Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Beeze's Happy New Year, Hump day Survey

Happy New Year!!! It's time for a quick Hump Day Survey...Here we go...

1. Who will win the Rose Bowl?

a. Penn State

b. USC

2. Were the Jets right in firing Mangina?

3. Should the Browns hire Mangina?

4. Who will win in the Baltimore vs Miami playoff game?

5. Who will win in the Atlanta vs Arizona platoff game?

6. What is your best memory of 2008?

Mine is of our trip to Boston this fall for the little Beeze's birthday.

7. On this New Years Eve I'm skipping the Traditional 7th question....It's New Years Eve, just get out there and Hump somebody.

Happy New Year!!!

Later, the BEEZE

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Monday Moaning / Christmas recap

Happy Holidays!!! I hope everyone has enjoyed this Merry week as much as I...How could I not? Jimmy Clausen and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish won a game...They won a Bowl game....And they won BIG...What a great gift to get on Christmas Eve. I have to say i was surprised by the outcome...I though the Irish could win, but i didn't expect the offensive explosion I saw....I hope this is something Charlie and the boys can build off of.

Next up, the Cleveland Browns....I've never been so happy after a loss to the Steelers...let a alone a 31-0 a$$ beating....But it's like Christmas all over...the Browns' Season is done, and so are Phil Savage, and BIG, FAT, FATTY, FAT, Romeo Crennel....Now it's time to hire some people with experience...No more first timers...We need some Cock strong mutha f**kers to turn this $h!t around.

Let's stay on the topic of football for another minute or two...I have to feel bad for my friends and family in the Boston area....11-5 and the Pats don't make the playoffs....11-5 without Tom Brady, and they don't make the playoffs...F**king Jets can screw anything up....Including their own wasn't too long ago when their were a bunch of douches talking about a possible Jets vs Giants "Super Bowl"....But No!!! Here comes Brett Interception Favre....that a boy Brett, end on a high note....Douche!!!

How about Chad Weak Arm Pennington....He's gotta be loving it...I wonder what Mike Greenberg did after that game...Did he cry for his Jets? Or did he cream his pants for Chad?

"How about them Cowboys!!!" way to $h!t the bed boys...And to my friends in Philly...CONGRATS!!! The Eagles are back from the dead.

Now I'm moving on to Hockey....I've had a subscription to The Hockey News since I was 13 years old...They try to be objective, but over the past few years they seem to follow the party line when it comes to the NHL....I'm not surprised by this, but some things in the latest issue surprise me...This issue is their "10th Annual 1oo People of Power and Influence"....Number one was Sidney Crosby, which shouldn't have surprised me, but it did....I don't mean to dog "Sid the Kid" because he an awesome, young, talented player, but he may not even be the best player on his team...Evgeni Malkin, who is ranked #91 carried the Pens last season, while Crosby was out with an injury....And his all-around game has improved even more this season...

Number 2 on the list was Alex Ovechkin...and after what I've been seeing from him the last couple of seasons, he may be #1 next year....Number 3 was Gary Bettman....I guess he has "power and influence" but that isn't a good thing....dude is a top 5 douche....Speaking of Douche, and this is another thing that surprised me....Number 27 on the list was Sean Avery..."the most hated player in hockey"...the guy the league makes rules up for on the fly...the guy the league wants nothing to do with....A guy who The Hockey News hasn't always been a fan why give him any ink?

This is what they wrote about him...."Avery,28, is the undisputed winner of the biggest mouth, smallest mind award. He casts himself, the league and the game in a negative light because of his poorly thought-out actions and comments - making this list for all the wrong reasons. The league came up with a new interpretation of a rule just for him."

So I ask again....If he is so bad for the game, and the league, why do you still keep giving him coverage?

I'll tell you why....Because with a dummy like Bettman in charge the league needs characters to help draw attention to the game. The NHL hates Avery, and many in the Hockey world say they hate him, but they keep writing about him....They can't wait for him to open his mouth, so the media will be talking about hockey....They know bad PR is better then NO PR....I hate Hypocrites, and hockey is full of them.

