The Beeze Reviews Alto Cucina

This past weekend The Beeze Family went to Erie PA. Mrs. Beeze's parents are there and many of her friends...We went in for her birthday...saturday night the kids stayed with the grandparents, and the Mrs. and I went out to dinner....I found a nice place...Well at least from what one of her friends said, and by what the menu looked like....Feel free to take a look yourself...http://www.altocucina.com/contactus.html

I have to be honest...I didn't think Erie would have a place like this...It's a town littered with chain restaurants and bars...and bars...and more bars....Which isn't a bad thing...Nobody loves a good dive bar more than the Beeze!

So we walk in and right off the bat I'm surprised....The atmosphere is great...Great decor...You feel like you're walking into a very nice home...They may because at one time it was a home...Also There was music playing...Not crappy restaurant music...Live music...A pretty cool band called The Heliotropes...

http://www.myspace.com/theheliotropeserie

I'm not sure if they would descibe themselves this way...But...I would say they were kind of a Folk, Jazz fusion...They did a number of contemporary tunes, but with their own spin...Very enjoyable...

But now on to the important sh!t....The food!

I started with the Fontinella Cacchione...Baked Fontinella cheese in puff pastry topped with mushroom ragu....Yes, it was $13 and they may seem too much for some cheese, puff pastry, and mushrooms...But it was well worth it...I would say it was the highlight for me...Well food wise...We'll get to the other highlight later...

Mrs. Beeze started with the Spider Bellinis...Crab cake stuffed soft shell crab, polenta crusted and sautéed...Served with a spicy garlic aioli....Also very good...

We both had house salads...They were simple but good...Not too filling...Romaine lettuce...2 cuke slices...2 tomato slices...8 garbonzo beans...2 olives...And a light red wine vinagrette....

For our entrees...I had the Pollo Ferrito...Lightly breaded and sautéed chicken breast topped with sweet peppers, mushrooms, marinara sauce and a blend of Italian cheeses...Served over cremini mushroom ravioli...This was very good...It's basically a hot rodded Chicken parm...The mushroom ravioli was the best part...I only wish the would serve it with a couple more...It came with 4...Not enough! Especially when it is truely the best part of the dish...

Mrs. Beeze had the Scampi Ferrando....Sautéed jumbo tiger shrimp in garlic lemon butter cream sauce...Served over shrimp & ricotta cheese ravioli...She loved it...It looked good...And the little that she let me try was great...

For dessert the Mrs. had the Key Lime Cheesecake...It was was very light and had great flavor...I had the Strawberry Shortcake...Again, very light with great flavors...That is something you don't get enough when you order dessert...Most the time desserts are heavy, and make you feel like shit afterwards...These were so light and airy...Just excellent!

So along with all this great food...The Mrs. had 5 glasses of wine...Now it was her birthday...and all week I was telling her I was gonna remind her that she isn't old yet...I kept telling her that after dinner we were gonna find a nice dark place, and get it on like a couple of high school kids...She kept saying..."whatever!"

Well as we walked out of the restaurant and I was asking "where should we do it?" we noticed it was pitch black in the parking lot that was surrounded by a very wooded area...So she says..."We may as well do it here!" So there we are...Mrs. Beeze all buzzed up...just taking like in the front seat of a Honda...

It's good to relive your youth....Car sex is awesome...Keeps you on your toes...or knees...Or knees behind your ears...So get out there and get to humping in your car!

If your ever in Erie PA...Check out Alto Cucina...And then get your f*ck on!

Later, The Beeze.

Sour Grapes and Some Skull F*cks

As you all know, I'm a New York Rangers fan...Well it's not a good evening for me...The Rangers just got knocked out of the Playoffs, by those douche-bag, Washington Capitals...

Let me first start with Donald Brashear...That guy is a F*cking a$$hole...It amazes me that he is still in the league...He's never been that good of a player...And as a goon...he's a cheap shot throwing punk...If he wanted to put a Ranger down with a cheap shot...Why not Avery? Maybe Douche-Bags have a secret code, that they don't take each other out...Donald...you asshole...You get this weeks first c0ck to the head!

Next...The Refs...Now I think that the refs have sucked in most games so far through the playoffs...But tonight, in the third period, Dan Girardi was called for interference...WTF!?! It was a perfectly clean check...But these pussies say that the puck was out of the play...Of course the announcers agreed...All these douches want to see Ovechkin move on...F*ck him too...(I'll come back to him in a minute)

The worst part about the call...After it had been made, I watched the Capitals commit the same penalty 10 times, and not get called for it...Why?

A)Because it's a bullshit pussy rule...

B) Because they wanted the Caps to win...Because TV loves Ovechkin...

So this one is a two for the price of one...To the refs and the announcers I give a nice hot steaming load of jizz all up in your eye!

