoy how ever you can, as long as you can.

Merry Christmas!

Boston Be Better...I'm Not Talking to the Team

 

Since August 15th numerous members of the Boston sports media have been shitting on Bruins goalie, Tuukka Rask...Also that gas-bag, jackass Milbury...Rask decided to leave the NHL playoff Bubble and go home to be with his family...Rask has three young daughters...It was kept very vague why Rask left, other then to be with his family...

This vagueness lead to many fans and media to attack Rask for being soft and mentally week, that he couldn't handle the situation...That he chokes...Feel free to look at his STATS ...Most teams would be fine to have him as their goalie...But let's be honest, this is Boston we are talking about...The city is right behind Philly and New York for having a fanbase largely compiled of assholes!

Eventually, it came out that one of Rask's daughters had a medical emergency...Many backed off...Some even apologized...But there were still assholes calling him a quitter....FUCK ALL OF YOU PEOPLE! And yes some of the comments were still coming out that he chokes and he's not that good...

Yeah, well he sure as fuck was better than that hack, Halak! How'd that go for ya?

Oh yeah, the Bruins lost 4 games to 1 against Tampa Bay last night...And the anti-Rask talk came out again...Lead by this asshole....

Marc James and other like him...and there are others like him, want hockey players to care more about playing hockey then they do about their families...Their kids...Marc James if you don't know, is best known for sexually harassing women...And now he is best known for being an asshole to a hockey player who decided to be a father first and a hockey player second...

I love the city of Boston, but dipshits like this makes the whole place look like shit! You should be embarrassed...I hope none of you ever have to deal with a child having a health issue and have to make the decision to be with your family, knowing that a whole fucking city is going to shit on you for being a good parent.

Change the name to all your sports teams to the Boston Cunts! 

There Is No God

That's a title that probably isn't surprising to see considering the epic cluster fuck that is 2020...And we still half the year to go...It's easy to look at COVID and the Trump Administration, and Police Brutality, and murderous cops who are still free, #JusticeForBreonnaTaylor...And the fact that there are secret police in Portland, and Americans that scream about athletes kneeling during the National Anthem, who turn around and wave Nazi and Confederate (flag of traitors of the United States) flags while they scream against equality and Black Lives Matter and scream about their mayors and governors trying to keep them safe and healthy by asking them to wear masks during a global pandemic...

All of that alone is enough to make someone say, 'there is no god'....

But faith, religion that's a personal thing...Yes some try to push it on others and cram it down our throats...But it's a personal choice/belief system...So this post comes from a personal point of view...I went to Catholic School for 12 years...In 8th grade I told my parents I didn't want to make my Confirmation because I wasn't ready and I didn't believe in it...They asked me to "just do it and get it over with."  My folks were never super religious...But I think they just wanted to give us a foundation to work off of...

My Catholic high school actually did give us a taste for one semester of other religions, pointing out the differences and similarities...It felt like a propaganda class to pump themselves up...What it did for me was to get me to checkout other religions...Come to find out, they all steal different things from each other and they're all somewhat full of shit...Yeah, for some people it's a good thing to have a fake all power feeling being watching over you...It helps explain shit away...For some it gives a moral compass...Maybe that's a good thing for people who were raised by assholes and didn't get morals and common decency instilled in them...

But then a few days ago I read THIS article on Irish Central...It was a good article but what sent me spinning down this spiral was the comments on Irish Central Facebook page below the link for this article...It was non-stop shitheads...Bashing the LGBTQ community...So many people telling the gay community to get out...There of course those that misquoted the Bible, those that didn't know it had been edited in 1946...There were those who slipped in anti-Semitic comments as well, completely clueless that The Old Testament of their Bible is ripped from the much older, Tanakh, AKA; the Hebrew Bible...As a matter of fact, most of Christianity's doctrine was ripped from other religions...So their high and mighty outlook cracks me the fuck up...

But it just kept driving me crazy that this faith that is suppose to be all about love and caring and helping one another is full of fucking assholes...Bigots, sexists, racists, misogynists, rapists, child rapists, fucking assholes...Intolerant, uncaring, fucking pieces of shit that push away anyone that doesn't fit into their perfect little idiotic box! Except you fuckers are the farthest thing from perfect...Shit, have you read your "good book?" you're the farthest thing from it's teachings...

So how can there be a god, if so many of his followers are ignorant as fuck? Yeah, I know it's not all of you, but it's way too many of you...Where the fuck is the vengeful that punishes assholes?

As I said, I was in a spiral after this shit...It just got me thinking more and more about the religion I was raised in, and the whole GOD question I've been dealing with for pretty much all my life...And then I thought about the situation we (my family) are in right now...I touched on it a couple weeks back in a 'Monday Moaning" post...Since COVID we had to move my Mother-in-law in with us...She has dementia and it has taken a toll on my wife, my kids and myself...We saw my father-in-law go down this same road and it sucked...but now it's here, in our house, every day....And we've learned that sadly, some of a person's true thoughts and feelings and quirks come out with dementia...

I'm not going to bite my tongue...She's a pain in the ass...It's often like dealing with a bratty child...She bitches about the men in her life that have died, husband, brothers, friends, "they took care of me"..."they were suppose to take care of me"....but she ignores that we are taking care of her, and bitches about us taking care of her...If we didn't, she'd be lying in a gutter babbling...She steals things...She laughs about stealing things...In the early weeks of her living here she talked a lot about how she always "had to break rules growing up"..."Even just something small, I had to break a rule everyday"....Yeah, well, she's a thief and hides shit in her underwear drawer...Sometimes it's dumb shit, like a box that was in our recycling bin, that she just had to have...