Moving on from sports....How was every one's X-mas? Mine was good...Christmas Eve was a little crazy....My wife's parents decided at the last minute that they were coming to our house for Christmas. I've had to deal with them for every holiday the last 4 years...I was looking forward to this one off....They showed up X-mas Eve as I was getting things ready for my family to arrive....We all ate some apps I made (you can get the recipe on Tales from the Fish House... )....we opened some presents...and shot the $h!t for awhile....Oh yeah, we did some drinking....

My family left, and we got the kids to bed....The in laws were here to stay...You have to understand a few things about them...they don't like each other...She just goes through life with blinders on....he can't shut the f**k up....Seriously these two could make anybody crazy...It's bad enough I didn't want them here, but my wife was bummed about it then me.

So the kids are in bed, and I'm playing Santa, and trying to watch the Irish...This a$$ won't leave me alone....He isn't talking about anything...He's just talking to talk...I'm trying to put stuff together, my wife is putting stuff under the tree, and what do we hear....the same $h!t we hear every year..."when you were kids we didn't get you this much stuff." All I wanted to say was, 'well that's cause we're not a couple of cheap, crabby, loveless, a$$holes.' But as always with grandpa, I bit my tongue.

Another problem when our favorite visitors come....I don't cum...Sex is off the table, or the bed, or the floor, or anywhere else....this is because of the one time when granny was staying with us, and she did the ole open & knock...You know, when somebody is opening the door at the same time they are knocking on it...There I was jack-hammering away on Mrs. Beeze, and something so important that Grandma had to get out of bed and tell us right then....She walks in and just starts stammering and then runs out...she didn't even close the door...Then Mrs. Beeze, who often acts like a child, just starts this annoying I'm embarrassed giggle....So ever since then...No love for Daddy.

I could go on about those two, but maybe I'll just save it for a special blog...just for them.

The kids had a great Christmas. They got everything they wanted and more...The Mrs. was very happy with all her presents, as was I....She got me too much...A Blow Job would have been nice though.

I hope You and Yours had a very Merry Christmas.

Have a good week.

Later, The BEEZE.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The BEEZE'S Holiday, Hump Day Survey

HO HO HO!!! It's time for a holiday edition of the Hump Day Survey. Let's get to it....I got a lot of crap to do today....It's not easy being Santa.

1. Will the New England Patriots make the playoffs?

2. Am I the only person that is wishing pain and suffering on the New York Yankees franchise?

3. What is your favorite Christmas movie?

4. What is your favorite Christmas song?

5. Will the Notre Dame Fighting Irish beat Hawaii tonight?

This next one was brought on by my friend jaek, over at Sporting News....

6. Who is the greatest Hockey player of all-time?

a. Wayne Gretzky

b. Gordie Howe

c. Bobby Orr

d. Mario Lemieux

e. Rocket Richard

7. On this Fine Christmas Eve/Hump Day....Which of these pieces of Holiday joy would you most like to Hump?




How about that guy CK ?

I like this one..........

(thanks for the pics mac)

Merry Christmas

Later, The BEEZE.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tales From the Fish House: Holiday Edition

Back for more Tales from the Fish House? This week I thought with it being the season of giving, I would share some tales from the many company Christmas parties the Fish House has had.

We've all heard the stories of office Christmas parties, where the boss is nailing his secretary, and the hot insecure chick is walking around with mistletoe just to be sure that guys pay attention, and keep her self-esteem up....Eventually she'll go home with one of them, or just go to a bathroom stall and get used, and continue to feel insecure...Then there's the creepy dude from the mail room...But this year some chick is going to get to know him. Really get to know the inner him...until she gets hammered, and then all she knows is he got in her, and everyone knows it.

Well Fish House parties weren't much different...I say weren't because the rich guys stopped having them when the realized they could make more money if they're open on Christmas Eve, instead of throwing a party for their hard working employees....But we had some good ones....I'm just gonna throw some examples at ya....But before that.....

