Getting In the Mood (vol. 8)

 

Well, we're almost there. Time got away from me today and I almost forgot to post this. Was busy doing my Santa Claus duties. There's this myth that moms do all the Christmas stuff. 

 Not in this household. We both do gift shopping, but I tend to be in control of the kids lists. The Tree is my department and normally the night we decorate, I go back and fix things after everyone is in bed, because I have serious OCD about how ornaments are put on the tree. This year, was the best the kids have ever done and there were very few minor adjustments. I'm training them well. My wife does the Christmas cookies with the kids. I do the meals, ALWAYS! I do the wrapping of presents. This use to be something my wife did when the kids were young, I would take them out for a fun day and she would be miserable wrapping. No I wrap and hide the gifts as I go, because our youngest is still into the Santa Claus thing and my wife doesn't want us to kill that. Then Christmas Eve, I set it all up under the tree. I even mix in surprises my wife doesn't know about.

Maybe that old myth comes from way back when most women stayed home and all that June Clever shit, but those days are long gone and if you're a father and not getting your hands dirty in this Christmas stuff, you're an asshole!

Since I brought up those days from yesteryear, Today's song is the Brenda Lee classic, "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree."

Enjoy, see ya tomorrow!

National What The Fuck Day

 

So I missed this “National Daughter Day” stuff and I guess it was followed by “National Son Day”...I don’t know...I remember when every single day of the week wasn’t some made up “National” Day...Am I an old curmudgeon? Maybe, I turn 45 tomorrow...Is that old? It use to be in my teenage mind, back then 45 was light years away...Or am I just crabby fucker, sick of today's bullshit...Not literally today...Like recent shit...

Back to this "National Day" shit has I hopped off the rails real quick there...

I’m a father EVERY day and don’t need to pat myself on the back for it...I like Pizza and Tacos and Burgers every day, not just on their “national day"...Yes, there really are "National Days" for basic shit like pizza, burgers, tacos, donuts, and apparently being a parent...Listen, i don't need a "National Day" or an excuse to smash some Pizza or Tacos or Donuts...I'll fucking Door Dash some right now and Livestream eating it just to show you....There's also "Grandparents Day," that just magically appeared out of nowhere a few years back...All of this shit just appeared...All these nonsensical National Days, out of nowhere, for no damn reason....

We have gotten awful needy for things to pump up or be excited about...or just to have a reason to post on social media...That's it...It's fucking social media...This goddamn "look at me" world we now live in...And yes, I'm here preaching and bitching, but I'm guilty as fuck of it...I bought into Social media years ago and I'm like a fucking junkie now, checking Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...#FuckTrump, #FascistTrump, #TrumpWantsToFuckIvanka....

I've been writing blogs since 2007 and whoring them and myself out on social media...'Maybe one day someone "important" will read my shit and want to pay me for it!'..."Me, I like to cast my death on yesterday, 'cause what doesn't kill us just makes us better whores!"

Guess what...we have an evil criminal, no tax paying, lying and not giving a fuck that over 200,000 people died, many because of his lying, IDIOT, traitor, wants to be a fascist dictator, for our President...fucking hell! There's plenty to post about on social media...I've lost countless friends and followers and had 2 Twitter accounts permanently suspended because all I have done for months is post about this lying, fucking asshole...This Traitor and his cult of traitor followers...And the "friends" and followers I've lost because of it, I'm not sad about at all...They are either silent members of his cult or complacent idiots who don't realize or don't care about what is happening to this country...

#WakeUpAMerica

Every day is NATIONAL WHAT THE FUCK DAY!

Thanks

It is Thanksgiving and I thought I would sit down and take a moment to reflect on just how lucky I am...I have much to be thankful for...

-Great friends, near and far...

-Wonderful friends who have helped us with our move and this major transition in our lives...

-Wonderful family...I'm am very thankful for how my wife's family has excepted me over the years...Since day one they have made me feel like one of the gang...My side, well, other than my parents and brothers I have distanced myself from the extended family...Far too much drama and stupidity to deal with...

My Parents, who excepted our moving, and understood why we were doing it, and supported us the best they could, even though we were doing it at the worst time for them...

-My amazing wife...I still wonder what the hell she ever saw in me..."I'm hard to follow, even harder to swallow, and impossible to hold."
She is pretty, smart, kind, loving, and incredible...She is a much better person then me, and always reminds me that I can be better...But she can't cook, so maybe that's why she keeps me around!

-My oldest daughter...Smart, sweet, honest, loyal, thoughtful, caring, mother-hen...She has a truly pure soul...I have told her before, but I don't think she has gotten yet...She can do anything in this world...She gives me a flicker of hope for future generations...