She lives every day in a house with three of her grandchildren and doesn't remember them at all and looks at them like 'what the fuck are you doing here?' You tell her who they are, and she has no interest in trying to remember them or re-get to know them even if she forgets tomorrow...

Based on the fact that she barely worked in her life, her tales of how everyone else (Brothers, Husband, Fiends, ) who took care of her, including the bank teller that would just fill out a slip for her and give her money from her mother's account, she was always spoiled...And other than being the mother to 4 kids, and my wife will tell you how she checked out on that in her early teens, that's all she did...That's all she contributed to society...

She has flat-out said that "all the fun in her life ended after she got married"...Her life was miserable after she had kids..."She just wanted to scream all the time"....She's rude as hell to us, and ungrateful as fuck...She doesn't get it that it's either here or locked up in a nursing home's Dementia ward where no one will be able to visit her because of COVID...

I'm stuck with her...A woman who, not her fault, is useless and is an anchor to my family...But you do what you have to for family...You help those in need...you bite your tongue to and you get up everyday make her tea, mop up her piss, cook her meals, give her meds,  answer the same question 70 times, take her on walks, explain shit over and over...I didn't need god and religion to tell me that...I learned that from my parents...You do what you have to do for family...

And she is stuck here...in her moments of lucidity, asking "is it okay to pray to die?"  Because the only people in here mush brain she cares about are dead...Her knees have no cartilage and she's in constant pain, but her doctor can't let her get knee surgery because her dementia is so bad there's no way she could handle it and the rehab...She has no idea where she is and what's going on in the world, let alone in this house...She sometimes doesn't even recognize my wife, her daughter...Her brain is fucked and it won't shutdown...She went to Church every week of her life until COVID...And Sunday's are the toughest day of the week in this house, trying to repeatedly explain why there is no church....Yeah, she might be a thief, but she always went to church and said her prayers to God...

What kind of God does this to one of his loyal followers?  Why would a god make her suffer?  Why would a god make her daughter suffer through seeing both her parents go through this?   Why would he allow her to be such a bitch to her daughter who is doing all she can to take care of her?  

My mother died 3 years ago after a long fight with cancer...She was an amazing mother, great wife, great friend and the greatest grandmother you can imagine...She was full of life, and love and strength...She was a fully functioning being...She gave to this world...She was always the calm in the storm...

What the fuck kind of God takes that away?

What the fuck kind of God takes her away and leaves a suffering mess to drag the people caring for her down?


I know, "Everything happens for a reason"..."God only gives you as much as you can handle"....I've heard them all, I have even said a few...It's bullshit!

And as I just rattled off of pile of shit that is going on these days with me and in the world, religious people will try and point out to me how God is in things like he mothers in Portland who stood in front of the protesters and sang in lullaby fashion, "Hands up. please don't shoot me"....Which I loved and retweeted and shared on facebook...But I say NO...that is people standing up...If  God was so damn great he would have struck down the murderous police officers that have spurred on the protest across this country...They would have been hit by lightning or less dramatic, a heart attack, before they killed George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and so many more...

If there was God he would have known this world still needed my mother.

~ Yours Truly, 

A Broken Catholic

Monday Moaning: Dementia Moved In

The image is click-bait but that's always been part of the game, and a major part of my game since I started blogging at Sporting News back in 2007...But I always found a way to tie it in with the post...I carried it on with me here and at the now defunct YouGabSports....

-I had a couple of masterpiece blogs in the bullpen...They were going to get me noticed by Barstool Sports who would offer me a job...(yeah, right!)But with the murder of George Floyd, the ensuing protests, the hate spewed by the President and his ignorant supporters who hold the Confederate Traitors in such high regard, I scrapped those...I didn't blog...I just carpet bombed social media facts, truth, reality, history, and quick rants...I got flagged on Facebook for things that were factually correct but Anti-Trump and Anti-Racism...I got unfollowed by plenty of people, which is fine...If you're a racist...If you are ok with people flying Nazi and Confederate flags, I don't want to know you and don't want you around....I got suspended on Twitter twice...A week for tweeting at Drew Brees that he "is a fucking idiot"....My first tweet back was at Twitter and their owners, pointing out the hypocritical bullshit standards they have...And then I retweeted porn clips that are allowed on twitter at them...

-One blog shredding MLB for being a bunch of greedy fucks who are killing their game and are about to lose the dog days of Summer to the NHL...The NHL is planning to have their playoffs (the best playoffs of all sports) in July, August and September...Pushing the start of next season back, and if they stick with it that way they can continue starting their season later, and having their playoffs in the Summer, sports dead zone, when many people get extra casual with Baseball until it gets closer to September....But with Billionaire owners and millionaire players fighting over money, more and more people are going to care less and less about a sport who's core fanbase is dying...


-I had done  series of "COVID Blogs"...Those stopped This next section was going to be one in the series...A month into the COVID shutdown, we moved my Mother-in-Law in with us...My wife, three kids, two dogs, myself and my dementia riddled Mother-in-Law...She was in assisted living and was locked down, stuck in her room for over month...No visitors allowed, no activities, no dining room...It scrambled her already fragile brain even more...When we saw her outside of the place on her birthday, my wife and I knew we had to get her out...So she's here with us...My Father-in-Law went down this same road so we knew to some extent what we were getting into...But it's bad...It's hard...

The kids were doing school from home...The wife works from home...there's limited separation people can get...We get bombarded with the same questions over and over again...The last 20 years don't exist...She doesn't know who I am, except that I cook for her and answer questions...There are times she doesn't know my wife...

