Back on the Grid and Back from Vacation

This is right down the road from where we were for a week...The town of Aquinnah on Martha's Vineyard...It's also known as Gay Head, but we'll go with Aquinnah...Let me start by saying, I'm not a beach person...I don't swim, I never liked the whole hanging out in the sun getting skin cancer all day thing...Yes I always go to the worst case scenario...It's just never been my thing, but it is easier to do when you know you'll be drinking all day! It also helps to love hanging with the people you'll be there with, which I do...

This trip was important to my wife...She needed it...We couldn't really afford to spent the money we did with the baby on the way, but she needed to get away...She needed to relax, which she did...She needed to spend time with her sister, niece, nephew, and brother-in-law...Her parents were there too... Her family is great, and I love spending time with them, and it's always hard to leave...Once a year is not enough, and we are really trying to figure out a way to get there full time...Winning the Mega Millions would be the easiest way...Buying tickets today!

So I had no Internet for 10 days...My system was in shock...Although it was kinda nice, until I realized I had no control of my fantasy teams, I couldn't checkout my favorite sites, I couldn't blog, NO PORN!!! What was I gonna do? I got a notebook and kept a journal...Surprisingly as I read through at, I wasn't going nuts about not being able to tweet, check facebook, or YouGabSports...There are ups and downs in it...Like I said, I'm not a beach person...So I had a couple days where I was stir-crazy, but at the end of the week, I was bummed about leaving...

I'll be posting this in a few different segments...Here's the first...

TRAVEL DAY

We left on Thursday night, and stopped at a hotel in Rochester, NY. The next morning we got up and got on the road...6 hours left...Then it started raining...Every trip we have ever taken to Massachusetts, it's rained...I hate driving in the rain...Night time is worse, but it still sucks...It was 6 hours of hard, sideways, rain...Then of course the kids spent 4 of those hours asking if we were almost there yet? I never thought I'd say this, but for my birthday, I want a Minivan...Get those kids as far back as I can! Two hours in, the driver's side wiper broke...Got a new one at a rest stop...$18 dollars...Just the first screwing of the trip!

Now a public service announcement for the people driving through New York state and Massachusetts...If you are in the left lane, the fast lane, the passing lane...YOU SHOULDN'T BE STEPPING ON YOUR BRAKE PEDAL...DRIVE ASS-HATS!!!

45 minutes left, and we hit a traffic jam...Rain is pouring down...Traffic starts to pick up and this gash in front of me slams on her brakes...I get on mine, but I'm gonna at least tap her...I swerve slightly to the right where there is a gap in traffic, and then back into my lane...The car behind me got on his hard and went left...We both avoided a pile-up and people give us dirty looks and yell at us...I wanted to grab the woman in front of us and throw her in front a of a semi!

We get to my Brother-in-law and sister-in-law's house...We ordered Chinese food, which according to my wife is a tradition...The little Beeze was throwing around his favorite line from "Jaws"...Yes, he's see it, thanks to his mother...He's into Sharks big time right now...About a month ago he woke me up by saying Chief Brody's line right before he kills the shark..."Smile you son of a bitch." He was sharing this with his cousins, and they made sure he shared it with everyone...He was getting plenty of laughs with that, but he took to the next level at dinner...

He counted in Spanish for my brother-in-law, so then my B-I-N said something to him in Spanish...The Little Beeze looked at him, paused long enough to have the whole rooms attention, and said, "KISS MY ASS!" We were all laughing our asses off...It's hard to correct him when he shows that kinda perfect timing...My B-I-L was in a shocked, yet joyous place...The kid just knows how to make you laugh, and he kept us all laughing, except my near saintly, mother-in-law, who got up from the table and left the room...I think she laughed, but she didn't want to show it...

THE NEXT DAY (Saturday)

This day was all about packing up for the Vineyard, loading up on booze and groceries, and spending money...The little Beeze and I showed the rest of the family the "drinking out of cups" video...



...and much of that became a theme for the week...Besides, "Kiss my ass" and "Smile you son of a bitch"...

DAY 1

Sunday we head down to the Cape to catch our Ferry...It was a 8:15 AM boat...Now I tend to have some stomach issues early in the morning, so of course on our way down I had to pull into a MacDonald's and blow some mud...Kids again were asking how long? God help me...We get there about 10 minutes before our boat left...40 minutes on the boat, the stomach calmed down and the kids enjoyed the ride...We got on the Island, and had to kill a couple hours...We don't get the house until noon...Killing time means killing money...The Little Beeze got a fishing game in some store...Then he wanted a copy of the book...Wait for it..."Jaws"...Kid is obsessed...Then we hit a candy/ice cream store...Pure Heaven for kids...Okay, us adults didn't mind much either!

