Monday Moaning

Well the weekend flew by for me...I don't know how yours went, but I'm guessing it went by to quickly also...

The BIG news this past week and weekend seems to be celebrities dying...In case you missed my view on the disgusting over coverage and non-stop love fest for Michael KID TOUCHER Jackson...Click on over... http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/06/if-this-offends-you-im-sorry.html ...It may be a little harsh...But when have I cared about offending people...The guy...I mean thing, was a kid toucher, who happened to sing...He hasn't been relevant for years and now all the sudden everyone loves him again, and forgets what creep he was...That's why I'm here...To slap people in the face and say wake the f**k up!

Farrah Fawcett also died...She had the front page for about 2 hours...Then Jacko kicked the bucket and stole her thunder...Billy Mays was found dead Sunday...You know, that annoying infomercial guy...And don't forget Ed McMahon...The celebrities are dropping like flies...It really bothers me how people, along with the media make a big deal about this...Death is the end result of life...It happens every day...And I'll guarantee you that this weekend plenty of other people died and they meant a hell of a lot more to many people then stupid Michael Jackson...Don't fly your flag at half staff (Rock & Roll Hall of Fame) for Jacko the Wacko...Do it for the countless soldiers who have died...Do it for the fallen police officers...Our Priorities have gotten really f**ked up.

By the way...Tippy Tom, the gay, drunk, homeless, guy, best known for being on the Opie and Anthony Show also died...He did more for me then Billy Mays...

Now, onto some sports...This past week I watched the Cleveland Indians lose 2 out of 3 to the Pittsburgh Pirates...This Pittsburgh domination sh!t is getting old...And I gotta say...The Pirates got some decent talent there...So guess what I did...I went back to see my old friends at LIDS (free plug) http://www.lids.com/

and got myself a Pirates cap...What the hell!

Then the Indians traded Mark DeRosa to the Cardinals for a relief pitcher named Chris Perez...ERA over 4...Yeah we needed another one of those...And of course we got the famous, player to be named later...WTF? I say this because Indians GM Mark Shapiro kept saying how many people wanted this guy, and how he was gonna get the best possible deal...REALLY? Then you weren't trying hard enough douche bag! You Suck! Wedge Sucks! Kerry Wood Sucks! Carl Willis Sucks! Screw you all...

When I was a kid I rooted for my home town teams...I still do...But when I was a young kid, my dad gave me a Ryne Sandberg Cubs jersey for Christmas...I don't know why, and I never asked...He's always been a Cleveland guy...So I never understood...But then in the Spring I would get home from school and watch Cubs games with him...I watched Sandberg intensely...Maybe he did this because he wanted me to learn how to play the game the right way...

I'm glad he did...Because of all this I became a Cubs fan...But I just always looked at them as my National league team...And the Tribe was my American league team...

8 years ago I became a Red Sox fan by way of marriage...It was the best thing I've done sports wise...So from this day forth...I'm fully a Sox and Cubs fan...I will stay this way until the Indians get rid of Mark Shapiro and Eric Wedge...And then they will still have to earn my trust...Before they earn my dollars...

Next the Hockey Hall of Fame Inductees were announced and it is a "one hell of a class" as one Sporting News blogger put it... http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/BIG-Sailor/194143/#comments

My favorite member of course being New York Ranger great, Brian Leetch...

The NHL draft was held Friday and Saturday...And like most drafts...It was boring...The much talked about Johnathan Tavares was taken 1st overall...And after hearing about him for the last three years, I wasn't really surprise...

Every couple of years we get these stories of young kids who are gonna be the next "great one"...The next to put the sport on his shoulders and take it to the next level...Sorry kid you ain't it...Tavares is an average skater...He has good hockey sense, but he's lazy defensively...I don't see him being the next great, and I don't see him as the LeBron James of hockey...

I think the best player in the draft was Matt Duchene...

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Duchene is a much faster and better skater...Has great vision, great hands, and plays strong in both ends of the ice...Maybe I'm wrong...But of course I don't think so...We'll see in 15 to 20 years...maybe sooner!

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So, let's see...I've trashed society, Michael Jackson, The Cleveland Indians, The Islanders' #1 pick...What else is there?

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Oh yes...I found out Mrs. Beeze forgot to reload on her birth control pills and apparently one or two of the 5 times we had sex this week could have been at a very bad time...Bad meaning if we don't intend of having anymore children...Which we don't...We thought about it...I did for awhile...But the little Beeze has broken me down...We got rid of all the baby crap...So now I'm doing a lot of "please don't be pregnant" chants...The Mrs. says she's not that worried...That she doesn't think she's a fertile as she once was...But I've got two pieces of evidence of her fertility at times when she said "don't worry, it's safe." Famous god damn last words...

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Well, that's all for now...I need to go pray for a not pregnant test result...

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Have a good week...

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Later, The Beeze.

If this Offends You, I'm Sorry....

But not really...

I'm so sick of the media...and well f**king idiot people paying non-stop tribute to Michael Jackson...Yes he was a talented singer and performer...That said...he was also a kid toucher....Maybe I'm to harsh...But I don't think so...

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How quickly we forget...'Hey little boy, come to my fun little fantasy land just for kids...We'll have some Jesus juice, and when you wake up...Your pants will be around your ankles and you ass will be hurting like a mutha!'

