The Beeze's Hump Day Hits/ Skull F**ks

Well it's time for another volume of the Hump Day Hits...This post is normally about sports, for the most part...The last couple weeks I haven't paid much attention to sports, but I spent a good deal of time yesterday getting back in the swing of things...So here goes...

First, Brett Favre is at it again...Rumors started flying yesterday that he was retiring, again...FOX Sports jumped on it...ESPN of course confirmed it...They never give credit to who ever beat them to the punch...Then they went Brett Favre crazy all day...Eventually they pulled back a little, when no one actually heard anything from Favre...I thought the media was playing this stupid card again...But Favre's silence up to this point has me now thinking this is him playing his yearly game of 'Look at me!' He has neither confirmed or denied his retirement...Year after year he has held his team and their plans hostage, and they let him keep doing it...Well Vikings now you get what you deserve...I can't believe there are still people out there who love this guy...He's is without a doubt a first ballot, Skull F*ck Hall of Famer...


While I was away, the Cleveland Indians traded away some players...They traded 3rd Baseman Jhonny Peralta to Detroit for a prospect...They traded Kerry Wood, his huge salary, and his huge ERA to the Yankees...The contract they gave him was so bad they actually gave the Yankees a couple million just to get him out of town...In return they got the infamous "Player to be named later"...They also traded Austin Kearns to the Yankees for "the player o be named later"...Both Kearns and and Wood are not guys that will put the Yankees over the top...They didn't really need them...They also added Lance Berkman at the deadline...I swear to God, I think the Yankees sometimes make moves, just to make moves...Just to say, 'look at us, we get who ever, when ever, just cause.'

The Indians also traded pitcher Jake Westbrook to the Cardinals...I always liked him, he's a good pitcher..So I'm happy to see him with a contender...But sadly, again the Indians had to give up money to unload his contract, and got very little in return...GM Mark Shapiro is a joke...The rest of the league must love to see him coming...You know, with the way things have been going around here, some one has to pay...Shapiro, your taking a load...Here's a good old fashioned Skull F*ck just for you...


In the Hockey world, the Boston Bruins are looking to unload some salary...They've been trying to move Goalie Tim Thomas and his $5 Million dollar cap hit, but there are no takers so far...That has them looking into moving Center Marc Savard, but they want a quality return for Savard...Either some one to jump right into the lineup or high draft picks...If I was in their shoes, I'd hang onto Savard, even if they can't move Thomas...

And now for the always Important Hump Day Question...On this fine Hump Day which of these naughty school girls would you most like to hump?

A.



B.


C.


As always, Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

2010...A Beeze Odyssey? I Hope!

I hope everyone had a fun and safe New Years...If not...Oh well!

Did you watch the Ball drop? Did you hear Dick Clark struggle to count it down again? Please Dick, stop...Give it up already...And can we Stop calling it New Year"s Rockin' Eve...None of those acts are rockin'!

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In the last few years I have found myself watching ESPN on New Year's Eve...There's something about watching a guy put his life on the line that's more exciting then a flashing ball being slowly lowered down a pole...This was last night's big stunt...

That was pretty damn cool...But I don't think it was as bad ass as Robbie Madison's jump last year!




Either way...It's a cool way to bring in the New Year...I hope 2010 is better then 2009...

As a matter of fact...I've got a few things I'm hoping for in this new year, and new decade...Let's make a list!

I hope to lose the weight required, so that I may ultimate prize...Love ya honey!
Deep frying chocolate cover Oreos isn't gonna help that goal...But I had to try something new...

I hope to finish the book I'm working on...And it brings me great wealth and enough notoriety to get me into some cool parties!

I hope to win the Mega Millions...Quit my job...Blog all I want...Move to Boston...Take a trip to Toronto and Vancouver...

I'm sure once I move The Cleveland Browns will win a "Super Bowl."

I'd like to see Brian Kelly turn around Notre Dame and bring it back to some bit of greatness that it once was...

I'd like to see the New York Rangers pull their collective heads out of their asses and win the Stanley Cup...1994 was great, and us Rangers fans don't want to do that whole waiting 60 years crap again!

Lastly, I hope that my family and friends all have happy and healthy years...With very limited hardships...2009 had some highs, but it has felt like a lot more lows...I'm a very lucky man, but I wouldn't mind more luck...How about you?

It's January now, which is when I really get into hockey season...Football is almost done, and of course New Year's Day brings the "Winter Classic." It's become a tradition on New Year's Day, and I love it...This year it was in Fenway Park...Bruins vs Flyers...It was great game...Not filled with all kinds of scoring as some would like...But it was filled with lots of old time hockey...Plenty of physical...Lots of defense...And the first fight in "Winter Classic" history...



