#Torpedo + #Fastball + #WINNING = DOUCHE

Okay, early on during the early stages of Charlie Sheen being nuts, or high, or both, I was all in...He was wacky...Talking about having Tiger Blood, and being a Vatican Ninja Assassin, Warlock...I was getting a kick out of it...I thought he was either high as fuck, or losing his mind, live and in living color, for all of us to enjoy...

Sadly, he's just doing his job...He's acting...It's a scam...I'm not giving out the links to all the crap he's trying to sell us...Fuck that, he pays me then I'll link his crap...Why am I saying this?

Well, one evening a tweeted that his U-Stream show was going on live in "58 minutes"...About 20 minutes after that tweet I went to his U-Stream channel...The camera was on, and a mic was on...Sheen and he group of hanger-ons/losers were plotting out, and scripting that evening's show, that was suppose to start in 38 minutes...

Sheen's voice was normal..He wasn't being wacky, or saying his new catch-phrases...Just scripting when to say them, and taking suggestions on how he should act at certain points...What should be tweeted was also disgust...Maybe he's still using drugs...Maybe his is nuts...But everything he's doing is totally planned out...

Now he has a live show in the works...Tour dates are set in Detroit, Chicago, Cleveland, Columbus, New York, and Boston...Sheen keeps tweeting his updates starting with #Fastball and talking about his violent #Torpedo of truth...And of course, he's still #WINNING...All of this drives me crazy, but the #Fastball is really pissing me off...You pretended to be a pitcher in a movie...I doubt your #Fastball gets higher than 70 mph douchebag...

What the show will be isn't really said...I'm not sure he knows yet...But I just checked the prices for the show here in the Cleve...$49.50 - $79.50...Are you fucking kidding me!?! If Willem Dafoe and Tom Berenger were coming with him, and going to do a stage production I've Platoon, maybe I'd consider it...Fuck it, I got the DVD...He must be high!




Seriously, Anyone who drops their money on this nonsense, is a ass-hat!

Speaking of douchebags...A local Radio host named Benjamin Bornstein, AKA: Maxwell, was also going off on the douche-baggery that is Charlie Sheen...But his big problem is that sheen is a junkie...Bornstein repeatedly called Sheen a crackhead, and kept bringing up Sheen's kids while judging him...His points weren't all bad, but it's his high and mighty attitude that pissed me off...

Bornstein has always been open about his drug abuse and sexual abuse on his shows...So much so, that most of us are just sick of hearing about it...But now that he is clean and sober, when he gets all uppity, and judgemental about drug abuse, I get pissed...This fat slob, use to smoke, snort, and shoot anything he could get his hands on...

Listen Fatty, once an addict, always an addict...You may be clean now, but you have to fight that fight everyday...You may not be using Heroin now, but that doesn't mean you're not one bad day away from being a junkie again...Oh, and I believe you were a father when you were a junkie...Look in the mirror and shut the fuck up! You don't get the right to be a judgemental prick, when you can fall off the wagon any minute...I do, because I was never a piece of shit junkie!


Ahhhh, so may douches, so little time...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Monday has made it's way back here again...And Turkey day is staring me in the face...Yep, my day off from the Fish House will be spent cooking...This is the 6th year in a row I'm getting stuck with it...But my daughter pointed out that traditions are important...Lucky me...

But before I touch on that topic...I have to start with the best NFL game of the weekend...The Cleveland Browns vs the Detroit Lions...WHAT!?! I know, f**king crazy...Who would have thought these two teams would combine for 75 points? Browns fans were on the edge of their seats, with the brown and orange leading 37-31...But the Lions were driving...Then on the last play Stafford launches one to the end zone...Interception Browns...WAIT! interference on the Browns...The Lions get one more play...But Stafford got drilled...He's hurt and on the sideline...WAIT! Coach Mangina calls a timeout...Look who's coming back in...Stafford...Just in time to throw his 5th touchdown pass of the day...GAME OVER! BROWNS SH!T THE BED AGAIN!