We got to the house, unpacked, loaded up a couple coolers, and hit the beach...Yes, this place comes with a private beach...The kids were loving it...They both had so much fun in the ocean, and so much fun with their cousins...They didn't want to come out of the water...The Little Beeze has never been on a boogie board, but he looked like a pro...He was riding the hell out of that thing!

It was great seeing the kids so happy and having so much fun!

The evening closed with a traditional card game her family plays...Little Beeze asked by his cousin if he ripped a fart...He replied by pointing and saying, "Next time my fart gets stuck, you can rip it out!" Everyone laughed, and just then the glow of the sunset shined right on my mother-in-laws face, reminding us of what sinners we are...

After that it was off to bed...There's plenty more to come...

Later, Beeze

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

Well I thought I'd knock out one last post before I go on my vacation...10 days off the grid sounds pretty good...Recharging the batteries, hanging with the family and friends...It'll be good...What will I do in those late night hours when I'm often posting blogs, or messing around on twitter...I'll be taking pen to paper, and working on my book...F*cking old school!

So what is there for me to go off on today? How about this...The Ohio Democratic Committee called me yesterday... "Hi Mr. Beeze, we're calling because we want your support in keeping Ohio BLUE!" Now when I registered at 18 years old, I registered as a Democrat...Then a few years back I registered Independent, because both parties are full of corrupt douchebags...For some reason Democratic Committees feel they actually get Independents...At times they've gotten my vote...But I don't thing Ms. Sunshine like what I had to say...Here's how it played out...

"Well if you want Ohio to stay BLUE, the boys and girls in BLUE better start doing something...As a matter of fact, don't the hold the majority of power now? I believe they do...And when did Republican become uber-conservative, and did Democrat become uber-liberal...Actually, when did Democrat and Liberal become the kid in the corner saying, 'please don't hurt me'?" The boys in BLUE have been showing a serious lack of balls!

Her response..."Umm, Mr. Beeze, I'm not sure how to answer all that..."

Me: "Well what can you answer? You're asking for my support...Why should i give it to you? What are you going to do for me? 'Cause honestly, I voted more BLUE then RED last time, and so far, my BLUE mayor, my BLUE governor, my BLUE congressmen and senators, and my BLUE President have let people down...Including me...They all have paid more attention to where LeBron James was going to play Basketball, then on creating jobs, fixing the economy, ending the continuous loss U.S. soldiers lives, and any real reform that was hyped...Don't tell me Health Care either, that bill was some weak shit."

Her: "Mr. Beeze, you don't need to swear."

Me: "Shit isn't swearing...Shit is shit!" How can she argue with that nonsensical logic!?!

Her: "Okay sir, have a good day."

When it in ends like that, I feel I've won, and she's gonna be pissed the rest of the day!

Moving along, in Hockey News, the New Jersey Devils offered Ilya Kovalchuk an insane 17 year contract...What the hell are they smoking, and why aren't they sharing!?! The guy is a one trick pony, who's won nothing...Maybe they got into Garth Snow's stash...But it looks like the NHL is going to step in and Reject_the_Deal...

In who really gives a shit news...Chicago Cubs Manager Lou Piniella has announced he's going to retire at the end of this season...Good Lou! You're an overrated windbag who hasn't won shit in ages...I have no idea why people, let alone you, hold yourself in such high regard...

For the big Hump Day Question, we're going back to my inner geek...On this fine Hump Day, Which of these Princess Leia hotties, would you most like to hump?

Option A. The Original



Option B.



Option C.


Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze

Monday Moaning

Yes, I'm actually going to lead this blog off with a bit of Golf...Don't worry, I'm not going to get into all the gory details of Louis Oosthuizen's British Open victory...I'm not a Golfer...I'm not a Golf fan...But when the British Open comes around, I do take time to check in and see what's happening...Why? Well, I feel that's how golf should be played...The bunkers are taller then me, and you...The rough is taller then me...The wind is blowing like a son of bitch...The courses seem to test the golfers more...They make these guys earn it a bit more...And yes, we get to see some of the greats shit the bed...

Our good friend Tiger Woods had a bit of trouble with his putter this weekend...No, I'm not talking about his dick...Tiger has been known for his use of the word f*ck, as well as others...The guy has a bit of a temper when shit is going wrong...I'm okay with that...Hey, I'm one of those guys that would like to see a real "Happy Gilmour" out there...So Tiger is screwing up with the putter, and finally snaps, and says something like, 'Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fucking fuck!' It seems somebody forgot to use the delay, because Tiger's f*ckfest went out over the air...Now, guess what...The Heavens are falling to the Earth...

I was doing some yard work Sunday, and had my XM Radio on...I had put on the Mad Dag Radio Channel, which is a sports talk station...Some ass-hat on there is bitching and crying about Tiger swearing...He kept going on and on about how Golf is a Gentleman's game...Really? Are you sure about that, because you're expecting a guy who throws his dick in any nasty vagina to not swear, and to be a gentleman...Grow up douchebag!