So back to Ovechkin...Why the f*ck are you throwing your arms up to the crowd and acting like an ass...Like you just won the Cup...F*ck you didn't even win this game...The old Russian Sergie Fedorov did...I'm so sick of this guy being such a c*nt!

If I was a coach I would seriously put a bounty out on that guy...But the NHL won't let me and my rage in...So, All that I can offer is a good old fashioned, hate filled, skull fuck to Alexander Ovechkin...It's gotta be hard to play with a c0ck all up in your face!

Moving on...Off the topic of hockey and my sour grapes...

This week's big winner of the Skull F*ck is....You stupid fat bitches that walk around like you're hot shit, wearing belly shirts...You're fat...We don't want to see that roll hanging out...It's not hot...It's not sexy...You're fat! Don't be a fatty wearing a tight "wife beater" either...We can still see the fat...If you're rockin' the roll hanging out all over under your belly shirt...I'm not taking you out on a date...I'm not f*cking you...I wouldn't f*ck you with a stolen dick!

But you will get a nice warm load of the Beeze right in your eye socket!

That's it for me tonight...I'm all out of jizz!

Later, The Beeze.

Finish This Sentence

This one is easy...Tag...don't tag...Who the f*ck cares!

1. I've come to realize that my ex was......WAY TOO RELIGIOUS, KEPT ME FROM BEING MYSELF, AND A LITTLE F*CKING CRAZY!

2. I am listening to ......NEWS...WAITING FOR THE STORY ABOUT A DOUCHE-BAG COP THAT GOT BUSTED THIS MORNING...F*CKING DOUCHE!

3. I talk ……SHIT, ALL THE TIME!

4. I love ......MY WIFE...MY KIDS...SEX...MASTURBATING...MUSIC...SPORTS...PORN

5. My best friends .....MAY AS WELL BE STRANGERS

6. My favorite hobby is.... POLISHING THE BISHOP

7. I lost ......MY MIND

8. I hate it when people ......SPEAK...ESPECIALLY THE REAL CLOSE TALKERS...F*CKERS!

9. Love is ......EVERYTHING MAN! OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY...IT'S TOUGH

10. Marriage is .......GREAT...AND FRUSTRATING

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking ......THIS COP IS A BIG GAY DOUCHE....THEY WOULD BE CORRECT!

12. I'll always be .....HORNY!

13. I have a crush on .....ISLA FISHER!



14. The last time I cried was .....WELL I HAD TEARS IN MY EYES WHEN I WAS WATCHING "MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL"...HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FUNNY!

15. My cell phone is…..BROKEN (they aren't made to fly into walls)

16. When I wake up in the morning .....I HAVE A HARD-ON

17. Before I go to sleep at night .......I HAVE A HARD-ON

18. Right now I am thinking about …......SEX

19. Babies are .....AN EMOTIONAL DRAIN...BUT CUTE...RIGHT?

20. Last night I ....JACKED OFF!

21. Today I ….....WILL MASTURBATE

22. Tonight I will ….....TRY TO HAVE SEX

23. Soon I will ......CUM

24. I really want .....A BLUMPY

25. The person who is most likely to re-post this is ....WHOEVER WANTS TO!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

What the F*ck!?! The weekend is already over...That sucks...Well I guess I need to fire some shit off then...

The NFL Draft is over...I'll be honest...I watched a total of about 10 minutes of it...My weekend was not about me...Mrs. Beeze turned the BIG 4-0 this weekend...It was all about her...Any sports I saw...I had to sneak in quickly...Then catch Sports Center after she was asleep...

So, about this draft...How'd your team do? I heard a rumor the Jets fans didn't boo the shit out of their first pick...Well f*ckers...Thank the Cleveland Browns for trading with you!

To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about the Browns draft...I've been reading up on their picks, and the players they got from the Jets...Let's face it...The Browns have a lot of holes to fill, and they did a hell of a job getting bodies to try and fill some holes, and hopefully make some sort of impact on the field...

You may not care, but here are the players the Browns picked up this weekend...

First in the trade with the Jets they got Abram Elam (S)...Kenyon Coleman (DE)...and Brett Ratliff (QB)

Their first pick (21 overall) was Alex Mack (C) from Cal...He was a 3 year starter who can also play guard...Versatility is good...So is depth...You can never have too many good O-linemen...

Pick 36 overall was Brian Robiskie (WR) Ohio St. I think he will do well...It may have been too high to pick him, but WR is a need, and he has a great football IQ...

Pick 50 overall was also a WR...Mohamed Massuquoi from Georgia...I'm not happy with this pick...The main reasons being...Rey Maualuga was still on the board...The brownies could use a good Linebacker...Second reason...LeSean McCoy was still on the board...We could use a back to play behind Jamal Lewis, and take over eventually...

Pick 52 overall was LB David Veikune from Hawaii...I really don't know much about him at all...