In other football low lights...Notre Dame lost again...This time to UConn...They lost a football game, to a basketball school...I shouldn't bitch...I predicted this one at the beginning of the year...But Fatty Weis please! You really don't want this job anymore, do ya? I've had enough with this pig...I go coach high school quarterbacks or something Chunky...BTW, you can read a bit about that crap ass game at http://irishbuzz.blogspot.com/

Speaking of Big, Fat, Pigs...Kansas football coach, Mark Mangino has been under attack, and surprisingly not because of his weight...What a f**king mess this guy is...So apparently, he's the first football coach to yell at players, say mean things to them, crab them by their shoulder pads, and poke them in the chest, with his chubby sausage fingers...REALLY? At least he isn't poking them in the ass!

Maybe he crossed a line or two...I don't know, I wasn't there...But this just sounds like more pussification of the youth in America these days...When I was in 5th grade our coaches called us p*ssies, and a$$holes...Hell, I remember hearing a story about my high school's band director...Something about him telling some one to stop being such a c*nt!

Huh...He was a fat f**ker too...Maybe it's just something about fatties...Maybe they have some pent up fat aggression they need to take out on people every once in awhile...

Look, right here...He's saying, ' You throw another interception, the only salad you'll see me toss is yours!'

Seriously, Jayhawks...Toughen up a bit...And Fatty, get yourself on a treadmill!

Now, let's talk about Saturday night...After Notre Dame sh!t the bed...The Mrs. and I had to go to a surprise birthday party for a friend...I didn't feel like going, but our friends Bryan and May were going to be there, and they're always fun to hangout with...So we get there...OPEN BAR! Okay, this won't be too bad...Yeah, I only knew two people there, but screw it...But wait...There was a DJ...Apparently there wasn't any high school mixers this weekend, because this dolt just played stupid teeny-bopper crap...Look around dummy, the age range was 28-60...(Except for this 21 year douche)...I don't want to hear Miley Cyrus...Unless she's saying, 'Beeze I want you balls deep in my a$$!' There would be a Party in her A! (I hate that Party in the USA song.)

So, we ate, we drank...Drank some more...Laughed at the 21 year old douche trying to spit game at May...Then she asked me how her a$$ looked in her jeans and bent over in front of me...Johnny 21 year old douche fell over and creamed his jeans...By the way, it looked GOOD! I could say more, but I won't...I like being married to my wife, and I know Bryan is going to read this...

Shortly after we had our fill, we headed out, and stopped by a local Irish Pub...Had a drink, and listened to a band play some good old Irish tunes...Including one of my favorites...

Then on the way home, the Mrs. was telling me what a pain in the a$$ the little Beeze was that day, while i was at work...She said, "You know how I get mad when you yell at him before bed time...Remind of today next time." You see, there have been many nights when Mrs. Beeze gets home late from work...And just a hour or two later it's bed time...He's always tough at bed time, but now she realizes, I've been dealing with his crap for hours...Apparently he got her to her own breaking point...After that, I gently caressed her hair, and shoved her head in my lap...

Speaking of the little guy...Today he had his hands in his pants...Of Course...I asked him why he always has his hands in his pants...He response..."I like to have them in my pants." How the hell can I argue with that logic?

Now, with Thanksgiving approaching, I'd like to ask everyone to do a few things for me...Have a safe, and fun Thanksgiving...And be thankful...I know times are tough, and things can get pretty bad...But it could always be worse...I mean if you're reading this drivel, you haven't had your electricity turned off...

Also, after feeding a bunch of family on Thursday, I'll be back at the Fish House for the Black Friday Lunch Rush...Please, if for some reason you're going out to eat with all those leftovers in your fridge...Don't order a Turkey Club...It happens every year...And all I want to do, is go out to the table and cram 5 lbs of turkey down the dummy's throat...Then take a dump on the table...What? Too much?

And lastly...It's Thanksgiving...So drop and gobble...

Later, The Beeze.

More Ranting...

I guess I didn't get it all out of my system last night...This should be short and sweet though...

I've been hearing a lot about the new Beatles Rock Band game...My nephew plays the Guitar Hero and Rock Band games...I like video games, but this one makes me a little crazy...Are we going to have a whole generation of kids that know how to press buttons on a fake guitar, instead of actually play one?