Now that's a Gentleman's Game!

Later he said to a caller, "How should I feel if my child, who is 2 years old, but when hes 12, is watching golf with me and hears that?" The caller said, "That's life."

Let me expand on that...1. If your kid is 12 and sitting around on a Saturday watching Golf with you, I feel bad for him...Why not throw the ball around? Why not go play golf? Why not doing anything else? 2. If your kid is 12 and hasn't heard the word f*ck yet...He's f*cked! Jesus, he's the only kid in school who doesn't know that word...I knew it by 4...My son knew it by 2...(I swear he learned it from my wife)...By that rate, when Little Johnny No Swearing goes to the Senior Prom, he's not even gonna know how to f*ck! 3. This talking head is the same guy that will criticize athletes for not showing "heart" and "passion"...I'm sorry, Tiger may be man-whore, douchebag, f*ck-stain, but he's got "passion" and "heart" when it comes to Golf...Gentleman's Game...Grow up!

Next rant please...

So living in Cleveland, and watching the almost constant overhaul of the sports franchises, we get to hear the term "Winning Culture" quite a bit...The latest to use it has been new Cavaliers coach Byron Scott, and GM Chris Grant..."It's time for us to have a winning culture." Indians Manny Acta talked about it not to long ago...He brought up this whole bunch of crap about trying, and improving each game...Blah, blah, blah...Of Course the Walrus looking Mike Holmgren was throwing this "winning culture" crap around, when he rolled into town...Let me help all of you dolts out with this one...

If you want to have a "winning culture" there's only one thing you have to do...WIN! Just f**king win! There's no trying, and improving...There are just results...This isn't my Tee-Ball team...Hell, it's not high school...It's the big leagues boys...There is only a culture of results! I don't walk into the kitchen at the Fish House and say, 'Don't worry about service tonight guys, we've got a winning culture!' We go in there and we do our job, and we're lucky enough to get to come back and do it again tomorrow...It's like that all over the real world...If you shit the bed, and don't get the results the boss wants, you're gone!Stop with this nonsensical bullshit, and get the results...Win something, then you talk about your silly "winning culture."

Okay, now that I have all that out of the way...I have to talk a bit more about Mel Gibson...Everyday there's a new tape of him going bat-shit crazy...Yes, he sounds like a nut job, and it cracks me up...Opie & Anthony have been playing each new one as it comes out, and pick it apart...You can find those on YouTube, but I'm posting this funny little one here...One of O&A's producers put this together...Mel and Pat O'Brien's horny voicemail from back in the day...



Now, with that out of the way, there will be no Monday Moaning for the next two weeks...The Beeze family is going on vacation, and I'm going off the grid for about 10 days...No blogs, no facebook, no twitter...Just family, friends, beer, and fun...

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

It's that time again...yes, I'm posting a bit before Wednesday, I'm tired...The kids at Tee-Ball wiped me out tonight...In my book we are undefeated in this silly little, everyone wins league...We won again tonight...Recording 2 outs, our opponents recorded 1...The Little Beeze made the out...They got him out at second...He was first talking to the first baseman, then he jogged to second...When they called him out and sent him back to me at the dugout, he ran full speed...I said, "you know how you just ran to me...Run like that all the time." The kids are swinging the bats great...I've got some hitters...Now we gotta work on their arms...But enough of that...

The first hit...

Is Freedom of Speech Still Alive?

Not if you own a NBA franchise apparently...Douche-bag, David Stern has fined Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert $100,000 dollars for his "open letter to Cavaliers fans." Seriously, for as much bullshit I heard people giving Gilbert for the letter, he had every right to put it out there...Just as I have the right to post this blog...You may not like what he said...It may cost him signing any free agents in the years to come, but that's on him...Stern has no f**king right! These league Commissioners are getting too much power...

I want to know where is the press? Where is the media? If the NBA can fine an owner for writing his opinions and feeling, and then sharing with fans, how far away are we from the NBA banning certain reporters...If you say something Stern doesn't like...You're gone...It's coming! Gilbert never attacked Stern or the league in his letter...Many people think he should have...They're talking collusion on Cleveland sports talk Radio...Is Stern going to try and stop the talking...David Stern is a C*nt!

Next on the hit list...Lawrence Taylor pleaded not guilty to the to third-degree rape...Patronizing a prostitute...Sexual abuse and endangering a child...Good luck with that LT...Yes, he was the original LT...Not that little bitch running back, with the stupid Darth Vadar mask...I hope he breaks his leg in the first pre-season game...Anyways, the real LT looks guilty...He looks like he got setup, but nonetheless, guilty...

It's been a tough week for Yankees fans...First, longtime Public Address Announcer Bob Sheppard passed away...Then Tuesday morning George Steinbrenner died at age 80, of a "Massive Heart Attack" I never liked the guy, but I have to respect how he went about his business...He did what he wanted, how he wanted, and he was successful...