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I'm sorry but the constant news coverage last night made me sick...Just to wake up and see and hear it continued today...What the hell has this world come to...The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is flying their Flags at half staff...Seriously...He was a singer...Not a President...or Senator...or Governor...or a fallen Soldier...He was a singer who got his rocks off touching kids...

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I'm about ready to puke in my soup...But it's too hot for soup today...Unless we're talking Gazpacho...But I have gotten of track...

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Last night I posted my picks for the first class of the Skull F**k Hall of Fame...Well in honor of the "King of Pop" I'd like to give something special to any and all media outlets paying tribute to this pervert...Along with all the douche bag fans that think he could do no wrong...Then you should have offered up your kids...

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I would like to give you all a good old fashioned Pink Sock!

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If you don't know what a pink sock is...here you go...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pink+sock

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Yes...I'm often to harsh and outspoken...But I don't really care...The world is a better place every time a kid toucher dies!

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Later, The Beeze.

The 2009 Skull F**k Hall of Fame Inductees

It has taken a little longer to get to then expected...But it's finally here...The class will consist of 4 very deserving douche bags...

The criteria are simple...If you piss me off to the point of total hatred...Where I finally feel the need to pull out my junk and give you a Skull F**k...You have a chance at the Hall of Fame...

But let's be honest...Hall of Famers must go above and beyond...Well this year's class has not disappointed...And what will they be getting?

This...

So on to the first inductee...

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A-Rod...This dolt made it in easy...Rolling with Madonna...long after she had been used up and full of jizz from every tom Dick and Harry...Then there is the Frosted tips...That automatically makes you a douche...The stupid ass, big, white, hamburger helper batting gloves...There's the Yankee factor...And the fact that he has been said to be such a great, and talented baseball player...But every team he has played for can't win with him...Oh yeah...He also used steroids...

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Welcome to the Hall Alex...Say hello to my c**k!

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Next is Gary Bettman...No matter how hard the NHL commissioner tries to improve the game, he seems to shit the bed...Every year there seems to be a new rule put in place...Just to have it enforced inconsistently...Bettman has struggle to get a strong television deal done...No people VS doesn't count...He would rather let a dying franchise (Phoenix Coyotes) be a drain on the league, then admit his big move to bring hockey to the sunbelt and southern U.S. failed...Which is sad...The teams in California have done well...Dallas has been a strong franchise...But two teams in Florida are silly...Atlanta and Nashville are question marks...And Phoenix is dead...Even "the Great One" couldn't save them...

While fighting for a salary cap was a good thing...The fight nearly killed the game...Well it did for the casual fan...The worst thing about Bettman is that he thinks he is doing good, and believes he's good at his job...Hey Gary...When Joe Louis Arena starts booing as you hit the ice to present The Conn Smythe, and the Stanley Cup...That should be a clue!

Now get up here and receive your load!

Now this next fella shouldn't be a surprise...Brett Favre...

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You a$$hole! With every day my disdain for this f**ker grows...

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I retire...I want to come back...I retire...I want to come back...I retire...What you mean I can't come back...Trade me...Release me...New Team...More interceptions...I retire...Release me...I want to retire a Packer...I want to be a Viking...I'm not sure...I had surgery...I want to play again...Please can everyone kiss my ass for another year...My wife doesn't like to play anal tongue darts....Bring back John Madden so I can get some more nut swing...I'm #4....I'm a douche...I'm Brett Favre bitches!

This is right where you belong Brett...With me going balls deep in your eye socket!

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(Can I come play with you guys? I'm Brett Favre...I do what I want!)

Now to our last inductee...This isn't just one person...It's a group...The Suburbanite Wife who goes walking at the high school track with the girls to get some exercise...While Drinking her Grande, Mocha, Frappucino, Latte, bullshit from Starbucks and smoking a cigarette....

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That's the way to get healthy...Go power walking while you pour some Starbucks down you throat and suck on a cancer stick...I got something for you to suck on...And if you do it well it'll pour some protein down your throat...Then after that you can go for a jog...But don't forget my sandwich...(that's a joke ladies)

Welcome to the club you bunch of hatchet wounds!

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Congrats to all the inductees...

Later, The Beeze.

Just Some Random $h!t

So it doesn't seem to matter where I go...Or what I put on...I have to hear that stupid John and Kate are getting divorced...or separated...or whatever the f**k...

GOOD!!! I don't really care...I often talk about "In the way people"...Well here are two prime examples...She's a twat that has crapped allover him...And he's a dolt who has let her crap all over him...All the while putting this miserable marriage and there poor parenting skills on TV for all to see...

These two should be pistol whipped...I heard him doing an interview, and pissing and moaning about how the paparazzi follows him and takes pictures of him eating lunch...What did you expect...You put you life on TV, then bitch about the "celebrity" that comes with it...F**k you John...And Kate...F**k you too!

Your kids should be taken away from you, if for no other reason then nobody should be raised by total c*nt! Yeah I said...That chick is a waste of sperm!

Ahhh...I feel better now...So I was checking out some different news sites and I saw this headline..."Unplanned Pregnancy Changes Teen's Life." No F**king $h!t a$$holes! Christ we planned our second child and guess what...It changed our life...Christ the world is getting dumber by the day!

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Now that I've gotten that all out of the way...I thought I'd share some silly sh!t too...Who doesn't like a good laugh?

