Monday Moaning (10-16-23)

 

  Well, I came back for a second week in a row. A little late this week, but I'm trying to make myself go through this exercise. I was pondering what to write about, my LAST POST didn't get much traction. I was actually expected some backlash, but no such luck. Then again, I've been away for a while, and well, so have many of the bloggers I follow. It made me wonder, where have all the good bloggers gone?

 I first started blogging in 2007 on "The Sporting News." It was a great community of bloggers with great back and forth. Many of the bloggers were better writers than Sporting News staff. The website noticed our community and sneakily started to boost stuff from the blogging community. Shortly before they killed off the blogging community, some guys started their own site and invited some of us to join. I eventually bought into it and helped run it, as well as posting every day. Other groups started their own sites, and rivalries that began at "The Sporting News," continued at these different sites. I miss the blogging wars. All those places are gone now.

 They aren't the only ones. When I started this blogspot page I found a world of other blogs and bloggers. There were people posting poetry, creative writing, introspective pieces, politics, pop culture, photography blogs, people who used it like a journal. There was "A Frank Angle" and "The Daddy Files" which were never miss reads. There was something for everyone and there were things you didn't even know you would be interested in. They seem to have faded away.

  Our attention spans have gone to shit. The written word is dying. No one wants to read 8 paragraphs on my perfect Heisman trophy prediction, or Aaron's trials and tribulations of being a father of 3 uniquely different kids and trying to balance work and family obligations, or a nuanced argument on the days latest horrifying events. Everything got broken down to a quick tweet, or an Instagram pic with a couple hashtags written below it, or stupid short videos on TikTok or Instagram. The world has bought into "less is more." It's not.

  Some may say, I'm being over dramatic saying the written word is dying. Let me prove you wrong....English class is not called English class anymore. It's called "ELA." Phonics is not taught isn't schools anymore, neither is cursive. I have two high schoolers who work for me, both are in "Honors ELA." They both can barely write anything legible. They can't read or write cursive. They have horrible grammar and struggle to properly pronounce everyday words, and the admittedly don't read, nor are they assigned reading. I wasn't in honors English in high school, and I was required to read a book every week the first three years of school and was tested on them. These kids have no idea who Jack London is. 

  On top of that, we have communities, cities, school boards, lunatic governors, banning books throughout this country, and there is little push-back against it. There is little coverage from the media, and less coverage of the small push-back. Does the media/journalists not realize that they'll be next to be censored or banned. We are dumbing down our kids...We are dumbing down ourselves. 

 I'm going to keep writing, even if no one is reading...And I'm going to start searching again for whatever quirky blogs are out there, sharing their own little slice of madness.

Have a week.

Sunday Night with Beer and a Blog

 

Today we dropped our oldest daughter off at college. Normally a BIG moment in people's lives and for families. But it didn't have that exact feel that you expect, because like so much in these times it was kind of fucked up. You see, this event was meant for last August, but two weeks before move-in we were informed she would have to do her first year online from home, yet the only money we saved was on her dorm and meal plan. Personally I think some of the tuition should have been kicked back to us as well.

Sadly, fucked is something becoming normalized for us. Her Senior year of high school got fucked by COVID and then going away for her first year of college get fucked by COVID. Now there she is, a second year student feeling like a freshman...with things still fucked by COVID. Still on high alert. Still wearing masks still not getting the full experience.

 I said fucked by COVID, but at this stage things are fucked by COVID mostly because of the ignorant, Trump loving, FOX NEWS watching selfish, brainwashed, fucking assholes! Fucktards that would rather buy fake vaccine cards instead of getting a free vaccine. Cunts who would rather buy cow deworming medicine instead of getting a free vaccine. Dipshits who scream about the evils of vaccines while they have had a lifetime of getting vaccines and never bitched about it until Tucker Carlson and the crazy QAnon lady told them to.

 By the way, all Fox News employees are vaccinated and have to show proof and wear masks at work. They and those jack ass governors in Florida and Texas don't care if you and your kids live or die. These cocksuckers are screaming that mask mandates are "government overreach," yet them making laws banning mask mandates and cutting funding for school districts and staff if they do implement mandates, is somehow not "government overreach." Sorry dickheads, you can't have it both ways!

These fucking people who scream "my body my choice" about wearing a fucking mask, but never gave a damn about anyone else who said "my body my choice." Typical Republican hypocrisy. 'My rights to not wear a mask are important, your reproductive rights aren't.'

These fucking dolts are out here trying to shutdown COVID testing sites and vaccination centers. They are screaming to not allow children to wear masks...Children who cannot get vaccinated yet...And they say God will protect them and save them. These types of religious people are the worst because they cheery-pick what God is good for. They give him credit for creating this and that, damn near everything, themselves included, but somehow, in their uncle fucking mind, their God didn't create smart people and doctors and scientists. 

They'll thank God for when they won that high school football game back in the day and they'll thank God for the food on their table, but their God had nothing to do with science? Odd huh? Since Science helped figure out growing that food...And what, God was all in with the butcher shop and the grocery store and the trucking industry that got everything where it needed to be so you could eat, but God has no hand in the people who create medicine and vaccines. God has nothing to do with the amazing Doctors and Nurses trying to heal people and save lives? 

Okay God will save you people, here's the deal. When you or your spouse get sick or your kid, that you as such a great parent, didn't protect, gets sick to this point pictured above...FUCK YOU! Don't go to the Hospital! Go to church! Call up your God. Ask him why your kid is dying. Ask him to help. 

If you're lucky enough enough to get an answer, you know what he'd say? Hey asshole, I gave you a free vaccine and scientific experts who told you what precautions to take, and instead you bitched, moaned and complained like a bunch of cunts!

This will sum it up a little nicer:

12 years of Catholic school, I came out less religious, but smarter than you Bible thumping fuckstains. What you read maybe 2 Bible verses and thought you knew something...and Stone Cold 3:16 doesn't count!

Assholes

#GetVaccinated

#HaveEmpathy

#MaskUp

#CareAboutOthers

#Love

Republicans, Trump and His Cult Have Ruined My Wife

 

It's a proven fact that my blogs get more views if I start off with some eye candy, and with the state of our country, I feel more people, especially the dolts need to be reading what I have to say...Not because I have a big ego, but because I'm right...So now that you've seen the wife, we're moving on...

If you've been here before, you know I'm a Democrat...I lean Left...A Liberal...I'm not offended or bothered by that term, the way people on the Right wish I was...Most of us aren't...My wife, she is the "Bleeding Heart Liberal" they are talking about when they try to use that as a slur as well...It's not...