Round 4....pick 104 overall was LB Kaluka Maiva from USC...Lot of USC linebackers in this draft...This is the guy you heard the least about...

Round 6...pick 177 was DB Don Carey from Norfolk St.

Pick 191...another DB...Coye Francies from San Jose St. I think he may wind up being a good player...

Pick 195 was RB James Davis from Clemson...A little stat I found on him was...In 805 touches at Clemson...Only 2 fumbles...Not bad...More of a grinder...Not gonna be a feature back...

The Browns weren't flashy...But I'm hoping they come out looking smart...Like I said...The Browns have lots of holes to fill...This weekend they got some bodies...Let's hope some of them fit...

Now moving on...Let's go to Hockey...

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The Washington Capitals have decided to nut up, and have forced a game 7 with the New York Rangers...

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I am not happy about this...The Caps have a ton of momentum now...If the Rangers are going to win...Henrik Lunqvist is going to have to carry them...He will need to be perfect...I hope he can do it!

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The Columbus Blue Jackets were swept by the Detroit Red Wings...I was really hoping to see the Jackets make some noise in the playoffs...They played hard and well...But the Wings know how to win in the playoffs...The Jackets took a big step this year, and will hopefully learn and grow from this...A few things that stood out to me in the series were...R.J. Umberger played great...This guy is a keeper...He brought a spark to this team that they have never had...

Also, Antoine Vermette played great...His stats may not show it...But he was playing non-stop, aggressive, two-way hockey, every shift...

The biggest thing I noticed was about rookie goaltender Steve Mason...Mason seemed to give up a lot of big rebounds that put him out of position for the follow up shot...That's the type of thing the Red Wings will take advantage of...

What else do we have this week...My D&T Fantasy Baseball team sucks big hairy balls...

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Oh yes...Mrs. Beeze's B-day...We went to Erie PA...The hot-bed of entertainment that it is...She spent her teenage years there...Her parents are there...And many of her friends...So, that's where we went to celebrate...Saturday night we left the kids with the grandparents, and went out to dinner...I'll be posting a review of the great restaurant later this week...The food was great...The $45 worth of wine she drank was great also...I was feeling frisky...As I always do...I kept talking about going somewhere for a little bump session...When we went out to the parking lot...It was pitch black...She said..."We may as well do it here!" CAR SEX rules! I told her...If we're still f*cking in a car, in a dark lot...You're not old yet!

After Dinner we got together with some friends for a little while...I'm pretty sure some of them could smell the sex in the air...It was a warm evening...She hates when I share all this personal shit!

Now I know many of you look forward to reading if my son did something f*cked up each week...Like leaving a surprise shit somewhere...Well, we haven't found anything recently...Yes he had moments of being a pain in the ass this week...But that is just par for the course...When I stumble across whatever nightmare he has rolled up his sleeve...You'll be the first to know...

One final bit of sports...The Red Sox swept the Yankees at Fenway this weekend...That's just awesome...I guess the Yankees don't just suck at home...They suck on the road too!

Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.

People Who Could Use a Good Skull F*ck!

Yes...That's right...Skull F*ck...But before I continue...This post was inspired by Sully's "Tool Of The Week" http://www.yougabsports.com/?cmd=blog&nid=325625&ptitle=TOTW---Habs-Fans-Show-No-Class,-Then-Get-Schooled!

You see folks...I have a bit of a temper...Maybe even some anger issues...There seem to be many things that get under my skin, and piss me off...Some big...Some little...We'll start big...

Like AIG asking for a bailout...Then handing out bonuses...Because these people have done such a great job running the company in the shitter...Then coming back and asking for....GO SCREW!!! Actually let me do the screwing...Right in your eye with a nice warm nut!
Next the first class, Douche Bag, Montreal Canadiens' fans, who booed the Star Spangled Banner...If the game had been in Boston, and Bruins fans would have done that to the Canadian National Anthem...There would be holy hell to pay...Rivalries in sports are great...But it is totally and completely classless to boo another country's National Anthem...

There were two types of people there last night...Good old fashioned hockey fans, who wanted to see a good game, and hopefully see their team win...Sorry Bruins whooped your ass again...

Then there was the assholes who make their mothers regret not giving their fathers a blow job instead...Way to go...You are the first winners of the Beeze's Skull F*ck...Here it cums...A nice warm load all up in your grill!

Next up...Every morning I take my kids to school...And sure as shit every morning there is some dolt who brings their kid, while they're still wearing their pajamas...If you get your kid ready...You could at least throw on some jeans and a hoodie...But this isn't the worst of it...That makes me crazy...But what makes me want to throw my c0ck right in their eye socket...Is when they come back to pick up their kid at the end of the day, and they are still rocking their PJs..WTF!
Oh, yeah...You're gettin' a load!