-My son...Amazing artist...He has more artistic ability in on finger then everyone on this block combined...drawing, clay, whatever...He just started doing it one day, and was great at it...He has incredible vision, with is eyes, but more so with his mind...He can spot a subliminal message in ad you put in front of he...He sweet and sensitive, and compassionate and slightly naive...I fear it will work against, but I don't want him to totally lose it either...

-My youngest daughter...#3...The one that changed everything...She flipped our world upside down and I'm so thankful for it...Every day, no matter how bad things may be going, she will make me laugh...She will bring complete joy over me with the littlest, silliest thing...

-Our wonderful home...Yes, I'd be thankful just for having a home...But I am very thankful for the deal we were able to workout to get this home...I am thankful for this house, that seems to fit us like a glove...Whenever I moved in my life, I needed an adjustment period, to get use to things...To feel comfortable...To feel like I belonged...In this house, I felt like I belonged day one...I think we all did...This house feels like home...

-Lastly, I mentioned my parents earlier...I am what I am mostly because of them...I am thankful for that...And I am so thankful for my mother's toughness, and courage, and health...In May doctors were talking about Stage 4 Cancer, quality of life, and trying to get her an extra year...After 24 weeks of Chemo, her scans are clear...Shocking us and shocking the hell out of the doctor...Now she is fighting to get her strength back, and to get back to herself....I am so thankful for her health, and for her example...

I apologize if this too damn sappy...I'll get back to being an asshole in my next post...For now, chop that birds head off, and get him in the oven sugar-tits!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton: Bad Sports Parents

When during the off-season, the Boston Bruins traded young, talented Defenseman, Dougie Hamilton, Bruins fans were shocked, and not happy...It appeared that negotiations for a contract extension broke down...When the Flames reached a deal with Hamilton after the trade, Bruins fans were scratching their heads, seeing that the numbers were not that far apart...Well, the picture is getting clearer this week...

Tuesday it came out that Hamilton wanted out of Boston because the Bruins had refused to trade for his Freddie, who is with the San Jose Sharks...

Today, even more came out on the Toucher and Rich show on 98.5 in Boston...CSNNE's John Haggerty was on the show Wednesday morning, talking Bruins and was asked about the Hamilton reports...Haggerty had said he hadn't heard the 'trade for my brother' story, but did suggest that Hamilton's parents may have been a major factor in the Bruins trading Dougie boy...

“What I did hear was that his parents were heavily involved in his career probably more so than you see with most guys who are 21, 22 years old, and there was some push-back because there were phone calls made to the Bruins organization, or there was some involvement in the way he was being used and things like that.”

The guys pushed, and asked if Haggerty was saying that Hamilton's parents were calling the Bruins and complaining about how he was used, Haggerty reiterated that they were “heavily involved in his career”...He also added that the parents have been "heavily involved" in Freddie’s career...


As a parent, I can understand being fully concerned about your kids, and their career...Especially when it is a career that can be very lucrative, but also very short lived...But there is a line, and these people seem to be going way past it...This isn't Little League...Hell, it's not even college...And college programs wouldn't put up with this shit...It's the NHL...The elite...The best of the best, and Mom and Dad are calling the management to complain because their boy isn't getting enough minutes...'Why isn't my Dougie on the penalty kill?'  Why isn't little Dougie boy a top-2 Defenseman?'

This shit is ridiculous...And now that it's coming out, Hamilton is going to get some serious ball-busting...Especially next time he comes to Boston...

Grow up Dougie...Tell Mom and Dad to mind their own business!

I'm Not Sure there is an Emoji for How I Feel?

The last six to eight months of my life have been crazy, frustrating, stressful, tense, filled with changes, challenges, highs and lows...My wife and I have dealt with financial struggles...Our family has been dealing with her father's illness, and my mother's illness...I have had the opportunity to spend more time with my kids...With having more time with them, and focusing on them more, it  has lead to me worrying more...And I have always worried a lot...

The last month or so, I have been thinking a lot about my past...And while so many of the memories are great, I end up feeling depressed...And then there are the stupidly odd moments I hold on to...Moments when I felt totally and completely embarrassed, and I sit there getting angry at my childhood self, and feeling embarrassed...As if the people in that moment even remember it...The moments I should take pride in are washed over by stupid seconds in time I'll never be able to change...Nor should I really care to so fucking much...