We made a answer sheet for her to keep...When she starts asking questions we tell her to look at it...She would ask a question, you would answer and she would ask it again immediately...She looked at the sheet and said, "This is my daughters house?" I said yes...She then said "Is she still alive?"...Which was when the most blunt thing I could say fell out of my face..."If she was dead you wouldn't live here."  I felt awful, but she forgot it within seconds...

My day often starts with making her Tea and toast or an English muffin with orange marmalade...Once she is sitting down eating and working on a puzzle I go and check to see if I have to mop the floor in her bedroom, the hallway and the bathroom, as she likes to take her diapers off during the night and often leaves a trail of pee.... 

It's hard seeing someone fall apart in front of you...It's hard on my wife, as her mother often seems ungrateful for what we do for her...At night she becomes child-like, wants to "break rules" and gets pissy with my wife...We had to put up a baby gate to try and prevent her from roaming around the house at night while everyone is asleep...She loves to search for cookies between 11:00 PM and 4:00 AM...We have signs on doors to help her and prevent her taking a header down the basement steps....

The one thing makes my wife nuts...Her mother will go to the bathroom door wide open, doing her business, everything hanging out...But then when she's done, she pulls the door shut behind her...WTF!?!

If 2020 didn't suck bad enough, especially for the kids, my oldest having her senior year of high school kicked in the balls...She gave up her room for her Grandmother and moved into her little sister's room...And Grandma has no idea who our kids are...She had lived everyday for over two months with them and looks at them like strangers...We spent so many weekends visiting...Personal time and vacation time spent with my in-laws...Moved to fucking Erie to take care of things for them....and she has no memory of them or any of it...There are moments when I talk to her and she looks at me like 'Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here.?'

As frustrated and annoyed as I get, I have to remind myself that my wife is watching her mother's brain turn to pudding right in front of her everyday...I don't know how my wife deals with it so calmly...Well, she does like to hit the bottle like the piece of click-bait at the top of this post! 

That's what's been going on in my world...

Have a drink...Stay safe...Stay strong...Don't be a racist...Help fight for positive change in this country and world...And love...Love your family...No matter what, love your family.

The Last Year Sucked

It's been a long time since I've done this...Honestly, I may have forgotten how to do it...In my blogging/writing prime, I was posting multiple blogs a day and I was definitely writing every day...Then my life changed drastically and in many ways...I lost time and the drive to write every day...I slipped down to one day a week until I just stopped...Why did I stop...Mainly, because I had written honestly, and was an open book, and I no longer wanted to let everything flow out of me...I didn't want to dig into certain feelings, nor did I want to share much of them...

I think now is time...I think I need to...Because I have become a depressed lump of shit...If you know me, or read the blogs back in the day, you know I've always had a angry streak...The anger is still there, it's not going anywhere...But the depression has built and built...

The Changes 

A few years ago, we moved from Cleveland to Erie, PA...We did it for good reasons...To help my in-laws...Both dealing with dementia...At the time, my Mother was battling cancer...But at that point things were looking positive...She was getting better...She had a brutal battle, but the docs were feeling great with her results...I hated breaking the news to my parents...I felt like I was betraying them...But they understood and supported us...They may have been pissed at us, but they never showed it...

Also, I left my life long career in the restaurant business...That was a plus in the sense that the life is tough for a family...But I loved that evil business...I still have dreams about those days, and one day will find my way into owning my own place...

Then Shit Got Worse

My Mother's cancer came back with a vengeance...It was brutal...Then I quit writing, the day I accepted the fact that my Mom was dying...I played the positive bullshit card as much as I could for the kids, but it was over a good time before she passed...I had fully accepted and mentally prepared myself that she was leaving...There is only one single guarantee about life...It will end...

In a couple days, it will be the one year anniversary of my Mother's death...She was in the hospital, they were managing her pain, and the last week, I was driving into Cleveland every evening and sending the night with her...My brothers and I took shifts along with my dad staying with her...That last morning, I knew she was going that day...I told her we'd be ok...I'll told her it was ok to go...She didn't need to fight for us anymore...When I was getting ready to go, my Dad said, "I'll give you a minute to say goodbye"...He hadn't done that before...He knew too...We all did...So I wasn't surprised when he called a few hours later and told me she was gone...

I got out of bed, and waited for my wife and kids to get home...They had gone to see my mother-in-law...I broke the news to them...The tears flowed, except from me...I'm the dad...At that time, I can't cry...I have to be their rock...I will never forget when my Grandfather (my dad's father) died...I didn't see my father cry...He was a rock for everyone...The day of the funeral, after it was all done, and he had handled what he had to...He went upstairs alone, and for the first time in my young life, I heard my father cry...But I didn't see it...It didn't see him cry until my Mom, his wife of 47 years died....

After I told the kids, and things settled down, I went to take a shower...But first I sat on the bathroom floor crying, and silently telling my Mom I was sorry..."I'm sorry I left you, I'm so sorry"...People tell me I can't beat myself up for moving...People will say they understand, and I didn't do anything wrong...They may be right, but I can't shake the feeling that I betrayed my mom, or that I let her down...

Firsts 

Since that day, every day has been the first something without Mom...And let me tell you, The first Christmas, and first birthday and first this and that (big days) suck an epic sack of balls...But very single day has sucked, because so many of those days are days that I would have called her, or she would have called us...So many things happen and I think, I gotta call Mom and tell her this...FUCK! Kick in the head! I can't call Mom ever again...There is so much we assumed she'd be around for and now life sucks so much more because she's not around for any of it.

I have dreams about my mom and wake up, and the first thought is 'SHIT!' It was a dream...Back to reality...Shitty steaming pile of reality....