Late in the third period the Bruins tie the game up at 1-1 on a power play goal by Mark Recchi...The game went to overtime, and we had to keep hearing the announcers repeatedly call it extra innings...Get it...'Cause they were playing in Fenway...Douches!

In OT Bruins winger Marco Sturm scored the game winner on a feed from Patrice Bergeron...

This was a great way to sell the game...Good non-stop action...Good defense...Physical play the entire game...And a thrilling finish...The NHL has to continue this tradition...I just hope the don't ruin it y having ten of these a year...Commissioner Bettman has a way of screwing things up...I hope he doesn't mess this up too!

Here's a New Year's resolution for the readers out there...If you're not really much of a hockey fan...This year, go checkout a game live...In person...It doesn't have to be NHL...the minors will do...Or College...Give it a shot and let us know what you think...

That's it for now...I gotta go deep fry something, and eat on the exrcise bike...

Best wishes to all in the new year...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Let me start by saying I hope all the moms out there had a great Mother's Day!

Where the hell would we be without women? I know where I'd be...I'd be beating even more then I already do!

So where to begin? Well the big news in sports this past week was Manny Ramirez getting suspended for trying to grow a vagina...Or whatever the hell he was doing taking female fertility drugs...

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Listen...I'm sick of all this Manny being Manny sh!t we've been hearing for years now...He's a grown ass man...Yet everyone wants to treat him like a child...Everyone has become so accepting of idiots...Well I'm over it...You can only be a total idiot for so long, before you need to be removed from society...And honestly is it him...Or so many of us....We have let him get away with this act for quite some time...

Seriously...Think about it....We've always accepted his horrible grasp of the English language....Even though he grew up in New York...And has lived his entire adult life in the U.S. Has Man Ram been playing us...Maybe folks...That or he really is a total and complete f**king idiot...Either way...He's now another in a growing list of cheaters in baseball...And to be honest, my love for the sport is fading....

Another reason why....The Cleveland Indians SUCK!!! I know I said it last week...But it's true...They got swept by the Tigers this weekend and it was just sickening to watch...Listen up Grady Sizemore...Stop reading your press clipping...Stop looking at all the whores wearing the Grady's Ladies shirts...And stop trying to hit home runs every at bat...You are a lead off hitter...Get on base you f**king child!

Kelly Shoppach...You also need to stop swinging for the fences all the time...Your warning track power isn't gonna cut as a home run hitter...

Cliff Lee gets his stuff back together, and looks like the Cy Young winner he was last year...What happens? These Nancies stop hitting...Can't even get the guy one run...

And the bullpen...All you pricks should be send down...Hell a couple of you should be put down...What a collection sh!t...

And yes...Eric Wedge...You still suck...You and your entire staff should be fired...And you too GM, Mark "I have my lips wrapped around Wedge's balls" Shapiro....You all suck!

Now here a little NHL Playoff update...The Detroit Red Wings lead The Ducks 3-2 in their series...The Blackhawks are up 3-2 and are hoping to finish off the Canucks Monday night in Chicago....The Pittsburgh Penguins return home with a 3-2 lead and are looking to take the Capitals down Monday night...I hope somebody takes out Ovechkin!

Then there's the Bruins, Hurricanes series...I just watched game 5 and the Bruins got back to playing their game, as they won 4-0...and totally dominated Carolina...The 'Canes lead the series 3-2...But the Bruins got some momentum going...They meet again Tuesday night in Carolina...And based on how chippy game 5 got...You gotta watch game 6...

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Oh, and Scott Walker...Based on the sucker punch you threw in Aaron Ward's face...And Milan Lucic's anger over...I think you're a dead man walking...

Here's a hockey life lesson folks...If you act like a punk b!tch...Throwing sucker punches...You're gonna get f**ked up!

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Now for is where I drift away from sports...As many of you know I work in the restaurant business...I lovingly refer to where I work as the Fish House...Well in the restaurant business there are certain days that are know to be busy days...And to many of us it would seem obvious what some of those are...

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New Year's Eve...Valentine's Day...us being the Fish House...Fridays in Lent are good ones....And of course...MOTHER'S DAY....

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So why in the hell are you calling on Mother's Day to try and get a reservation, for Mother's Day..."Yes I'd like a table for 12 at 6 o'clock." Yeah!?! I'd like a blow job dummy! Seriously people wake the hell up...This day has been booked up for a week...When did people become so f**king stupid? (don't answer that)

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My father always said, that he thought everyone should serve at least 2 years for their country, in some capacity...And every male should do a year boxing in the Golden Gloves...I can respect that...I would like to add to that...Everyone should have to work a year in the restaurant business...Maybe that would cut down on some of the douche-baggery...