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I love the show Robot Chicken...Here are a few of my favorite clips...

Robot Chicken has even gotten Jesus in the mix...This one cracks me up...




Then there's Richie Rich...




That's it for now...

Later, The Beeze.

Sidney Crosby Had Sex with the Stanley Cup

There are certain things you shouldn't do with the Stanley Cup...Like taking a $h!t in it would be bad! But if you do something that would make you look like a douche...Don't let people snap a picture of it...


Here is Sid the kid after he finally got some action...Too bad his first time was with Lord Stanley's Cup...And in Mario Lemieux's bed...What a dirty little boy you are Sidney!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Let's start this week with a BIG HAPPY FATHER'S DAY for all the dads...I hope you had a good day...Mine was good...Mrs. Beeze and the kids let me sleep in...which in our house is sleeping past 8:00 AM...Then the kids came and woke my ass up about 10:30...They gave me a card...My daughter also wrote me a note...

"Dads are the Best. Dads cook for you. they take care of you. I love you Dad Your the Best."

My little girl is the sh!t....

Then they gave me my presents...She gave me a new, nice, big, green, travel coffee mug...She knows how I love my coffee...The little Beeze gave me a new pair of tongs...For those of you who don't know...I cook for a living and I do all the cooking at home...Mrs. Beeze...Not so good at it...She has burned water...

Speaking of Mrs. Beeze...Earlier in the week she gave me a $100 gift card to spend at Lids...I love my baseball hats...Imelda Marcos set the standard for woman being addicted to buying shoes...Well I'm working on being the man setting the standard for buying caps...I've been at it since I was 13...I could cover whole walls with caps!

In case you wondering what I picked up this time...I got a University of New Hampshire Wildcats cap...A Boston Bruins cap...Another Notre Dame cap, because I could never have too many of those...I got an old school Milwaukee Brewers cap...and a Chicago Cubs cap...The one I have is shot...
Speaking of the Cubs...It's a good thing I got it...I put that bad boy on right away after they just spent the weekend f**king up the Indians...In case you missed it I went off on the Tribes manager Friday....http://yougabsports.com/?cmd=blog&nid=350605&ptitle=Eric-Wedge...Worst-Manager-in-Baseball?

Then I went off a little more after they shit the bed again Saturday...

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/the%20BEEZE/193904/#comments

Well They lost to the Cubbies again Sunday...Luckily I was at work, (that sounds f**ked up) so I didn't have to see it happen again...Yes I had to work on Father's Day...Yeah it blew...But hey...Somebody's gotta work right...God knows it ain't gonna be my fat lazy piece of $h!t boss...He spent the weekend doing what he does best...Calling off sick...Guy always seems to have a case of the Brown Bottle Flu on the weekends...

Saturday night the Mrs. and I saw The Taking of Pelham 123...

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It was really good...Both, Denzel Washington and John Travolta were really good...I was really surprised by how well Travolta played his role...Check it out...I DVRed the original a couple days ago...I can't wait to watch it and compare the two...I heard it was also really good...

After that we stopped by Applebee's (you're welcome free plug) for a couple apps and drinks...The server sucked...The manager was a dolt...And the food was below the average standards Applebee's has set over the years...This was the last time I'll be going into that place...(Not liking that free plug anymore are ya!?!)

Then it was on to the good part of the night...Pay the sitter...Get her out the door...And move in for some sex...Just to have the wife say...I gotta poop!

Thanks Applebee's! You Mother F**kers!

One last thing...Last week I mentioned how I was going to post the first class of the Skull F**k Hall of Fame...Well I got sidetracked...But it will be posted this week...

Have a good week...

Enjoy some Louis CK on the way out...



Later, The Beeze.

Happy Father's Day

This is for all the dads out there...But most importantly my dad...He's my moral compass...He's the man I strive to be...Over the years he's taught me so much...But the two most important thing he has taught is to be myself...And how to be a good father and husband...Thanks pops...I love you.







Now after that...Let's have a laugh...



Happy Father's Day!

Later, the Beeze.

Finish this Sh!t (another thing from Facebook)

1. My Uncle was one: (and still is) A SICK PERVERTED A$$HOLE WHO MAKES MY TWISTED ASS LOOK NORMAL...

2. Never in my life : DID I THINK I WOULD WANT A MINI-VAN

3. When I was five : I WAS ALREADY A PRO AT MASTURBATION!

4. High School was : A PAIN IN THE ASS...BUT I LIKED IT

5. I will never forget : THE DAY MY KIDS WERE BORN

6. I once met : K'S CHOICE

7. There’s this girl I know who : WHO'S ASS I'D LIKE TO STRAP ON MY FACE LIKE A GOALIE MASK

8. Once, at a bar : I HAD SEX (gotta do that again)

9. By noon, I’m usually : COOKING

10. Last night : I HAD SEX...THEN STILL LOOKED AT SOME PORN AND SQUEEZED OFF ANOTHER ROUND

11. If only I had : A MILLION DOLLARS...WHAT A PARTY WE WOULD HAVE

12. Next time I go to gym/church : WILL BE THE FIRST IN A LONG TIME

13. Terry Schiavo : DEAD LAST TIME I CHECKED!

14. What worries me most : DYING ALONE (too deep?)

15. When I turn my head left, I see : A WALL

16. When I turn my head right, I see : A WALL

17. You know I’m lying when : I TELL YOU I'M LYING!

18. What I miss most about the eighties : CHICKS WITH HAIR UP TO THE CEILING

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : HOW THE F*CK DO I KNOW...I DIDN'T RIGHT IT...ASK HIM

20. By this time next year : I HOPE TO BE RETIRED FROM THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS

21. A better name for me would be : I'M FINE WITH WHAT I GOT

22. I have a hard time understanding : WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN'T SHUT THE F*CK UP!

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : GET A DEGREE IN HISTORY AND PROBABLY WON'T USE THAT ONE EITHER

24. You know I like you if : I SAY I LIKE YOU!

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : THE PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE AWARD

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro : 4 PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN IN MY KITCHEN!