I miss Mom every day, if only in the littlest way...A small flower popped up in our yard...My first thought was 'Mom'...I have barely listened to the Beatles in the last year...I hear the Beatles and all I can think of is my Mom...Every Beatles song makes me sad these days...She loved music...Lots of different music, but for me, the Beatles mean Mom...

Where Do I Go From Here

People say when someone you love dies, that it'll get easier...When my grandfathers died, it got easier, but I was young...When my cousin died, I got mad, and found myself questioning every bit of the Catholic religion I was raised in...I was still young and it got easier and kicked my brain into gear when questioning shit...But this is different...This is my Mom...My kids grandmother...A woman I could ask anything, tell anything, and would offer any and all help she could give, and support anything I did...Anything my brothers did...Anything my wife and kids did or needed...I don't know how this gets easier...I don't know how I stop being mad at myself...I don't know how I stop being sad...I'll never stop missing her.


The last year has sucked...There have been good things that have happened...There have been fun times...But it's all overshadowed by the fact that Mom is gone...That I couldn't share it with her...That the kids couldn't tell her about it...

How the fuck does it get better?

Thanks

It is Thanksgiving and I thought I would sit down and take a moment to reflect on just how lucky I am...I have much to be thankful for...

-Great friends, near and far...

-Wonderful friends who have helped us with our move and this major transition in our lives...

-Wonderful family...I'm am very thankful for how my wife's family has excepted me over the years...Since day one they have made me feel like one of the gang...My side, well, other than my parents and brothers I have distanced myself from the extended family...Far too much drama and stupidity to deal with...

My Parents, who excepted our moving, and understood why we were doing it, and supported us the best they could, even though we were doing it at the worst time for them...

-My amazing wife...I still wonder what the hell she ever saw in me..."I'm hard to follow, even harder to swallow, and impossible to hold."
She is pretty, smart, kind, loving, and incredible...She is a much better person then me, and always reminds me that I can be better...But she can't cook, so maybe that's why she keeps me around!

-My oldest daughter...Smart, sweet, honest, loyal, thoughtful, caring, mother-hen...She has a truly pure soul...I have told her before, but I don't think she has gotten yet...She can do anything in this world...She gives me a flicker of hope for future generations...

-My son...Amazing artist...He has more artistic ability in on finger then everyone on this block combined...drawing, clay, whatever...He just started doing it one day, and was great at it...He has incredible vision, with is eyes, but more so with his mind...He can spot a subliminal message in ad you put in front of he...He sweet and sensitive, and compassionate and slightly naive...I fear it will work against, but I don't want him to totally lose it either...

-My youngest daughter...#3...The one that changed everything...She flipped our world upside down and I'm so thankful for it...Every day, no matter how bad things may be going, she will make me laugh...She will bring complete joy over me with the littlest, silliest thing...

-Our wonderful home...Yes, I'd be thankful just for having a home...But I am very thankful for the deal we were able to workout to get this home...I am thankful for this house, that seems to fit us like a glove...Whenever I moved in my life, I needed an adjustment period, to get use to things...To feel comfortable...To feel like I belonged...In this house, I felt like I belonged day one...I think we all did...This house feels like home...

-Lastly, I mentioned my parents earlier...I am what I am mostly because of them...I am thankful for that...And I am so thankful for my mother's toughness, and courage, and health...In May doctors were talking about Stage 4 Cancer, quality of life, and trying to get her an extra year...After 24 weeks of Chemo, her scans are clear...Shocking us and shocking the hell out of the doctor...Now she is fighting to get her strength back, and to get back to herself....I am so thankful for her health, and for her example...

I apologize if this too damn sappy...I'll get back to being an asshole in my next post...For now, chop that birds head off, and get him in the oven sugar-tits!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday Moaning

Full disclosure to start this Monday's post...The pic, has nothing to do with any of it...Just doing my best to catch eyes, and get those page-views from our pervert demographic...

Also, in the world of sports, I got nothing for ya...I did 7 sports blogs last week Monday through Thursday...After that, the weekend was all about family...

My wife's sisters, and some cousins, and Uncle and Aunt, and niece and nephews came into town Friday...Somehow, Friday morning we managed to get our PA licenses, so we could complete the process of buying a new car...

Then it was an evening out with all the family, including my in-laws...Saturday, I spent prepping and cooking food, as we were having everyone at our house for a party...The kids had fun, the adults ate and drank, and caught up more...It was all great...It was a lot of fun...And I was really happy to see how my father-in-law handled it all...His dementia has kicked his ass...But he was happy being around everyone...Even if the memories were fuzzy or even gone, you could see he knew he belonged...And our dog Finnegan spent a lot of time with him...He loves dogs...He was happy as a pig in shit feeding the dog treats, and just sitting there petting him...The mutt was pretty happy too...When I git back from taking my in-laws home, Finnegan was sitting, curled up in my father-in-laws chair...Holy shit this post has gotten sappy as fuck already, but screw it...It was cute and wonderful...

I tried to catch up on some college football highlights, but didn't last long as I passed out on the couch...

Sunday started with me finishing up cleaning up from Saturday...Most of it was done, but my OCD had me straightening things up...Our guests were wonderful and helpful, but I'm slightly nuts about where things (in the kitchen and pantry) get put away...The wife took the kids swimming at the hotel her sister and nephew were at...Then, along with their parents and brother we all met for lunch before her sister left town....

The afternoon was lazy...We didn't do shit...Then we took the kids to a special screening of "Home Alone" on the big screen...The movie theater is doing Sunday screenings of old movies through December...And at first you'd think "Home Alone" wasn't old, but this year is it's 25th anniversary...The kids love the movie, and it has become a Christmas classic...They were excited to see it in the theater...