But even f*cking worse....The hillbilly douche that goes to the grocery store at 4:00 PM and they're wearing their PJs...F*ck you! you're getting a double shot!
Something else that makes me want to plow my hog into the back of some body's skull (and I know I'm not alone on this one...I'm pretty sure I read a rant about it on http://defective.co.nz/)

I hate those stupid ass motivational posters...Not the funny ones so much...I enjoy a good laugh...But the ones that try to be inspirational...Believe me one of those f*cking things isn't gonna make me a better cook...Or make me like being at work...Those just make want cram my junk right down the bosses fat face...

Ah...Another shot released...

Here's a good one for all you people who need to be motivated....

Well gang...I think that's all for now...I've gotta go reload...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

It's that time again...Another weekend is over...And it's back to the grind....This week I'll start with the New York Rangers...First...Friday the Rangers announced that they had signed Boston University defensmen, and Hobey Baker winner, Matt Gilroy...Great move!

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Let's hope he can jump right into Wade "pussy" Redden's spot next year...And hopefully The Rangers can trade Redden for a stick rack or something...I hate to do this...But so far Redden has played well in the first two games of the playoffs...(that hurt a little)

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Next...The Rangers are up 2 games to none versus the Washington Capitals...One of the keys has been Ryan Callahan...This kid plays great in both ends of the ice...He's all over the place...The Capitals gotta hate that he sored the only goal in Saturday's game, as the Rangers won 1-0...But even more than that...They really gotta hate all the shots he's been blocking...This kid i s awesome!

Oh, and how could I forget...Henrik Lundqvist...This guy is one of those special goalies who can take over a series...And so far he's doing it in this one...Lundqvist has often had to carry the Rangers...I hope they can start lighting the lamp some more...Because Henrik has got to be getting a little tired...

I've noticed something else in this series...We often hear and talk about what a bag of douche Sean Avery is...And he is....He's a prick...Know who else is...Alexander Ovechkin...Yeah, he's a superstar...and he's a hell of a talented player...He's also a big mouth cocky punk! I'm all for some trash talking...But when you're losing...And you haven't scored a goal...Maybe you should shut the f*ck up!

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Last week I predicted the Stanley Cup Finals would be the Boston Bruins vs the San Jose Sharks...As I'm writing this the Sharks are down in their series with the Ducks...1 game to none...I have game two on right now...It's tied 1-1...Sharks just went on the power play...

But the Bruins...Look the f*ck out...The Boys from Boston are looking great! And Marc Savard who finished the regular season with 88 points...And has been trying to prove his doubters wrong the last couple of seasons...Well he's doing a hell of a job at it...In the first two playoff games Savard has 2 goals and 3 assists...And is playing the same two-way hockey he played all season long...

And goalie Tim Thomas has continued is excellent play also...What the hell am I saying...The entire team is playing the same consistent hockey, they played all year!

Unfortunately I don't have any good news about the Columbus Blue Jackets...They have played their asses off, but they are playing the Detroit Red Wings...That's a team that just knows how to win in the playoffs...Now I'm hoping the Jackets just don't get swept...

Oh, and keep an on on the young up and coming Chicago Blackhawks, who have taken a 2-0 series lead over the Calgary Flames...(Olli Jokinen will always be a bust) The 'Hawks are playing some good hockey!

Now...To go in a totally different direction...I was surprised to hear Mel "crazy f*cker" Gibson was getting divorced...Then I saw his new girlfriend...All the sudden Mel got some strange and remembered what it was like to be inside a gash that was nice, young, and snug....

I give you 24 year old Oksana Pochepa....

Yeah....You work that microphone honey!

What other nonsense do I have to give you? Oh Yes...There was a lot of talk about Tea Bags this past week...If you'd like to see my views on tea bagging check this out....http://thebeezewax.spruz.com/

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In some Notre Dame news...The Irish had the annual Blue and Gold game...The Blue (offense) beat the Gold (defense) 68-33...I honestly don't know what to take from it...I hope this means the Offense will be much better...But I also hope it doesn't mean the defense is gonna suck ass...The whole scoring system is goofy...If you want to read about it and check out some video, here ya go...

http://www.blueandgold.com/content/?aid=6955

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Hey did anyone see that Indians game against the Yankees Saturday...Holy shit that was great...Indians 22 Yankees 4...How f*cking beautiful is that!?!

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The only thing that was hotter this weekend was Mrs. Beeze with her red hair, wearing nothing but red stocking, while riding my junk!

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After a high like that I hate to end on a downer...But...This past week John Madden decided to retire...To me that's not the downer...I'm glad he did...I mean it's only fitting...It finally looks like Favre is really done...What the hell else would Maddden have to talk about...Plus, honestly...The guy wasn't good at what he did anymore...It had gotten old...It was time...