27. Take my advice, never : LET SOMEBODY LICK YOU ASS!

28. My ideal breakfast is : MY WIFE SITTING ON MY FACE!

29. A song I love, but do not own is : IF I "LOVE" IT, I OWN IT.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : GOING TO BOSTON INSTEAD

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars : = NONSENSE

32. Why won’t people : REALIZE...IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS...THEY AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT

33. If you spend the night at my house : YOU WILL WAKE UP HURTING!

34. I’d stop my wedding for : A BLUMPY!

35. The world could do without : FLIES...i HOPE OBAMA KEEPS KILLING THOSE F*CKERS...F*CK PETA!

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : THEN THE BELLY OF MY CHALUPA BOSS!

37. My favorite blonde is : JENNY McCARTHY

38: Paper clips are more useful than : A SHORT, FAT, LAZY, BROKEN ENGLISH SPEAKING, BOSS!

39. If I do anything well, it’s : BEING A SMART-ASS

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40. And by the way : "KNOCK KNOCK...WHO'S THERE? ...GO F*CK YOURSELF!"

Later, The Beeze.

Eric Wedge...Worst Manager in the Majors?

YES...YES he is!

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As a long suffering Clevelander I've become truly sick of the sports teams in this town...I feel confident that the Browns will have things turned around in a couple years...That's what us Browns fans do...

The Indians on the other hand...It's not gonna happen until Mark Shapiro gets over his undying loyalty to to Eric Wedge...Hell, Mr. Dolan needs to get over his love of Mark Shapiro...

Let me try to explain this a little better...Shapiro has this knack for signing Wedge's favorite type of players..."GRINDERS"...Hard working utility players...I love these guys too...But I'm not building a team around them...And I'm not gonna try and turn other guys into utility players...

Examples...The other night Wedge had Shin-Soo Choo as the DH...Ben Fransisco in Center...(1st baseman) Ryan Garko in Left...(Utility man) Mark DeRosa in Right...Mind you DeRosa has proven to be an every day player...and the Tribe planned on him being their 3rd baseman...So play him there...

Another problem is Wedge's need to play Wedge Jr. way too much...I'm speaking of BACKUP Catcher Kelly Shoppach...He's just that a backup...He's slightly better then you were Wedge...That said, he has warning track power and can't hit his weight...Victor Martinez has improved his play behind the plate every year...He should be your everyday catcher, and not taking at-bats away from Garko...

That's right people I'm a Ryan Garko fan...He's done everything this team has asked of him since day one...He was drafted as a catcher...But the Tribe had Victor...So in the minors they tried him at 3rd and 1st...1st fit the best...And over a couple seasons he improved defensively...Oh yeah...He also led the team in the RBI category the last two seasons...So stop taking him out of the lineup, and let him play first...Now they have him learning the outfield, and dude doesn't have the wheels for that...1st base every day...That's it!

Jamey Carroll came back from the DL...I like him, but he is a utility guy...He always has been and always will be...But Wedge has got to play him everyday...His best position is 2nd base...So now he's there...They're moving Peralta to 3rd more often so now they are throwing DeRosa in the outfield...Even better was the game where Carroll was at 2nd...The young kid Valbuena was at SS...Peralta 3rd...DeRosa was at 1st...WTF! Garko was in left...Crowe in Center and Choo in Right...With Fransisco as the DH...Why wouldn't you at least just put DeRosa in left and Garko at 1st...This sh!t is just stupid...

This is the only team in baseball where the players have no idea where the hell they are playing from day to day...And I haven't even touched on the piece of crap pitching staff...Maybe they and their pitching coach Carl Willis will take a beating from the Beeze next week!

This team isn't going anywhere with Wedge...He's been given chance after chance after chance...It' time to sh!t can this douche!

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To all the Dad's out there...Happy Father's Day!

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Later, The Beeze.

Time for Some Videos

I'm pissed off tonight...And to be honest My list of Skull F**ks was getting to big...So To calm down I started checking out some videos on YouTube...

Now I'm, smiling...So I thought I would share some...

The first one My pal Jurk posted on Facebook...Anytime You can use the Benny Hill music well...I'm gonna be happy!




Next is one of my favorite stand-ups...Bill Burr...I'm not gonna post my favorite thing of his, which was him verbally beating the audience down at a show in Philly...It's over 10 minutes long and I don't want to piss off anyone from Philly...But they started it by booing every comic that night, and Burr fought back...

Here's an older one of his first...