It was a great family weekend...It was great spending time with some great people, who we don't see enough...My wife's uncle said, he thinks these get-togethers will "happen more since we moved to here," and that we're "keeping some roots here"...I didn't think about it at first, but after everyone left I asked my wife, "How you feel being the roots?"  Erie was the launching pad for whole family...That comment made us feel even better about our decision to move here...

But as great as this weekend was, nothing was better then the phone call I got Friday morning...My Mom called...The hardest part of the move was moving away from my folks, especially since she has been going through Chemo...After 24 weeks of Chemo to treat Stage 4 Cancer, she was told to ring the bell...Her scans were all clear...No tumors anywhere...The doctor who had started this process talking about quality of life and trying to buy her a year or two, was blown away...

Because it's Stage 4 they will continue to keep a close eye on her, and are talking about some preventative treatment, but she sounded good...the best she has since April...She is planning on getting into some exercise group at the Y, for people recovering from Cancer...She was talking about getting stronger and being able to see the kids...12 weeks ago she was talking about being dead within a year and now her scans are all clear and she wants to get back to her old self...

So yeah, it was a great family weekend, and I can honestly say, I gave zero fucks about sports...

Have a week...

I'm Not Sure there is an Emoji for How I Feel?

The last six to eight months of my life have been crazy, frustrating, stressful, tense, filled with changes, challenges, highs and lows...My wife and I have dealt with financial struggles...Our family has been dealing with her father's illness, and my mother's illness...I have had the opportunity to spend more time with my kids...With having more time with them, and focusing on them more, it  has lead to me worrying more...And I have always worried a lot...

The last month or so, I have been thinking a lot about my past...And while so many of the memories are great, I end up feeling depressed...And then there are the stupidly odd moments I hold on to...Moments when I felt totally and completely embarrassed, and I sit there getting angry at my childhood self, and feeling embarrassed...As if the people in that moment even remember it...The moments I should take pride in are washed over by stupid seconds in time I'll never be able to change...Nor should I really care to so fucking much...

My mother is sick...Really, really, fucking sick...And she puts up a front to me, as if I don't know how bad it is...As if brother and I haven't talked...Because my dad and him have talked about it all...Is it because I'm the youngest?  My mom and I have had a bond that she my brothers didn't have with her...I could talk to her about anything, and did...She has always been one of my best friends...I always took her side...What does that mean? As a child I woke up many nights to the sound of my parents fighting...(verbally, never physical)...It was often because of my father's drinking...

For many years of my youth, I didn't like my dad...As I got older, around 18, we got closer over the years...I learned more and more about him...He's one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet...And he's as tough as they come...Now I have seen him change...His wife, my mom, is sick...And it is killing him...He wants to take it and put it on himself, but the Gods and Cancer don't work that way...He's tense and protective of her...I've never heard fear in his voice...I hate how it sounds...

I'm often anxious...8 months ago I was taking anti-anxiety meds...But I couldn't cum...That's not going to help my stress level...Tried a different one...Didn't feel like fucking...Never felt that way before in my life, and don't want to again...That's not working...No drugs I guess...I've been taking vitamins and natural stuff to help...It's been pretty good...But the last couple weeks, not so much...

Stress, depression, anxiety, sadness, worry, frustration...All of those, hit me withing a couple hours, out of nowhere...I'm a father of three kids...And they are growing up faster then maybe my mind wants...So yeah, I can understand feeling these things at times...But it's been hitting me every night...After everyone is asleep...I'm still awake...Worrying about important shit, stupid shit, regrets, memories, what-ifs...I ride it out until my body starts giving in to the need for sleep...Then I finally go to bed...I put on a podcast, or some form of talk radio on my iPhone, to try to shout down the voice (worries) in my head...I put on music some nights, but I can't on the bad nights...It's too easy for my mind to stray...It just becomes a soundtrack for the insanity...

I've always had trouble sleeping...When I was kid, I would sit up in my bed, rock myself back and forth...Once I was tired out enough, the body was able to shutdown, and override the head...If I was to play dime-store shrink, which I guess is what this post is doing, I would say it is a build in fear, from waking up so many nights as a kid, to the sound of my mother being upset, and arguing with my father...(Listen, I had a good childhood...I love my parents, and they love each other...And they're still together, and I know plenty of people who can't say that)...It's not them...It's me...I hold onto the stupid or bad stuff, and the good stuff has to battle it's way back in there...As a teenager, I listened to sports talk radio, or music while I drew and painted...There were days I slept more in school then I did at home...

As I got older, drinking helped knock me out...But nowadays, that doesn't cut it...I'm a parent...I have to be able to function...Getting tanked every night so I can sleep doesn't work for me...

Where the fuck is this going?

I'm sick of being anxious/nervous...Listen to this shit...It became a thing about me...'My thing'...Some good friends joked about it with me...If I told you "I'll be there," or "I'll meet you guys there," or some shit like that, making plans...That inevitably meant, at least to those that got it, that I wasn't going...My whole life I made plans, and come time or close to time to go, I would get sick...Or just feel blah...Or just not go...It happens still, and I have to fight with it...My wife and I have had plans to go somewhere, or meet friends, and a couple hours before, or even up to 20 minutes before, I'll say, " I don't feel like going,' or "I don't want to do this," or "do you just want to stay home and watch a movie?"

Yeah, I'm kinda screwed up...

Maybe I don't need a shrink...Maybe this is the way to work it out...Just spew it all out like this, for anyone to see...What's the difference between a strange doctor listening to me, opposed to strangers reading it on my blog?  I would say this way is cheaper...