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But the downer is...His replacement...Chris Collinsworth....Are you f*cking kidding me...That pencil neck little douche...Listen...Yes he knows football...But he's a douche...I can't stand to here him speak...I'd rather listen to a cat as it's ass is being dragged against sharp, jagged steal...I hope Al Michaels knocks him the f*ck out their very first game together...Poor Al!

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That's all this week...I'm tired...Took the kids to a Birthday party today...10 loud, annoying, non-stop little kids running wild will take it outta ya! Have a good week...

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Later, the Beeze.

When I'm Bored...I Give Tou More Sh!t About Me (from facebook)

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Here's questions for the people who are a little older... Copy and paste into your own note, then answer the questions...

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? ALL OF THEM IS TOO EASY TO SAY...I'LL GO WITH THE WIFE'S STUDENT LOAN.

2. Do you miss being a child? NO! I ACT LIKE ONE ALL THE TIME! HA!

3. Chore you hate the most? DOING MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR IN THE MORNING...STILL NEED MORE PRACTICE!

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? TEXAS ROADHOUSE...HA!
5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? I WOULDN'T HAVE MAJORED IN BUSINESS...

6. Name of your first grade teacher? SISTER KATHLEEN...NICEST NUN I HAD!

7.What do you really want to be doing right now? HAVING SEX AGAIN...IT WAS REALLY GOOD TONIGHT...RED HAIR...RED STOCKINGS...OH YEAH!

8. What did you want to be when you grew up? 1ST A DENTIST...THEN ONE OF THEM RUINED THAT FOR ME...2ND A STAND UP COMEDIAN...NOW...A WRITER

9. How many colleges did you attend? 2

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? IT WAS THERE

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices? THEY HAVE BEEN QUIETLY CREEPING BACK UP...EVIL F*CKING OIL COMPANIES!

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I HAVEN'T SET AN ALARM SINCE MY DUGHTER WAS BORN....THESE TWO KIDS ARE UP BEFORE THE ROOSTER!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? 'SHOULD I RUB ANOTHER ONE OUT?'

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? IF IT'S GOING TO LEAD TO SEX...ISLA FISHER....IF IT'S JUST ABOUT GOOD CONVERSATION...GEORGE CARLIN OR NIKOLA TESLA

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? NO!

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? YES

17. Get up early or sleep in? I GET UP EARLY...BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP IN

18. What is your favorite cartoon character? STEWIE FROM FAMILY GUY...MAYBE BRIAN...

19. Favorite thing to do at night with a guy/girl? SEX!!!!!!!

20. When did you get married? APRIL 13/14 2001...TWO DATES I KNOW...LONG STORY

21. Favorite lunch meat? ROAST BEEF

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? F*CK WAL-MART THOSE EVIL C*NTS!

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? NO

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? WELL IF I WOULDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW...WHY WOULD I TELL YOU...OH, WHAT THE HELL...THE NEW GUY...I KINDA DIG COYOTE UGLY...THEM CHICKS ARE HOT!

25. What's your favorite drink? COFFEE...BEER IS A CLOSE SECOND

26. Who[m] from high school would you like to run in to? JUST YOU...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...HA!

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? THE VIRUS

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? SOPRANOS

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? STAYED TOO LONG WITH SOMEONE I DIDN'T LOVE

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work? I DON'T SIT AT WORK

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes? YES

32. Last book you finished reading? WHY WE SUCK

33. Do you have a teddy bear? NO

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? NEVER BRUSHED IN A STRANGE PLACE

35. How old are you? 33

36. Thing you hate about Facebook? WITH A PASSION...THAT'S WHY I HERE EVERY F*CKING DAY!

37. How many cars have you owned (not that your parent's gave to you)? 5

38. Since Graduating College, how many times have you moved? 5

39. What is your college degree and are you using it in your current job? BA IN BUSINESS....NO!

40. What's the best advice to offer children? DON'T BE A DOUCHE! BUT SERIOUSLY...WORK HARD IN SCHOOL...AND STAY AWAY FROM DOUCHE BAGS....YOU DON'T WANT TO BECOME ONE!

Later, The Beeze.

Time For the Indians to do Some House Cleaning

Now I don't care that the Cleveland Indians won today....I've had this little rant in my head for a couple of days...I don't always have the time to get them all out...

I don't like top be the guy screaming for a coach or manager's job...BUT...I've had enough...I thought the Indians should have fired manager Eric Wedge after last season...What a piece of sh!t that was...And I don't want to hear the crap about how he had to deal with a bunch of injuries...Every team has to deal with that crap...It's part of the game...

I've wanted pitching coach Carl Willis gone for a few years...But I guess Cliff Lee's Cy Young season last year saved him...But WTF! Does he think Cliff and the pitchers don't need to adjust anything...They don't need to get better...Because they haven't....The pitching staff has gotten seriously worse...