You have to understand many of us in our youth really liked to drink, and maybe even liked to try out some drugs. Restaurant people work in restaurants because the white collar world frowns on us....Why? Because we don't hide our vices, and we tend to speak our mind....and we think sexual harassment is bullsh!t. That said on with the tales.....

One of the first things I think about, when I think about the good ole days is one of the owners of the Fish House, dressed up like Santa, with a bottle of vodka in one hand, and a 2' bong in the other, and a server, dressed like a slutty elf grinding on him....My how he's changed.

Then there was the GM who's wife was upstairs looking for him at the party, while he banging a server in the office...many of the staff members knew about this, because they kept going into the office to steal his blow, and watch the show...Everyone seemed to forget to tell him his wife was there. I was sitting with the kitchen manager at doing shots of whiskey, as we did a little play-by-play of the festivities.

There was one year I was getting sh!t faced with this server, and she is just going on, and on about being engaged, and she doesn't really love him, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....So after many drinks I got her to re-think this whole thing...She came home with me and spent Christmas Eve with the Beeze...She later broke things off with him, but we were just a X-mas Eve one-nighter... She his happily married to an old friend of mine now....See everything works itself out.

I remember one year, one of the owners wives coming up to me with mistletoe....Yeah, she was that chick....and yeah we made it to a stall...I did what I had to do, and so did she....I didn't feel bad about it at all...You want to know why? Her old man was in the stall next to us with a server....F**king freaks!!!

I think that should give you an idea...hell I'm getting a chubby just remembering all this sh!t.

Alright, how about another recipe....

You're gonna need more party ryes for this one. (see previous post)

This is a Corned Beef and Swiss Appetizer.

1pkg (8oz) Philly Cream Cheese (softened)

2 t. Grey Poupon

1/4 lb. corned beef (chopped)

1/2 cup Kraft Shredde Swiss Cheese

2 T chopped green onion

Party ryes

Pre-heat broiler.

Beat cream cheese, and mustard in medium bowl with electric mixer. medium speed. Blend well.

Add corned beef, swiss cheese, and onion. Mix well. Spread onto party ryes.

Place on baking sheet, broil for 3 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Merry Christmas....Keep cooking, and keep F**king.

Later, The BEEZE.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Monday Moaning

You may be thinking The Beeze is p!ssed...You thought right....I've learned not to expect too much from the Browns...but I f**king expect to beat the Bengals. WTF!!!

On the local radio coverage after the game I heard the one reporter congratulate Jamal Lewis for reaching a career milestone for rushing yards...Seriously...F**k that....Congrats on not beating the Bengals, you bunch of p*ssies...Congrats on not scoring an offensive touchdown in the last five games...Congrats, a lot of people will be losing there jobs after this piece of $h!t season. That reporter is officially A FIRST CLASS DOUCHE!!!
And if I hear one more person say what a smart QB ken Dorsey is, I'm gonna punch them in the face....He's not smart....He sucks....Smart QBs don't throw it to a receiver who has 3 DBs all over him....F Ken Dorsey!!!

I hope that after these last five weeks, that there is no doubt in Randy Lehner's mind that he must rebuild his team...Starting in the front office.

Now a real congratulations goes out to the Mount Union Purple Raiders for winning the Division-3 National Championship on Saturday. Way to go fellas!!!

The next thing I want to hit on is The Sporting News pick for "Athlete of the Year"...TSN member Fan82 posted a blog on this topic, and I totally agree with him....Eli Manning as "Athlete of the Year"? Seriously? F that. I'm not saying Go with the same guy as Sports Illustrated....But Eli Manning? That's the best you can do? Very disappointing.