The last hit this week..."The Mel Gibson Tapes are coming out...Oh this chick got him...Holy shit does this bastard sound nuts...Really f**king nuts...Dude threatens to bury her in the rose bushes...But his best line comes at 1 minute 47 seconds when he says, "YOU SHOULD JUST F**KING SMILE AND BLOW ME!" Dude has totally lost it...Good luck making another movie psycho!




Now to the Important stuff...This week we're gonna go with one fine lady in 3 different sports...Keeley Hazell...A hot little British model, who also has a nice porn out there...


A. Keeley Hazell, soccer...




B. Keeley Hazell, boxing...




C. Keeley Hazell, tennis...

Read and Respond!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning...More Like Blowing People Up

Well, that didn't take long! Yep, they're ripping "The King" down in Cleveland!

I hate to say it, but LeBron James was the big story last week, and all through the weekend...That thought is kinda sad considering all the problems in the world, but us Humans are simple beings...If you like to read my initial thoughts on LeBron, Cleveland, Dan Gilbert, and the whole damn thing, here's a LINK ...

Now, as much as I don't want to write about "The King"...I have to, a bit...I use to post at Sporting News on a regular basis...I fell out of favor with some because of my loyalty to YouGabSports ...Yes there is still loyalty in this world...I eventually got booted for comments I made about a Sporting News staff member...As we all know, I have never held back my feeling about LeBron James, or the city I live in...Good old Cleveland...So after Game 5 against the Celtics in this year's playoffs, I blasted LeBron James for quitting, and sucking, and for being a douche in his personal life as well...I also beat up the city too...Loyal LeBron fans, and Cleveland lovers, some who don't live here, jumped all over me...It turned into an ugly, hate filled, war of words...As I said, I'm no longer there...But after this "King James" crap, I had to drop in and checkout what they were all writing about the situation...

Hahahahahahahaha...Sorry, I had to laugh...Guess what all these, gashes, hatchet wounds, hypocrites, and c**ts are writing about? WHAT AN ASSHOLE LEBRON IS! DAN GILBERT SPEAKS FOR US FANS! LEBRON SCREWED US! WE HATE LEBRON! LEBRON QUIT! The guy wore a Yankees cap at an Indians game...He wore a Cowboys jersey at a Browns game...He purposely signed a 3 year deal last time, with an opt-out...What other f**king clues did you ass-hats need, to realize he didn't give a shit about Cleveland or you!?!

This is how Johnny Cleveland Fan reacts...Warning, dude says f**k about 248 times...



Hahahahaahahhaa...Is it wrong to say I told ya so!?! I was an asshole when I said it, but now it's okay to bash the douche-bag...To all of those people who took a shit on me for voicing my opinion, the right opinion by the way...This is me shitting on you...F**k you, I'm better then all you, always was!

These are the people that took their time and money, over the last 2 weeks, made signs, and lined up on the streets of Cleveland, near the IMG offices, and begged Lebron to stay...Sad that they put that time, money, and effort into trying to get "The King" to stay in town, but they don't do that for the 70 plus Cleveland City School Teachers who are getting laid-off...They didn't do it for The Akron Police officers who were laid-off, or forced to take reduced pay...Good priorities!

Enough of that...My next Jesse Jackson is now comparing Dan Gilbert, to a slave owner...I shit you not...READ_IT ...Now, I get that Dan Gilbert's "Open Letter to Cavaliers Fans" may not have been the smartest move, and it was written with anger...But why the hell does Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have to make everything into a racial issue...I really don't want to open this can of worms, but...One of the biggest reasons for the racial issues in this country are the "African American Leaders"...I've said this BEFORE Al and Jesse need to shut the f**k up!

In other sports news, the New York fans are pissed off...I read in the New york Times, that the Yankees felt used that Seattle backed out of the deal they were working on for Cliff Lee, and then made a better deal with Texas...Poor little Yankees got beat at their own game...Oh, and Knicks fans are all pissed off that LeBron didn't go to NYC...But Bill handles them better then me...



Again, Bill Burr kills it!

Now, this week's tweets of the week...

billyeichner
"Isn't the real story here that there's a heterosexual man named LeBron?"

BIGMOMMAPRODS
"Byron Scott is now the best player on the Cavs"

denisleary
"Lebron goes to Miami. Cleveland announces Going Out Of Business Sale."

sarkastickunt
"My kids make me a better person, and by person I mean closeted drunk."

Oh yeah, there was some big Soccer game Sunday...How'd that turn out?

That's it for now...Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.

What I Witnessed Last Night

In the past I have never held back my disdain for LeBron James, so why would I stop now? The last week has driven me crazy with the non-stop LeBron James talk in Cleveland, and for that matter all across the country, since ESPN has been hyping the NBA free agency season...Then last night was the big show..."The Decision"...What the f**k!?!