The thing...Ok, one of the things I don't get about the Right, is how they always look down on the "Bleeding Heart Liberal"...And yes, I'm looking at you "Christian Conservatives"...The things you say you believe in are the the things the "Bleeding Heart Liberal" fights for...How they live their life...(Now I agree with my wife but this post is about her so...) 

My wife wants equal rights for all...Fucking EVERYBODY...All races, genders, religions, you name it she wants them all treated fairly and equally...She wants people to get paid a living wage so they can feed their family and have a roof over their head...She donates money to charities or "Go Fund Me's" when we have it...She wants to help people...She wants great education for everyone and she doesn't want everyone to be paying student loans for half their life...She doesn't want to see our government take kids from their families and lock them in cages...Nor does she want to see our government put immigrant women through forced hysterectomies...(That's some Nazi shit)

She believes in being kind and giving...All shit the "Christian Conservatives" should be agreeing with and fighting for, right by her side...I'm saying this based your "Good Book"...WARNING : going off on a side note....You religious right dummies...Trump this morning was tweeting that Joe Biden and the Left want to close all churches permanently...Hey stupid! Between these two guys, Joe Biden is the only one that goes to church every single week...Trumpy goes golfing and lines his pockets with tax payer dollars while he's overcharging for the rooms his staff and Secret Service have to use...

She believes women should have the right to choose what to do with their bodies, including getting an abortion, even though having an abortion would never cross her own mind...She believes that religion has no part in government, but you are ALL free to believe whatever hocus pocus you want...Just keep it in your place of worship, and in yourself...WARNING: Side note...I know all of you “pro-life” people must be upset that Trump took a drug made with Stem Cells...Oh, you don't follow Science...Regeneron, one of the "therapeutics" Trump has been getting treated with, that no other sick American could legally get, is made with fetal tissue...So that means you can't vote for him right, you hypocritical cunts?!?

My wife, for years has told me, when I was having a fit of rage about anything from politics, to an asshole picking on one of our kids, to some one fucking up my order at a restaurant, "Don't say that...Don't wish death on people"..."Don't wish bad things on people"...She'd tell me how I don't want that type of Karma on me...She'd say how that shit comes back on you...I would try, around her to ease up on it...Honestly, I always felt and I'm sure I wrote in a blog somewhere, that Karma is for weak minded people who just need an excuse to blame bad shit on, because they can't handle the reality that life is often a big kick in the dick...But over time, she got me to change a bit...But honestly, my rage still gets the better of me too often...

....

Then Trump happened...And Trump was bad enough before 2020...Then 2020 mixed with Trump...All the Trumpers, the sick fucking cult that they are...Fucking #MoscowMitch McConnell, lying, closet case, Lindsey Graham...(Yes, he pays young men for sex...There's a book coming out, unlike him!) And racists, murderous cops, be protected and defended by Republicans, Trumpers...And the White Supremacists, being openly proud, and threatening...And COVID...And the lies and misinformation spewed by the White House...And 210,000 dead Americans and counting... 

And the lies, on top of lies, on top of lies...Did I mention Trump, Kushner, Ivanka, Pence, the Idiot brothers, and Melania....

Fuck me running...

So we hit October 2020...Trump fakes getting COVID as a campaign stunt and he's playing "reality TV"...You can read my last three blogs all about that...But a switch flipped in my wife...This kind, loving, caring person, who puts everyone ahead of herself...Who tries to see the good in everyone...Who wants the best for everyone...She has had enough with Trump, his enablers and his cult...

No one would be surprised if I told you I smiled and said "I hope the lying cunt dies" when Kayleigh McEnany tested positive...No one was surprised when I wished death on Trump and his "Whore wife" in my blog, on Twitter and Facebook...But if you know my wife, you may be surprised that she has applauded and been happy as a pig in shit when all these Republican, science denying, 'COVID is like the Flu' assholes started coming down with it...

You mother fuckers are so fucking corrupt and evil...You lying mother fuckers, got one of the sweetest people in the world, hoping you all die...Maybe that's karma...They're all so fucking awful, they even have good people hoping they die and rot in the Hell they believe in...

Thanks, Trump, Trumpers, Right-wing assholes, morally bankrupt "Christian Conservatives" and the majority of the Republican party...If it wasn't bad enough my kids had a father constantly losing his shit about you assholes, now their mother is too...My wife is the greatest person in the world and you fucktards have driven her to the edge...

Actually, her rage, not aimed at me, is kinda sexy!

Boston Be Better...I'm Not Talking to the Team

 

Since August 15th numerous members of the Boston sports media have been shitting on Bruins goalie, Tuukka Rask...Also that gas-bag, jackass Milbury...Rask decided to leave the NHL playoff Bubble and go home to be with his family...Rask has three young daughters...It was kept very vague why Rask left, other then to be with his family...

This vagueness lead to many fans and media to attack Rask for being soft and mentally week, that he couldn't handle the situation...That he chokes...Feel free to look at his STATS ...Most teams would be fine to have him as their goalie...But let's be honest, this is Boston we are talking about...The city is right behind Philly and New York for having a fanbase largely compiled of assholes!

Eventually, it came out that one of Rask's daughters had a medical emergency...Many backed off...Some even apologized...But there were still assholes calling him a quitter....FUCK ALL OF YOU PEOPLE! And yes some of the comments were still coming out that he chokes and he's not that good...

Yeah, well he sure as fuck was better than that hack, Halak! How'd that go for ya?

Oh yeah, the Bruins lost 4 games to 1 against Tampa Bay last night...And the anti-Rask talk came out again...Lead by this asshole....

Marc James and other like him...and there are others like him, want hockey players to care more about playing hockey then they do about their families...Their kids...Marc James if you don't know, is best known for sexually harassing women...And now he is best known for being an asshole to a hockey player who decided to be a father first and a hockey player second...

I love the city of Boston, but dipshits like this makes the whole place look like shit! You should be embarrassed...I hope none of you ever have to deal with a child having a health issue and have to make the decision to be with your family, knowing that a whole fucking city is going to shit on you for being a good parent.

Change the name to all your sports teams to the Boston Cunts! 

Monday Moaning (Open Letter to Friends)

It was a lovely sunset last night here in Erie, PA last night...

After a day of high heat and afternoon and early evening thunderstorms, the sky looked amazing...

So I snapped some pictures from my front porch with my phone and posted them on Instagram and Facebook....

