The Beeze's Hump Day Hits/ Skull F**ks

Well it's time for another volume of the Hump Day Hits...This post is normally about sports, for the most part...The last couple weeks I haven't paid much attention to sports, but I spent a good deal of time yesterday getting back in the swing of things...So here goes...

First, Brett Favre is at it again...Rumors started flying yesterday that he was retiring, again...FOX Sports jumped on it...ESPN of course confirmed it...They never give credit to who ever beat them to the punch...Then they went Brett Favre crazy all day...Eventually they pulled back a little, when no one actually heard anything from Favre...I thought the media was playing this stupid card again...But Favre's silence up to this point has me now thinking this is him playing his yearly game of 'Look at me!' He has neither confirmed or denied his retirement...Year after year he has held his team and their plans hostage, and they let him keep doing it...Well Vikings now you get what you deserve...I can't believe there are still people out there who love this guy...He's is without a doubt a first ballot, Skull F*ck Hall of Famer...


While I was away, the Cleveland Indians traded away some players...They traded 3rd Baseman Jhonny Peralta to Detroit for a prospect...They traded Kerry Wood, his huge salary, and his huge ERA to the Yankees...The contract they gave him was so bad they actually gave the Yankees a couple million just to get him out of town...In return they got the infamous "Player to be named later"...They also traded Austin Kearns to the Yankees for "the player o be named later"...Both Kearns and and Wood are not guys that will put the Yankees over the top...They didn't really need them...They also added Lance Berkman at the deadline...I swear to God, I think the Yankees sometimes make moves, just to make moves...Just to say, 'look at us, we get who ever, when ever, just cause.'

The Indians also traded pitcher Jake Westbrook to the Cardinals...I always liked him, he's a good pitcher..So I'm happy to see him with a contender...But sadly, again the Indians had to give up money to unload his contract, and got very little in return...GM Mark Shapiro is a joke...The rest of the league must love to see him coming...You know, with the way things have been going around here, some one has to pay...Shapiro, your taking a load...Here's a good old fashioned Skull F*ck just for you...


In the Hockey world, the Boston Bruins are looking to unload some salary...They've been trying to move Goalie Tim Thomas and his $5 Million dollar cap hit, but there are no takers so far...That has them looking into moving Center Marc Savard, but they want a quality return for Savard...Either some one to jump right into the lineup or high draft picks...If I was in their shoes, I'd hang onto Savard, even if they can't move Thomas...

And now for the always Important Hump Day Question...On this fine Hump Day which of these naughty school girls would you most like to hump?

A.



B.


C.


As always, Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

1 Year and Some Skull F**ks

That's right folks...The Beezewax is a year old tonight...One year ago tonight I started this blog...I was writing at Sporting News, but wanted to be able to post on other topics besides sports...And not have to hear people b!tching and whinning about it...Too much of that crap goes on there...For quality sports blogs, unfiltered...Stop by the Gab...http://yougabsports.com/

So over the last year, I've posted just over 200 blogs about all kinds of stuff...just doing my best to get the voices out of my head...I want to thank everyone who stops by to read this crap...And please keep coming by...I desperately need others approval to feel better about myself...Ha!

There was a post I did titled, "Woman." It still gets views every day...That's f**king cool! But my installments, of The Beeze's Skull F**k Awards, always seems to draw a number of people...And since it's been awhile since I've officially skull f**ked anyone...I thought, 'What better way is there to celebrate the birth of the BEEZEWAX!'

So here I am...Pants unzipped, and ready to plow!

I'll start with my beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish...Co-Defensive Cordinator, and all around f**king dolt, Corwin Brown...This ass hat decided to take shots at the head coach of NAVY...After his sorry ass defense couldn't stop Navy's running game...As a matter of fact, the only team, the Irish defense dominated all season was Washington State...No offense to WSU, but there are high school teams that could stuff them...Here's what this douche said...

He just called out Navy's lack of imagination on offense...Hey, a$$hole...They don't need to be creative to run all over your sorry ass defense...And no coach Tenuta doesn't do a great job getting you and the team ready on defense...Your defense sucks...It hurts, as a Notre Dame fan to do this...But Corwin, this is gonna hurt you, more then it hurts me...Time for you to eat a d!ck...

Next is Browns running back Jamal Lewis...This b!tch decides he's gonna come out and dog the coach, saying he works the players too hard...I'm no Eric Mangini fan, but maybe he's working you f**kers so hard, because you suck! Here's Jamal's comments...

“The way we work in two-a-days in training camp and the way we work every day on the field for two and a half, three hours, you want a ‘W’ on Sunday when you work like that,” Lewis said. “There’s talent all over this locker room, young and old, but the talent has to be ready on Sunday and to be fresh for Sunday and be efficient on Sunday."

