The Beeze's Hump Day Survey

Yeah, Back by popular demand, I've decided to dust off the weekly classic...Sports, pop-culture, maybe a rant mixed in, and of course, some lovely ladies to close it out...Let's get started...

1. Which Eastern Conference team wins and heads to The Stanley Cup Finals...New York Rangers? Or New Jersey Devils?


2. Which Western Conference team wins and goes to The Stanley Cup Finals...LA Kings? Or Phoenix Coyotes?


3. Our favorite comic announced he's going to have small role in that new Lifetime show staring Jennifer Love Hewitt...



A. Have you ever watched it?

B. Now that you know it's about Jennifer Love Hewitt jerking guys off, will you watch?

C. Will Bill Burr steal the scene?


4. Ohio State football player Andrew Sweat was offered and undrafted, free-agent deal from the Cleveland Browns...Sweat decided, based on his own history of concussion symptoms, and all that has gone on with head injuries in the NFL, that he would pass on the NFL and head to Law School...He's actually been ripped by dolts in the media for following in his father's footsteps instead of taking a crack at the NFL...

Did he make the right call?


.....Fuck You! I don't give a shit what you think, and neither should Sweat...Holy fucking shit, they kid may be the smartest mother fucker Ohio State has ever produced...Who the fuck is anyone to say he should have taken a shot at the NFL...He wasn't even drafted, and already has a history of head injuries...If the kid thinks the best thing for him is going to law school, then good for him...Anyone talking shit about that should choke on a big fat dick and die!


And now for the most important question...

5. On this fine Hump Day...Which one of these asses would you most like to pound your pud into?


A.




B.




C.




Audience participation only makes this post better...Nothing like people arguing over which hottie they could never get, but damn it she's the one they'd do!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

I'm posting this early...I know some people hate when I post it late in the day...So lets get to it...

I'm actually not sure what I'm going to write about...I blasted off THIS rant about people disrespecting Boise State, and now I'm wondering what's next?

A couple friends like B-Dub and fan82 about some bible thumpers in Florida who want to commemorate 9/11 by burning copies of the Qur'an...Ummm, I would guess that these fuck-tards in Florida are probably intensely religious people, who would shit a brick if some one accidentally burned a Bible, let alone organized a Bible burning event...Maybe some Jews should organize a Bible burning at the site of Auschwitz, since the Catholic Church turned a blind on to that for awhile...How would that feel fuck-stains!?!

I've ranted about the "Ground Zero" Mosque before, I'm sure you know how I feel by now...Comedian Nick DiPaolo has a nice idea...



I heard about Derrelle Revis Sunday night, and threw it in Monday's post...Now the numbers are coming out...Looks like Revis' agents screwed up...They were asking for 10 years and $120 million or more...What did he get? 4 years for $46 million...He had 3 years for $21 million left on his original deal...So he ended getting a one year extension with a slight raise...They tried to play the 'I want to be a life long Jet, and retire here' card...In the end that was crap...The just wanted the guaranteed money...Which looks to be $32 million...There are already rumors of the Jets redoing the deal next year, since Revis will be due $25 million in 2011...So the drama will continue...

But it's Hump Day people...And there's only one thing that should be on our minds...So on this fine Hump Day...Which of these beauties would you most like to run up in?


A. Jenna Renee or 'Cupcake'

B. Valerie Marie


C. Brooklyn Decker

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

Well here we are again...Time to get our Hump on!

It's the most wonderful time of the year folks...Football season is here...Yes, I'm a huge Hockey fan, and there's nothing better than the Stanley Cup Playoffs...But growing up in North East Ohio, it is all about Football...And here, the season started last Friday...The kids and I followed the High School Band down to the stadium, and watched our team take on their neighborhood rival...The owned us, 26-0...They needed to get payback for the beating we gave them last year...

Tomorrow night the College Football season kicks off with a few games...A little warm up for Saturday...Ahhh, Saturday...Fighting Irish Football returns as they take on Purdue...The first step to the turnaround many of us have been waiting for...I'm ready for it!



I have to fired up for College Football, because living in Cleveland, I don't have much faith in the Browns...Thank God there's Fantasy Football to keep me interested in the NFL...Speaking of Fantasy Football, here's a tip from the Beeze...