Over the course of the evening the post of sunset pics kept getting views and likes...It got me thinking...I've been repeatedly suspended on Twitter...The last one for calling Betsy DeVos a twat and saying her ignorant ass should be executed...For a period of time I was shadow banned on Instagram...That's when they don't lock you out, or suspend you, but they don't like what you are doing so make it hard for people to find you and slow down things from getting into your followers' feed...

So since Instagram and Facebook are in bed together, I was wondering if Facebook has been doing the same to me...My sunset pics get plenty of views, and likes and whatnot...But since the murder of George Floyd, my social media has become 98% speaking up for Black Lives Matter, LGBTQ rights, calling out racists, ranting about the corruption of government, screaming about the Trump Crime Family, bitching about COVID-19 deniers, and assholes who won't wear masks, hating on those traitors who wave Nazi and Confederate flags, the 2nd Amendment lovers who refuse to standup for the us 1st Amendment lovers...and so on...

As the sunset pics continue to rack up likes, the mural of Harriet Tubman with a blurb calling Kanye West an Asshole got 5 likes...Posts about Trump's Secret Police assaulting and kidnapping protesters in Portland get 2-6 likes and maybe 1 comment...Videos of Trump speaking ignorantly and incoherently, spewing lies and stupidity get 1-2 interactions...

So, is Facebook shadow banning me? Or do I have a friends list full of people who don't give a fuck about these things going on in out country?  I get it, lots of people have social media to escape the everyday bullshit...Some have it solely to share pics of kids or grandkids and life events...Or just some funny meme to help us all get through this fucked up mess with a laugh...It's a great communication tool...I have a great friend that posts a question every day...From important life event shit to what crappy movie do you love...And it gets a bunch of us to answer and have a little back and forth with each other, some of us strangers...

I didn't always go political on social media, I mixed it in here and there but it wasn't full blown...I changed...I can't stand what my country has become...I can't stand what it was and so many didn't know the history...I want it to be better for my kids, and grandkids...I want it to be better for your kids and grandkids...I want us to actually be able to have grandkids and them to have a bright future in this country...So I'm not going to shut up and just post happy stuff, I'm going to keep sharing the shit too...And I'm not apologizing if you don't like it...There is an unfollow/unfriend button...You won't be the first to use it...

I'll close with a little meme for ya...

Have a week!

We Need Politicians to Feel the Pain of COVID19

It is time...There are far too many politicians that refuse to take COVID-19 seriously...And it starts at the top...The White House...This idiot Trump keeps spewing his bullshit lie that COVID "will just disappear"....Child fucker, please!

Now as he has ordered that all hospitals' COVID data be sent directly to his administration and not to the CDC...This is just another move to continue feeding lies and misinformation to the American public...Even worse, to give no information to the public...

Yes, there is a ton of talk about the White House's attack campaign against Dr. Anthony Fauci...It's a bullshit, dick-move, but completely expected from these dolts...The Trump administration takes no accountability and will always try to throw blame on anyone else...Honestly, I don't care a whole lot about the damage done to Fauci...The guy is smart enough to know what the fuck he was getting into, being part of this asshole administration...went along for the ride quietly and never spoke out against the administration when there was no pandemic but they were fucking plenty of shit up...So I got no tears for the guy...

Today it came out that Georgia's idiot Governor, Brian Kemp is overruling local governments' orders that require people to wear masks in public...Kemp said mandating wearing mask in public is "a bridge too far."  WTF!!??!!  This all while cases in his state and all across the country are going through the roof...More and more states have ICU's hitting their breaking point...

Florida, which has lead the charge in stupidity, thanks largely to idiot Governor Ron DeSantis...This guy is a full blown idiotic Trump believer...first refusing to shut anything down...Then when they were forced to, they lead the charge for rushed reopening's...Now they are leading the charge along with Trump and stupid, ignorant whore Betsy DeVos, that schools should be open and fully stocked with our kids come the Fall...While this is going on, of all the children tested for COVID-19 in Florida, 31.1% have tested positive!

This virus that so many talking heads, and corrupt politicians say doesn't affect kids, or has little affect on them, is hitting plenty of kids...31.1% of just those tested in Florida...It has been proven that those who recover are left with permanent lung damage...Some with permanent heart damage...Autopsies show blood clots in multiple organs ass the virus turns blood into sludge...This thing is evil and seems to morph or just has a fuck load of effects...And these assholes want to put kids into schools, where it can easily spread amongst them and school staff, then be carried home...

They expect teachers to not only teach kids but stay on top of them to make sure they are following the guidelines...Think about just the insanity of trying to keep a class of 20-30 kindergarteners to keep their face masks on...Christ we can't get fucking "Karen" to wear one to Trader Joe's or Walmart....

My son's High School has over 2,000 students...How the fuck do you expect that many kids to follow the guidelines...To not goof off, not fuck, not be kids? How the hell do you expect the staff to keep a school that size disinfected every single day?

Then you have the good Mayors, Governors, and other elected officials...The ones like Governor Mike DeWine in Ohio who tried to be proactive right from the start...He has been bashed for trying to keep people safe and save lives...He had to go on TV last night and plead with people to wear masks...

This meme right here, perfectly sums up the ignorance of so many people here in Pennsyltucky as Governor Wolf has tried to battle COVID...

Thanks honey for making us move here! 

So, the way I see it, we need some of these idiotic, stupid ass politicians to suffer from COVID...They need to catch it...Their wives, kids, grandkids, sorry but they need it too...They need to to feel the pain...They need to personally be impacted by COVID-19...Some need to fucking die from it...Then, maybe...Maybe they'll take it seriously...They'll suddenly care about our families if only because they care about theirs...

Yes, even if it impacts Trump's family, he won't give a fuck...He only cares about himself, and when will be the next time he can stick his tiny, orange cock in Ivanka again....


Drink up...it's the only thing getting me through this shit!

Monday Moaning: Dementia Moved In

The image is click-bait but that's always been part of the game, and a major part of my game since I started blogging at Sporting News back in 2007...But I always found a way to tie it in with the post...I carried it on with me here and at the now defunct YouGabSports....