Here's something more recent...It's longer, but funny as hell...(to me)




Now here's Doug Stanhope...Some one who is angrier then me...(He can be offensive)




Last tonight will be a little music...Raine Maida is the singer of Our Lady Peace...He has also done some solo stuff along with working as a producer for some other artists...In this video Raine (like we're best f**king friends or something) is busking to raise money to rebuild a school in the Congo...It's very cool to see a celebrity doing something good for others...And we don't see it enough...I know I often blog about them being douche bags...So I'm mixing it up tonight...



I hope you enjoyed...If not Oh well!

Later, The Beeze

Monday Moaning

Well here we are again...Time seems to be flying by...Let's get right to it...

The Los Angeles Lakers just beat the Orlando Magic for the NBA title...Woo Hooo...I could give a f**k! Whatever...I just don't care about basketball...

Friday night The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Detroit Red Wings 2-1 to take home the Stanley Cup...Just what I need...More calls and texts from Johnny F**king Pittsburgh, telling me how great his town is...How much mine blows...I know...I live here...I get it...You f**cking rule...God I hope Roethlisberger snaps his f**king leg during pre-season...Maybe I should buy him a new motorcycle!

Back to the Hockey...As some one who likes to see certain people suffer...Or just feel like $h!t...I loved seeing Marian Hossa down on one knee watching his former teammates celebrate...That's right...Hossa left Pittsburgh after last season because he felt he had a better chance of winning The Cup in Detroit...Maybe that would have been true, if he would have scored some goals in the final....DOUCHE!

Moving on...I haven't dropped any Notre Dame News in some time...Waiting for football season to get going...It's just around the corner...

Anyway...Notre Dame senior, goaltender, Jordan Pearce and senior, captain, right wing, Erik Condra, have been named Academic All-Americans on the At-Large Team by ESPN The Magazine....Voting is done by the College Sports Information Directors of America (CoSIDA)....Pearce was named first team Academic All-American...Condra was a second team selection....For Pearce, this is his second time selected...He was a second team selection in 2008....The hockey duo gives Notre Dame 210 Academic All-Americans in the program's history....

Pearce is the second Notre Dame hockey player to be named Academic All-American twice in his career....Steve Noble, (1996-97, 1997-98) who is an old friend of mine was the other...Noble and Pearce are the only Irish hockey players to be named first team Academic All-Americans....

Now...What else is there...Saturday the Beeze spent 14 hours in the Fish House...Nothing like feeding people with alot more money then you, to make you feel good about your station in life...That and the smell...Grease and Fish...Mmmmmm...I've taken 3 showers...It's finally gone...

Most of Sunday was spent having a jam session with the kids....Little dude will turn anything into a drum set...This time many parts to the Dora Kitchen were used...

Sometimes it's rough when Dad's play room is also the kid's play room...The jam session started when they heard me working on something I started writing last week called Worms on the Mirror... http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/06/worms-on-mirror.html

So the song isn't done...But we had some fun...And gave Mrs. Beeze a headache...She got her revenge though, as she busted my lip open during some hard Sunday night sex...What a better way to start the week...Some Sunday Moaning followed by some Monday Moaning...

That's all for me now...But watch for the next edition of The Beeze's Skull F**ks...This week we will be selecting or first class to the Skull F**k Hall of Fame...

And if you want to see something that messed with my sick head...Check this out...http://theinternetisterrible.com/1565/something-about-this-video-is-off/...

Have a good week...

Later, the Beeze.

The Penguins Win....I Think I'm Gonna be Sick!

Well unlike football season...I had no wager on the Stanley Cup Final...And truly I wasn't rooting for either team...I'm a Cleveland guy...I'm not aloud to root for Pittsburgh or Detroit...But when the game got late...And the Pens were up 2-1 I started rooting for the Red Wings....Why? Too many friends in Pittsburgh...Just waiting to bust balls...I'm really gonna hear about this...If the Steelers winning the Super Bowl wasn't enough...Now that Pittsburgh ego will grow even more....Let's hope the Pirates don't turn it around and shock the world...I may have to eat a bullet then!

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So Congrats Pittsburgh...Once again you've made some of us dolts in Cleveland sick...Hell if I could figure out a way to sell my house in this crappy Cleveland market I would...Get in that special "WITNESS" protection program...You know the one...Where all we've "WITNESSED" is complete failure!

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Way to go Penguins...It was nice to see Fleury step up...

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Staal was a stud the entire playoffs...

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Crosby is still a little b!tch...BTW...It was kinda funny seeing Hossa on one knee wondering 'What the hell was I thinking when I left Pittsburgh!?!'

That's all on this topic...I need another drink...

Later, the Beeze.

Worms on the Mirror

I've been in a sh!t mood all day today...And honestly I've been slipping into that mood a lot the last couple of weeks...My mood being what it was I wasn't going to post anything today...The anger or frustration had turned into a touch of depression...Which lead to more frustration...

So I picked up a guitar because it along with writing are my two best forms of therapy...I've shared finished songs before...Tonight I'll share an unfinished one...with the hopes that it doesn't suck...I've got a guitar part written, with a sweet solo at the end...Daddy like to get a solo in sometimes...I've also got a basic bass line down...

The words may be out there...God knows I am...Be gentle, it's still a work in progress...


