Let me first start by saying...If any of this post offends you...Stop taking yourself and life so seriously, and learn to f**king laugh!
I don't often blog my political views because it can cause people to get crazy and angry and silly...But the more I watch these dolts in DC, let alone my local politicians, screw things up the more I think...A) We need a third party...B) We need a real leader with stong convictions and won't back down to all the special interests...and C) I'm that f**king guy!
So I'm now launching my campaign for to be President of the United States, come 2012...
You may be thinking...'Really Beeze? What are you gonna do to fix things?'
1. Legalize Weed...That's right...Lets all stop being so afraid of it...Many people smoke pot...Including some of those bullsh!t artist politicians...Don't give me that it's a gateway drug crap...No it isn't...If people want to try more and different drugs, it wasn't the weed that got them there...It was their own free will to try some different sh!t...It's no worse then drinking alcohol...And it's not even close to being as bad for you as tobacco...So we legalize it...And just as we tax booze and smokes...We tax the weed...I can smell the economy getting better already!
2. Legalize Prostitution...Many of us provide services in our jobs...So do whores...People should stop looking down on them just because the perform acts for money, that most self respecting people wouldn't...I mean seriously...There are very few women out there who are gonna let you bang the hell out of them and then take a sh!t on their face....
The benefits to this...Now we can regulate these b!tches...Have them tested regularly, so there isn't a fear of disease...And most importantly...These gashes are finally paying taxes on all that cash they've been making eating c*ck!
3. Legalize Gay Marriage....Why the f**k not! This has been a stupid battle for too long...If you want to battle me on this or any topic, leave your religion at the door...I spent 12 years getting a Catholic education...So if you try to throw a passage of scripture at me to argue your point...I bet I can come back with one that contradicts yours...Also one of the founding principles of this country was and is....THE SEPERATION OF CHURCH AND STATE...It's about time we get back to that...
Yes marriage is a religious sacrament...But not for everyone...That's why they have a judge do their ceremony...Oh, and lets not forget the LEGAL DOCUMENTATION you need before you can get hitched...Marriage is a CIVIL RIGHT...Have we not learned it's wrong to withhold civil rights from people yet?
And the argument that some gay marriages would just be scams to get benefits for each other is weak...If you don't think Bill and Hilary Clinton's marriage is a scam, then I'm sure I have your support on legalizing weed...There ain't no love or faith in that marriage...That's a high powered business deal...
Why should straight people be the only ones to suffer through marriage?
4. Kill the Old People....Now befor you go ape sh!t, hear me out...Once some one gets to the age where they...A) retire...and/or...B) Start collecting Social Security...They will have to take a test every year...Maybe two...We have to make sure these people are still contributing to society...I mean if they are just there...In the way...Not helping the economy, or providing something useful...They gotta go...
Here's an example...Where I work...The Fish House...There is this old f**ker who comes in and sits at the bar, at least 5 days a week...He annoys the bartenders...He annoys guests...He doesn't shut up...He thinks he knows it all...After a couple drinks he starts rubbing on any and every women he sees...He's a total pain in the ass...But you know what...He's spending money...He's buying drinks and sometimes even food...Yeah he may be drooling all over the ladies, but at least he's not living off the tax payers drooling all over himself...He's doing his part for the economy....
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Alright people...That's just the begining of my platform...Hell, if a half African American man, with the middle name Hussein can be president...Why the hell shouldn't I take my crack at it...Seriously...I got better sh!t to say then that dolt Joe the plumber...
And if you have any questions on any other issues...I'll answer them...None of that political side stepping...Just the Beeze tellin' it Like I see I see it!
The Beeze 2012...RED, WHITE, and F**K YOU!
Later, The Beeze.
13 comments:
Okay - first of all ... LMFAO
Second - you need a running mate. I know just the right person for the job. He's a SC Dontgiveafucklican who would get you the southern vote.
This is one of your best works Beeze - it's funny as hell and it actually makes sense.
I've been screaming for legalized weed for years. I've never touched the shit but it would be better if it were legal. Hell, the people in Amsterdam are happy people - cause they have legal weed and ho's. Why can't we learn from them?
The only reason it's not though is cause the greedy ass gov't can't collect taxes on it - hell, everyone knows that ... I don't know why they don't just set a system in place to get tax revenue and legalize it.
I agree with your point about gay marriage as well. It's a civil right - a right that should be afforded to all people.
Kill the old people might be a little bit hard core - we gotta boost the economy too.
How about a last man standing battle royal with all the old folks who fail the test. Put that shit on PPV and charge $59.95 per person. It gets rid of all the old people, and adds revenue to the system. (Yes, I admit that's messed up.)
I could use a good man from the south B-Dub!
The whole offing the old people thing I think could really work...It's my way of trying to save Social Security...The PPV idea may help push it over the top!
LOL!
Finally Change we Can Believe in
Damn Right!
Um... you DO realize that at some point you to will have to take your "Logan's Run" test, right? I'm just sayin... I think legalizing euthanasia is a much better idea. My husband paints nursing homes and he comes home with some crazy stories from these people - so funny, some good and some who would fit your bill to the T. But once again - when I turn sixty I don't want to get hung from a yardarm because I had a brain fart.
Plus, there are some younger people out there that fit your Old Dead Guy bill.
Otherwise - I'M IN! I'm available for campaign manager. And I think that you should make up some buttons! People like buttons! :)
And I think you should bring back the Wig Party.
And if you called them "professionals" instead of "whores" I'm thinking you'd get more votes that way too!
-A, you're right...There are plenty of young, in the way people!
I'll be grandfathered in, so I won't have to take the test...LOL!
I'm sure I could use your political advice, and even some help in the speech writing!
For anyone against the Prostitution idea...The government sticks it's nose everywhere else...So why shouldn't Uncle Sam become the biggest, baddest, pimp around...He's already got the hat!
I'm with you minus the old people bit. I'm with -A though. If someone is wasting away in a nursing home or hospital and wants to end the suffering, dammit why shouldn't they be allowed to end the misery. We put animals down to sleep, but we make humans suffer.
Not only would legalizing weed generate tax revenue, imagine how much money we would save police departments, our legal system, and the jails.
Legalize sports gambling too. If it's cool in Vegas and now Delaware, it should be cool everywhere else. WHy are we sending that money offshore.
Lester, you're right...#5 is legalizing gambling...We're all doing it anyway...What the hell!
YES YES YES YES! Agreed
Doctors even agreed that weed can do wonders for you. The method of getting high(smoking) is what's destructive.
What a hoot! But can either one of you see Russia from your house?
I can't see Russia...But maybe if we get high enough we could!
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