So after he made his decision, my brother-in-law called...We talked a bit...Then I started watching facebook and twitter blow up...Then my pal Sully called...I had the local ESPN Radio affiliate on...Those guys were going nuts...A lot of people were pissed...Many of them for the wrong reasons...Let me explain...

James, even though he is a douche-bag, he had every right to decide to play in Miami...The people that are pissed and feel he owes them something...That he belongs here...They need to grow up! That's fine if it's a kid that feels that way...But if you're 30, get past it! I knew he was leaving 3 years ago...Why the f**k didn't you see it coming?

Now, there is something all Cleveland fans should be pissed at "The King" about...He put on this whole dog & pony show, knew cameras were gonna be in Cleveland and Akron bars...What did the Nation see? Cavaliers fans holding their heads in their hands...Way to embarrass your home town...Just like you did in the playoffs, when you gave up! What else should Cavaliers fans be pissed about? A couple years ago Lebron said in Sports Illustrated, "I don't want to be a ring chaser, I want to win here." Look who's chasing rings, in some one else's house!

The worst thing "The King" did...He didn't let the Cavaliers know ahead of time...He should have gotten in touch with them, and said, 'Thanks for everything you did for me and my family, but I think leaving is the best thing for me.' Just a little bit of class would have been nice...In the past I have pointed out LeBron's lack of class, and last night he just helped me prove my point...The local media has always protected it's stars...Now, I think those days are over...Especially since Dan Gilbert went off last night...Here's his Letter_to_the_fans ...He also started blasting "The King" to the press, stated that LeBron quit in game 5...Oh and game 6 and 2 and game 4 the year before...Nice...I say it back in May, and I'm an asshole...Gilbert says it, and the city starts swinging on his balls!

I like how Gilbert responded...It showed passion, and I think it did inspire fans...Many got angry, instead of depressed...That said, he looked a bit like a child...It's gonna be hard to get players to come here if the owner has a rep for bashing players when they leave...Not that he was getting them to come here before!

None the less, LeBron is gone and it's his right...It's also his right to be a classless douche...so you know what I say...Be glad that he's gone! He's a dick! He clearly wasn't a leader...Now he's going to Dwayne Wade's team...He's not a winner...7 years, and I saw no championships...No his high school one doesn't count...He's not a winner...Be glad he's gone! He's a bad tipper...Be glad that he's gone...He's got a mountain of skeletons in his closet...Be glad that he's gone...His drunk ass mother could have run one of us over...Be glad that he's gone..."The King" is dead...Be glad that he's gone...

Later, The Beeze

President Obama, Please Do Your Job

Yeah, I said it...Right now, I've had enough...The whole damn city of Cleveland is going bat-shit-crazy, fearing that LeBron James will be leaving...You're all acting like f**king Children! But then as I'm watching, the Nightly, National News, I have to hear that President Obama has once again voiced his opinion, that he wants LeBron to sign with the Chicago Bulls...This is the third time in a couple months that I have either read this or heard it...

That's right "King James" Uncle Obama wants you!

Now, don't get me wrong...The President has a right to his opinion...But so do I...In my opinion, while he holds the job as President of the United States, he should be a little less focused on NCAA Brackets, and NBA free agents, and a little more focused on the important shit that comes across his desk...Leave the sports and nonsense shit to douchebag bloogers like me, and talking head idiots on ESPN...

What should the Prez be worried about? Ummm, let's see here...How about, we have troops dying every day in Afghanistan, and Iraq...Unemployment is high as hell, with no real plan to fix it...The Housing market is still a mess...Oh yeah, we're still making the world's largest batch of Vinaigrette in the Gulf of Mexico...There's still been no real Wall Street reform, and the Banks are still getting over on us all...The Health Care Bill passed, but let's be honest...It was a weak ass bill, and it's spread out over 16 years, so so much of it is going to be changed after President Obama is out of office, that it just doesn't matter...

That's just crap on the top my head...I haven't even gotten into the heavy shit, like the U.S. always having Israel's back, even when their government is wrong...Or how about every President clearly being in bed with Big oil, and the Saudi Royal Family, all the while, behind our backs they are funding terrorists...

So I ask President Obama...Please, grow some stones, slap around both parties in Congress, and get some real work done...Leave the Sports bullshit to hacks like me!

Later, The Beeze.

The Hump Day Hits

It's so true isn't it? The ladies are always looking for that perfect guy, who is so sweet, and loving, and sensitive, and blah, blah, blah...And us men...Well at least some of us, are just looking for that freak! A freak that could cook would be sweet too! One day fellas...(this has nothing to with anything in this post, I just really wanted to use that picture)

Now let's talk about the self proclaimed "king" for a minute...Since he bitched out in the playoffs against Boston, it's been non-stop "where will LeBron sign" shit going on...And not just here in the Cleve...All over...And ESPN is the worst...They've been eating up this NBA free agent season like mad...The only thing that could top this, is if it came out that Tiger Woods was having an affair with Brett Favre, while Alex Rodriguez was shooting them all up with steroids...If anyone at ESPN is reading this, they just started masturbating!