"Worms on the Mirror"

All the worms in the bottle...
Are slipping something senseless in your words...
And all the world's executions...
Can't make up for all your penty turns (not sure about that one)

And now all the souls are watching...
Dancing to the pictures in your mind...
And as you feel the world spinning...
You realize it's all a waste of time...

And that's when you know...
It's in your head....now...
It's in your head....now....

All the lines in the mirror...
Are making you look older then you are...
And if solitude is heaven...
You know that hell can't be very far...

And now all the souls are watching...
Dancing to the pictures in your mind...
And as you feel the world spinning...
You realize it's all a waste of time...

And that's when you know...
It's in your head....now...
It's in your head....now....

(musical interlude)

It's in your head...now
It's in your head...now

(over top sweet guitar lead)

It's in your head...head...
No one ever worries under ground...
It's in your head...head...
No one's gonna pick you off the ground...

(ride that guitar out)

That's it for now...We'll see what happens...

Later, The Beeze

The Soundtrack of My Life

Here's another little game from Facebook...

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

2. Put it on shuffle

3. Press play

4. For every question, type the song that's playing

5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

7.Then tag 11 friends including the one that tagged you

For this I used the Playlist that is at the bottom of the page.....

Opening Credits: Strangers (Portishead)

Waking Up: Not an Addict (K's Choice)

First Day At School: House of Doom (Black Label Society)

Falling In love: Molly (Sponge)

Fight Song: Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)--(Deftones)

Breaking up: Lies (Glen Hansard)

Prom: Miami (Counting Crows)

Life's OK: Clumsy (Our Lady Peace)

Mental Breakdown: Way Beyond Empty (Zakk Wylde)

Driving: Bad Luck (Social Distortion)

Flashback: Digital Bath (Deftones)

Getting Back Together: Sometimes (Candlebox)

Wedding: Live for Real (K's Choice)

Birth of Child: Catapult (Counting Crows)

Final Battle: American Jesus (Bad Religion)

Death Scene: Cowboys (Portishead)

Funeral Song: Smoke (Ben Folds Five)

End Credits: The Seeker (The Who)

(There was no need or meaning for the colors...I'm just drunk and silly tonight!)

Later, The Beeze.

PS...If you want a good laugh...Scroll down to the next post...Hilarious!

Laugh of the Week!

This is one of the funniest things I've seen!




Later, The Beeze

Monday Moaning

Well another weekend has come to an end, and it's back to the grind...But before we get back to the grind...Have a cup of coffee and check out the moaning...

There has to be plenty of moaning going on in Pittsburgh after this past week...First the Pirates traded one of their best players for 3 prospects...Sounds like something the Indians would do...Oh wait...Your GM learned his trade here in Cleveland, under Mark Shapiro....Well, don't worry...You get use to it...Based on what I know about the Pirates GM, Neil Huntington...He was always a good talent evaluator...So hopefully the prospects do well...So he can trade them in a few years for more prospects!

Then on Saturday night the Pittsburgh Penguins got the living sh!t beat out of them by the Detroit Red Wings...The Wings now lead the series 3-2...Honestly I'm not even sure why the Pens came out for the 3rd period...This series has been tight and exciting...But Saturday Pittsburgh looked...Well they looked like the freshmen playing the varsity...I hope they get back on track...I want to see 7 games!

Saturday, before the hockey game, we had some excitement...That's right...The Belmont Stakes...It was a great race...check it out here... http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/06/this-battle-was-for-birds.html

So this weekend at the Beeze house was consumed by couple things...First...Movies...The Beeze family is a movie family...Friday night we had a sitter...Mrs. Beeze and I went to see Angels and Demons...I liked the book, just as I liked The DaVinci Code...I don't want to hear any of your religious/political views...I know some people have trouble with make-believe...They are books and movies...Get past it!

It was good...I mean really...How often do Ron Howard and Tom Hanks f**k something up? The ending was slightly different from the book, but that's Hollywood...

After that we went to Borders Books...Then hit a Fridays (you're welcome...free plug)...We had a few drinks, and a couple apps...Went home...Paid the sitter...And bumped uglies...Yes, the cleaning was a little more gentle after last weekend...

Late Saturday Night I made myself watch Righteous Kill...You know, De Niro...Pacino...A bunch of hype...Well the script wasn't that good...The twists weren't surprising, and I miss the time when these two guys were really great actors...Especially Pacino...He's been playing the same character for years now...

I'm also tired of movies with old f**ks like these two, and they're banging hot, much younger chicks...De Niro...Your tired ass couldn't handle this chick anymore...

Then Sunday night the Mrs. and I watched Tropic Thunder...That's right I didn't watch the basketball game...Why the hell would I? The movie was funny...But I heard alot of people raving about this..It was okay...I thought there were parts that dragged...And to be honest I was hoping Jack Black would die...I can't stand him...And while I'm hating on people...I'm starting to get tired of Ben Stiller too...Robert Downey Jr. cracked me up...And Tom Cruise was great...Seriously...Dude needs to do more comedic asshole roles!

Since I'm on the topic of movies...I saw a picture this week and I thought...'that would be a great movie!' ...Check it out here....http://thebeezewax.spruz.com/?cmd=blog&nid=343535&ptitle=Super-Fox

The other thing consuming the Beeze family...Well mainly me...They just got to enjoy the fruits of my labor...GRILLING! It's that time of year when I'm looking for any excuse to fire up the grill...Sunday we feasted...BBQ beef tenderloin...Corn on the cob...grilled zucchini...roasted potatoes...But TCP didn't make the trip north with his magic mushrooms...Maybe next time!

