About a week ago, Mrs. Beeze and a couple co-workers made plans for a group of us to go to dinner at The Melting Pot...A fondue place... http://www.meltingpot.com/It was 6 of us...To protect the not so innocent I'll slightly change their names...Except our server...MIKE...But we'll get to him in a bit...
The sitter showed up and the Mrs. and I went to meet the others...We planned on meeting in the bar first for a couple drinks...When we got there one of the other couples were already into their second drink...Bryan and May...(if you know who I'm talking about, I wasn't very creative with the name change)...These two crazy kids seem to like to drink, so I knew with my personality we'd have fun...May was drinking a Dirty Martini..."But not too dirty, just a little naughty." Bryan was drinking Great Lakes Brewing Company's Grassroots Ale...
What was I drinking? Nothing...At least not for 8 minutes...That's how long it took for the bartender to acknowledge my wife and my existence...When he finally did, she had a Stoli Orange with a splash of tonic...I first asked for a Heineken...He said they didn't have that...WTF!?! kinda place doesn't have Heineken...I could understand if I ordered a PBR...Instead I got a Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold Lager...A few minutes later the hostess took us to our table...
A few minutes later the other couple showed...We'll call them Todd and Laura...About 5 minutes later our server Mike greeted us...(5 minutes is too long...At least where I come from)...Mike with white boy, almost afro, partially in a pony tail...He was quickly dubbed Crazy Hair Mike, by yours truly...Mike asks "who's been here before?"...Only Bryan and May have...So he says he's going to go over things with us...Which we think is good, because the menu can throw you off...He proceeds to go on and on about drinks, and drink specials...Todd orders a Coke, and Laura just wants water...Don't worry Mike we'll make up for it...Bryan and I will have another couple beers...The Mrs. sees Caymus on the menu and she's thinking about a glass...May thinks that sounds good...Before Mike can go into his bottle selling bit...I say, "What the hell bring a bottle!"
Note to servers...This is a sign to treat this table well...Work it...These people are here to spend money...Don't f**k up!
So now we are waiting for our drinks, and trying to figure out what to order...What cheeses...What entrees...What salads...Our drinks take at least 5 minutes...Then Mike finally comes back...We order...Each couple got an entree for two...Ours had a $56 dollar tag on it...It had duck breast, chicken breast, teriyaki steak, pork tenderloin, chicken and veggie pot stickers...You also have to pick you broths to cook you food in...We got the Coq au vin and the Mojo...Each a extra 5 dollars...The wife got a Cesar salad ($5) and I got the Caprese Salad ($5)...
The cheeses for the table were cheddar, and the Wisconsin trio...You better like blue cheese if you get the Wisconsin Trio...But we wouldn't find this out for 30 minutes...You see your cheese is suppose to come out with bread, and veggies, and apples for an appetizer...We continued to drink...Well us drinkers...And waited...and waited...Bryan need to use the rest room...As he went to the front desk for directions...The hostess was taking a call...The call was from May...Asking to have Mike bring us our cheese...After repeating this a couple times the hostess hung up...As she walked Bryan past our table to point him in the right direction...I'm sure she heard boozy May laughing and repeating what happened on the phone...The hostess came back and checked on us...and in about 2 minutes Mike arrived to mix our cheese...
Note to servers...If you work in a place where you are at tables preparing items...It's a good idea to seem friendly and engage in conversation with the table...I mean you are working for tips right?
We also learned from Bryan's recon mission to the Men's Room...There were only 5 tables in the whole place...So what the hell was taking so long...After our cheese and stuff...We waited, and waited, and waited, for our salads...It had gotten to the point where we didn't even want them anymore...When Mike finally brought them out Bryan said...'Oh we don't really want those anymore.' But Mike must have thought we we joking, based on the booze and phone calls...
It was also at this point that a table of jail bait sat right near us, and Mike was giving them plenty of attention...Smart move douche bag...The table ordering diet Coke and apps is gonna get quality service...While the table ordering bottles of wine, $6 beers, and over $200 dollars in food is getting slow sh!tty service...Way to go dummy!
The salads were good...To be honest, my Caprese salad was outstanding...Then we waited a little longer to get our entrees...This is where this company is getting over on people big time...You get your plate full of raw nuggets that you will cook yourself in $5 broths...The Melting Pot doesn't have to pay chefs...Or really anyone with any cooking skill...Just some prep cooks who chop up raw meat, poultry, and sea food...
Was the food good? Yes...Was it great? No...Did we have fun? Yes...We got out of the house, away from the kids for a few hours...Drank plenty...Made fun of our server...Found out the name of May's Vibrator...(She is a funny drunk) And then when we got home I overpaid the sitter, and Mrs. Beeze and I had some sloppy drunk sex!
That said...The bill for The Beezes after tip was $150...For that kinda money, we could have had a really nice meal, with great service, and I would have had to cook my own food...But if you do try The Melting Pot...Get the Caprese salad...The only thing better was the Dortmunder!
Later, The Beeze.
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