I've always liked the fact that Eric Wedge tries to stay positive...he always looks for the good things...even in a lose...I like his One through Nine attitude about the lineup...He's all about team...That's great...I get it...But I'm not sure the players do...The core group of guys....Sizemore...Martinez...Hafner...Peralta...Lee...Garko...They've all been here together for a few years...The time to develop these guys should be over...they need a kick in the ass...A message needs to be sent...I truly think the best thing for the Tribe is to re-build the coaching staff...

The Indians are digging themselves a whole they won't be able to get out of...

It's time to clean house...Before that whole gets to deep...Like Brittany Spears deep!

That's it...

Later, The Beeze.

What the Hell Kinda Game is This?

So twice a week I take the kids to swimming lessons at our local rec center...The place is great...It has two indoor pools, and one outdoor...It has a ice rink...Work out area...Out back there are two little league fields...

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After the lessons are done we get stupid SpongeBob Ice Cream bars, or whatever snack they are in the mood for that day...We'll head upstairs and go checkout hockey practice, or figure skating practice if they actually get a turn that week...

Right before we get to the ice rink's seating area...There are three windows that overlook what at one time was a racket ball, or hand ball court...Now it is being used for some f*cked up form of Volleyball...I say f*cked up because it's not really Volleyball...The kids always want to stop and watch this nonsense...

First, these knuckleheads don't even use a volleyball...They use some silly, old, blue, phys ed ball...Like the ones we use to use for dodge ball...You know...Back in the day, when you could play games where you chucked balls at other kids...Unlike the game Father John tried to play with us...

Second, they pay the ball off the walls...When they serve, it seems they actually try to get the ball hit low on the wall, near a corner to try and get an odd bounce to the floor...Thus scoring a point in a very shitty form of the game...It's so f*cking lame...

Third, is the douche bags that play this game...They are all well over 40...You tell there are a few guys that is the highlight of their week...One of these twats came up with this game one night in his basement while he was shit-faced...He told the boys...One of these jokers said ' we should start a league!' Really?

So these dolts get all geared up for this every week...There's one guy who is rockin' his knee pads and goggles...Then there Johnny Dolt, who has to have his batting gloves on...Seriously? But the worst one is Super Douche...This ass-clown has got 4 wrist bands on...A head band...And he has four fingers taped up...I wouldn't be surprised if his ankles were taped too...

I'm not trying top dog these guys for getting some exercise...But this seems kinda silly...They play 4 on 4...So it's not like they are running around much...It's a pretty small box they're in...(Insert Joke here) They're bouncing a ball off of walls and over a net...Do you really need your batting gloves? Do you really need all the f*cking wrist bands? Do you really need your fingers taped?

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Seriously...If I become that big of a douche when I'm 45 or older...Or hell, younger...Please do me a favor...Punch me in the face!

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Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Well I hope everyone had a good Easter...It was a good one here at the Beeze household...After working a double Saturday night at the Fish House...I stopped a dive bar...Had a quick burger and a beer...Then I realized it would be an early wake up call with lots of sugar involved....So I headed home and started playing Easter Bunny...Which surprisingly...I'm not talking about anything Sexual...

I cracked open a Heineken...Turned on the NCAA Hockey National Championship game that I DVRed...And started hiding Easter Eggs...And stuffing jellybeans in my gob....About that hockey game...Miami (Ohio) took on Boston University...It was a great match up...Both teams are talented, and play a physical style of hockey...But looking at the talent...I thought BU would take it...At work I brought this up...One guy said..."Who the f*ck are you talking to?" Me being the only person they know who actually follows College Hockey...

During the evening the one manager and one of the servers were giving me updates...That wasn't gonna stop me from watching it though...Late in the game I was told Miami was 3-1 with 5 minutes to go...One of the guys in the kitchen...Who doesn't know a thing about hockey said..."It's over!"

A little while later, as we were breaking down the kitchen...The manager came back said..." I'm not gonna tell you what happens...Just watch the whole game." My first thought was...'Oh shit!'

With less then 2 minutes left BU scored and made it 3-2...Then with about 17 seconds left....BU tied it up...Overtime baby! Now it was late while I was watching this...And I had a few beers in me...But Somewhere around 12 minutes into the overtime The Terriers of Boston University scored the game winner on one of the flukiest goals I've seen...The puck was shot from the point...deflected...and flutter gently over the Miami Goaltender's (who was screened) shoulder...Poor kid didn't even see it...Congrats to both teams on great seasons...Congrats to BU's Matt Gilroy on winning the Hobey Baker Award (Hockey's Heisman)...And Congrats to the Terriers for winning it all!

It was a great game!

In other College Hockey news...And Notre Dame news...Fighting Irish goalie Jordan Pearce (yes The Hockey News that is how you spell his name...f*cking dolts)...Signed a two year NHL entry level contract with the Detroit Red Wings on Friday...Pearce made his professional debut Saturday for the AHL's Grand Rapids Griffins...Pearce and the Griffins lost 5-2...He made 33 saves in the game...Two of the Peoria goals were scored by former Golden Domer Yan Stastny...Best of Luck to Jordan PEARCE...

