I'm a Changed Man

 All my life, I didn't like animals...I was nervous around dogs, allergic to cats, and couldn't give a shit about the idea of having pets...Then, still in my younger years, I was given two Zebra Finches as a present...Frankie and Annette...They were birds...You couldn't do shit with them...If they got out of their cage, they would be stupid and fly into a window...So they stayed in their big-ass cage and made noise...Then Annette had eggs...She eventually chucked them out of the nest...(Warning)...Then one morning I was devastated to find Frankie head down in their food tray...I suspected Murder...She was a bitch...He was buried in a small box next to my parent garage...

We replaced him with Freddie, because Zebra Finches die quickly without companionship...It was just months when We found Freddie dead...That Bitch! Freddie ended up in his own box, next to the garage...When Annette finally dies a couple months later, she went in the garbage can...

After that I was done with pets...

Then a girlfriend I had for many years got me a fish...She was away at college, I was working a full time job, a part time job, and going to college...Oh, and drinking in every free second I had...I think the fish was her attempt to get me to go home at night instead drinking and looking at every piece of strange alive...Didn't work!  I hated that fish...All the misery I felt about our relationship, I saw in that fish...I didn't kill him...But I didn't make an effort to pay attention to him, so that he would live...

Hey, I can admit being a shithead, no need to judge!

NO PETS!  That was a my rule, for the rest of my life...And I often shit on friends who would talk so lovingly about their pets...Didn't Russ...I was a total dick to Russ about how he felt about his dog...I didn't get it, and I didn't want to get it...Just a closed off, cold hearted dickhead!

Then I had kids...My oldest had been asking for a dog for 5 years...Then the boy chimed in...Then little Molly...And she has me wrapped around her finger, so I was screwed...And the wife, a lifelong dog-lover saw her chance to break down the wall...A friend of a friend's two dogs just had a puppies...So I agreed we would go see the puppies and talk about it...

This is Finnegan almost a year ago...He was born July 30th and I can't believe it's almost been a year...Finnegan was the runt of the litter...He had two sisters...So Tommy and I pushed for him before we even got there, just to get another male in the house...Finnegan was born with  a cleft nose and lip, but we had to let him get a bit older to see the full extent of it, and then get it repaired...He also had a slight cleft pallet...We would have to get it repair, because it would all lead to health issues...

He was so tiny, and even though he was the runt, he was the first to run, bark, and eat solid food...As soon as I held the tiny guy, I had decided we were getting him...His sisters didn't stand a chance...And Tommy and I decided on his name before we even agreed to the buy him...We would have to leave him there with his mother for a couple more weeks...But the owners started calling him Finnegan that night...Why did I choose that name...That's what I was going to name my next son, but we are NOT having another kid, so he was my dude...

The day we brought him home, he was the kids puppy...But that night, when everyone was asleep, he became mine...He became, scared (I think) and sad...He was away from his parents and his sisters, and couldn't sleep...He whimpered and whined and only slept in short intervals...I stayed up pretty much all night with him...He snuggled on my feet as I dozed in the chair...the second night was similar...The first couple weeks I slept on the couch next to his bed...often my arm reaching don to pet him under his chin...That's his spot...

After his two surgeries I slept with, keeping an eye to make sure he didn't rip out stitches, and knowing the cone was driving him nuts...

He waits in my chair for me to get home from work...He immediately hits his back to have me rub his belly and chin...Then we'll play with one of his toys for a bit...Then he'll some of whatever I grab to snack on...We got him for the kids, (and my wife)...But he's my puppy!

I've seen friends and family lose pets, and I understood the sadness, but honestly, probably not fully...I think I get it now...Saturday Finnegan was stung by a bee in the paw...We didn't know it, we just saw him not walking on it...And biting at us when we tried to see the red, inflamed spot on his paw...I reacted much like I did when my kids are hurt...We got in the car right away and went to the pet ER...They got it out, and took good care of him...

Friday I took him to get groomed and trimmed...He was very knotty...He hates getting brushed...They trimmed him way down...Pretty much shaved almost all the way down...He's not pleased with it, but his hair grows fast...Finnegan sleeps in our bed, at my feet every night...In the morning he gets up with my wife and goes to my chair, and gets it warmed up for me...But Sunday night he wasn't at my feet, he was snuggled right up in the crook of my arm...He seemed cold thanks to the lack of hair, and I think the medicine they gave him after the bee sting may have made him feel like shit...His gas has been awful! It was long ago I said I didn't want him in the bed...I didn't want him licking me...Now here I am, him sleeping in my arm like my kids use to, in a blanket, licking my cheek...

This family has broken down my cold, hard wall...They've ruin me...I love this little shit Finnegan, and my days would be missing something if he wasn't in them...

Finnegan this weekend...Almost a year...Crazy!

The Beeze.


P.S.  This may be some of the softest shit I've ever written...They really have broken me.