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And lastly...I've started writing a book...The working title is "Understanding My Insanity"...Now I don't know if I'm really insane...But there are clearly some issues...For some reason I have fully embraced them, and who I am...But I'm not sure why...So I'm trying to figure myself out...I mean why go to a shrink...They aren't gonna fix ya...They want to keep you coming back...And honestly, I'm not sure I want to be fixed...I have 2 chapters and an intro written...I may blog them eventually...We'll see...

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And don't forget to take the Beeze's Sex Quiz...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/05/beezes-sex-quiz.html

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Have a great week gang...

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Later, the Beeze.

People Who Could Use a Good Skull F*ck!

Yes...That's right...Skull F*ck...But before I continue...This post was inspired by Sully's "Tool Of The Week" http://www.yougabsports.com/?cmd=blog&nid=325625&ptitle=TOTW---Habs-Fans-Show-No-Class,-Then-Get-Schooled!

You see folks...I have a bit of a temper...Maybe even some anger issues...There seem to be many things that get under my skin, and piss me off...Some big...Some little...We'll start big...

Like AIG asking for a bailout...Then handing out bonuses...Because these people have done such a great job running the company in the shitter...Then coming back and asking for....GO SCREW!!! Actually let me do the screwing...Right in your eye with a nice warm nut!
Next the first class, Douche Bag, Montreal Canadiens' fans, who booed the Star Spangled Banner...If the game had been in Boston, and Bruins fans would have done that to the Canadian National Anthem...There would be holy hell to pay...Rivalries in sports are great...But it is totally and completely classless to boo another country's National Anthem...

There were two types of people there last night...Good old fashioned hockey fans, who wanted to see a good game, and hopefully see their team win...Sorry Bruins whooped your ass again...

Then there was the assholes who make their mothers regret not giving their fathers a blow job instead...Way to go...You are the first winners of the Beeze's Skull F*ck...Here it cums...A nice warm load all up in your grill!

Next up...Every morning I take my kids to school...And sure as shit every morning there is some dolt who brings their kid, while they're still wearing their pajamas...If you get your kid ready...You could at least throw on some jeans and a hoodie...But this isn't the worst of it...That makes me crazy...But what makes me want to throw my c0ck right in their eye socket...Is when they come back to pick up their kid at the end of the day, and they are still rocking their PJs..WTF!
Oh, yeah...You're gettin' a load!

But even f*cking worse....The hillbilly douche that goes to the grocery store at 4:00 PM and they're wearing their PJs...F*ck you! you're getting a double shot!
Something else that makes me want to plow my hog into the back of some body's skull (and I know I'm not alone on this one...I'm pretty sure I read a rant about it on http://defective.co.nz/)

I hate those stupid ass motivational posters...Not the funny ones so much...I enjoy a good laugh...But the ones that try to be inspirational...Believe me one of those f*cking things isn't gonna make me a better cook...Or make me like being at work...Those just make want cram my junk right down the bosses fat face...

Ah...Another shot released...

Here's a good one for all you people who need to be motivated....

Well gang...I think that's all for now...I've gotta go reload...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

It's that time again...Another weekend is over...And it's back to the grind....This week I'll start with the New York Rangers...First...Friday the Rangers announced that they had signed Boston University defensmen, and Hobey Baker winner, Matt Gilroy...Great move!

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Let's hope he can jump right into Wade "pussy" Redden's spot next year...And hopefully The Rangers can trade Redden for a stick rack or something...I hate to do this...But so far Redden has played well in the first two games of the playoffs...(that hurt a little)

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Next...The Rangers are up 2 games to none versus the Washington Capitals...One of the keys has been Ryan Callahan...This kid plays great in both ends of the ice...He's all over the place...The Capitals gotta hate that he sored the only goal in Saturday's game, as the Rangers won 1-0...But even more than that...They really gotta hate all the shots he's been blocking...This kid i s awesome!

Oh, and how could I forget...Henrik Lundqvist...This guy is one of those special goalies who can take over a series...And so far he's doing it in this one...Lundqvist has often had to carry the Rangers...I hope they can start lighting the lamp some more...Because Henrik has got to be getting a little tired...

I've noticed something else in this series...We often hear and talk about what a bag of douche Sean Avery is...And he is....He's a prick...Know who else is...Alexander Ovechkin...Yeah, he's a superstar...and he's a hell of a talented player...He's also a big mouth cocky punk! I'm all for some trash talking...But when you're losing...And you haven't scored a goal...Maybe you should shut the f*ck up!