Next let's move to the NHL...the playoff match-ups are set...

Here's what they look like....

In the Eastern Conference...#1 Boston Bruins vs. #8 Montreal Canadiens

#2 Washington Capitals vs. #7 New York Rangers

#3 New JerseyDevils vs. #6 Carolina Hurricanes

#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers

In the Western Conference...San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Anaheim Ducks

#2 Detroit Red Wings vs. #7 Columbus Blue Jackets

#3 Vancouver Canucks vs. #6 St. Louis Blues

#4 Chicago Blackhawks vs. #5 Calgary Flames

As most people know...I'm a New York Rangers fan...Unfortunately I don't see them going all the way...They have been too inconsistent all year...And Goalie Henrik Lundqvist can only carry them so far...Somebody has to score goals for the guy...I think the Boston Bruins will take the East...They have been solid all year...They have great goaltending in Tim Thomas...And they have a great mix of skill players, and grinders...

In the West...I'm rooting for the Columbus Blue Jackets...Can rookie Goalie Steve Mason continue to do what he's done all season...I'm not sure...But I hope he can...His ability to take over a game has been amazing... I'll also be interested in seeing how Blue Jackets star Rick Nash does in his crack at the playoffs...

Unfortunately for the Jackets...They open with the Detroit Red Wings...That's a hell of a test for your first time in the playoffs...

My pick to win the West...The San Jose Sharks...In the past they have faltered in the playoffs...But I think all the pieces are there now...the most important piece they have...Evgeni Nabokov...

So you heard it here first...the Stanley Cup Final will be Boston vs San Jose...What a bitch that travel schedule will be!

Moving on...Did ya hear...Baseball Season started...The Cleveland Indians didn't get the message until Sunday...When their 5th starter was the first one to give the team 6 innings...Hell he was the first to give them 5...Oh...and he helped them gt their first win...Way to go Tribe...I was starting to worry you would go 0 for April...

So I took little Beeze to the a park today...That seems to be our thing...Checkout a new park and see how many "in the way people" we can find...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/04/fck-your-dogyoure-ahole.html

...Mrs. Beeze and our daughter were going to the Hannah Montana movie...There was no way I was putting up with that shit...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/04/spongebob-vs-hannah-montana.html

So we're at this park...It was a nice...Very nice Neighborhood...But then I saw them...This couple...Two Dolts for the price of one...Both of them with that totally lost look in their eyes...Like walking and talking at the same time was a real bitch for them...I don't want to attack there kid...It's not his fault...This is just a public service message...If you know your spouse is one of those "in the way people"...and you think you may suffer from the same problem...Don't have kids...They're just starting out with two strikes against them...Much like the Cleveland Indians!

In closing, I'd like to say...Happy Anniversary to my Beautiful, Smart, Sexy, Amazing, Wife...8 Years ago...On Good Friday...April 13th...We were married in a Chapel at Niagra Falls....It was the smartest thing I ever did...And I am truly a lucky man...I don't know what she saw in me...And I don't know how she puts up with me...But thank God she does...I love you Mrs. Beeze!

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

F*ck Your Dog...You're an A$$hole!

Okay...The picture actually has nothing to do with this post...I just thought it was some funny sh!t...

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So let me start by saying I don't hate animals...I don't f*cking love them either...I'm one of those bastards that is allergic to f*ckin' everything...Cats really set me off...Certain dogs are bad too...But over the years that has gotten a little better...I know that my allergies do have an effect on the anger I sometimes feel about people's pets...And on my one day a week to sleep in,(sleeping in in our house means, sleeping past 8:00AM) When your dog is outside barking like crazy...I hate that son of a b!tch...But honestly, you're the one on the top of my sh!t list...

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'Beeze, where's all this anger coming from?' I'll tell ya where....

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The other day I took my kids to the park...They're playing on the playground...Bunch of kids all over the place...There some people walking there dogs...That's cool...Ya know why it's cool...They're following the law, and have their dog on a leash...

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Then this older couple shows up with their granddaughters, and their dog...Now I can smell the dysfunctional bullsh!t on these people...They're watching the girls again...While Mom...Their daughter...Has been gone for two days getting wasted and laying down for next future ex-husband...

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'Beeze, why so harsh? Who are you to judge?'

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I'm the f*cking Beeze...I have a superiority complex...P!ss off!!!