“You can work as hard as you want. You can work all day seven days a week all the way up until Sunday in practice. At the same time, if you’re going to work like that, maybe on Sunday you’re not going to get what you want out of your players.”

First, F**K YOU B!TCH....Second, where the hell is this talent that you speak of...The best player on the team is Josh Cribbs...A special teams guy, who's trying to be a #2 receiver because the team doesn't have anyone else...Talent...Please...Worked too hard...You f**kers clearly don't work hard enough...

Lewis is retiriing at the end of the year...Why wait...Why don't you retire now, with a big, fat, load of the Beeze in your eye!

Next up...Carrie Prejean...Miss California 2009...This b!tch, may be attractive, but she's a total C*NT...yeah, I said it...She's been involved with some scandals...And she likes to walk around witha holier than thou attitude...Listen twat, you were a beauty queen...You recorded yourself masturbating for a boyfriend when you were 17...You act like it was a bad thing, and now you're little miss conservative beauty queen...You double clicking the mouse and filming it may have been the best thing you'll ever do in this life...

But that isn't the end of the story...Watch how this gash acted on Larry King....



First, I hate Larry King...But he did nothing wrong...Second, when she was getting ready to leave, Larry says, "Did you hear the question?" Dummy responds, "No, I can't hear you." What a dope! Third, you're on an interview show to pimp your book...The only reason you got a book deal and are getting interviewed, is because of the contravesies around you...Fourth, the book is called "Still Standing." I'm sure it's full of nothing but the incredible wisdom you've found in your 22 years of being nothing but a little, phony, Barbie Doll, whore...Drop and gobble b!tch...The book should be called, On My BAck Again!

Believe me gang...This little hachet wound is getting more then a Skull F**k frome the Beeze...

That's all for tonight..But it did get heated, and this is a celebration...So lets end this with a little class....



Later, The Beeze.

Time For Some Skull F***ing!

It's been awhile since I've been in the mood to plunge my hog into some idiots' skull...But I'm in a mood today...So let's get started on the latest winners of The Beeze's Skull F**k Award!

First, I've beaten up Indians manager Eric Wedge a lot this year...Well we got some good news today...The Tribe Finally fired that dolt...But I don't want him to leave town without taking one last load in the eye...

But wait...I'm feeling a to-for...That's right, if Wedge is taking one...I gotta give his buddy, GM, Mark Shapiro one too! This jackass should have been fired too...Oh, what the hell...Let's add a third...Indians owner, Mr. Dolan...Here's a steaming load for you too...Why you ask....For not firing Shapiro, and not ditching Wedge sooner...

At the rate I'm going, I'm gonna need a cheat code for all the c*ck I'm dishing out tonight...

Next...Browns coach, Eric Mangina...This guy is just a dummy...Plain and simple...'I'm not naming the starting QB, cause I don't want to.' DOUCHE! Then when it was leaked on twitter, what did he do...'I'm not naming the starting center.' No one cares DOUCHE!

Then he benched Brady Quinn Sunday and put in Derek Anderson, who proceeded to throw 3 interceptions...NICE MOVE DOUCHE! So who's starting this week? Anderson...DOUCHE!

Mangina, is looking like a future Skull F**k Hall of Famer...

Next, on the topic of the Browns and the Quarterback position...The next Skull F**k is going out to all those dolts in the media, and all the knuckle headed Browns fans, who actually think Derek Anderson starting at QB is going to improve this team...Listen, if Jesus was playing QB for the Browns, it wouldn't help...The #1 receiver drops more passes then he catches...The #2 receiver is the second coming of Steve Tasker...The O-line only beats the opponent when they jump too soon...The #1 running back is on the back-end of his career, while the # 2 running back is a 6th round pick who is far from ready to carry the load...The defense...Not that great...But I feel bad for them...They never get off the field, so by the second half they're totally winded...

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Sorry people...The QB isn't what's making this team suck...It's the years of crappy management, bad drafts, bad ownership, bad coaches, including Mangina...You know what, I feel bad about this one...But people need to wake the hell up...So I'm gonna let a Steeler pass out this Skull F**k!

That does not look fun!

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Last...this one is for my friend Cathy...She pointed something out to me on facebook...I started looking, and she was right...I, like her was totally annoyed by it...There seems to be couples, some married, some just dating...Who feel the need to post there love for one another on each others facebook walls...

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"baby I love you." "you're so sweet" Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! NO ONE CARES!

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We don't need to see it...True or not...I think most people do it because their relationship actually sucks, but they don't want people to know...TOO LATE!

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Listen, if you want to post something like....'My husband just tongued my a$$ so good, it had my p*$$y singing Oh Come All Ye Faithful' ...I'm okay with that! Or maybe...'I had my strap on in Johnny tonight...Rectum...I nearly killed 'em!' ...That would be great!

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But if you need to post "I love you honey, you're the best." on you significant other's wall...There's a problem...Try this instead...Walk into the other room, and tell them to their face...It might actually mean a little more....