And what's even worse, s the picture they took of Eli for this bullsh!t....They should have called it "The Sporting News Douche of the Year" I'm not kidding...Manning looks like a pud.
What a DOUCHE.
Now I want to say this...Many New York Rangers fans are unhappy that Mats Sundin signed with the Vancouver Canucks, instead of the Rangers....I'm not one of them....Many have said that the contract the Rangers gave to weak a$$ Defensman Wade Redden made it financially impossible to sign Sundin...That's true, the Rangers would have had to move Redden, and NOBODY wanted to pick up that contract....But look what Sundin has done..he said he didn't want to be a rent-a-player....Well it's almost half way through the season and he has just decided to sign with someone...and he has handcuffed the Canucks with the huge salary he wanted....Now they have limited cap room to do anything else....And after all this I'm predicting Sundin will have a limited impact on the Canucks...I didn't think he would be a good fit in New York...I'm glad the Rangers didn't get him.
Here's a good little article about Sundin, and the money he wanted....
No Notre Dame Hockey this week, the Irish were off this weekend.
That's it for now...Have a good week.
Later, The BEEZE

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Mount Union Purple Raiders...Best College Football Team Around

That's right...I said it...The Mount Union Purple Raiders are the best college football team around...I'm not saying that they're going to beat the likes of USC, or Florida...or any of the big boys...although they may be able to take my beloved Fighting Irish....But here let me make my case for this little school in Alliance, Ohio.
The Purple Raiders ranked #1, (14-0) have won 9 Division-3 National Championships..."93, '96, '97, '98, '00, '01, '02, '05, and '06....This weekend they go for number 10. They will face the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater for the 4th consecutive year in the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl. (Dec. 20th...11:00AM)
Mount Union beat UW-Whitewater 35-28 in '05, and 35-16 in '06...The Warhawks beat the Purple Raiders 31-21 in '07.
Coach Larry Kehres is in his 23rd season at Mount Union and has a career record of 260-21-3 with a .923 winning percentage. His teams have won 18 Ohio Athletic Conference Championships....'86, '90, '92-'07....Under Kehres the Purple Raiders have had 16 undefeated seasons....'86, '90, '92, '93, '95-'04, '06, '07. Since 1990, his teams have had 17 playoff appearances, with a 230-11-1 record, and a .956 winning percentage.
Kekres' team plays multiple pro-set formations on offense, and uses a 4-2-5 defense.
Senior QB, Greg Micheli is a finalist for the Gagliardi Trophy, given to the best all-around D-3 football player...if he wins he will be the fifth Mount Union player to win it. The others....Jim Ballard ('93)...Bill Borchert ('97)...Chuck Moore ('01)...Dan Pugh ('02).
Micheli, who has a double major in Physics, and Math, is also an Academic All-American, and one of 15 finalists (all divisions), for the Draddy Trophy, which is known as the "Academic Heisman".
RB Nate Kmic's career 129 touchdowns and 774 points is more than any player at any level, in college football history. His 42 rushing, and 43 total touchdowns this season are the most in college football history. And his 2702 rushing yards this season is a new D-3 record.
I don't know...they sound pretty bad-a$$ to me.
Go Purple Raiders!!!
Later, The BEEZE.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tales From the Fish House: Tapping the Keg

First I want to start by letting you know I have a blog dedicated Tales From the Fish House. All the past installments have been posted there, and this one will also be thrown up on that page. I'll keep posting The Tales here on the BEEZEWAX, but I wanted to also keep them all together somewhere. Here's a link....It may look familiar.......

So this weeks tale is from back in my youth...My early 20s...I was a perv, and a loud mouth, and hit on everything that moved...So not much has changed.

There was this server...we'll call her Maureen...She was cool...Good looking...Liked to drink...Liked to poke some smot....We hung out, and had a friendly relationship....And when I say we had a friendly relationship, I mean there was some oral sex involved.

So one day I'm being a smart a$$ and I say, "Hey Maureen, you wanna go down to the beer cooler and let me tap your keg?" I know...It's a sh!t line....Whatever, I was f**king around. She says "I'll meet you in 5 minutes." Now I assume she's just f**king around right back.

A few minutes later I head down to the produce cooler to restock some stuff. The beer cooler attached to it...What do I see? Maureen waiting pants around her ankles, bent over a keg....'Are you sh!tting me?' is the thought in my head...The thought in my pants was 'Fuck Yeah!!!'