-I had a couple of masterpiece blogs in the bullpen...They were going to get me noticed by Barstool Sports who would offer me a job...(yeah, right!)But with the murder of George Floyd, the ensuing protests, the hate spewed by the President and his ignorant supporters who hold the Confederate Traitors in such high regard, I scrapped those...I didn't blog...I just carpet bombed social media facts, truth, reality, history, and quick rants...I got flagged on Facebook for things that were factually correct but Anti-Trump and Anti-Racism...I got unfollowed by plenty of people, which is fine...If you're a racist...If you are ok with people flying Nazi and Confederate flags, I don't want to know you and don't want you around....I got suspended on Twitter twice...A week for tweeting at Drew Brees that he "is a fucking idiot"....My first tweet back was at Twitter and their owners, pointing out the hypocritical bullshit standards they have...And then I retweeted porn clips that are allowed on twitter at them...

-One blog shredding MLB for being a bunch of greedy fucks who are killing their game and are about to lose the dog days of Summer to the NHL...The NHL is planning to have their playoffs (the best playoffs of all sports) in July, August and September...Pushing the start of next season back, and if they stick with it that way they can continue starting their season later, and having their playoffs in the Summer, sports dead zone, when many people get extra casual with Baseball until it gets closer to September....But with Billionaire owners and millionaire players fighting over money, more and more people are going to care less and less about a sport who's core fanbase is dying...


-I had done  series of "COVID Blogs"...Those stopped This next section was going to be one in the series...A month into the COVID shutdown, we moved my Mother-in-Law in with us...My wife, three kids, two dogs, myself and my dementia riddled Mother-in-Law...She was in assisted living and was locked down, stuck in her room for over month...No visitors allowed, no activities, no dining room...It scrambled her already fragile brain even more...When we saw her outside of the place on her birthday, my wife and I knew we had to get her out...So she's here with us...My Father-in-Law went down this same road so we knew to some extent what we were getting into...But it's bad...It's hard...

The kids were doing school from home...The wife works from home...there's limited separation people can get...We get bombarded with the same questions over and over again...The last 20 years don't exist...She doesn't know who I am, except that I cook for her and answer questions...There are times she doesn't know my wife...

We made a answer sheet for her to keep...When she starts asking questions we tell her to look at it...She would ask a question, you would answer and she would ask it again immediately...She looked at the sheet and said, "This is my daughters house?" I said yes...She then said "Is she still alive?"...Which was when the most blunt thing I could say fell out of my face..."If she was dead you wouldn't live here."  I felt awful, but she forgot it within seconds...

My day often starts with making her Tea and toast or an English muffin with orange marmalade...Once she is sitting down eating and working on a puzzle I go and check to see if I have to mop the floor in her bedroom, the hallway and the bathroom, as she likes to take her diapers off during the night and often leaves a trail of pee.... 

It's hard seeing someone fall apart in front of you...It's hard on my wife, as her mother often seems ungrateful for what we do for her...At night she becomes child-like, wants to "break rules" and gets pissy with my wife...We had to put up a baby gate to try and prevent her from roaming around the house at night while everyone is asleep...She loves to search for cookies between 11:00 PM and 4:00 AM...We have signs on doors to help her and prevent her taking a header down the basement steps....

The one thing makes my wife nuts...Her mother will go to the bathroom door wide open, doing her business, everything hanging out...But then when she's done, she pulls the door shut behind her...WTF!?!

If 2020 didn't suck bad enough, especially for the kids, my oldest having her senior year of high school kicked in the balls...She gave up her room for her Grandmother and moved into her little sister's room...And Grandma has no idea who our kids are...She had lived everyday for over two months with them and looks at them like strangers...We spent so many weekends visiting...Personal time and vacation time spent with my in-laws...Moved to fucking Erie to take care of things for them....and she has no memory of them or any of it...There are moments when I talk to her and she looks at me like 'Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here.?'

As frustrated and annoyed as I get, I have to remind myself that my wife is watching her mother's brain turn to pudding right in front of her everyday...I don't know how my wife deals with it so calmly...Well, she does like to hit the bottle like the piece of click-bait at the top of this post! 

That's what's been going on in my world...

Have a drink...Stay safe...Stay strong...Don't be a racist...Help fight for positive change in this country and world...And love...Love your family...No matter what, love your family.

COVID-19 (Blog 1)

This is odd...We are well into this COVID-19 quarantine and this is the first blog I'm putting out...The old me that wrote daily would have been all over this shit...But my writing slipped...But as I have been feeling myself getting more and more in a funk, I started thinking it was a good time to start exercising some demons...Get the rants out...Just let it all fly...The good, the bad and the ugly....

So, here in Pennsyltucky, since early March school in the traditional sense is no more for the year...My high school senior like so many other have lost out on all the big Senior moments...Spring Musical cancelled, concerts cancelled, no Prom, no Graduation...It's a big bag of shit for the class of 2020....

But then we come to the at home, online schooling...As my family sits here watching Global Citizen At Home Together, there was this great piece about amazing teachers are being and the great shit they are doing to stay connected with and teach their students...That's great! I'm pro-teacher...Teachers should be paid more...Teachers are great...That said...WTF!?!

Teachers here in my Township are not impressing me at all...They aren't teaching my kids shit...They send an email of what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by...They aren't going over material with the kids before a quiz or test...The kids are going over it themselves...They're teaching themselves...My oldest works with my youngest, because fuck that new math...That shit makes my head want to explode...

I see all these stories of teachers going above and beyond and I see my kids teachers sending an email that says do X, Y, Z, A, B, C, and have it done by this day...Are you shitting me...I honest to God find myself wondering why the fuck are these teachers getting paid their full salary but my friends working at Walmart can't get hazard pay for dealing with the panicky public crashing the store for toilet paper! 


I'm sure this whole thing threw teachers for a loop, and I'm sure they care, and I've got a feeling that not every teacher is doing the intense above and beyond shit they love to show on the ABC news....Thank you to those that are...Those that aren't, I'm still paying taxes...Taxes that go to the school system...You're still getting your full salary...Knuckle up...Step up your game, or give your check to grocery store worker who would be lucky if they make half of what you do.

Stay Healthy

Have a drink

Monday Moaning 11/18/19

Well, it's been awhile since we did this....

Have you seen "The Mandalorian?"  I gotta say, I was pretty annoyed when I found out about the new Disney+ streaming service...You know Disney, always doing whatever they can to make another buck...But being a Star Wars fan, and after seeing the trailer for "The Madalorian" I knew we had to get it...The kids are excited about being able to see classic Disney shows and then you have all the Marvel bullshit and all the Pixar stuff, so it's cool....But a Star Wars series that takes place 5 years after "Return of the Jedi" about a Manadolrian bounty hunter, that has a western vibe to it...I'm all in...

And it's so fucking Disney that they release it right before Christmas and boom,

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A fucking baby Yoda!