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So everything is cool...Then these dolts take the dogs leash off...At first it isn't bothering anyone...But then it starts bothering me...It comes over...Wants to say high...Give my balls a sniff...I politely shoo it away...I don't want to go full blow d!ck on these people if I don't have to...Then it keeps pestering me...These twats don't do a thing...So I speak up...I say..."Hey! you wanna get your dog away from me!" This douche says..."Is there a problem?" WTF! I say..."Yeah, your dog isn't on a leash, and it's bugging me." Johnny F*cking Dolt says..."Hey, sorry it's a free country"

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Now I'm pissed! My response is..."Does that mean I'm free to kick the sh!t of you and your dog?" As he stammers I jump right back in and say..."No...because this free country has laws...Get your dog away from me before I skull f*ck you in front of everyone!"

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Asshole quickly rounded up his family and dog and took a little stroll...The best part was he didn't put the dog on the leash...Here comes a BIG f*cking dog...On a leash...And this dummy's little mutt goes after it...BIG dog just started stomping it...I felt bad for the dog, and the kids...It's not their fault granddad is a douche!

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Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Well it's that time again...Time for Monday Moaning...I've got plenty to go on about...Mostly not sports related this week...Deal with it!

I'm starting with the BIG happening here in Cleveland this weekend...This weekend we had the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony...A rare switch...It wasn't in f*cking New York...It was actually here...In the city where the Rock Hall is...This crap has made hate the RRHOF for years...These twats have had no problem coming here to make money off of fans when they tour...They sure as hell can come here when they got this "honor"....Now we are so lucky...They have decided to let us have the ceremony every 3 years...WTF! Oh yeah...Why the hell is Madonna in, but RUSH isn't!?!

On with the show...Finally, after 40 plus years in the music industry, as a musician, singer, songwriter, and producer...Cleveland's own Bobby Womack finally got inducted into the Rock Hall...For those who don't know Womack co-wrote the Rolling Stones first U.K. #1 hit..."It's All Over Now" Is talents touched the entire music world, having created and work with music in R&B, Soul, Rock, and Funk...

One of my idols...Guitar God Jeff Beck was inducted for his solo work...He was already in as a member of the Yardbirds...His Jam was awesome!

Run DMC was inducted...I would normally knock Rap for being allowed in...But Run DMC changed Rap, and Rock, being the first to fuse the two together...

I've got Nothing on Little Anthony and the Imperials...There was also some other categories that they inducted some oldies under...I'll be honest...I missed that part...I was busy banging Mrs. Beeze!

The "headliner" was Metallica...I have no problem with them getting...But I have to say, I was pissed they were getting in before RUSH, and Deep Purple...The best speech of the night was hands down, the induction speech Flea gave in honor of Metallica...I have never heard anyone speak of metal like that before...He tried to let the rest of the world understand why it is what it is, and why it's good...

The only thing that made me feel even better was when James Hetfield acknowledged the fact that they got in, and the likes of Deep Purple, RUSH, Alice Cooper, and Iron Maiden should all be in there with them...Very cool move!

Moving on...I've got no college hockey for ya...The Frozen Four kicks off on the 9th...with the Championship on the 11th...

In College hoops it's gonna be Michigan State vs North Carolina...I'm pulling for Michigan State...UNC is the easy choice..F*ck that!

In hockey...The New York Rangers are still playing inconsistent hockey...They're up and down like $50 hooker...They have 3 games left...One with Montreal, and a home-and-home with the Flyers...You better do it boys!

Baseball season kicked off tonight...But it really gets going tomorrow...So if you can sneak out of work early and find a nice watering hole to catch a game in...Go for it...Forget about all the steroids crap, and just enjoy the game...Friday is the home opener here in Cleveland...I'm sure it'll snow!

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What's a little Monday Moaning without telling you something about the Beeze fam...This week the little Beeze left me a nice little surprise...I was wondering what the hell was stinking so bad in the bathroom for a couple days...Then little dude had to drop a deuce...So he's in there doing his thing...A lot of time goes by...I go and check on him...He's laying on the floor with shit sticking out of his ass...It's on the side of the toilet...It's on the floor...And he's just chillin'...I asked him what happened...He says...."I got tired."

So I clean him up...Then I start cleaning the mess...Oh the joys of parenthood...While I'm in there...I figure lets' just clean this whole damn place...So I crap the toilet brush, to give that a scrub...It's dripping...Dripping piss...This little asshole took a wizz in the f*cking toilet brush holder...WTF!

One last thing before I go...Today I took my kids to a park...We often go to the park right by our house...But today I thought I'd change it up...We went to a park I love...It's right on the Lake, in a very nice (rich) community....This 'burb is about 99% white...The 1% that isn't is mostly pro athletes...While we're there I see these kids...They're trying to act all "gangsta"...They wanna be "thugs" so bad...WTF!

A) these kids wouldn't last 30 seconds in a tough neighborhood....

B) A drug deal to them is, stealing sh!t from mom's medicine cabinet...

C) their parents should have the sh!t slapped out of them! Wake the f*ck up people...Spend some times with your kids so they don't become assholes!

That's it for...Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.