Thursday, March 18, 2010

I Should Have Written This Long Ago

The other day at The Fish House, a co-worker asked me if I had ever walked out of a movie...I had said yes, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what movie it was...Awhile later he asked if I had thought of it yet...I hadn't...I still haven't...Then he asked me if I had seen "The bridges of Madison County?"
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This poor bastard had no idea the can of worms he opened up..."Yes I have...F**k that movie!" He asked why would I see that movie? "As men we'll do whatever we have to for some p*$$y." His next question, "Um, so you didn't like it?" "F**k No!" And from there the rant went flying out of my mouth...

If you don't know this movie, it's about a house wife who is unhappy in her marriage...Played by Meryl Streep...She meets and falls for this traveling photographer, who is there only for a short time, to photograph the stupid bridges and what not...Played by Clint Eastwood...The movie is boring as hell...Slow, drawn out, and aggravating...

(Okay, I'm a about to do some generalizing ladies)...Women seem to love this piece of crap...They think it's beautiful, and sweet, and poetic, and most importantly, romantic...WHAT!?!

She's a f**king whore...Don't say it...I know, women get pissed when other women who get around are called whores or sluts...They feel there is a double standard...That it's okay for guys to get around...No double standards here...My standards will do just fine...If a guy is banging tons of women, like Tiger Woods...In my book, he's a whore too...

People want to say, that Streep's character wasn't with her true love...That she was in a bad marriage...That she was treated like shit...Hey, she chose to marry the guy...She chose to stay...This is the big double standard society likes to have...If a guy cheats on his wife, he's a f**king asshole...If the wife cheats on her husband, it's because he's an asshole...Bullshit! She's a dirty gash!

And no, I'm not making this up...Some one close to me found out his wife was having an affair...Know hat she told him? It's his fault...He works too much, and isn't around enough...Really...Sorry he was keeping a roof over the heads his 5 children and wife...Oh, and feeding them...Sending them to Catholic school...Don't forget the college tuition...Oh yes and your car payment...All because you want to be a stay at home mom...Drop dead pig! (sorry spun out of control there)...Back to this awful movie...

So when Clint and his big camera come to town and she jumps on...She is now an adulteress, whore...Maybe your marriage would be so bad, if you weren't having picnics with Clint...


Maybe you should have been home getting a ham sandwich ready for the old man...And chase that with a blow job...(Holy crap that came out sounding sexist!...Ah screw it...My wife works later then I do, and when she comes home she's got dinner waiting for her and the dishes are done...So bite me!)

Oh, and Clint is so charming...F**k you! This character he plays has got to be based off of a real dude...Probably went from town to town with his camera...Banging housewife after housewife...Bitch got played...

Then the tense seen at the end...(In case you haven't seen this crap...Spoiler alert)...Meryl is in the truck with her old man...It's raining...She sees Clint getting into his truck ready to leave town...Of course he had offered to take her away from her husband and two kids...There she is thinking about it...hand on the door handle...sweating...almost panting...You can hear her gash getting wet...She wants so badly to jump out...She wants to feel Clint inside her again...But in the end, she stays, and quietly weeps...Surely she spent the rest of her days longing for this stranger that probably gave her a disease from one of his many cum dumpsters...

The girl I went to see this drivel with loved it...Oh so many of them do...It was customary to get some road head on the way to dropping her off...But for the first time I wasn't that interested...I took it...Bad under protest...I was totally aggravated by this view...It's okay to cheat if you're unhappy...So I put this theory to use...I wasn't happy and I cheated...How's that taste!

I came to find out, they don't feel the same way when they're being cheated on...Oh, it's not so romantic when I bang your sister!?!

In closing...The movie sucked! It's not romantic...It's just a boring depiction of a bad wife giving it up to a scam artist...For all the women out there that think otherwise...You guy should go bang whatever he can, and make you taste it...Then maybe you'll change your mind...

Too harsh?

Later, The Beeze.

4 comments:

-A said...

So... what was the movie you walked out on? :)

I just want to put out there that this movie came from a book written by Robert J Waller <- a man

Point Break and The Hurt Locker were directed by a woman and The Bridges of Madison County and The Horse Whisper were written and directed by men.

Some of the biggest drivel books/movies written of all time - including but not limited to: "Bridges of Madison County"; "The Notebook"; & "The Horse Whisper" were all written by whiney ass men. And what makes me angry is that these book are housed in the "Fiction" section. Not romance.

Lame.

If you want to see a good (current) Clint Eastwood movie - rent Gran Torino.

"McSpazz" said...

On point as usual Beeze. I love the fact you just ram-rodded such a horrible movie that is for some reason earmarked as a classic by some.

bwsmith25 said...

Three thoughts...

As men we'll do whatever we have to for some P*$$y

Truer words have yet to be spoken...

The movie is boring as hell...Slow, drawn out, and aggravating...

You got that shit right!

Oh, it's not so romantic when I bang your sister!?!

LMFAO! Classic!

The BEEZE said...

Thanks gang for being so excepting of this rant!

-A, Gran Torino is a great movie...I'm surprised you put Point Break in the same sentence as The Hurt Locker...There has to be something better then that directed by a woman...I did know a man wrote this crap, and teh Notebook...And Robert Redford should be beaten for the Horse whisperer!

B-Dub...The line about the sister...It's funny 'cause it's true! LOL!

Thanks Evan!