DON'T DRAFT THAT HACK MATT LEINART! While you're at it, just avoid drafting any Arizona Cardinals...If Derek Anderson starts, he'll throw just as many to the opposing team as he will to his own guys...Believe me, I saw him do it last year! Cardinals receivers numbers will be down...And don't think Beanie Wells will be the key...teams are gonna put 8 in the box to stop the run, 'cause they don't fear anyone at the QB position...

Back to College Football...Many expected the University of North Carolina Tar Heels to have big season this year...Well, things aren't looking so good anymore...As the 'Heels are getting ready to open their season, they're being investigated by the NCAA for multiple violations...There are rumors of players having contact with an agent...Also there has been even more talk about some inappropriate academic behavior having to do with the teams former tutor...Accusations include, the tutor doing assignments for some of the players...It's also been said the tutor also worked for Coach Butch Davis' family...Well, Butch, you were dolt in Cleveland, why would that change just 'cause you moved back down south?

Now to the important stuff...On this fine Hump Day, which cheerleader tops your preseason rankings...


A. Some Beaver power from Oregon State!



B. How about some practice time with a Sooner?



C. Who wants to see if those Clemson Tigers growl?

D. Is it always Christmas at Arizona State?

E. The Wolfpack seems flexible at NC State!

As Always, read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits (Back to School Edition)

Well The kids started school today...Then Friday my son doesn't have school, he just has some testing they were suppose to do a month ago, but they screwed up, so all the kindergartners are losing a day for an 45 minutes of one on one time with their teacher...I don't know...Last night we had an open house where we met the teachers and blah, blah, blah...Then after everyone was asleep last night, I had some alone time to think about violating the assistant principle, who looks something like this...


GO GET HER LITTLE BEEZE!

Moving on...I've noticed a trend lately, on a number of blogs I've read...People when writing about writing, are referring to it as dribble...You are all dolts! The word is DRIVEL...You dribble a Basketball...The crap you write is DRIVEL! WTF, here comes some more drivel...

Did you hear the one about Red Sox Announcer Jerry Remy's Kid? THIS one screams of class!

Word is That the NHL is going to, or already has killed the New Jersey Devils second offer to Ilya Kovalchuk...The terms haven't been released, at least last time I checked, and nothing was actually signed...Maybe it's time for the Devils to give up...They don't have the cap space for the money this egomaniac wants...Most teams don't...He wants to be the highest paid player, and he doesn't deserve it...I expect they'll be seeing him in the KHL this season...F*ck him! I wouldn't want him on my team...So he was a superstar on some awful teams in Atlanta...Way to go! He didn't give the Devils the push in the Playoffs they needed...And he rarely plays solid defense...Him, his agent, and multiple GM's have overrated him, and I love that he's not getting the insane contract he wants...

Now it's time to get to the important stuff...This is the back to school edition, but if you're sitting there home schooling your kid, you may not want to scroll any further if they are sitting next to you...




So, on this fine Hump Day, which of these teachers are you most hot for...

A.



B.

C.

D.

As always, Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

Well welcome to a special Cheerleader edition of the Hump Day Hits! My pal B-Dub was mad that I didn't mention the South Carolina Gamecocks in my first College Football Preview, so this next pic is for him...

So Cleveland's Favorite Douche did an interview, and took his shots at Cavs owner Dan Gilbert...That's fine, you two children can keep arguing in the sand box...Then when asked about Cleveland and growing up near by, "The King" said this...
"It's not far, but it is far. And Clevelanders, because they were the bigger-city kids when we were growing up, looked down on us.… So we didn't actually like Cleveland. We hated Cleveland growing up. There's a lot of people in Cleveland we still hate to this day."

Well there you have it people, for those who don't understand how he could have left, there's one reason...Never mind the clues he gave by wearing a Yankees cap to an Indians game, or a Cowboys jersey to a Browns game...He hates Cleveland and Clevelanders...Get it dummies!

That's okay, people are getting pretty sick of him too...He was just recently at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio, which if you like Roller Coasters, it's the place to go...He had to hire 4 of Sandusky's finest to escort him around for the day...He's f*cking huge, and he doesn't feel safe...DOUCHE! The crowd let him have it when he played a little free-throw shooting game...DOUCHE!



He also sucked ass at a three point shooting contest...DOUCHE!