I'm so into cooking out...I made a little quiz about it...Right here....http://thebeezestalesfromthefishhouse.blogspot.com/2009/06/beezes-cookout-quiz.html

I started a Twitter account this past week...I didn't want to...But the guys at You Gab Sports started one and I thought well, just check it out...I have to be honest...I don't really like it...I'm a Facebook guy...But it has a certain creepiness about it...It's kinda like legalized stalking...I mean you're only seeing what these people want you to see...But still...We really have become a voyeuristic society....And yes...You can bet your sweet ass I'm following Isla Fisher...

Worst thing about my twitter updates...I believe people call them tweets....(That sound so lame)...Half of them are about my masturbation habits...The other half are just pimping blogs...

Since I'm talking about pimping blogs...There is a very talented Canadian Musician, whom I'm a big fan of by the name of Billy the Kid...Check out her blog...http://billythekid-thelostcause.blogspot.com/

The last thing I'm gonna ramble on about is this....My friends just had their first child...A beautiful baby girl...She was born 4 weeks early and due to some medical term I don't know how to explain...Her organs are all jumbled up...Monday she has to have a major surgery to fix this...Her Heart is strong...And her lungs have been doing well, so they feel confident she will be okay...But none the less...I'm asking for anyone out there to say a prayer, if you do that...Or have a good thought for this little girl...Hell, have a good thought for all the sick kids out there....

Thanks...

Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.

This Battle was for the Birds!

The Belmont Stakes came down to an exciting finish...Of course it did...Mine That Bird (6-5 favorite) was in it...And jockey Calvin Borel was on his back, going for a personal triple crown...

Borel used his traditional Mine That Bird strategy...Hanging at the back of the pack and letting his horse creep up on the field...Then turn on the jets and blow them away...But today he was in for a battle...

Dunkirk held the lead for a large portion of the race...Which I didn't like...I had money on Dunkirk and didn't want to see him run out of gas trying to set the pace...

Just as Borel was making his move Charitable Man was making his...Charitable Man who was undefeated at Belmont had Mrs. Beeze money on him...The three horses...Dunkirk, Mine That Bird, and Charitable Man all were going full tilt down the stretch...All three jockeys were trying to get everything out of there horses...

Then...Almost out of nowhere...coming up the outside is Summer Bird (11-1)ridden by Kent Desormeaux...Summer Bird began pushing the three leaders...Charitable Man who got a slight bump from Dunkirk ran out of steam...It was down to Dunkirk and the two Birds...The problem was Summer Bird didn't loo to be working as hard as Mine That Bird and Dunkirk...

Afterwards Borel said...."I thought I was home free, but the other horses galloped by."

What did Desormeaux say..."The colt broke like a rocket. "He absolutely dragged me around the race track. I had an armchair ride until I found some room. I found room."

(pictures from the AP)
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How they finished...

Summer Bird...

Dunkirk...(My pick)

Mine That Bird...(My daughter's pick)

Charitable Man...(Mrs. Beeze's pick)

Luv Gov...

Flying Private...

Brave Victory...

Mr. Hot Stuff...

Chocolate Candy...(My son's pick)

Miner's Escape.

I guess the Beeze family better find another way to make a quick buck!

Later, the Beeze

THE QUIZ

I got this from my dear old friend -A...Off one of her two wonderful blogs...

http://www.weeklyadventuresordinarygirl.com/ ...She got it from here...

http://magiclanternshowen.blogspot.com/

What are your current obsessions?- Amber Tamblyn...

Blogging...Writing...Stanley Cup Playoffs...And did I mention Amber Tamblyn...

Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often?- Pick a hoodie, any hoodie!

What's for Dinner?- BBQ Pork Chops, Roasted Potatoes, and Creamed Corn...

What's the last thing you bought?- A chocolate shake from Dairy Queen...

What are you listening to?- "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows"

If you were a God/Goddess who would you be?- Ares... http://www.buzzle.com/articles/ares-greek-god-of-war.html

Favorite holiday spots?- Home or Boston


Reading right now?- "Notre Dame and the Game that Changed Footbal"

Who or what makes you split your sides laughing?- Little Beeze...CK...TCP...The Queefing chick!

Who's your Hero/Heroine?- My Dad and My Wife

First Spring Thing?- WTF? I planted Basil and Zucchini...Does that count?

Favourite Film?- "Waiting..."

Why?- It's funny 'cause it's true!

Care to share some wisdom?- What is understood doesn't need to be disgusted...

Life is like a d!ck...When it gets hard...F**k it!

If you were a tree, which one would you be, and why?- I don't know and I honestly don't care...If I was a f**king tree I would be pretty pissed off!

Name fictitious characters who made a lasting impression on you?- Monty from "Waiting"...Randall From "Clerks" ...Rorshach from "Watchmen" ...Fletch!

4 words to describe yourself?- Pervert...Smart-ass...Funny...Disturbed

6 things you love? (other than the obvious ones)- Writing...Music...Playing Guitar...Food...Catching up with old friends...

That is that...