Not if I have anything to do with it...Last year when we went to visit family in Boston...I brought a guitar...Know what I did with it? I gave it to my nephew...Time for the real deal...And you've got a better chance of getting a chick to do things to you if you play an instrument, then if you pretend to play one...

That's right kids, it's more fun to actually play guitar, then it is to pretend...Also learning to play, and make music is a much greater accomplishment then being a fake...Ask Milli Vanili!

Moving along, I guess Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina didn't read my post last night...I wish he would have...Maybe he wouldn't look like such a douche right now...I don't care that you disagree with the President on Health care...Have at it...But don't be that guy...The guy that you were tonight...What kind of dummy sits there as the President addresses Congress and the country and yells at him? Apparently you do sir...DOLT! Stay Classy South Carolina...


(Sorry B-Dub!)

Now let me touch on a little Sports...The Pittsburgh Pirates just this week, clinched their 17th straight losing season....REALLY? Why the hell do you even show up anymore...Not just the team...The fans too...Year after year of crap...This once proud franchise has won five World Series...They've appeared in 7...Greats like Honus Wagner, Pie Traynor, Roberto Clemente, Willie Stargell, Bill Mazeroski, And Ralph Kiner...

Now look at them...After looking into this more, I saw that the Pirates have a Home record of 36-34...By the way, PNC Park is a great stadium...But then when the Pirates hit the road...They are 18-50...WTF!!! What the hell are you guys doing on the road? Seriously...What is keeping you from at least playing .500 ball on the road?

Here's how we fix this...Either sell the team to some one who has an understanding of how to run a franchise...Hey, they're out there...The Steelers and Penguins are doing fine...If not that...FOLD...Baseball is too watered down talent-wise anyway...

And since we're sh!tting on the Pirates...Lets take out the Baltimore Orioles too...Yep...I said it...12 straight losing seasons and no sign of life in the future seems like reason enough for me...The Orioles with 3 World Series rings, and 6 appearances...Oriole greats like Brooks Robinson, Cal Ripken, Jim Palmer, Eddie Murray, Hoyt Wilhelm...And you know Earl Weaver wants to choke the sh!t out of some one about this!

It's sad to see this happen to once great teams...But I look at some of these franchises and wonder...Are they even trying? And before anyone takes a shot at me...I know the Indians blow...And if they even get close to 17 straight losing seasons...Believe me...I'll want them to fold too...

That's all for tonight...

Later, The Beeze.

Passing Out Some More Skull F**ks!

This is becoming a habit...But what the hell...I get some of the rage out...So let's get started pumping some heads full of j!zz....

First let's start with this guy....

Now A-Rod could make this list all the time....1. He's a Yankee...2. He's a douche....3. He's bumped uglies with Modonna (allegedly...but we all know it's true)...and 4. If anything Senena Roberts wrote about this guy is true...He should have a c0ck permanently stuck in his head....So A-Hole, you get this week's first load of warm sticky nut!

Next on the list....Brett Favre....

Why must you keep doing this...Every year we get stuck with the Brett watch...I retire...I want to play again...I retire...I want to play again...Give it up already...You aren't that good anymore....My 4 year old son would throw less interceptions then you....Plus if you come back...Then Madden will want to come back...then we gotta hear that guy all year long swinging from your nuts...Knock it off! And while you're knocking it off...Here's a nice hard c0ck in your I you son of a b!tch....

Now...I'm gonna get personal...This next person isn't getting a skull f**k...Just wait...I'll explain....Two weeks ago a boy in my daughter's class, (1st grade) told a little girl he was going to stab her mom, and shoot her dad...Last week he told my daughter he wanted to have sex with her....1st f**king grade....I'mnot gonna attack the kid here...I'm going after his hillbilly white trash f**k stain mother...When I talked to the teacher and principle they explained he's "slow", and does goofy stuff for attention...and his mom is a single mother, and it's hardLet me pick this apart as I did for them....