My mother is sick...Really, really, fucking sick...And she puts up a front to me, as if I don't know how bad it is...As if brother and I haven't talked...Because my dad and him have talked about it all...Is it because I'm the youngest?  My mom and I have had a bond that she my brothers didn't have with her...I could talk to her about anything, and did...She has always been one of my best friends...I always took her side...What does that mean? As a child I woke up many nights to the sound of my parents fighting...(verbally, never physical)...It was often because of my father's drinking...

For many years of my youth, I didn't like my dad...As I got older, around 18, we got closer over the years...I learned more and more about him...He's one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet...And he's as tough as they come...Now I have seen him change...His wife, my mom, is sick...And it is killing him...He wants to take it and put it on himself, but the Gods and Cancer don't work that way...He's tense and protective of her...I've never heard fear in his voice...I hate how it sounds...

I'm often anxious...8 months ago I was taking anti-anxiety meds...But I couldn't cum...That's not going to help my stress level...Tried a different one...Didn't feel like fucking...Never felt that way before in my life, and don't want to again...That's not working...No drugs I guess...I've been taking vitamins and natural stuff to help...It's been pretty good...But the last couple weeks, not so much...

Stress, depression, anxiety, sadness, worry, frustration...All of those, hit me withing a couple hours, out of nowhere...I'm a father of three kids...And they are growing up faster then maybe my mind wants...So yeah, I can understand feeling these things at times...But it's been hitting me every night...After everyone is asleep...I'm still awake...Worrying about important shit, stupid shit, regrets, memories, what-ifs...I ride it out until my body starts giving in to the need for sleep...Then I finally go to bed...I put on a podcast, or some form of talk radio on my iPhone, to try to shout down the voice (worries) in my head...I put on music some nights, but I can't on the bad nights...It's too easy for my mind to stray...It just becomes a soundtrack for the insanity...

I've always had trouble sleeping...When I was kid, I would sit up in my bed, rock myself back and forth...Once I was tired out enough, the body was able to shutdown, and override the head...If I was to play dime-store shrink, which I guess is what this post is doing, I would say it is a build in fear, from waking up so many nights as a kid, to the sound of my mother being upset, and arguing with my father...(Listen, I had a good childhood...I love my parents, and they love each other...And they're still together, and I know plenty of people who can't say that)...It's not them...It's me...I hold onto the stupid or bad stuff, and the good stuff has to battle it's way back in there...As a teenager, I listened to sports talk radio, or music while I drew and painted...There were days I slept more in school then I did at home...

As I got older, drinking helped knock me out...But nowadays, that doesn't cut it...I'm a parent...I have to be able to function...Getting tanked every night so I can sleep doesn't work for me...

Where the fuck is this going?

I'm sick of being anxious/nervous...Listen to this shit...It became a thing about me...'My thing'...Some good friends joked about it with me...If I told you "I'll be there," or "I'll meet you guys there," or some shit like that, making plans...That inevitably meant, at least to those that got it, that I wasn't going...My whole life I made plans, and come time or close to time to go, I would get sick...Or just feel blah...Or just not go...It happens still, and I have to fight with it...My wife and I have had plans to go somewhere, or meet friends, and a couple hours before, or even up to 20 minutes before, I'll say, " I don't feel like going,' or "I don't want to do this," or "do you just want to stay home and watch a movie?"

Yeah, I'm kinda screwed up...

Maybe I don't need a shrink...Maybe this is the way to work it out...Just spew it all out like this, for anyone to see...What's the difference between a strange doctor listening to me, opposed to strangers reading it on my blog?  I would say this way is cheaper...

I'm not looking for pity or sympathy...I just want to say these things...I just want to get it all off my chest...I'm a father and a husband...Maybe it was how I was raised, but I have to hold these things in...I can't show my kids my depression...My wife sees some of this shit, and has listened to my frustration, but she has enough on her plate...She doesn't need to hear me whine about why I can't sleep or whatever else...

I want a change...And not a little minimal change thing...I want a big change...I want a fresh start...things are happening in our life that may help this come to be...My wife and I are talking about a move...No, a move won't erase stupid old memories, and my fucked up quirks...But I feel like it's something I want and need...She is in too...I think it would be good for all of us...

The toughest part would be moving away from my parents, especially with what they are going through right now...The other tough one is the is the kids...Our oldest especially...She has roots...Those young strong roots that you feel as a kid, if they are ripped out, you'll never recover...My wife went through it, and she was okay...I actually think it helped her...Gave her the courage to do all the things and make all the moves she has made...

My wife is a amazing...My kids are amazing...My life isn't horrible...It isn't even bad...It's good...I know this...I'm lucky...That's why this depression and anxiety bullshit is pissing me off so much...

Thanks for listening.