In other stories of Douchebaggery...Brett Favre is coming back...I know, f*cking shocker, right!?! All it took was a little extra cash, and a couple weeks away from camp...I hope he breaks both his legs on the first play of the season.

The next topic I was gonna leave alone, but I can't...The once great publication, best known for it's in depth coverage of Baseball, The Sporting News, which over the last few years turned into nothing more then a rough piece of toilet paper, now has revamped their website, which has been in a steady decline for a couple years...And I don't mean revamped in a good way...It looks as though what many of us saw coming is happening...They are cutting ties with the blogging community, and members can't even comment their crappy staff writers work...What the site is becoming is sad...Full of ads, videos instead of quality writing, with more ads, and links to other sites for content...Speaking of links, here's ONE with more info on it...

When I saw this happening a song popped in my head..."Baba O' Riley" by The Who..."I don't need to fight, to prove I'm right." But I don't mind it, and I love being right...Let's see how well Pearl Jame covers it...



Now, since I did my College Football Preview last Saturday,(I'll be doing a second one this week as well) I've been looking at a lot of Cheerleaders...So for this week's big question, we're gonna go to the PAC-10...On this fine Hump Day, which set of these PAC-10 Cheerleaders would you most like to bury yourself in...

A. The USC Song Girls...

B. These beach loving gals from UCLA...

C. These sultry girls from Oregon...

As always, Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

Back again for another round of the Hump Day Hits! Let's get right to it...

Shaq signed with the Celtics...He's looking to win his 6th title with his 6th team...I wonder if it can happen...The Celtics are pretty much the same team they were last year, just a little older, and they added age with Shaq...I have to think they aren't going to lie down for the boys in Miami...

Rumors were flying around about Brett Favre recently, and surprisingly it was about his future in Football...Or maybe not in Football...The rumors were about Favre sending VERSUS Hottie, Jenn Sterger pictures of his c0ck...One of him wearing nothing but crocs and a watch, just showing off his junk...


Hey, she's hot as hell, but damn Brett, you already had people thinking you were a douchebag, now this...I have to say, I was surprised by this story...I wouldn't think Favre would be that guy...But anymore should we be surprised by these stories?

In other goofy f*cking news, one of Justin Bieber's loving fans blasted him with a bottle of water, and it's hilarious!



In the past I've written about the plans for a Mosque to be built near "Ground Zero." If you missed it, here's a LINK...It is the ultimate show of disrespect...Well, so far they haven't changed their minds, and it makes me nuts...This topic was being discussed on the Opie & Anthony Show...As you probably know, I'm a big fan...I totally agree with them on this topic, and greatly respect their opinions, since they live and work in New York City...Here what they had to say...




Well if you need a laugh, there's a guy in Tennessee running for Governor...At first I thought it was bullshit, but he's for real...Seriously, he's really running for Governor...How f*cked up is Tennessee!?!




Now onto the most important part of this...On this lovely Hump Day...Which of these female sports reporters would you most like to lay the wood to...

A. Shana Hiatt



B. Carrie Milbank



C. Heidi Watney


As always Read and Respond!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits/ Skull F**ks

Well it's time for another volume of the Hump Day Hits...This post is normally about sports, for the most part...The last couple weeks I haven't paid much attention to sports, but I spent a good deal of time yesterday getting back in the swing of things...So here goes...

First, Brett Favre is at it again...Rumors started flying yesterday that he was retiring, again...FOX Sports jumped on it...ESPN of course confirmed it...They never give credit to who ever beat them to the punch...Then they went Brett Favre crazy all day...Eventually they pulled back a little, when no one actually heard anything from Favre...I thought the media was playing this stupid card again...But Favre's silence up to this point has me now thinking this is him playing his yearly game of 'Look at me!' He has neither confirmed or denied his retirement...Year after year he has held his team and their plans hostage, and they let him keep doing it...Well Vikings now you get what you deserve...I can't believe there are still people out there who love this guy...He's is without a doubt a first ballot, Skull F*ck Hall of Famer...


While I was away, the Cleveland Indians traded away some players...They traded 3rd Baseman Jhonny Peralta to Detroit for a prospect...They traded Kerry Wood, his huge salary, and his huge ERA to the Yankees...The contract they gave him was so bad they actually gave the Yankees a couple million just to get him out of town...In return they got the infamous "Player to be named later"...They also traded Austin Kearns to the Yankees for "the player o be named later"...Both Kearns and and Wood are not guys that will put the Yankees over the top...They didn't really need them...They also added Lance Berkman at the deadline...I swear to God, I think the Yankees sometimes make moves, just to make moves...Just to say, 'look at us, we get who ever, when ever, just cause.'