So back to "The King"...There's a couple things that have made me nuts about all this...1. None of these free agents can sign until the 8th...Why can't all these people in Cleveland realize that, and except that they won't know anything before that...Hell, why can't most the damn country except that fact...Why the f**k should he or any of these free agents tell you anything beforehand? They don't owe you shit...Stop acting like you, your feelings, and you fan loyalty mean anything, to anyone, other than yourself...And don't ask me where I think LeBron will sign...I don't care...He'll tell you himself Thursday...

Now let's talk about the MLB "All-Star Game"...There are a lot of people pissed that Cincy's Joey Votto didn't get picked for the team...First I'll ask, did you vote for him...'Cause if you didn't, f**k off! You don't get to bitch...Unless you're a Reds fan, you probably voted for Pujols...So again, f**k off! Second, since Bud Selig and his merry band of dolts decided to make the "All-Star Game" count for home field advantage in the World Series, the fans shouldn't vote at all...It should be up to the manager and his staff...And they shouldn't have to put a representative from every team on the roster...I don't want the Pirates best Minor Leaguer on the team...If this nonsense is gonna count for something, then take the PC niceties out of it, and make it a real game...Otherwise go back to it being a useless exhibition game...

So how many of you have been hearing about this "Twilight" crap from your lady...My wife has invested far too much time in those books, and movie already...Last Wednesday she left work early...Not to come to mine and the Little Beeze's Tee-Ball game...Nope...Her and the gals were going to see the latest installment of "Twilight"...I don't know why, she read all the books 3 or 4 times...Grow up lady!She knows I want nothing to do with this crap, so she leaves me alone, and doesn't drag me to these dumb films...You know, if the chick in it was hot, I would probably bite the bullet...But that little bitch is just an unf**kable mess...She's always looking so frumpy, stupid, and pasty...Then she compared being famous and having the paparazzi snap your picture, to being raped...F**K You! You knew that shit came with the job...What a stupid c*nt! She's so sorry looking the only people in the moves that want to f**k her are a vampire and a Werewolf...Stupid gash! (sorry, that "twilight" hit makes me nuts)

Now onto some Hockey...First, Monday we learned that legendary enforcer, Bob Probert died at the age of 45, while on his boat with his family...Probert had many battles in career on the ice, and just as many off the ice with substance abuse...45 is just too young...Guy was as tough as they came...



One other Hockey note...There is talk that the Detroit Red Wings are looking to sign 40 year old center, Mike Modano to a 1 or 2 year deal...It was thought a few months back that Modano would be retiring, but a couple weeks ago he was talking about playing again...The Red Wings would be a great fit...They've had good luck getting a extra year or two out of older players...Modano would most likely center their third line, playing two-way hockey, and probably put up 40-50 points...I think it would be a good move for both parties...

Now, one last thing before I go...On this fine Hump day...Which of these twosomes, would you like to make a threesome?


a. The car wash girls...

b. The lingerie girls...

c. The SbB girls...

Read and Respond...And keep on Humping...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Well Happy 4th of July gang...The wonderful celebration of Nation's birth...I feel I'm a patriotic person, so don't take this the wrong way...The 4th of July is one of those holidays I don't look forward to...Why? Because drunk ass rednecks shouldn't be playing with fireworks...And they sure as shit shouldn't be playing with them at 3:00 AM...But there's always one asshole in the Neighborhood who just can't stop blowing shit off...

Hey, I'm all for firing up the grill...


Putting on the ball game, and drinking some beers...Later on the kids and I go to the corner, and we watch some guy a street over blow off fireworks that probably cost him six months of his salary...Funny how the poor guy buys the professional grade shit...Sadly he thinks he's helping the economy, but the good stuff is made in China...

F**k I'm not sounding very Patriotic...



That's better...Anyways, I hope everyone had a good 4th, and didn't blow their dicks off...And I hope my friends up north had a great Canada Day...

Now let's get to0 some sports...First I want to ask..."What does Elin know, that Tiger doesn't want anyone else to know? Seriously, He's giving her $750 million in the divorce settlement, and 4 of their house, and all she had to agree on is, to shut the f**k up...'No books, no interviews, don't ever speak of me, or the 21 bitches I banged behind your back...Or I'm taking my money back'...What is he hiding, that she actually knows about?

Next up a little Baseball...Sunday the "All-Star" were announced...No real surprises...What does surprise me is all these people that think Strasburg should be in the game...6 starts doesn't earn your way in the "All-Star" game...Even if he actually would have won all six, and struck out ten in each of them...But his performance Saturday was proof that he doesn't belong there...He had to battle and struggle to get through 5 innings...Sorry folks...I think he's gonna be the real deal, but he isn't there yet!