What he said isn't goofy...It's f**king nuts...Believe I know...I've got a PhD in nuts....I don't care that she's a single mom...Sorry...I'm sure it is hard as hell...But...We all make decisions in our life...We have to own them...Not use them as an excuse...I know many single moms...Their kids aren't f**king crazy like this kid...I also made it clear that if anything like this happened again...the next person they would talk to is my lawyer...And he'll be taking their jobs...

So no skull f**k here....Instead I'd like to pick the kid up, and beat the mother over the head with him...Maybe it would knock some sense into both of them...

Now I'm moving on to another douche bag....

This is police chief Charlie McNeeley...He's a former Cleveland Police Commander...And now Chief in the burbs....He was caught last week masturbating in a car...In a park...While dropping and gobbling another man...I've got no problem if people want to get their freak on....Do what you wish...But when you get busted at 8:30 in the morning doing this...Don't lie about who you are...Own what you did...Then when you decide to come up with an excuse for it...Don't say what he said...His excuse...I did it because of the stress of finding out my wife had cancer....If my wife has cancer...My first thought isn't to go blow some dude in the park....I'd say let's give him a skull f**k...But he would love that....Instead how about a big F*ck You!

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You may be wondering why I went after this douche...Well his wife with cancer...Is my aunt...F**king a$$hole!

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I'm done for the night...

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Later, the Beeze.

People Who Could Use a Good Skull F*ck!

Yes...That's right...Skull F*ck...But before I continue...This post was inspired by Sully's "Tool Of The Week" http://www.yougabsports.com/?cmd=blog&nid=325625&ptitle=TOTW---Habs-Fans-Show-No-Class,-Then-Get-Schooled!

You see folks...I have a bit of a temper...Maybe even some anger issues...There seem to be many things that get under my skin, and piss me off...Some big...Some little...We'll start big...

Like AIG asking for a bailout...Then handing out bonuses...Because these people have done such a great job running the company in the shitter...Then coming back and asking for....GO SCREW!!! Actually let me do the screwing...Right in your eye with a nice warm nut!
Next the first class, Douche Bag, Montreal Canadiens' fans, who booed the Star Spangled Banner...If the game had been in Boston, and Bruins fans would have done that to the Canadian National Anthem...There would be holy hell to pay...Rivalries in sports are great...But it is totally and completely classless to boo another country's National Anthem...

There were two types of people there last night...Good old fashioned hockey fans, who wanted to see a good game, and hopefully see their team win...Sorry Bruins whooped your ass again...

Then there was the assholes who make their mothers regret not giving their fathers a blow job instead...Way to go...You are the first winners of the Beeze's Skull F*ck...Here it cums...A nice warm load all up in your grill!

Next up...Every morning I take my kids to school...And sure as shit every morning there is some dolt who brings their kid, while they're still wearing their pajamas...If you get your kid ready...You could at least throw on some jeans and a hoodie...But this isn't the worst of it...That makes me crazy...But what makes me want to throw my c0ck right in their eye socket...Is when they come back to pick up their kid at the end of the day, and they are still rocking their PJs..WTF!
Oh, yeah...You're gettin' a load!

But even f*cking worse....The hillbilly douche that goes to the grocery store at 4:00 PM and they're wearing their PJs...F*ck you! you're getting a double shot!
Something else that makes me want to plow my hog into the back of some body's skull (and I know I'm not alone on this one...I'm pretty sure I read a rant about it on http://defective.co.nz/)

I hate those stupid ass motivational posters...Not the funny ones so much...I enjoy a good laugh...But the ones that try to be inspirational...Believe me one of those f*cking things isn't gonna make me a better cook...Or make me like being at work...Those just make want cram my junk right down the bosses fat face...

Ah...Another shot released...

Here's a good one for all you people who need to be motivated....

Well gang...I think that's all for now...I've gotta go reload...

Later, The Beeze.

What the Hell Kinda Game is This?

So twice a week I take the kids to swimming lessons at our local rec center...The place is great...It has two indoor pools, and one outdoor...It has a ice rink...Work out area...Out back there are two little league fields...

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After the lessons are done we get stupid SpongeBob Ice Cream bars, or whatever snack they are in the mood for that day...We'll head upstairs and go checkout hockey practice, or figure skating practice if they actually get a turn that week...