Baby Yoda's are gonna be selling like hotcakes this Christmas!

Enough of that...I need to have a few words with Cleveland Browns fans...Everyone surely has seen what happened last Monday night at the end of the Browns/Steelers game....

I was going to put the video in, but the NFL keeps blocking it with their copyright bullshit....But I know you saw that shit...

I'll start by saying I hate the Steelers and living in PA makes me hate them more...Listen Browns fans...I get it, Rudolph was fighting too...You say he started it, but if you watched the video without your shit stained colored glasses, you'd see Garrett brought Rudolph down to the ground, well after he released the ball, and unnecessarily...So, he was salty...Then you say Rudolph kicked him in the balls...No he fucking didn't, he was getting bounced around on the ground by a guy bigger and stronger than him...He didn't kick, his body was being rag-dolled...

But no matter what happened, You don't bash a guy in the head with his helmet after you rip it off his head...Seriously, if you can't be on-board with that simple logic, you really, truly are a fucking asshole...There aren't many lines in football, but we should all agree that's the line...Drop the helmet and punch him in the mouth...Everyone would have been fine with that...

But wait, there's more....Now you dolts have started a petition to have Myles Garrett reinstated...You really think he shouldn't have been suspended? You really are fucking dummies...I have many friends that are Browns fans...If these words bother you, UNFRIEND ME, because you're being fucking ridiculous!


Next on my shit list.....All these fucking, fucktards saying that if what happened to Rudolph would have happened to Tom Brady 'the NFL would banned Garrett for life' or "taken the Cavs title away from Cleveland" or many other idiotic statements...You people are so clueless....

The NFL suspended Tom Brady for having air leaked out of footballs...for doctoring the balls, something every QB admittedly does...Aaron Rogers over inflates his...Eli Manning wrote an article the year before about how he doctors and under inflates balls, yet the NFL only went after Brady...these posts are such idiotic, bullshit....try actually knowing some factual shit...And Brady and The Patriots took the NFL to court where the courts ruled in Brady's favor....Goodell and big guns in the NFL have no love for Tom Brady...

Now onto Peter King and some of those other talking heads who love yapping about the NFL...these fuckers who talked about how what happened with Garrett and Rudolph has them thinking twice about letting their kids play football...

Did these idiots even watch the game...As fucked up and horrible as that incident was, it was only third worst hit to the head in that football game...For Christ's sake there was a guy wobbling off the field with blood rolling out of his ear...That shit didn't have you thinking, 'honey, lets not let junior sign-up for football, he may end up with permanent brain damage'?

Seriously!?!

Well, that felt good....

As for my readers from way back, as I said, it's been awhile since posting one of these...And I always kept you up on the fam...The youngest is a 3rd grader...Our oldest is a senior in high school, while the boy always known as Little Beeze is a Freshman, both plugging their way through high school in this twisted age where everything is done through smart phones...A world run on "Social Media" but the people have less and less social skills....I love technology, but it's kinda fucking us and I find myself reminiscing of a simpler time....Like the 90's...Who would have thought that? 

I hope you all are well...

Have a week.

Monday Moaning

A video posted by Rosie Jones 😼 (@1rosiejones) on Nov 21, 2015 at 6:13am PST

Well, after a crazy holiday weekend, what better way to start then with Rosie Jones doing a little wiggling!

 Obliviously, Turkey day I cooked my ass off...Through that evening, a cold started creeping it's way through the house...Nothing bad, just some stuffiness that eventually got to all of us...Friday I enjoyed some hockey and football...Oh, and leftovers...Leftovers for lunch and dinner...

Saturday was a lazy, rainy day...Leftovers and a bit of college football...Sunday there was chill in the air, but it was nice outside...So, it was time for Molls and I to do the outside lights...The oldest has her birthday coming this week, and refuses to partake in any Christmas horseshit until after that...The boy was doing his thing...But Molls was fired up to do some lights...So we did it...4 bushes lit...Wrapped the post with red, white, and green lights, like a candy cane...My parents old Frosty the Snowman, and some other little touches...Yay Christmas...Fuck we haven't even started shopping, and the wife has to go to Texas for a few days this week for work...Yuck!

-So, the kids have an extra day off for the Thanksgiving weekend...Yes they have this fine Monday off...Why? Hunting Season Starts!  Listen, I knew before I moved to Erie that hunting was a big thing here...And while walking the dog, I've noticed a lot of pick'em up trucks and camo...But shit, and extra day off school! Maybe it's just because I'm from Cleveland...I mean people in Cleveland hunt too...But normally they wear black hoodies and drive an old Pontiac!

(Oh my God, racially insensitive joke about all shooting sin Cleveland! Totally want to use that at an open mic night here!)


-I recently posted THIS blog about the NHL trying to increase scoring, and screwing with goalies...Well, Friday the dolts on NHL Radio were searching desperately for a topic, so they were talking about ideas to increase scoring again...The big idea they spent a bunch of time on was, switching the game to 4 on 4 skaters...

FUCK YOU!

Why do these dolts not get it...Why can't they watch a game that has great goal-tending and great defense and enjoy it...The Rangers and Bruins battled Friday afternoon...Lots of tough defense...Lots of physical play...Quality scoring chances...Hard-nosed, grinding play...Two goalies playing well...And it wasn't some nightmare 8-6 game...Those games suck!

If you go to 4 on 4, you will lose the physical aspect of the game...You lose that, and you will lose a whole lot of the core fans....Oh, and then there is the matter of the players union telling you to fuck off...If you go to 4 on 4, you'll be cutting players jobs...That's going to be a really big stumbling block to get past...

How about this...Hockey's great...Are there people that don't get it? yes...Fuck'em! Leave it alone!


- Enough with the nonsense...Lets get into the part where I promote fighting in Hockey...Yeah, last week wasn't a one time thing...That's how much your bullshit pissed me off Matthew Barnaby...

Best fight of the week...Brandon Bollig and Chris Stewart...






Now, for an up and comer...This is a kid Rangers fans like myself have been waiting to see get a full-time shot...Dylan McIlrath...Kid throws hammers!






Hit by Belesky was a bit late...The ass whipping was justified...STepan is out indefinately with some broken ribs...


Here is McIlrath the next day taking it to a cock-sucking Flyer!





Leveled Schultz...Then gave Schenn a beating...Love this kid!



That's it for now...

Have a week!

Thanks

It is Thanksgiving and I thought I would sit down and take a moment to reflect on just how lucky I am...I have much to be thankful for...

-Great friends, near and far...