The Arizona Diamondbacks fired there manager A.J. Hinch this past week...I believe they also cut loose their GM with his 5 year contract...That's the American business plan I love..."We'll pay you, just get the f**k out!' ...From what has been said, including from Hinch, it was clear to everyone that Hinch didn't have the full attention, and respect of his players...Here comes Kirk Gibson to save the day! Then these f**king ass-hats go out Saturday night and make 6 errors, and struck out 12 times while losing to the Dodgers 14-1...Maybe it wasn't Hinch...Maybe these f**k-tards just suck!

Now let's get to this week's tweets of the week...

michaelianblack
Friendly reminder: Germany, please don't let a World Cup victory confirm any lingering thoughts of a "master race."

sarkastickunt
A lot can happen in twenty minutes. And by A LOT I mean sex. And by twenty minutes I mean not even close.

ShittEyeHear
Go ahead and blink, there's nothing to miss.

Now in other news...

Author Judy Blume's grandson has been arrested by Martha's Vineyard Police for raping a 17 year old girl...I don't mean to sound like a dick, but I we really surprised...With all the smut she wrote...Christ, her books were the first thing I jerked off too...Then I found 8-Track porn!



Ahhhh, the good ole days! You know women were really treated like shit back then...My God, Shit like this was acceptable...




F**king James Cagney!





Next time I hear some old bitch talk about how much she loved James Cagney, I'm showing her that shit!...Then I'll smash a grapefruit in her face!

speaking of people being treated like shit...The little Beeze was being a dick to his older sister...She finally got pissed enough to actually take a shot at him...She has shown amazing restraint over the years...So she kicked him in the ribs...After he got his breath back, he stood up, pointed his index finger at her, and said, "I hate you forever bitch!" Which she replied, "MOM!" as she punched him in the arm, and put him on the ground...Sadly, Mom, had to walk out of the room because she was laughing...

He of course got the talking to that was needed in this circumstance...As did I because he most likely learned the word from me...I also gave him a talk about not being a douche to his sister...They buds again minutes later...And I'm sure he'll be a dick again, soon!

That's it for now...Oh wait...The big finish...




Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits/Survey

I know Hump Day is almost over...I've been busy...Including doing a little humping...So in the past I have done the Hump Day Survey...Lately I've been doing the Hump Day Hits...So this weeks first question is this...Which should I stick with? The survey of 5-7 questions about whatever, the last question being the most important...(Wink wink!) ...Or the hits which is a couple of quick topics and one important question at the end...

So with all this hype about the big NBA free agent talk, what do think about LeBron...Is he really gonna stay in Cleveland...More and more talking heads are saying they think he's gonna stay in Cleveland...I'm not just talking about the knuckle heads on Cleveland radio...Even the national guys are saying it more and more...I honestly don't know...Hell I don't care, I'm actually sick of hearing about it...So f**k it...Who cares!

So how much of the World Cup have you watched? I've watched none...Another thing I don't care about yet, I'm typing it out here...

Hey, does anyone remember when Gary Cherone was singing for Van Halen?




I was always a Sammy Hagar fan...




On to that pervert Al Gore...Yeah I said it...Do you think Al is GUILTY ? Another LINK on the topic...

Now, on this fine Hump Day...Which of these fine ladies would most like to Hump?


a. Filipa Nunes

b. Laura Leigh

c. Monica Leigh

Read and respond...

Later, The Beeze

Poor Al Gore Justed Wanted to Bust a Nut

I often don't go along with woman who come out a year or two later with accusations against a guy, especially a famous guy, for some type of sexual wrong doing...But after listening to this woman, a massage therapist, talk about about her encounter with Gore...I kinda believe her...I've been to massage therapists...The legit ones and the glorified hooker ones...Based on her account, Al knew how to play the game...That is until the point where she describes him becoming a borderline rapists...

Okay, I couldn't get it to embed, so here's a link... http://www.nypost.com/video?vxSiteId=a89dc16f-1771-485a-8c76-3ebbf3072361&vxChannel=PostUsFeed&vxClipId=1458_977001&vxBitrate=300

Old Al is frisky f**ker huh!?!

Now she may be full of shit...But in my time here on earth, I've learned a few things...1. Most guys are just like me...Horny bastards...Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't cross certain lines...2. Most of the time when shit like this comes out about a politician, it's true...3. He hasn't denied it...That makes you look guilty...

What do you think...And what's with these dummies leaving stains of chicks clothing...What dolts! Maybe Al should just stick to hugging trees!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

As I said on facebook and twitter....