The Indians also traded pitcher Jake Westbrook to the Cardinals...I always liked him, he's a good pitcher..So I'm happy to see him with a contender...But sadly, again the Indians had to give up money to unload his contract, and got very little in return...GM Mark Shapiro is a joke...The rest of the league must love to see him coming...You know, with the way things have been going around here, some one has to pay...Shapiro, your taking a load...Here's a good old fashioned Skull F*ck just for you...


In the Hockey world, the Boston Bruins are looking to unload some salary...They've been trying to move Goalie Tim Thomas and his $5 Million dollar cap hit, but there are no takers so far...That has them looking into moving Center Marc Savard, but they want a quality return for Savard...Either some one to jump right into the lineup or high draft picks...If I was in their shoes, I'd hang onto Savard, even if they can't move Thomas...

And now for the always Important Hump Day Question...On this fine Hump Day which of these naughty school girls would you most like to hump?

A.



B.


C.


As always, Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

The Hump Day Hits

It's so true isn't it? The ladies are always looking for that perfect guy, who is so sweet, and loving, and sensitive, and blah, blah, blah...And us men...Well at least some of us, are just looking for that freak! A freak that could cook would be sweet too! One day fellas...(this has nothing to with anything in this post, I just really wanted to use that picture)

Now let's talk about the self proclaimed "king" for a minute...Since he bitched out in the playoffs against Boston, it's been non-stop "where will LeBron sign" shit going on...And not just here in the Cleve...All over...And ESPN is the worst...They've been eating up this NBA free agent season like mad...The only thing that could top this, is if it came out that Tiger Woods was having an affair with Brett Favre, while Alex Rodriguez was shooting them all up with steroids...If anyone at ESPN is reading this, they just started masturbating!

So back to "The King"...There's a couple things that have made me nuts about all this...1. None of these free agents can sign until the 8th...Why can't all these people in Cleveland realize that, and except that they won't know anything before that...Hell, why can't most the damn country except that fact...Why the f**k should he or any of these free agents tell you anything beforehand? They don't owe you shit...Stop acting like you, your feelings, and you fan loyalty mean anything, to anyone, other than yourself...And don't ask me where I think LeBron will sign...I don't care...He'll tell you himself Thursday...

Now let's talk about the MLB "All-Star Game"...There are a lot of people pissed that Cincy's Joey Votto didn't get picked for the team...First I'll ask, did you vote for him...'Cause if you didn't, f**k off! You don't get to bitch...Unless you're a Reds fan, you probably voted for Pujols...So again, f**k off! Second, since Bud Selig and his merry band of dolts decided to make the "All-Star Game" count for home field advantage in the World Series, the fans shouldn't vote at all...It should be up to the manager and his staff...And they shouldn't have to put a representative from every team on the roster...I don't want the Pirates best Minor Leaguer on the team...If this nonsense is gonna count for something, then take the PC niceties out of it, and make it a real game...Otherwise go back to it being a useless exhibition game...

So how many of you have been hearing about this "Twilight" crap from your lady...My wife has invested far too much time in those books, and movie already...Last Wednesday she left work early...Not to come to mine and the Little Beeze's Tee-Ball game...Nope...Her and the gals were going to see the latest installment of "Twilight"...I don't know why, she read all the books 3 or 4 times...Grow up lady!She knows I want nothing to do with this crap, so she leaves me alone, and doesn't drag me to these dumb films...You know, if the chick in it was hot, I would probably bite the bullet...But that little bitch is just an unf**kable mess...She's always looking so frumpy, stupid, and pasty...Then she compared being famous and having the paparazzi snap your picture, to being raped...F**K You! You knew that shit came with the job...What a stupid c*nt! She's so sorry looking the only people in the moves that want to f**k her are a vampire and a Werewolf...Stupid gash! (sorry, that "twilight" hit makes me nuts)

Now onto some Hockey...First, Monday we learned that legendary enforcer, Bob Probert died at the age of 45, while on his boat with his family...Probert had many battles in career on the ice, and just as many off the ice with substance abuse...45 is just too young...Guy was as tough as they came...