-Wonderful friends who have helped us with our move and this major transition in our lives...

-Wonderful family...I'm am very thankful for how my wife's family has excepted me over the years...Since day one they have made me feel like one of the gang...My side, well, other than my parents and brothers I have distanced myself from the extended family...Far too much drama and stupidity to deal with...

My Parents, who excepted our moving, and understood why we were doing it, and supported us the best they could, even though we were doing it at the worst time for them...

-My amazing wife...I still wonder what the hell she ever saw in me..."I'm hard to follow, even harder to swallow, and impossible to hold."
She is pretty, smart, kind, loving, and incredible...She is a much better person then me, and always reminds me that I can be better...But she can't cook, so maybe that's why she keeps me around!

-My oldest daughter...Smart, sweet, honest, loyal, thoughtful, caring, mother-hen...She has a truly pure soul...I have told her before, but I don't think she has gotten yet...She can do anything in this world...She gives me a flicker of hope for future generations...

-My son...Amazing artist...He has more artistic ability in on finger then everyone on this block combined...drawing, clay, whatever...He just started doing it one day, and was great at it...He has incredible vision, with is eyes, but more so with his mind...He can spot a subliminal message in ad you put in front of he...He sweet and sensitive, and compassionate and slightly naive...I fear it will work against, but I don't want him to totally lose it either...

-My youngest daughter...#3...The one that changed everything...She flipped our world upside down and I'm so thankful for it...Every day, no matter how bad things may be going, she will make me laugh...She will bring complete joy over me with the littlest, silliest thing...

-Our wonderful home...Yes, I'd be thankful just for having a home...But I am very thankful for the deal we were able to workout to get this home...I am thankful for this house, that seems to fit us like a glove...Whenever I moved in my life, I needed an adjustment period, to get use to things...To feel comfortable...To feel like I belonged...In this house, I felt like I belonged day one...I think we all did...This house feels like home...

-Lastly, I mentioned my parents earlier...I am what I am mostly because of them...I am thankful for that...And I am so thankful for my mother's toughness, and courage, and health...In May doctors were talking about Stage 4 Cancer, quality of life, and trying to get her an extra year...After 24 weeks of Chemo, her scans are clear...Shocking us and shocking the hell out of the doctor...Now she is fighting to get her strength back, and to get back to herself....I am so thankful for her health, and for her example...

I apologize if this too damn sappy...I'll get back to being an asshole in my next post...For now, chop that birds head off, and get him in the oven sugar-tits!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday Moaning

Full disclosure to start this Monday's post...The pic, has nothing to do with any of it...Just doing my best to catch eyes, and get those page-views from our pervert demographic...

Also, in the world of sports, I got nothing for ya...I did 7 sports blogs last week Monday through Thursday...After that, the weekend was all about family...

My wife's sisters, and some cousins, and Uncle and Aunt, and niece and nephews came into town Friday...Somehow, Friday morning we managed to get our PA licenses, so we could complete the process of buying a new car...

Then it was an evening out with all the family, including my in-laws...Saturday, I spent prepping and cooking food, as we were having everyone at our house for a party...The kids had fun, the adults ate and drank, and caught up more...It was all great...It was a lot of fun...And I was really happy to see how my father-in-law handled it all...His dementia has kicked his ass...But he was happy being around everyone...Even if the memories were fuzzy or even gone, you could see he knew he belonged...And our dog Finnegan spent a lot of time with him...He loves dogs...He was happy as a pig in shit feeding the dog treats, and just sitting there petting him...The mutt was pretty happy too...When I git back from taking my in-laws home, Finnegan was sitting, curled up in my father-in-laws chair...Holy shit this post has gotten sappy as fuck already, but screw it...It was cute and wonderful...

I tried to catch up on some college football highlights, but didn't last long as I passed out on the couch...

Sunday started with me finishing up cleaning up from Saturday...Most of it was done, but my OCD had me straightening things up...Our guests were wonderful and helpful, but I'm slightly nuts about where things (in the kitchen and pantry) get put away...The wife took the kids swimming at the hotel her sister and nephew were at...Then, along with their parents and brother we all met for lunch before her sister left town....

The afternoon was lazy...We didn't do shit...Then we took the kids to a special screening of "Home Alone" on the big screen...The movie theater is doing Sunday screenings of old movies through December...And at first you'd think "Home Alone" wasn't old, but this year is it's 25th anniversary...The kids love the movie, and it has become a Christmas classic...They were excited to see it in the theater...

It was a great family weekend...It was great spending time with some great people, who we don't see enough...My wife's uncle said, he thinks these get-togethers will "happen more since we moved to here," and that we're "keeping some roots here"...I didn't think about it at first, but after everyone left I asked my wife, "How you feel being the roots?"  Erie was the launching pad for whole family...That comment made us feel even better about our decision to move here...

But as great as this weekend was, nothing was better then the phone call I got Friday morning...My Mom called...The hardest part of the move was moving away from my folks, especially since she has been going through Chemo...After 24 weeks of Chemo to treat Stage 4 Cancer, she was told to ring the bell...Her scans were all clear...No tumors anywhere...The doctor who had started this process talking about quality of life and trying to buy her a year or two, was blown away...

Because it's Stage 4 they will continue to keep a close eye on her, and are talking about some preventative treatment, but she sounded good...the best she has since April...She is planning on getting into some exercise group at the Y, for people recovering from Cancer...She was talking about getting stronger and being able to see the kids...12 weeks ago she was talking about being dead within a year and now her scans are all clear and she wants to get back to her old self...

So yeah, it was a great family weekend, and I can honestly say, I gave zero fucks about sports...

Have a week...

Monday Moaning

I thought after Katie Nolan's second SPANKING of the Dallas Cowboys, that maybe the organization would take notice of how they and their players act...But no...They need a much greater spanking...

Sunday, against the the Seattle Seahawks, this happened...




At the 1:30 mark, Dez Bryant is seen walking across the 40 yard line, he has his helmet off, is pointing, and of course he is talking...Do you know what he said?

"That's what you fucking get!"

Dez Bryant on Ricardo Lockette injury: "That's what you f-cking get." #Leadership pic.twitter.com/Pb3d1UGZX5

— NFL Memes (@NFL_Memes) November 1, 2015

I think over the last year, I have made it completely clear, just how much I hate the NFL...And the last month we have seem nothing but idiot bullshit come from the Dallas Cowboys...Once known as "America's Team"....What they are is a microcosm of everything that is wrong in our society, so I guess they are "America's Team" in a way...America's shitty team....Our bad neighborhoods, our, punks, and drug dealers, and wife beaters, mixed with the billionaire CEO who cheats on his wife with gold-digging co-eds and strippers, and he is surrounded by his little red headed yes man, who does whatever big daddy says, even though he knows it's taking the business in the wrong direction...