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You've now been Skull F**ked!

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Later, The Beeze.

Passing Out Some More Skull F**ks!

This is a special edition of the Beeze's Skull F**ks...With the exception of one...All those getting blasted in the face tonight are General Managers of sports franchises...
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First up is Neal Huntington of the Pittsburgh Pirates...

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He's the douche on the right...First a few weeks ago he traded young, rising, Pirate star, outfielder, Nate McLouth for a few prospects...Now I've heard these prospects have great potential...But that's all it is...Potential...McLouth had the makings of a franchise player...But the Pirates like to play it cheap...

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Then yesterday the traded Nyjer Morgan...Morgan has become a fan favorite and is another exciting, talented, player the Pirates could have been a core player on a young team...But no such luck...In return Pittsburgh got the most overrated, over hyped prospect baseball has...Lastings Milledge...Milledge has been talked about for a few years now but can't stay healthy and can't stay with a team...Also involved in the deal...The Pirates sent pitcher Sean Burnett to Washington and got Joel Hanrahan in return...

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Hanrahan's record is 0-3 with a 7.71 ERA in 34 games -- he has been demoted from the closer's job...In 115 career games he has a 5.30 ERA...

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Burnett, who was Pittsburgh's top pick in 2000...Has a 1-2 with a 3.06 ERA in 38 games...

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You know why he's got that eye patch? 'Cause the Beeze just went balls deep in him!

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Next is my favorite...Indians GM Mark Shapiro...

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In case you missed Monday Moaning...I'm not happy with the sh!t trade he made this weekend with the Cardinals...Sending Mark DeRosa there for (P) Chris Perez and a player to be named later...Perez in his first outing went .2 innings and gave up 4 runs...Douche bag! Shapiro said there was lots of interest in DeRosa and he got the best value there was...Really?

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Well, you're about to get a hell of a value right up in your face Mark...And while I'm at it...I'll hit that piece of crap Eric Wedge standing next to you...He must give great head...Because any other team would have sh!t canned him by now...

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Now onto Glen Sather....

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The New York Rangers GM made some moves the last couple days...I like the trade of Scott Gomez and getting Chris Higgins in return...Getting rid of Gomez's salary was great...Overrated b!tch...But then he let Colton Orr slip away and sign with the Maple Leafs...What did he do to get some muscle back...He signed first class douche, cheap shot, f**king a$$hole Donald Brashear...I can't root for this guy...I don't know how any Rangers fan could...I'm hoping he is injured in traing camp and done...For good...

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Then with the extra money lying around....He signed Marian Gaborik...The reports are saying 5 years...7.5 million a year...Wow! I say Wow because, while Gaborik is an amazingly talented player...He has also never had a year without injuries...And from everything he has said Gaborik is the only high profile guy they were targeting...Not a trade for Heatley...Not Hossa, who it looks like will sign with Chicago...

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As a Rangers fan, the Brashear move makes me angry...The Gaborik move makes me worry...5 years and lots of money tied up in a guy who can't stay healthy...So tonight Sather is getting a load from the Beeze.

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And lastly tonight...People who smoke, but never have any cigarettes or a lighter...

I'm not a smoker...In my youth I was...But I realized it wasn't gonna help my asthma or my hockey game...And I also realized why should I pay for cancer...But anyway...I work in a place I lovingly refer to as "The Fish House"...There seem to be a lot of smokers in the restaurant business..

That's fine...It's up to them...But I couldn't stand this when I smoked, and it still bugs the sh!t out of me today...If you want to smoke...Buy a pack d!ck head...If you smoke...Why the f**k don't you have a lighter...It's always the same douche bags...Some of the f**k stains ask me for a light, even though they know I don't smoke...If you want to partake in this habit...Stop being a lazy, cheap bastard and buy your own smokes and lighter...You existence is enough of a burden on the world...Don't pester us to help you get cancer...Choke on some of this!

That's it for tonight...

Later, The Beeze.

The 2009 Skull F**k Hall of Fame Inductees

It has taken a little longer to get to then expected...But it's finally here...The class will consist of 4 very deserving douche bags...

The criteria are simple...If you piss me off to the point of total hatred...Where I finally feel the need to pull out my junk and give you a Skull F**k...You have a chance at the Hall of Fame...

But let's be honest...Hall of Famers must go above and beyond...Well this year's class has not disappointed...And what will they be getting?

This...

So on to the first inductee...

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A-Rod...This dolt made it in easy...Rolling with Madonna...long after she had been used up and full of jizz from every tom Dick and Harry...Then there is the Frosted tips...That automatically makes you a douche...The stupid ass, big, white, hamburger helper batting gloves...There's the Yankee factor...And the fact that he has been said to be such a great, and talented baseball player...But every team he has played for can't win with him...Oh yeah...He also used steroids...