I'm not looking for pity or sympathy...I just want to say these things...I just want to get it all off my chest...I'm a father and a husband...Maybe it was how I was raised, but I have to hold these things in...I can't show my kids my depression...My wife sees some of this shit, and has listened to my frustration, but she has enough on her plate...She doesn't need to hear me whine about why I can't sleep or whatever else...

I want a change...And not a little minimal change thing...I want a big change...I want a fresh start...things are happening in our life that may help this come to be...My wife and I are talking about a move...No, a move won't erase stupid old memories, and my fucked up quirks...But I feel like it's something I want and need...She is in too...I think it would be good for all of us...

The toughest part would be moving away from my parents, especially with what they are going through right now...The other tough one is the is the kids...Our oldest especially...She has roots...Those young strong roots that you feel as a kid, if they are ripped out, you'll never recover...My wife went through it, and she was okay...I actually think it helped her...Gave her the courage to do all the things and make all the moves she has made...

My wife is a amazing...My kids are amazing...My life isn't horrible...It isn't even bad...It's good...I know this...I'm lucky...That's why this depression and anxiety bullshit is pissing me off so much...

Thanks for listening.

Class and Loyalty aren't Dead Yet in Sports

As the MLB trade deadline approaches, teams have shown some interest in Cleveland Indians utility man, Mike Aviles...The guy has played 2B, 3B, SS, and OF, and he plays well when he gets in there...But in a rare show of class and loyalty to a player and his family the Cleveland Indians have decided that they will not move Aviles since his 4 year old daughter is going through cancer treatment...

Adriana was diagnosed in May, and the organization has been very supportive of the Aviles family's needs...Twice he has been placed on the Family Medical Emergency List, and once on the Restricted List so that he could be with his daughter through these tough times...

When word got out in May of Adriana's diagnosis, Indians players, coaches, and the owner got together and shaved their heads in support of her...

Here they are rocking their Team Adriana shirts!

Thursday manager Terry Francona confirmed that even if teams are targeting Aviles, who will be w free agent after this season, that the Indians won't put him and his family in that type of difficult situation...

“We’re trying to be pretty respectful to Mike and his family stuff. We haven't spoken too much about it other than just to kind of maybe explain why he hasn't been here and stuff like that. ... I don't think, because of the situation Mike's in, because of his family situation that [general manager Chris Antonetti] would ever do that.”

In today's sports world, when so many athletes seem to be just out for themselves, following an example often set by owners and league officials, it's quite refreshing to see this type of example being set by the Indians...Yes, I wish they were having a better season...But how they have treated the Aviles family shows that they get it...There are things more important then the business of Baseball.

Monday Moaning

Major changes going on for me...I was absent last week...Work has ground me to shit...It's been rough lately...The amount of stress I have had due to work lately has been insane...Then, I would get home after a long day, and get into a fight with my wife, who is sick of me working 60 hours a week, when my company was only paying me for 50...She understood my loyalty to my crew and not wanting to leave them hanging, but she was quite tired of me giving so much of a damn, and not getting the same or anything close in return...Plus last week, some other issues have come up with my family (that I am not allowed to discuss right now)...

I had a week of vacation two weeks ago, and received multiple calls and texts from work...including just hours into the first day...The stress and frustration with numerous work issues were weighing on me heavily...the knots in my stomach were horrible...The lack of respect of late was very hurtful...Over the years, comfort, some fear, and loyalty has kept me from moving, or taking a chance on something else...Loyalty to the original 3 owners who hired me many years back, as well as loyalty to co-workers...But those feeling lately have been replaced with frustration...and a growing ulcer!

I'm not willing to lose my family, or health, or respect for anyone or anything...

Thursday afternoon after having multiple talks with a couple who own an Italian restaurant, they put a good offer on the table...I had recently turned down other offers, but this one felt good...A month earlier, I spent an evening working in their kitchen, getting a idea of the menu, and a feeling for the kitchen and restaurant as a whole...the week before my wife and I ate there, and scouted them...I told them I would have to talk it over with my wife...

It wasn't hard convincing her...Guaranteed less hours, and a bit more money...Besides that, I wanted to do it...I really like these people, and feel a strong connection to them already...While the company I have given 20 years to is a strong company with 7 excellent restaurants, I feel like I can be part of something special, and bigger with these folks...

Friday I let them know, I'm in...Then I went to work, and planned on giving my notice, and as I walked in, I had a giant, steaming pile of bullshit dropped in my lap...There was a huge slap in my face, and a complete lack of respect shown to me and others, as the pile of bullshit was dumped on me...I'm not going to bash my former employer anymore, it was just clear that for me, my health, and my family, that is was time to move on...I informed my bosses I was done, and nothing they had to say would change my mind...

In the past just thinking of changing jobs terrified me...But I left work Friday with a feeling of great relief...Stress was already floating away...When I told my kids and wife the news, they were thrilled...Clearly all this shit wasn't just weighing on me...I'm thrilled about this next step in my life...I'm so excited and can't wait to get started...Sometimes we have to look to the past to find our future...

The Little Italy neighborhood is one of the many little gems scattered around Cleveland...It something I overlooked for many years, but am very excited to share it with my kids...Plus I have some personal enjoyment being a half Irishman who will be running the kitchen of an Italian Restaurant...

Saturday afternoon I took my daughter and 6 of her friends to the movie, "Unfriended"...They love horror movies, and don't find shit like the original "Halloween," or "The Shinning" scary...this movie sucked...You were stuck watching asshole teenagers chat on their computers via Skype, Facebook, and Text, and (SPOILER ALERT) ...and get killed by the ghost a girl they drove to suicide...Besides the movie sucking, one teen was played by a chick who is 28 years old...Seriously!?!  But it actually scared these 13 year girls...Maybe because of the social media aspect and this digital age we're in...