One other Hockey note...There is talk that the Detroit Red Wings are looking to sign 40 year old center, Mike Modano to a 1 or 2 year deal...It was thought a few months back that Modano would be retiring, but a couple weeks ago he was talking about playing again...The Red Wings would be a great fit...They've had good luck getting a extra year or two out of older players...Modano would most likely center their third line, playing two-way hockey, and probably put up 40-50 points...I think it would be a good move for both parties...

Now, one last thing before I go...On this fine Hump day...Which of these twosomes, would you like to make a threesome?


a. The car wash girls...

b. The lingerie girls...

c. The SbB girls...

Read and Respond...And keep on Humping...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits/Survey

I know Hump Day is almost over...I've been busy...Including doing a little humping...So in the past I have done the Hump Day Survey...Lately I've been doing the Hump Day Hits...So this weeks first question is this...Which should I stick with? The survey of 5-7 questions about whatever, the last question being the most important...(Wink wink!) ...Or the hits which is a couple of quick topics and one important question at the end...

So with all this hype about the big NBA free agent talk, what do think about LeBron...Is he really gonna stay in Cleveland...More and more talking heads are saying they think he's gonna stay in Cleveland...I'm not just talking about the knuckle heads on Cleveland radio...Even the national guys are saying it more and more...I honestly don't know...Hell I don't care, I'm actually sick of hearing about it...So f**k it...Who cares!

So how much of the World Cup have you watched? I've watched none...Another thing I don't care about yet, I'm typing it out here...

Hey, does anyone remember when Gary Cherone was singing for Van Halen?




I was always a Sammy Hagar fan...




On to that pervert Al Gore...Yeah I said it...Do you think Al is GUILTY ? Another LINK on the topic...

Now, on this fine Hump Day...Which of these fine ladies would most like to Hump?


a. Filipa Nunes

b. Laura Leigh

c. Monica Leigh

Read and respond...

Later, The Beeze

Hump Day Hits

I have no real reason for this picture, other then it cracks me up...I mean, damn! You women and your vagina hold all the power, and us men, we just have to take it...Think again!

Not in Seattle...A big news story I caught wind of last night via twitter, was a Seattle Police Officer punching a woman in the face...I'm sure some people are screaming racism...He was white, and she was black...The tweet I saw said, "Seattle Cop punches woman for jaywalking."

First, the woman he punched wasn't the one he was trying to deal with...She was resisting, and another woman stepped in...A man tried to pull her back, but she pulled away and got between the Cop and the first woman...When he had enough of this bullshit, he blasted her in the face...



You know, what? I'm on his side...Hell the woman he was first trying to deal with, was lucky she didn't get popped in the mouth too...Of course there were about 10 people there with their camera phones out, and people are yelling at the Cop...Hey, why not yell at the dolts trying to fight the cop...Believe me, the police are a little easier on you, when you don't start shit with them...Welcome to equal rights bitch...You swing on a cop, he swings back!

Now, since it's hump day...You can only choose one...Which of these sexy school girls would you most like to hump?

A.

Or...

B.

Later, The Beeze.

The BEEZE'S Hump Day Survey

That's right gang it's that time again...Time to get your Hump on...But first...I started the HDS at Sporting News, and while 98% of my readers over there are guys, I still have some female readers...that amazes me...I also have some female readers here...So for those of you who have played before you know The seventh question is always a who would you rather hump one...Now the rest of you know that I guess....Anyway, I promised the gals at SN that this week I would take care of their needs...So with that said let's get started.

1. Steelers vs Ravens....Who wins?

2. Eagles vs Cardinals....Who wins?

Let's throw something different in this week...Maybe something a little more personal...

3. What is your biggest pet peeve?

4. Should Tim Thomas be the starting goalie for the East over Carey Price, in this year's NHL All-Star game?

5. What is your opinion on Facebook...Do you like it? Or should it be called Fakebook?

6. What do you prefer...Duck Confit or Subway?

Alright guys...This may hurt a little...But I owe the ladies some love....

7. On this cold, snowy Hump Day...Which of these pieces of a$$ would you most like to HUMP?

a. Brady Quinn

b. Brad Pitt

c. Ryan Reynolds

Or d. for the boys or the really fun women...One of my favorites...Keeley Hazell

As always, read and respond.

--

Later, the Beeze.