I don't know how many times I have heard Dez Bryant "gets a bad rap" or that he is just a "passionate player"...Really? Honestly, you can say that? The fucking asshole hit his own mother! So if you defend him, fuck you! He's a flat out, and asshole...I knew that before Sunday, when he was talking shit, trying to start fights, and saying, "that's what you fucking get!"  while Ricardo Lockette laid motionless on the field...

When Bryant was asked after the game if he said, he said, "I got on one knee and prayed for that man. Don't put clips together and do that." Then asked, by a reporter, "Did the Seahawks accuse you of saying something?" Bryant said, "Nah man, ya'll did man, bullshit media did."

I didn't see him down on one knee praying...I saw him yell, talking shit, and finger pointing, in his typical fashion!

I have had many wishes in my life...And very few have come true, but a few important ones worked out...I have a new wish....fuck that...I'm better then Greg Hardy, Jerry Jones, and Dez Bryant...I'm not going to wish AIDS on that entire organization...I just wish that this time next week, I'm writing about Dez Bryant and Greg Hardy's career ending injuries...Fuck them...Fuck the Cowboys!


-Moving on to college football...It didn't even take the ACC 24 hours to throw their refs under the bus...Hell, the refs took longer doing the review then it did for the ACC to suspend the officials...Miami returned a kickoff to beat 30-27, but the return, which it should have been easy to see during the 9 minute review period, should not have counted...The ACC said one of the Miami players knee was down before one of the 8 laterals on the play...






The ACC suspended the on-field officiating crew, and the two replay booth officials...But they aren't overruling the call or overturning the game's outcome...

ACC Commissioner, John Swofford said in his press release, "The quality of our officiating program is of the highest importance to the league and its schools, and the last play of the game was not handled appropriately. Officiating is an extraordinarily difficult job but our players, coaches, programs and fans deserve the best that can be offered. We will continue to strive to meet that standard."

So the "players, coaches, programs and fans deserve the best that can be offered."  So how the hell can the ACCC say the officials shit the bed, they're suspended, bu we aren't going to give the game it's proper outcome?  

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I fucking know, 'the human element is part of the game'....It's such a fucking part of the game, that the NCAA and NFL, and MLB, and NHL have all added instant replay and replay officials to correct all the nearly never ending, fuck-ups caused by "the human element"...So if fucking up and in this case, fucking up royally is part of the game, ( "the human element" )  then shouldn't righting a wrong be part of the game too...Duke got fucked in the ass...the ACC admitted it...Now they should pull the big cock out of Duke's ass and stick up Miami's ass...All John Swofford needed to add was, 'Duke wins, Miami loses, our guys fucked up royally...We're sorry it took them 9 minutes to get it wrong, when people at home figured it out in a minute and half.'  Or something like that!



-On the home front, we got swamped on Halloween...The new neighborhood gets down for trick or treat, and we ran out of candy at 7:20...Trick or treat hours were 6-8...And we dumped most of what Molly got, (the stuff she doesn't like) into our pass-out bowl...I even boosted some from the boy, and told him to go hit another street. He was fine with those marching orders...

That's it for now...

Have a week!

Saturday Breakfast in Bed

So so being the swell dad that I am, right after school Friday I took my oldest back to Ohio to see the last home game of the season for our Brooklyn Hurricanes...She wanted see her friends, and see the fantastic band one more time...she even had hope that the 1-7 'Canes would pull out a win...

But with a minute left, they blew it, and lost 24-21...

She had fun and was happy to see her friends...Then we went to the old house and grabbed some odds and ends that were "non-essentials"  in the move...got gas, and a coffee and headed home...

I unloaded a few things and said screw it...It was midnight and I had been up since 6:45 AM....Then the damn dog starts bugging me for a walk, because he didn't get our standard late evening stroll...After that I caught some scores and passed out on the couch...woke up at 3:00AM and dragged myself off to bed...

For today, I have to take the kids to get pumpkins, and hit the grocery store so I can make some grub for friends that are coming over...

Yeah, I could use some breakfast in bed!

Who the hell said three's a crowd!?!

Monday Moaning

I feel you bro....I was that fucking tired this weekend too!

Okay...Maybe not that tired...I may have been able to wake up for that party!

I'll be honest right from the top...I really don't have much in the way of sports...I posted my WEEKLY HAT TRICK a couple days late...I knew just what I wanted to write about, but with Friday being the big moving day, I just couldn't get to it...I thought maybe Friday night...But by the time I got the chance sit down, and not worry about anything, I was just wiped out like that dude above...And there was still plenty more to do Saturday...


Here's Molly and Finnegan settling in at the "pizza slice" table as Molly named it...

...I did see the second half of the Notre Dame and USC game Saturday night...I was glad to see the Irish pull out the win...We often see a team in a fucked up situation like USC, come out with another level of emotion that helps inspire them to a win...And the ND defense again showed lapses, but nutted up in the 4th quarter...

What a fucking mess at USC...How is Pat Haden still the the AD there...How is it the AD is the only guy who doesn't know Steve Sarkisian is fucking drunk...Not some softy drunk...A real drunk...him and a couple assistants knocking back 8 shots and 5 beers at 11:30 AM before going to recruit kids kind of drunk...Then Haden is going to act surprised when he hears Sarkisian coached a game shitfaced...And showed up to practices, and meetings in the bag...Fuck you Haden...

This guy has had 4 head football coaches in 4 years...And the best one, Ed Orgeron, he let walk, because Orgeron wasn't a big enough or sexy enough name to be coaching at USC...Who fucking cares if the team played it's best under him...Haden in 2013 also shit-canned his baseball coach 3 days before the season started, because of a NCAA rules violation that limit the number of hours players can do activities supervised by coaches...Again this was a case of Haden acting late...Instead of being on top of his coaches and making sure they don't screw up, he didn't act until the shit hit the fan...

Haden was going to be the guy to turn USC around and get things back on track and raise the bar again...Instead, Haden and USC are still shitting the bed...Good! Fuck'em!


Sunday rolled around, and I could have watched some football, but we all know I hate those fuckers...Plus, I wasn't really excited by my choices...Now living in Erie, PA. I am pinned between Cleveland, Buffalo and Pittsburgh...My one o'clock options were the Browns game and the Steelers game...NO THANK YOU!