After that I dropped off the girls except for one friend who was sleeping over and helping babysit...Babysit because we were going to Little Italy for dinner at the new place, besides hitting up one of the fantastic bakeries down there...My wife wanted to meet my new employers, and they wanted to meet her...Afterwards, she understood why I liked these people, and why I wanted to make this move...

Sunday was Mrs. Beeze's birthday (number not to be published)...She was happy with the new Blue Ray player I gave her with the new Star Wars blue ray box set...We're all getting pretty excited about the new Star Wars coming out around Christmas...

One of comedian Jim Norton's characters had his own take on the Star Wars trailer...





As for sports, I've missed a lot...But I'm thrilled my Rangers took out the penguins 4 games to 1...

The NFL draft is quickly approaching, and I can't wait to not watch...But I'll have an eye on twitter watching people freak out over the Cleveland Browns next big mistake!

That's it for now...But for the first time in a long time, I feel happy and energized, and wasn't dreading sitting down and writing a blog....More to come!

Have a week!

I'm a Changed Man

 All my life, I didn't like animals...I was nervous around dogs, allergic to cats, and couldn't give a shit about the idea of having pets...Then, still in my younger years, I was given two Zebra Finches as a present...Frankie and Annette...They were birds...You couldn't do shit with them...If they got out of their cage, they would be stupid and fly into a window...So they stayed in their big-ass cage and made noise...Then Annette had eggs...She eventually chucked them out of the nest...(Warning)...Then one morning I was devastated to find Frankie head down in their food tray...I suspected Murder...She was a bitch...He was buried in a small box next to my parent garage...

We replaced him with Freddie, because Zebra Finches die quickly without companionship...It was just months when We found Freddie dead...That Bitch! Freddie ended up in his own box, next to the garage...When Annette finally dies a couple months later, she went in the garbage can...

After that I was done with pets...

Then a girlfriend I had for many years got me a fish...She was away at college, I was working a full time job, a part time job, and going to college...Oh, and drinking in every free second I had...I think the fish was her attempt to get me to go home at night instead drinking and looking at every piece of strange alive...Didn't work!  I hated that fish...All the misery I felt about our relationship, I saw in that fish...I didn't kill him...But I didn't make an effort to pay attention to him, so that he would live...

Hey, I can admit being a shithead, no need to judge!

NO PETS!  That was a my rule, for the rest of my life...And I often shit on friends who would talk so lovingly about their pets...Didn't Russ...I was a total dick to Russ about how he felt about his dog...I didn't get it, and I didn't want to get it...Just a closed off, cold hearted dickhead!

Then I had kids...My oldest had been asking for a dog for 5 years...Then the boy chimed in...Then little Molly...And she has me wrapped around her finger, so I was screwed...And the wife, a lifelong dog-lover saw her chance to break down the wall...A friend of a friend's two dogs just had a puppies...So I agreed we would go see the puppies and talk about it...

This is Finnegan almost a year ago...He was born July 30th and I can't believe it's almost been a year...Finnegan was the runt of the litter...He had two sisters...So Tommy and I pushed for him before we even got there, just to get another male in the house...Finnegan was born with  a cleft nose and lip, but we had to let him get a bit older to see the full extent of it, and then get it repaired...He also had a slight cleft pallet...We would have to get it repair, because it would all lead to health issues...

He was so tiny, and even though he was the runt, he was the first to run, bark, and eat solid food...As soon as I held the tiny guy, I had decided we were getting him...His sisters didn't stand a chance...And Tommy and I decided on his name before we even agreed to the buy him...We would have to leave him there with his mother for a couple more weeks...But the owners started calling him Finnegan that night...Why did I choose that name...That's what I was going to name my next son, but we are NOT having another kid, so he was my dude...

The day we brought him home, he was the kids puppy...But that night, when everyone was asleep, he became mine...He became, scared (I think) and sad...He was away from his parents and his sisters, and couldn't sleep...He whimpered and whined and only slept in short intervals...I stayed up pretty much all night with him...He snuggled on my feet as I dozed in the chair...the second night was similar...The first couple weeks I slept on the couch next to his bed...often my arm reaching don to pet him under his chin...That's his spot...

After his two surgeries I slept with, keeping an eye to make sure he didn't rip out stitches, and knowing the cone was driving him nuts...

He waits in my chair for me to get home from work...He immediately hits his back to have me rub his belly and chin...Then we'll play with one of his toys for a bit...Then he'll some of whatever I grab to snack on...We got him for the kids, (and my wife)...But he's my puppy!

I've seen friends and family lose pets, and I understood the sadness, but honestly, probably not fully...I think I get it now...Saturday Finnegan was stung by a bee in the paw...We didn't know it, we just saw him not walking on it...And biting at us when we tried to see the red, inflamed spot on his paw...I reacted much like I did when my kids are hurt...We got in the car right away and went to the pet ER...They got it out, and took good care of him...

Friday I took him to get groomed and trimmed...He was very knotty...He hates getting brushed...They trimmed him way down...Pretty much shaved almost all the way down...He's not pleased with it, but his hair grows fast...Finnegan sleeps in our bed, at my feet every night...In the morning he gets up with my wife and goes to my chair, and gets it warmed up for me...But Sunday night he wasn't at my feet, he was snuggled right up in the crook of my arm...He seemed cold thanks to the lack of hair, and I think the medicine they gave him after the bee sting may have made him feel like shit...His gas has been awful! It was long ago I said I didn't want him in the bed...I didn't want him licking me...Now here I am, him sleeping in my arm like my kids use to, in a blanket, licking my cheek...