Right before we get to the ice rink's seating area...There are three windows that overlook what at one time was a racket ball, or hand ball court...Now it is being used for some f*cked up form of Volleyball...I say f*cked up because it's not really Volleyball...The kids always want to stop and watch this nonsense...

First, these knuckleheads don't even use a volleyball...They use some silly, old, blue, phys ed ball...Like the ones we use to use for dodge ball...You know...Back in the day, when you could play games where you chucked balls at other kids...Unlike the game Father John tried to play with us...

Second, they pay the ball off the walls...When they serve, it seems they actually try to get the ball hit low on the wall, near a corner to try and get an odd bounce to the floor...Thus scoring a point in a very shitty form of the game...It's so f*cking lame...

Third, is the douche bags that play this game...They are all well over 40...You tell there are a few guys that is the highlight of their week...One of these twats came up with this game one night in his basement while he was shit-faced...He told the boys...One of these jokers said ' we should start a league!' Really?

So these dolts get all geared up for this every week...There's one guy who is rockin' his knee pads and goggles...Then there Johnny Dolt, who has to have his batting gloves on...Seriously? But the worst one is Super Douche...This ass-clown has got 4 wrist bands on...A head band...And he has four fingers taped up...I wouldn't be surprised if his ankles were taped too...

I'm not trying top dog these guys for getting some exercise...But this seems kinda silly...They play 4 on 4...So it's not like they are running around much...It's a pretty small box they're in...(Insert Joke here) They're bouncing a ball off of walls and over a net...Do you really need your batting gloves? Do you really need all the f*cking wrist bands? Do you really need your fingers taped?

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Seriously...If I become that big of a douche when I'm 45 or older...Or hell, younger...Please do me a favor...Punch me in the face!

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Later, The Beeze.

F*ck Your Dog...You're an A$$hole!

Okay...The picture actually has nothing to do with this post...I just thought it was some funny sh!t...

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So let me start by saying I don't hate animals...I don't f*cking love them either...I'm one of those bastards that is allergic to f*ckin' everything...Cats really set me off...Certain dogs are bad too...But over the years that has gotten a little better...I know that my allergies do have an effect on the anger I sometimes feel about people's pets...And on my one day a week to sleep in,(sleeping in in our house means, sleeping past 8:00AM) When your dog is outside barking like crazy...I hate that son of a b!tch...But honestly, you're the one on the top of my sh!t list...

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'Beeze, where's all this anger coming from?' I'll tell ya where....

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The other day I took my kids to the park...They're playing on the playground...Bunch of kids all over the place...There some people walking there dogs...That's cool...Ya know why it's cool...They're following the law, and have their dog on a leash...

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Then this older couple shows up with their granddaughters, and their dog...Now I can smell the dysfunctional bullsh!t on these people...They're watching the girls again...While Mom...Their daughter...Has been gone for two days getting wasted and laying down for next future ex-husband...

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'Beeze, why so harsh? Who are you to judge?'

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I'm the f*cking Beeze...I have a superiority complex...P!ss off!!!

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So everything is cool...Then these dolts take the dogs leash off...At first it isn't bothering anyone...But then it starts bothering me...It comes over...Wants to say high...Give my balls a sniff...I politely shoo it away...I don't want to go full blow d!ck on these people if I don't have to...Then it keeps pestering me...These twats don't do a thing...So I speak up...I say..."Hey! you wanna get your dog away from me!" This douche says..."Is there a problem?" WTF! I say..."Yeah, your dog isn't on a leash, and it's bugging me." Johnny F*cking Dolt says..."Hey, sorry it's a free country"

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Now I'm pissed! My response is..."Does that mean I'm free to kick the sh!t of you and your dog?" As he stammers I jump right back in and say..."No...because this free country has laws...Get your dog away from me before I skull f*ck you in front of everyone!"

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Asshole quickly rounded up his family and dog and took a little stroll...The best part was he didn't put the dog on the leash...Here comes a BIG f*cking dog...On a leash...And this dummy's little mutt goes after it...BIG dog just started stomping it...I felt bad for the dog, and the kids...It's not their fault granddad is a douche!

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Later, The Beeze.