So we hung out...Relaxed a little...Unpacked some more stuff...My wife's friend and her son who is little Beeze's age came over to hang a bit...It was a solid lazy day...

After my wife and oldest were done watching the stupid Walking Dead, I got the good TV to watch the second half of the only NFL game I wanted to see...The Patriots at the asshole Colts...I was confident the Patriots would win, but because of what I have learned about gambling from my father, I was more intrigued...The Patriots were only a 7.5 point favorite (that was the line when I looked Thursday)...many of us expected the Patriots to destroy the Colts...So seeing this line made me skeptical...It seemed to low...My Uncle John taught my Dad, and my dad taught me...If a line looks really out of wack stay away, the Line-makers know something you don't...I expected the line on this game to be at least 10 points, if not more...Well, if you felt confident with the Pats minus 7.5, sorry folks...


That's it for now...Have a week!

I'm Not Sure there is an Emoji for How I Feel?

The last six to eight months of my life have been crazy, frustrating, stressful, tense, filled with changes, challenges, highs and lows...My wife and I have dealt with financial struggles...Our family has been dealing with her father's illness, and my mother's illness...I have had the opportunity to spend more time with my kids...With having more time with them, and focusing on them more, it  has lead to me worrying more...And I have always worried a lot...

The last month or so, I have been thinking a lot about my past...And while so many of the memories are great, I end up feeling depressed...And then there are the stupidly odd moments I hold on to...Moments when I felt totally and completely embarrassed, and I sit there getting angry at my childhood self, and feeling embarrassed...As if the people in that moment even remember it...The moments I should take pride in are washed over by stupid seconds in time I'll never be able to change...Nor should I really care to so fucking much...

My mother is sick...Really, really, fucking sick...And she puts up a front to me, as if I don't know how bad it is...As if brother and I haven't talked...Because my dad and him have talked about it all...Is it because I'm the youngest?  My mom and I have had a bond that she my brothers didn't have with her...I could talk to her about anything, and did...She has always been one of my best friends...I always took her side...What does that mean? As a child I woke up many nights to the sound of my parents fighting...(verbally, never physical)...It was often because of my father's drinking...

For many years of my youth, I didn't like my dad...As I got older, around 18, we got closer over the years...I learned more and more about him...He's one of the smartest guys you'll ever meet...And he's as tough as they come...Now I have seen him change...His wife, my mom, is sick...And it is killing him...He wants to take it and put it on himself, but the Gods and Cancer don't work that way...He's tense and protective of her...I've never heard fear in his voice...I hate how it sounds...

I'm often anxious...8 months ago I was taking anti-anxiety meds...But I couldn't cum...That's not going to help my stress level...Tried a different one...Didn't feel like fucking...Never felt that way before in my life, and don't want to again...That's not working...No drugs I guess...I've been taking vitamins and natural stuff to help...It's been pretty good...But the last couple weeks, not so much...

Stress, depression, anxiety, sadness, worry, frustration...All of those, hit me withing a couple hours, out of nowhere...I'm a father of three kids...And they are growing up faster then maybe my mind wants...So yeah, I can understand feeling these things at times...But it's been hitting me every night...After everyone is asleep...I'm still awake...Worrying about important shit, stupid shit, regrets, memories, what-ifs...I ride it out until my body starts giving in to the need for sleep...Then I finally go to bed...I put on a podcast, or some form of talk radio on my iPhone, to try to shout down the voice (worries) in my head...I put on music some nights, but I can't on the bad nights...It's too easy for my mind to stray...It just becomes a soundtrack for the insanity...

I've always had trouble sleeping...When I was kid, I would sit up in my bed, rock myself back and forth...Once I was tired out enough, the body was able to shutdown, and override the head...If I was to play dime-store shrink, which I guess is what this post is doing, I would say it is a build in fear, from waking up so many nights as a kid, to the sound of my mother being upset, and arguing with my father...(Listen, I had a good childhood...I love my parents, and they love each other...And they're still together, and I know plenty of people who can't say that)...It's not them...It's me...I hold onto the stupid or bad stuff, and the good stuff has to battle it's way back in there...As a teenager, I listened to sports talk radio, or music while I drew and painted...There were days I slept more in school then I did at home...

As I got older, drinking helped knock me out...But nowadays, that doesn't cut it...I'm a parent...I have to be able to function...Getting tanked every night so I can sleep doesn't work for me...

Where the fuck is this going?

I'm sick of being anxious/nervous...Listen to this shit...It became a thing about me...'My thing'...Some good friends joked about it with me...If I told you "I'll be there," or "I'll meet you guys there," or some shit like that, making plans...That inevitably meant, at least to those that got it, that I wasn't going...My whole life I made plans, and come time or close to time to go, I would get sick...Or just feel blah...Or just not go...It happens still, and I have to fight with it...My wife and I have had plans to go somewhere, or meet friends, and a couple hours before, or even up to 20 minutes before, I'll say, " I don't feel like going,' or "I don't want to do this," or "do you just want to stay home and watch a movie?"

Yeah, I'm kinda screwed up...

Maybe I don't need a shrink...Maybe this is the way to work it out...Just spew it all out like this, for anyone to see...What's the difference between a strange doctor listening to me, opposed to strangers reading it on my blog?  I would say this way is cheaper...

I'm not looking for pity or sympathy...I just want to say these things...I just want to get it all off my chest...I'm a father and a husband...Maybe it was how I was raised, but I have to hold these things in...I can't show my kids my depression...My wife sees some of this shit, and has listened to my frustration, but she has enough on her plate...She doesn't need to hear me whine about why I can't sleep or whatever else...

I want a change...And not a little minimal change thing...I want a big change...I want a fresh start...things are happening in our life that may help this come to be...My wife and I are talking about a move...No, a move won't erase stupid old memories, and my fucked up quirks...But I feel like it's something I want and need...She is in too...I think it would be good for all of us...

The toughest part would be moving away from my parents, especially with what they are going through right now...The other tough one is the is the kids...Our oldest especially...She has roots...Those young strong roots that you feel as a kid, if they are ripped out, you'll never recover...My wife went through it, and she was okay...I actually think it helped her...Gave her the courage to do all the things and make all the moves she has made...

My wife is a amazing...My kids are amazing...My life isn't horrible...It isn't even bad...It's good...I know this...I'm lucky...That's why this depression and anxiety bullshit is pissing me off so much...

Thanks for listening.