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Last week I predicted the Stanley Cup Finals would be the Boston Bruins vs the San Jose Sharks...As I'm writing this the Sharks are down in their series with the Ducks...1 game to none...I have game two on right now...It's tied 1-1...Sharks just went on the power play...

But the Bruins...Look the f*ck out...The Boys from Boston are looking great! And Marc Savard who finished the regular season with 88 points...And has been trying to prove his doubters wrong the last couple of seasons...Well he's doing a hell of a job at it...In the first two playoff games Savard has 2 goals and 3 assists...And is playing the same two-way hockey he played all season long...

And goalie Tim Thomas has continued is excellent play also...What the hell am I saying...The entire team is playing the same consistent hockey, they played all year!

Unfortunately I don't have any good news about the Columbus Blue Jackets...They have played their asses off, but they are playing the Detroit Red Wings...That's a team that just knows how to win in the playoffs...Now I'm hoping the Jackets just don't get swept...

Oh, and keep an on on the young up and coming Chicago Blackhawks, who have taken a 2-0 series lead over the Calgary Flames...(Olli Jokinen will always be a bust) The 'Hawks are playing some good hockey!

Now...To go in a totally different direction...I was surprised to hear Mel "crazy f*cker" Gibson was getting divorced...Then I saw his new girlfriend...All the sudden Mel got some strange and remembered what it was like to be inside a gash that was nice, young, and snug....

I give you 24 year old Oksana Pochepa....

Yeah....You work that microphone honey!

What other nonsense do I have to give you? Oh Yes...There was a lot of talk about Tea Bags this past week...If you'd like to see my views on tea bagging check this out....http://thebeezewax.spruz.com/

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In some Notre Dame news...The Irish had the annual Blue and Gold game...The Blue (offense) beat the Gold (defense) 68-33...I honestly don't know what to take from it...I hope this means the Offense will be much better...But I also hope it doesn't mean the defense is gonna suck ass...The whole scoring system is goofy...If you want to read about it and check out some video, here ya go...

http://www.blueandgold.com/content/?aid=6955

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Hey did anyone see that Indians game against the Yankees Saturday...Holy shit that was great...Indians 22 Yankees 4...How f*cking beautiful is that!?!

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The only thing that was hotter this weekend was Mrs. Beeze with her red hair, wearing nothing but red stocking, while riding my junk!

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After a high like that I hate to end on a downer...But...This past week John Madden decided to retire...To me that's not the downer...I'm glad he did...I mean it's only fitting...It finally looks like Favre is really done...What the hell else would Maddden have to talk about...Plus, honestly...The guy wasn't good at what he did anymore...It had gotten old...It was time...

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But the downer is...His replacement...Chris Collinsworth....Are you f*cking kidding me...That pencil neck little douche...Listen...Yes he knows football...But he's a douche...I can't stand to here him speak...I'd rather listen to a cat as it's ass is being dragged against sharp, jagged steal...I hope Al Michaels knocks him the f*ck out their very first game together...Poor Al!

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That's all this week...I'm tired...Took the kids to a Birthday party today...10 loud, annoying, non-stop little kids running wild will take it outta ya! Have a good week...

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Later, the Beeze.

I Don't Know What to Say

I have tried my best to not jump all over Charlie Weis this season. I have said since day one that next year is the year....That the core of this team is young, and growing....But it's hard to stay positive after you just lost to Syracuse....F**king Syracuse....The Orange of Syracuse....WTF!!!

I don't take much seriously, but what I do take seriously...My family, my friends, and my Alma Mater....and that means I take Notre Dame Sports seriously. (mostly football, hockey, and baseball...but with a daughter, now I'm paying more attention to softball, and basketball)

Today's lose has me sick. I waited to calm down before I jumped on the computer. I even checked out a couple other blogs first....But I find myself at a lose for words. Deep down inside, I want to scream, FIRE THAT FAT S.O.B.!!!

But is that really the answer? Should my fellow Irish fans, and I ride it out, and see what Charlie does next year? Looking at the money I would say we have to ride it out longer. The University has a lot of riding fatty, and even though it was hasty to give him the contract extension they did...It would be just as hasty to $h!t can him already.

What do you think? Because I need help with this...after losing to SYRACUSE.

I need a drink.

Okay, I'm back. I did watch something good enjoyable tonight....The Boston Bruins, and Montreal Canadiens played a great game. Lots of physical play, good offensive rushes, good D, and excellent goaltending. The Bruins won 3-2 in a shoot out. Thank God for hockey.

That's it for now, I'm gonna catch the rest of the Red Wings and Flames.

Oh yeah, Texas Tech got F**ked up.


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Later, The BEEZE.