This family has broken down my cold, hard wall...They've ruin me...I love this little shit Finnegan, and my days would be missing something if he wasn't in them...

Finnegan this weekend...Almost a year...Crazy!

The Beeze.


P.S.  This may be some of the softest shit I've ever written...They really have broken me.

Monday Moaning

                                     Well I hope your St. Patrick's Day was as good as hers...

Mine was the least St. Patrick's Day I've ever had...Yes, this is suppose to be a sports blog, but there's a problem with that...I have been disconnected from sports, and well, most stuff....Until Sunday evening, I hadn't seen any TV since Thursday...Well, except a few moments of "Caught on Camera" while we stopped at an Applebees Saturday evening...So this week, you're going to get a recap of my hellish week/weekend...You've been warned...

Wednesday we found out my father-in-law had another stroke or two...He couldn't stand or walk...He was confused...His speech was slurred...He was wetting himself...After an ambulance took him to the hospital, he wasn't admitted because he briefly walked...But by the time he got back home, he couldn't stand, or do anything for himself...The sister-in-laws were on their way in to Erie from Boston...Friday we were suppose to move my in-laws into their assisted living suite....

After calling an ambulance again Thursday, and my father-in-law being in another hospital, it was clear he wasn't going to assisted living...He needs to be in a secure, nursing home...My wife and I took Friday off work...The kids went to school just for a hour and change...Little Beeze was excited to shave his head...They were raising money for kids with cancer by shaving their heads...He was pumped, and I didn't want him to miss it...I'm very proud of him....

After that we all headed to Erie...The kids got settled in, surrounded by chaos...My Brother-in-law and nephew and I started the heavy lifting...We moved all the heavy shit Friday to my mother-in-law's assisted living place...We also took a shit load of boxes...My wife and her siblings took turns visiting their father...That night we had Pizza and beer at grandma's new place...

Side note...1 reason PA sucks...You have to go to a specific store for beer, and another for wine and liquor...And you can only buy beer by the case, which was just forcing me to drink more...Fucked up state...Here in Ohio, I can buy beer, wine, and liquor almost anywhere...I bet I can find beer in a toy store!

Saturday I woke up to snow...In Erie it snows almost every day from November to  May...We all met for an awful breakfast at Perkins...Although Molly enjoyed hers...

Shockingly, after that, there was more shit to move...My brother an law made a bunch of trips over with crap...Our bitch sister-in-law tried to make it out like no else was doing shit but her...I didn't see her stepping up to move that big fucking headboard...I didn't see her humping that dresser down the stairs...I'm not joking, she was driving everyone nuts...I sometimes worry about my anger, but realizing I wasn't the only one who wanted to choke her out made me feel better...

Between one of the trips we stopped at this awesome Candy/Ice Cream/Coffee shop...While we were there, my nephew and Little Beeze strolled in like they owned the place...

To him, his cousin, and uncle are two of the coolest guys on the planet...He loves when he gets to roll with them...While he was having ice cream, and us big guys were having Mocha shakes, we were checking out the rest of the shop...I asked my nephew if he was going to get his girlfriend something...Little Beeze piped up and said, "Yeah, get your wench something!"  My nephew cracked up, as did we, and I gave him a look, and he said, "What, that's what they use to call women."

Kid is hilarious!

Then my brother from another mother and I started going through the basement...My father-in-law loved buying tools, and appliances that he never used...He hadn't even been in the basement for a few years...The house has to be cleaned out, so we were taking what we could use and what could be sold for the family...I brought home a new, never used tools, including everything I need to put in anew kitchen floor, and a nice set of knives...My wife took some old memories, and some old school cameras he had...It all felt strange...

Later, my wife and I snuck the kids in to see grandpa...They aren't allowed to visit if they're under 12...I wasn't going to let that fly...And I'm glad, because they were glad to see him, and he was happy to see them, even if he forgets their names...

The cool sister-in-law/brother-in-law and kids left, headed back to Boston...That was a bummer for all of us...My wife and I brought up dinner to the bitch...She was unresponsive, so we ditched her and we took the kids  to Applebees...It was nice and peaceful being away from the madness...When we got back, there was more work she had for us...Her attitude was starting to get real old....Finally I got loud when I was making it clear that I was putting Molly to bed, and shit needed to stop...The bitch was staying at a hotel...She must have said she was leaving for 2 hours, before she finally left...

Once she did, the wife gave me a gift for the work I had done, and for not killing her sister...Yep, may have been the last sex that busted old house may see!

Sunday I woke up to the sound of her voice...The only weird thing is, she wasn't there...I dreamed it, it woke me up, and pissed me off...That's how she grates on you...I later found out that this has happened to other people...After I did get up...I had two more trips to the assisted living place...I then talked with the manager about getting my mother-in-law's cable set up, as well as her storage space...

When we were saying goodbye to her, there was a St. Paddy's Day party going on...She loves this place...She has fit right in, and it's exactly where she wants to be...After seeing the place as much as I did, I'm looking forward to hitting 55 years old and getting into something like this...It's a relief that she's settled in and taken care of...But my father-in-law's situation still is up in the air...We feel like we've made headway, but then you think about that, and just say, fuck...

With everything going on with my in-laws...His Dementia and strokes...Them now living in two different places...Their kids cleaning out their house...the whole mess...Yeah, it's added stress and frustration, and extra stuff to my plate...But imagine what my wife and her siblings are feeling...And what are her folks feeling...It's pretty depressing...Let's hope next week, I can get things a bit more upbeat, and with some sports...

Have a week...