Later, The Beeze

How to Get Out of Jury Duty

I got this from a friend of mine a couple months ago...I planned on posting it back then, but forgot...The above letter is from a citizen of Gallatin County Montana, who really doesn't want to participate in that, oh so joyous civic duty known as JURY DUTY!

-

"Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believ in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through thick skulls.

Leave me the F_ _k alone."

-

I wonder how things worked out for this fella...I love the line about counting the wrinkles in his dog's balls...Classic!

-

Later, the Beeze.

"WITNESS...Nothing again!"

That's what it said on a shirt I saw today...That is my new favorite shirt...At least until I have one made that says...'I f**ked my wife so good and hard, she ended up in the hospital!' (if you don't get that joke, read Monday Moaning)

-

I'm not a big LeBron James fan...Hell, I'm not much of a fan of basketball...But, being a Clevelander, it was hard not to watch some of the playoffs this year...But I didn't jump on the bandwagon...I don't do that sh!t...I wasn't on at the start, so I'm not gonna be a douche and jump on when the team is good...

Anyway...The big talk the last few days has been about LeBron...And how he walked off the court Saturday without shaking any hands of the Orlando Magic players...Honestly I didn't care about that...I can understand being upset...And it isn't a traditional thing to do, like it is in hockey...

What did bother me, was Lebron not talking to the media afterwards...And still on Monday not being apologetic about it...Saying "I'm a competitor" just doesn't cut it...

And I don't want to hear anymore people saying..."Well he's only 24...He's still young." Really...So he shouldn't be a responsible adult...He's been in the league for 6 years...He's not a rookie...That "he's young" sh!t doesn't wash with me...Let's not forget, this guy is a father of 3 kids...(two with a girlfriend he won't marry, and one with another girl) So if he screws up as a parent...Are you going to say..."Well he's only 24...He's still young." I truly hope not.

It's time stop acting like a f**king child and grow up "king!"

Listen LeBron...You have no problem putting your ass in front of the cameras when you're winning......You have no problem being one of the faces of the league and letting the media swing on your nuts when all is well...So you need to man up and face the media when you and your team shit the bed...

-

Sorry if this dose of honesty is too harsh...But I'm sick of grown men acting like children...And it seems the more money they make...The more they act like a spoiled brat.

-

End Rant.

-

Later, the Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Well I hate to start the week off on a downer...But I really have no choice...I'll try to get past it and post some good stuff for ya...I had written in this previous post...http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/05/dying-view.html ...About a sick friend...I found out Sunday, that she passed away...This kinda put me in a sh!t mood...And to be honest, it made me remember how not important sports and celebrities and all that nonsense really are...
-
I spend alot of time cracking on stupid athletes, and well stupid people in general...And don't get me wrong...I'm sure in a day or two I'll be passing out skull f**ks or talking some kinda sh!t about some nonsense...But I guess I just want to remind everyone, that there are bigger, more important things out there...

So yeah...LeBron and the CAVS choked...But it could be worse...You could have choked on a chicken wing watching that piece of sh!t game...

And that folks is the most basketball talk you're gonna get from me...

Now Hockey...That's a f**king sport....The Stanley Cup Finals started Saturday night...The Detroit Red Wings beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-1...Game two was played Sunday night...The NHL and NBC wanted to get as many viewers as possible...So they did the rare back to back games...The Wings won game two, also 3-1....the key to both of the games...

Chris Osgood...

This guy just knows how to win in the playoffs...He always raises his game to the next level...And to be honest so do the Red Wings...I thought they would win it in 6 maybe 7 games...Now it may be 5...

The Penguins have lots of talent...and some grit...But they don't have the same grit the Wings have...

I expect the Pens to win game 3 on their home ice...At the end of game 2 Malkin sent a message...Not just to the Wings, that he wasn't backing down...But to his teammates also...I'm sure it'll be another tight battle...

Now I always like to include a little bit about the Beeze family's weekend...It was nothing to crazy...Except for the sex Saturday night...That caused me to have to take Mrs. Beeze to the Urgent Care Sunday morning...The poor gal could barely move...Should was having some serious muscle spasms, that were locking her up and making it hard to breathe...

Now I hate to sound insensitive...But it makes a man feel pretty good about himself, when he puts his woman in the hospital after a night of long, hard, serious deep d!cking...It wasn't any crazy positions...We started at Cowgirl...Went onto Reverse Cowgirl...Then she got bent over the dresser...Then she got jack hammered on the floor...Then we finished it off with the Tampeco Destroyer...(if you don't know what that is...I'll tell you later, in the comments)

So the doctor is asking what happened? What were you doing? I wanted to say read my blog a$$hole...But the wife would have been pissed...Then I thought...Just tell him...'What ya think Doc...I was layin' the wood to her all night!' ...No...That would have pissed her off too...So what does she come up with..."I think I hurt it cleaning."

Cleaning? Cleaning the dresser with your t*ts maybe...Cleaning the rug with you back possibly...Cleaning the sheets with sweat and c*m if that's clean in your book...(did I just go to far? Oh I think she's not like that part)

So the Doctor gave her prescriptions for muscle relaxers, and anti-inflammatory...So she's pretty much useless right now...And then she uses this crap as an excuse to not get it on tonight...I believe she said..."how big of an a$$hole are you?" The answer is yet to be determined...

That's all for now gang...Have a good week.

Later, The Beeze.

PS...Let the ones you love know, just how much you love them.