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Welcome to the Hall Alex...Say hello to my c**k!

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Next is Gary Bettman...No matter how hard the NHL commissioner tries to improve the game, he seems to shit the bed...Every year there seems to be a new rule put in place...Just to have it enforced inconsistently...Bettman has struggle to get a strong television deal done...No people VS doesn't count...He would rather let a dying franchise (Phoenix Coyotes) be a drain on the league, then admit his big move to bring hockey to the sunbelt and southern U.S. failed...Which is sad...The teams in California have done well...Dallas has been a strong franchise...But two teams in Florida are silly...Atlanta and Nashville are question marks...And Phoenix is dead...Even "the Great One" couldn't save them...

While fighting for a salary cap was a good thing...The fight nearly killed the game...Well it did for the casual fan...The worst thing about Bettman is that he thinks he is doing good, and believes he's good at his job...Hey Gary...When Joe Louis Arena starts booing as you hit the ice to present The Conn Smythe, and the Stanley Cup...That should be a clue!

Now get up here and receive your load!

Now this next fella shouldn't be a surprise...Brett Favre...

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You a$$hole! With every day my disdain for this f**ker grows...

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I retire...I want to come back...I retire...I want to come back...I retire...What you mean I can't come back...Trade me...Release me...New Team...More interceptions...I retire...Release me...I want to retire a Packer...I want to be a Viking...I'm not sure...I had surgery...I want to play again...Please can everyone kiss my ass for another year...My wife doesn't like to play anal tongue darts....Bring back John Madden so I can get some more nut swing...I'm #4....I'm a douche...I'm Brett Favre bitches!

This is right where you belong Brett...With me going balls deep in your eye socket!

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(Can I come play with you guys? I'm Brett Favre...I do what I want!)

Now to our last inductee...This isn't just one person...It's a group...The Suburbanite Wife who goes walking at the high school track with the girls to get some exercise...While Drinking her Grande, Mocha, Frappucino, Latte, bullshit from Starbucks and smoking a cigarette....

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That's the way to get healthy...Go power walking while you pour some Starbucks down you throat and suck on a cancer stick...I got something for you to suck on...And if you do it well it'll pour some protein down your throat...Then after that you can go for a jog...But don't forget my sandwich...(that's a joke ladies)

Welcome to the club you bunch of hatchet wounds!

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Congrats to all the inductees...

Later, The Beeze.

Sour Grapes and Some Skull F*cks

As you all know, I'm a New York Rangers fan...Well it's not a good evening for me...The Rangers just got knocked out of the Playoffs, by those douche-bag, Washington Capitals...

Let me first start with Donald Brashear...That guy is a F*cking a$$hole...It amazes me that he is still in the league...He's never been that good of a player...And as a goon...he's a cheap shot throwing punk...If he wanted to put a Ranger down with a cheap shot...Why not Avery? Maybe Douche-Bags have a secret code, that they don't take each other out...Donald...you asshole...You get this weeks first c0ck to the head!

Next...The Refs...Now I think that the refs have sucked in most games so far through the playoffs...But tonight, in the third period, Dan Girardi was called for interference...WTF!?! It was a perfectly clean check...But these pussies say that the puck was out of the play...Of course the announcers agreed...All these douches want to see Ovechkin move on...F*ck him too...(I'll come back to him in a minute)

The worst part about the call...After it had been made, I watched the Capitals commit the same penalty 10 times, and not get called for it...Why?

A)Because it's a bullshit pussy rule...

B) Because they wanted the Caps to win...Because TV loves Ovechkin...

So this one is a two for the price of one...To the refs and the announcers I give a nice hot steaming load of jizz all up in your eye!

So back to Ovechkin...Why the f*ck are you throwing your arms up to the crowd and acting like an ass...Like you just won the Cup...F*ck you didn't even win this game...The old Russian Sergie Fedorov did...I'm so sick of this guy being such a c*nt!

If I was a coach I would seriously put a bounty out on that guy...But the NHL won't let me and my rage in...So, All that I can offer is a good old fashioned, hate filled, skull fuck to Alexander Ovechkin...It's gotta be hard to play with a c0ck all up in your face!

Moving on...Off the topic of hockey and my sour grapes...

This week's big winner of the Skull F*ck is....You stupid fat bitches that walk around like you're hot shit, wearing belly shirts...You're fat...We don't want to see that roll hanging out...It's not hot...It's not sexy...You're fat! Don't be a fatty wearing a tight "wife beater" either...We can still see the fat...If you're rockin' the roll hanging out all over under your belly shirt...I'm not taking you out on a date...I'm not f*cking you...I wouldn't f*ck you with a stolen dick!

But you will get a nice warm load of the Beeze right in your eye socket!

That's it for me tonight...I'm all out of jizz!

Later, The Beeze.