THANK YOU GHANA! Now maybe we have to hear about Soccer anymore! My God am I sick of these suddenly soccer fans out there... Other then that Donovan guy...Name me the U.S. starting 11...You probably didn't even realize it was 11 guys out there...Why don't you tell me again, "There great athletes!" Are they douche bag!?! 'Cause I don't think we'd be seeing any of them playing Football, Hockey, Basketball, or Baseball...But I bet Bo Jackson could have played some f**king soccer...They aren't great athletes...They're great joggers...That's what they do...They jog around the field for 2 hours, with an occasional burst of steam, for a brief scoring chance, that fails...Game over, you wasted 2 hours!

As you can see, I don't like Soccer, and I give ESPN some of the blame...They've made me think about Soccer, the same way I would think about a dick...I don't like it, and I don't want it forced down my throat!

Hell we should just throw in the tweet of the week right here...

JimNorton "While I am bummed we won't win the world cup, at least Americans can go back to hating soccer for the boring sport it is."

Here's another one from Jim Norton, poking fun at himself...

JimNorton "Speaking of unfuckable disasters; a screen cap of me from Red Eye on Fox. http://moby.to/7kmo5b "


Moving on...I've been critical of Baseball, and Cleveland over the past year, or two...Well why stop now?

First I want to touch on the Indians...I've been going through the moves GM mark Shapiro has made...He's moving into the President position, and one of the tools below him, has by hand picked to fill the GM role...So things aren't going to get better anytime soon...Here are some of the moves...And hey, I found a couple good ones...Let's start there...They traded Casey Blake for Catcher Carlos Santana...He's an average catcher, with a hell of a switch-hitting bat...Sounds just like Victor Martinez...Santana is part of the reason they felt they could move Martinez for some young pitching...Sadly the young pitching the Indians got for Martinez was Justin Masterson, who is below average in every sense of the word...My tee-ball team fields better then this dope...He's an awesome 3-14, with an ERA of just under 5.00 since joining the Tribe!

Then there was Cliff Lee to Philly for 2 pitchers who have struggled in the minors...One has now had 2 arm surgeries...Lou Marson, who is an awful catcher, and can't hit his weight...And average, infielder, Jason Donald, who ruined a perfect game by being called safe when he was clearly out! The biggest problems with these two trades were...They were bad trades...You got shit! And, both Lee and Martinez still had another year on their contracts...They didn't need to rush on these deals...Even though Shapiro had what teams wanted, and was in the drivers seat, he let them push him around...He's an ass! Oh, and don't forget C.C.Sabathia for 3 average minor leaguers!

And people wonder why I've given up hope in this team...Sit down and watch an entire Indians game...It physically hurts...That's how bad they are...

Also in Cleveland...There are so many people just dying for July 1st...They can't wait for free agency in the NBA...These dolts all think LeBron James, and every other free agent are going to sign on that very day...WAKE UP DUMMIES! Not gonna happen...He's making you f**kers wait...And yes, many people feel LeBron is going to stay in the Cleve...I honestly have no idea how people can live in this town, and still think positively...Good luck with that!

Since I'm just beating on Cleveland, let's talk about my trip to the grocery store Sunday...I do most of the shopping...Why not, I gotta cook the shit...She'll just burn it...So I'm there, and I start noticing fat people...Believe me, I've got plenty of extra pounds on me right now, but these people were seriously fat f**kers...The first one I really noticed was this old broad in a wheel chair...She was in it because she was so f**king fat, she couldn't walk...What was she doing...Stuffing her face with about 20 free samples that were sitting outside the deli...Next up for fatty was the bakery...

The last fatty I saw was in one of those motorized carts, and you could just smell the diabetes coming of this guy...Then you look in his cart...I shit you not people...16 six-packs of 20 oz. Pepsi Bottles, a pack of hot dogs, a pound of Ham, and pack of American cheese...Way to fast-track death Chubs!

Now, we come to the point where I talk about my son...The Little Beeze...First, Tee-Ball...The Seawolves are doing well...By my standards we won our first two games...Since they don't keep score, and the whole lineup bats, no matter how many outs are made, and all the other silly rules, I go by how many outs are recorded...In the first game we recorded 4 outs, the other team 1...The second game we recorded 4 again, and they got 2...So in my book, we're 2-0!

Second part about the boy...He can wipe his own ass...BUT...We don't always trust him, so sometimes we check...Sunday he was going a lot...So I told him to call me when he was done, and I'd wipe him, just to make sure he wasn't leaving anything in there...Or on the floor...Or God knows where...So I'm wiping his ass, and he says, "Use a wet one!" (meaning baby wipes) It was a bit messy, so it made sense...Then as I'm wiping his ass, he says, "That feels so good! So good!" So now we know why he was in there so much...The boy is a freak...He must have heard us that time the wife finger popped me in the ass! (Not in a gay way guys!...Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Now with that, I leave you with an ad for Louis CK's new show that starts Tuesday on FX, right after "Rescue Me"...It's gonna be good!




Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze