Monday Moaning

Happy Memorial Day...Isn't it stupid of us to say "Happy Memorial Day?" I mean, it's a day celebrating those who gave their lives for our country...Why should we be so happy? We go to parades...We fire up the grill, drink beers maybe check out the baseball, and we're over-joyed to not be at work...Yeah, I guess it would suck if we spent all day moping around a cemetery...I guess me and my high-horse are saying, take a few minutes and remember why the hell you aren't at work today...

Now on with our regularly scheduled blog...So far this weekend has been crazy for me...I'm writing this at 10:30 PM Sunday, and all I want to do is sleep...We had to go into Erie, PA Saturday to check on some things with my Father-in-law...I won't get into it all, but he's losing his marbles...During the afternoon, my in laws were all fired up about us taking the kids to a Russian Festival at a local church...Okay, so we get there and all it is, is a bunch of old people listening to people singing in Russian, and some Russian food...Nothing fun for kids to do, except joining their father in a classic, 'U-S-A-U-S-A-U-S-A' chant!

Saturday night we did get to hook up with some friends and check out some Double-A baseball, As the Akron Aeros (Indians) traveled to take on the Erie Seawolves (Tigers)...Erie won 7-3...But more importantly, the kids had fun, and were well behaved...Even over-tired, Molly was there busting a move to "YMCA"...The little Beeze got restless, but that happens when he's tired, and his Allergies are flared up...And they were big time...

When we got back to the in laws, it was way past bedtime...Molly was a bit thrown off about her bedtime surroundings, so I stole my oldest daughters ipod touch and got into the Molly play-list...I've set her up with some good tunes...Most 17 month old kids aren't this cool...She likes Coltrane, Portishead, Damien Rice, and Paul Westerberg a lot...But the first one on there was Billy_the_Kid...And it was Billy that got her to relax and comfortably doze off...

Here's a tune Billy wrote about a guy who was a foster kid, and when he was 18 not knowing what to do or where to go with his life, he signed up to serve in the military...10 years or so later and he keeps going "Back in the Sand."




Sunday morning I took the kids to a park for awhile, then we hit a local Candy store-Ice Cream shop-and Coffee shop...What the hell...Just an evil combination for my fat ass, let alone my sugar loving kids!

Later in the afternoon we headed back home...Then we went to a Memorial Day weekend party at one of our friends house...Like I said at the time...Party just sounds odd to me...But it was great seeing a number of friends...My one buddy from high school and I were just shaking our heads at all the little kids, and the fact that we were responsible for 3 each...Seems crazy sometimes when you think about it...

-In sports...Well, I'm not happy...My New York Rangers lost game 6 Friday night to the New Jersey Devils...That pissed me off enough, but then there were dummies on Twitter...Dummies like ESPN's Mike Greenberg, who was one of many who called the game revenge for the Rangers beating the Devils in 1994...SO I of course had to respond...

"@Espngreeny really, the 3 Cups they won after '94 weren't revenge...You know nothing about Hockey...Shut the hell up!"

"@Espngreeny Your stupid network doesn't even cover Hockey...Be quiet you gash!"

Seriously, revenge...Brodeur is the only Devil left from back then...And there is no one left on the Rangers...How the fuck is it revenge...Like I said, the 3 cups the Devils won after '94 probably made up for it...Fuck stains!

-As for the Stanley Cup Finals, I can't root for the Devils...And I'd feel dirty rooting for the LA Kings...SO I'll sit back and just try to enjoy the hockey...Although with as hot as LA has been, including the stellar play of their goalie Johnathan Quick, I think the Kings will take it...

-Have you heard about Curt Schillings shitty video game company...First he jerked around people in Massachusetts, and got a sweat deal to move to Rhode Island, which included a $75 million loan from the state...Well, 38 Studios (the company's name) couldn't make their $1.25 million payment last week...And their staff hadn't been paid since the end of April...Well, Thursday the entire staff of 379 people were laid off, and lost their health benefits...Somehow I bet ya, Curt and his bloody sock will come out of this okay...Shady fucker will find some way to beat the system, while the little guy, his employees, and the taxpayers will be getting deep dicked!

That's it for now...Well, except for this...




Have a week...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Hits

Last week we did the old Hump Day Survey...This week we're switching it up, because I don't have too many questions to ask...But I do have a couple topics I want to hit...Yep, the kid has some shit to rant about...(SHOCKER!)

First, Monday I was bitching about Indians closer Chris Perez ripping Clevelanders for not packing the stadium for Indians games...Oh, and he ripped them for booing him, after blowing a game, and booing him when he put two runners on base his next time out...Asshole needs to grow up...Pro athletes get booed when they fuck up...Stupid fucking child! Asshole making $5 million a year telling me how to spend my money...I've been working since I was 13 years old, and I'll never come close to making $5 million in my life...Unless my writing career some how takes off! So Perez can still lick my ass!

Then today, I hear this douche on Cleveland sports talk, Chuck Booms, bitching at the fans, saying they better fill the seats for this series against the Tigers...After he bitches for a few minutes, his partner Kevin Kiley, who often annoys me, called him out, and asked Booms, "How many tickets have you bought?" Booms starts yelling, "I don't have to, I'm in the media, we get in free!"

So this little, shit is going to scream at Clevelanders to spend their money on the Tribe, but are you crazy? Why would he? He's in the Media...Bitching on the radio makes him part of the media and gives him free tickets whenever he wants...Well shit, I bitch on my blog, where the fuck are my free tickets? Here's another fucking asshole, telling the regular folks what to do with their money...These cock suckers have some balls...And if you ever listen to Booms, you can here he is a closet case, boner smoker...

If I go to a Tribe game, I gotta pay $20 to park my car...Then the cheapest seats in the house are $10...And let me tell you, I don't feel like sitting in the bleachers or nose-bleeds...Then if I want a beer, that's $8...A fucking hot dog is $6...Everything there food wise is grossly overpriced...Then if it's just me and the wife, we have to pay a baby-sitter...And when you're talking 3 kids, that shit gets expensive...If we bring the kids, that costs, and gives us a fucking headache...

But this little asshole who goes to games free, is going to tell me what to do with my money...He really needs to choke on a cock and die!

The next thing pissing me off is the Phoenix Coyotes management...More than a few years ago, the NHL switched what jersey was worn at home...It use to be the white...But they switched it to the dark jersey...So the Coyotes look really stupid when they tell their fans to do the old "white out" thing, and all wear white...The LA Kings are skating around the ice wearing their whites, and the Coyotes are in all maroon...The league has let teams wear white at home at times...So if the Coyotes wanted to do a "white out" why not get the team on board too...Way to make people think they are watching the kings play in front of their home crowd...Stupid fucking Phoenix...They could have broken out their old black jerseys, and done a "Black out." Maybe this seems gay, but it just looks stupid...

Since we were just talking Hockey, let close with some hockey hotties...On this Hump Day, which of these Hockey wives would you must like to do some stick-handling with!?!


A. As seen at the top of this post, Willa Ford (Mike Modano)





B. Hilary Duff (Mike Comrie)



And just remember how she handled getting engaged...






C. Carrie Underwood (Mike Fisher)




Alright, Read and Respond...And Happy Hump Day!

Later, the Beeze.

More Idiot Parents

It's seems that every week, if I search through the news hard enough, I'll find another tail of people who call themselves parents, acting like complete fucking idiots, and no where close to acting like parents...

These two dolts thought it would be a funny way to scare their child into behaving, if they threw him in a washing machine, while at the Laundromat...Then their plan took a wrong turn...The machine auto-locked and started filling, and tossing the kid around...




This kid is a toddler...Do you really think this is the best way to teach him a lesson, or to give yourself a laugh...I guess not, based on the way you two fuck-stains started panicking when you realized you were about to be facing murder charges...

Luckily an attendant at the laundromat disabled the machine, and managed to get it open...The child, was obliviously scared, and took some bumps and bruises...Too bad his parents weren't locked in a room with me for a few hours...I'd love to hand out some bumps and bruises to these assholes...

Everyday, I hope that I am doing a good job raising my kids...Yes, I lose my temper sometimes...I've smashed a toy before...I've yelled...I've even threatened smack a kid when they have crossed a line...But threatening is a bit different then doing...And I really can't imagine what any of my kids could do, that would make me consider something that could end their life...How the hell do you put a toddler in a washing machine!?! How do you think that's a good idea!?!

I hope that these two are being investigated...I hope the kid, and any others they may have are taken away...I hope they are sterilized...Christ, these two shouldn't be allowed to keep sucking up the air that the rest of us non-assholes use...I just don't understand how people could be so fucking stupid, and treat their kids like this...Unreal!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Yeah, this week we're going to start off talking about the ponies...Saturday was the Preakness Stakes...And just like the Kentucky Derby, it was an exciting finish...Just like in the Derby, Bodemeister jumped out to an early lead, and set the pace...But this time, he held back a bit, and slowed it down some from the blistering pace he ran in Kentucky...Clearly, jockey Mike Smith wanted to save a some horse for late in the race, knowing that I'll Have Another was lurking closely behind...

And then it happened...As they headed down the home stretch, I'll Have Another's jockey, Mario Gutierrez let his horse loose...But at the same time Bodemeister started surging as well...Both horses left the rest of the field in the dust...For a few seconds, it looked like Bodemeister was going to hold off I'll Have Another...But in the last 100 yards, Gutierrez had a little more left in his horse, and I'll Have Another won by a neck...


Just a great race...And now Horse Racing has a chance at seeing a Triple Crown Winning horse...But will it happen?

The next race, in Belmont, is also the longest of the three...Will I'll Have Another, have another late race surge in him? Will Bodemeister be setting the pace again? Well kids, you're going to hear it, or read it here first...If Dullahan runs at Belmont, (he didn't run at the Preakness) he'll be your winner...He's a big-time closer...(He was surging late in the Derby as well, and finished a very close 3rd.) He'll also be coming off of 5 weeks of rest after running in the Derby...He should have more in him then Bodemeister and I'll Have Another...Yes, we'd love to see a Triple Crown winner, but I'm telling you, Dullahan is going to win it...

-Now, a couple weeks ago I went off about the local radio hacks blasting Clevelanders for not filling the stadium for Indians games...Then Saturday, Indians closer Chris Perez decided to blast the fans for not turning out...After reading this I felt the need to get on Twitter and let Perez know what I thought...That overrated, overpriced twat..."@ChrisPerez54 You want to rip the fans...Fuck you and die...Pay my kids tuition, and maybe I'll show up to watch you put guys on base cunt!"

Seriously, if Perez wants to pay my kids tuition, pay to keep the roof over my family's heads, and keep food on the table, and keep my Direct TV on, then maybe I'll buy some Indians tickets...Otherwise, fuck off...I don't buy Browns, or Cavaliers tickets either...That shit is just too fucking expensive...It's not in the Budget...

And fuck off again...Guy was pissed because he got booed after losing a game...Grow the fuck up...Half-assed pitchers get booed, especially when they can't handle coming into a tie game, and blow it...Stop putting runners on base, and you won't get shit from the fans...Actually, after your dumb mouth cut loose, you're going to get shit from the fans...

Chris Perez can suck my ass!

-This past week Cleveland's first casino opened up...The city is buzzing about it...Shit one of the cooks at the Steak House has been there few times already...And on opening night he lost $3000...Yep, the economy is shit, and people are blowing money trying to hit it big...Hey, if that's your plan, bet on Dullahan! I don't plan on going there anytime soon...That's also not in the budget, Chris Perez and Tony Zarrella, the Cleveland Sports reporter who blasted people for going to the Casino, and not Indians games...

-This weekend we had fun with the kids...We hit a street fair Saturday...Sunday the Little Beeze and I went to see "The Avengers"...He was pumped to see it...He's a Thor fan, but loved The Hulk smashing Loki...And he became a big fan of Iron Man's smart ass style...(not a surprise)...And of course, it was great to see Scarlett again!

Miss Molly is doing great, and she inspired THIS...

That's it for now...Have a week...

Later, The Beeze.

Plane Spotting

There's a new hobby at the Beeze house...Little Miss Molly has become obsessed with spotting planes in the sky...She can seems to be able to hear them coming before normal people...Often she spots them before we even hear them...Now when we go outside to play, or even just walking to the car in the morning, she's scanning the sky, finding a plane, and pointing it out to all of us...



Even when they are this far away, she's spotting them, and letting us all know right where the plane is...



Maybe all the planes flying overhead have become something we have taken for granted...But clearly she is in full amazement, and excitement over the science and wonder of flight...And thank God for that...One of the best things about kids, are moments like these...Innocence in it's purest form...Reminding us how small we really are...To maybe stop and take a few minutes, and look around...To maybe not take so much for granted...

Look at this next one...She's pointing out one plane, and already scanning for another...


Just blown away by these planes...Watching, and wondering, and making sure we're watching too...I love plane spotting, and I'm going to be sad when it ends...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Hump Day Survey

Yeah, Back by popular demand, I've decided to dust off the weekly classic...Sports, pop-culture, maybe a rant mixed in, and of course, some lovely ladies to close it out...Let's get started...

1. Which Eastern Conference team wins and heads to The Stanley Cup Finals...New York Rangers? Or New Jersey Devils?


2. Which Western Conference team wins and goes to The Stanley Cup Finals...LA Kings? Or Phoenix Coyotes?


3. Our favorite comic announced he's going to have small role in that new Lifetime show staring Jennifer Love Hewitt...



A. Have you ever watched it?

B. Now that you know it's about Jennifer Love Hewitt jerking guys off, will you watch?

C. Will Bill Burr steal the scene?


4. Ohio State football player Andrew Sweat was offered and undrafted, free-agent deal from the Cleveland Browns...Sweat decided, based on his own history of concussion symptoms, and all that has gone on with head injuries in the NFL, that he would pass on the NFL and head to Law School...He's actually been ripped by dolts in the media for following in his father's footsteps instead of taking a crack at the NFL...

Did he make the right call?


.....Fuck You! I don't give a shit what you think, and neither should Sweat...Holy fucking shit, they kid may be the smartest mother fucker Ohio State has ever produced...Who the fuck is anyone to say he should have taken a shot at the NFL...He wasn't even drafted, and already has a history of head injuries...If the kid thinks the best thing for him is going to law school, then good for him...Anyone talking shit about that should choke on a big fat dick and die!


And now for the most important question...

5. On this fine Hump Day...Which one of these asses would you most like to pound your pud into?


A.




B.




C.




Audience participation only makes this post better...Nothing like people arguing over which hottie they could never get, but damn it she's the one they'd do!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

This week's post was going to be mostly about my family's trip to DC...But things didn't work out quite as we planned...We were to leave on Thursday...Monday the wife got a stomach bug...By Tuesday she was fine, but I got it Monday night...I took Tuesday off to try and beat it...Wednesday I was back at work...By Wednesday night, I was dying...Fever over 104, chills, puking, shits, pure hell...I wasn't better Thursday, and the baby got a touch of it...Slight fever, and the Hershey squirts...

The wife and other two kids went...The whole reason for the trip/family get together was her uncle's military funeral at Arlington National Cemetery...


As they rolled into town the first thing they saw was the Washington Monument...I later found out from my brother-in-law that Little Beeze started calling it "The Mega-Weiner"...That's my boy!


There he is with his big sister at "The Mega Weiner."


Here's the boy at The Smithsonian...They were really excited to go there...They were talking about it for a couple weeks...The Mrs. talked about coming back Saturday, knowing that I was having a rough time, and she was missing the baby...But I told her no way...They had to go to the Smithsonian....There was no way they were going to get short-changed because I had the shits...

They got back Sunday, and Molly went bat-shit crazy when they pulled in...She was dying to see her big brother and sister, and mom...It made Mother's Day nice, having mom get home...

So while they were away, what did me and my peanut do, besides being sick...Well, she got over it quick...I didn't start feeling well until Saturday, and then I was still rundown...Over the course of these few days we played a lot at our front window...


That's her favorite place to play with her toys, color, and eat...Oh, and watch the birds, squirrels, and bunnies that hang around our yard...A few mornings we threw some bread out there for the birds, and then she got a kick out of watching them eat...

We also watched plenty of Baseball...Mostly Indians vs Red Sox...Let me say this, it was great seeing the Indians beat the hell out of stupid Josh Beckett, and his over-inflated, arrogant, ego...The Tribe ran his ass in 2 innings, which was good, because I had to go blow mud...Then came the Red Sox bullpen...What a Island of Misfits Toys that thing is...Then the next night was the battle of two mental defective pitchers...Ubaldo Jimenez, and Clay Bucholz...These two dolts just don't want to win games, the way they've been pitching...

The next two games the Sox beat the Tribe down...But the Red Sox pitching has some serious problems...But Saturday's game wasn't really on my radar...I had more important things to do...Early in the day we went to The Hooley...A fun little neighborhood street party with two stages, food, drinks, and more...Molly enjoyed the pony ride, and the Irish Dancers...

After we got home she had a long nap...We had dinner, and got ready to watch the Rangers take on the Capitals in game 7...She wasn't going to bed anytime soon after that nap, let-alone with dad fired up, on the edge of his seat, rooting on his Rangers, who squeaked out a 2-1 win...Monday they take on New Jersey in the Conference Finals...

And for the people who hate on the Rangers like they're the Yankees...Hockey ain't Baseball...Hockey has a salary cap...The Rangers aren't rocking some kind of Yankees like advantage...They've got a team of mostly home grown talent, hard working grinders...Not two lines of super stars...And for the people who cry and go back to the Rangers in the '90s...Yeah, they spent a ton of money, on star vets...What did they get for it...One Cup...They aren't the Yankees...And it was teams spending like that, that got Hockey to fix itself...So fuck off...Thank the Rangers, and watch them take it home this year!

And shit, I can hear the conspiracy theorists now, if it ends up New York, and LA in the Finals...Wake up dummies, and actually watch some Hockey...Look it how these two teams goalies have played...They're un-fucking-real...

Go Rangers, fuck everyone else!

Have a week...

The Beeze.

Parent Means More Then Just Having Kids

Look at these two assholes...Yes, my opinion has been made, and these two, with out a doubt, are assholes...Tangie Jackson on the left, and Ricky Singleton on the right, will not be winning any parent of the year awards...Hell, Tangie doesn't even deserve to hear the words Happy Mother's Day...

The Cincinnati couple was charged with Child Endangerment and Tampering with Evidence, this week...Apparently Singleton after a rough day passed out, and had left his gun on the bed...His step-children, a 7 year old girl, and a 3 year old boy found it, and were playing with it...

What ya think happened next? Of course the fucking gun went off...They're easier for a kid to figure out, then a child-proof lighter...The 7 year old girl had been shot...When these two dumb-ass "parents" realize what happened, they don't call for an ambulance...They don't rush to the hospital...They made the kids walk a half mile, and then call 9-1-1...Their plan was for the kids to say that she was an innocent victim of a drive-by...

Luckily, the police could smell the bullshit a half mile away...And kids 7 and 3 aren't the best liars...

There is a reason I'm not a cop...Because I'd have a hard time not being judge, jury, and executioner...If I would have been the arresting officer, I would have considered offing these two shit-bags...They seriously don't deserve to breathe, let alone be called "parents"...

Getting knocked up doesn't make you a parent...Shooting loads doesn't make you a parent...Popping out kids doesn't make a you a parent...Teaching your kids, protecting them, helping them know right from wrong, showing them what love is...These two fuck-stains are not parents.

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

In case you haven't been paying attention, "The Avengers" opened this weekend, and this flick is going to bust over $200 Million for the opening weekend...Holy shit!

Oh, and by the way, it was fucking awesome...The Mrs. and I checked it out Sunday evening...They did a great job with it...Great action, great humor, and it was cool seeing shots of Cleveland getting blown the hell up!

And then of course, there's Scarlett Johansson...Hot as hell and kicking ass!


Tonight Mrs. Beeze's name is Scarlett!

Now, onto sports...

-Ohio State got rid of cheater Tressel, and his dirty ways...The brought in Urban Meyer to get things back on track, never mind the dirt that comes with him from Florida...And then this weekend, THIS story broke...Shit is unreal in Columbus!

-Albert Pujols finally finally hit his first home run of the year...I don't really give a shit...I've enjoyed seeing his overrated, overpaid ass struggle...Fuck the Angels for giving him a ten year deal...DOLTS!

-The Kentucky Derby lived up to it's hype of being the most exciting 2 minutes in sports...As "I'll Have Another" (15-1) came from behind and beat out Bodemeister who lead the entire race...He also beat out my horse, Dullahan who was charging hard as well...My oldest daughter had her money on Bodemeister, so she was pretty pissed...

-Sunday I wrote THIS post about struggling Indians pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez...Then the prick goes out there and pitches a good game...

The Indians have been a bit of a hot topic this week...With the Tribe sitting in first place of their division, and the Texas Rangers coming to town for the weekend, all the radio guys could talk about was the poor attendance so far...Some of these guys ranted about how Clevelanders shell out money every year for Browns season tickets, even though they religiously suck, and the front office has made it clear, they couldn't give a fuck about the fans...And if you've read my blog before, you know that pisses me off as well...I refuse to spend a dime on the Browns...

As for people not turning out for the Tribe...Well, shit baseball in Cleveland, during April usually sucks...Most of April is normally cold...even nice days, it gets cold at night...Then of course, we have a shitty economy here right now...People are watching how they spend their money when it comes to entertainment...Families may plan on taking a vacation, and dropping $150-$200 to take the family to a ball game may not be in the budget...

As for the fans who use the Indians' cheap owner as an excuse to not go, I could agree with that, if they weren't dumping money into the Browns...Also, the Indians are winning, and last year they were competitive...So a bad team isn't an excuse...

That said, unlike some of these guys on the radio, I'm not going to rip people for not going to the Indians games...Why? Because fuck it, I don't go...Shit every single game is televised...If that isn't enough, how about this...Tickets cost too much...Beers cost too much...Hot Dogs cost too much...Parking costs too much...And if we aren't taking the kids, a baby sitter costs too much...We've got bills to pay...Tuition for the kids...And just because some ass-hat on the radio says we should go to games, doesn't mean shit to me...

Lastly, I've got a PENNY_FOR_YOUR_THOUGHTS on this topic...

Now, I've gotta go throw it in Scarlett...Have a week...

Later, The Beeze.

Indians Need to Learn From the Past

Since even before the Indians acquired Ubaldo Jimenez last season, he was already struggling...And so far during his time in Cleveland, his delivery has constantly been changing...


Repeatedly the Indians staff have talked about Jimenez's mechanics being all mixed up...Everyone knows he has the ability to be an elite pitcher...He showed the potential in Colorado...If a pitcher can make it there, he can make it anywhere...

So why is he struggling in Cleveland...


Clearly the Indians staff isn't working with him enough, or the right way...It's time for the Tribe to look into their past, to help their future...

In 2007 Indians starter Cliff Lee started the year on the DL...When he returned, he struggled...And struggled...Finally the Indians made a bold move...They sent him down to the minors to work out his problems, and get his mechanics together, and consistent...Even after putting it all together, and looking great, the Indians didn't bring him up for the playoff roster...Lee has said it was the toughest season of his career, and going down was hard to swallow...But he will also tell you, it was the best thing that happened to his career...

What happened next...2008 Lee was lights-out, and won the AL Cy Young Award...And even though he's no longer with the Indians, every year he's on the short list of Cy Young candidates...

The Indians need to remember this, and consider sending Jimenez down...Work out the kinks...Build up his confidence..Get him back on track...

History does repeat itself...

Later, The Beeze.

Change We Can Believe In

In the past I have talked about running for President...It's all been written with humor, and a touch of seriousness...The things I have said I would push to do, are actually things I would love to do...Things like legalizing pot, and taxing it like we do with cigarettes and alcohol, and legalizing prostitution, and taxes those chicks and regulating that shit...Yep, I'd really do that shit...

Well, I have something else on that to-do list...Get rid of pennies...They taught us all about rounding our numbers in school when we were tiny tots...Shit my kids have learned that shit too...Well lets put it to use...Fuck pennies...FACT: It costs 3 cents to make each of those stupid ass 1 cent pennies...Right off the rip, we're pissing money away...Get rid of stupid pennies...Round prices up or down...Enough of this X number of dollars and 99 cents shit...Round it up to the next dollar...

Loose change is just an annoyance...I'd be all for getting rid of nickles too...Shit, the hell with dimes...Quarters may have to stick around a little longer, but I'm all for getting rid of all coins...The majority of us, when not using cash, are swiping our cards...ATM cards, and credit cards...We've all seen the guy buying $6.84 of shit at a corner store or coffee shop, or gas station...And what does he use...A card...So fuck the coins...Round the prices, and stop losing money making stupid fucking pennies!

I approve this message!

The Beeze.