Now Maureen had what a black friend of mine called a "ghetto onion." Which means she had a nice, big, firm, a$$. How could I walk away?

So I close the door and head on over to get to work....As i was moving her panties to the side, she says....."F**k me in the a$$." I believe I heard a choir of angels singing....Who am I to say no to that request.

So that piece of sh!t line worked, and I tapped that keg. We continued to screw around for a little while, but she didn't last long....She wasn't a very good server. I think she quit, because she was getting the sh!tty shifts...pun intended. Once she left I didn't see her anymore.

I'm gonna skip the recipe tonight...I've got a bunch of stuff to get done for Christmas....Speaking of Christmas, if you haven't heard the world is getting a little to PC on Christmas now. Check it out....

Later, The BEEZE.

Rudolph Banned....WTF!!!

The song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was ripped from the Murrayville Elementary School's Kindergarten Christmas show, in Wilmington N.C.....Why because some dolt of a mother complained about the song's religious reference....Are you kidding me?
By religious reference she meant...the word Christmas....The women is Jewish and I respect her beliefs, but it's Rudolph, not "O' Holy Night" or something like that....It's f**king Rudolph, a stupid Reindeer. She also didn't like the reference to Santa. This women got lawyers involved....there's some Holiday spirit for ya.
This kind of thing is getting out of control....If I have a Christmas display, do I now have to have a Hanukkah display, and a display for every other faith. Do I need a display for Psycho, Muslim, Extremists, like a severed head. When will it be enough?
I've had enough of this PC crap....I respect all faiths, but lets be honest....When you're out at the mall, dealing with traffic, and b!tchy store clerks, and b!tchy customers, and you're trying to find the right gift for somebody, are you really thinking about the birth of Christ or what Christmas is suppose to be "all about"?
NO!!! You're thinking about killing the F**ker in front of you....or the gash that snuck into your parking spot....or how you just want to get to the bar and watch the game, and drink yourself into a stuper.
As a society we have done all we can to remove religion from Christmas, and the Holiday season....That's a shame...But worse then that, now people a f**king with Rudloph....F**k that...I'm drawing the line right there.
Later, The BEEZE.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Monday Moaning

Is it Monday already...Well it's Sunday right now, but many of you won't read this until Monday, so don't get nit picky with me....Sorry, little angry write now. I guess we should start there, with my anger....

I lost in my fantasy league today...It was my fault, I was thinking to much. I got up this morning and read everything I could, watched everything I could, and finalized my roster at 12:54 PM...Well I $h!t the bed, or at least the f**kers I listened to, and the f**kers I played $h!t the bed.

First mistake...I played Ted Ginn instead of Wes Welker...The reasoning...I didn't expect Matt Cassel to go all "Brett Farve" and light it up the same week that he lost his father. I also liked Ginn as a deep threat against the 49ers secondary....I suck.

Second mistake....I plated Maurice Morris instead of Kevin Faulk...The reason...Same as the reason for not playing Welker...Also everyone was talking up Sammy Morris, who did have a good day.

Third mistake....Well I don't know if it's a mistake yet, but with all the bullsh!t that was going on in Dallas, and with Donald Lee projected to do better, I played Lee instead of Jason Witten....Lee gave me 0 points...Thanks dipsh!t.

Then there was Anquan Boldin...One of my two studs...Boldin completely $h!t the bed....1 f**king point. My other stud Turner the Burner did all he could for me, but it just wasn't enough.

I wasn't expecting to win it all....I had been holding my team together with Popsicle sticks and duct tape....I had 6 running backs hit the IR this year, so considering I won my division, I didn't do that bad...But f**k I wanted to win. The whole league is full of sh!t talkers, and I like being the biggest one.

Alright, enough of that. Saturday night was great....if you want to read about it check this out....

After all the fantasy studying this morning, we took the kids to see Santa. It was the first time my son wasn't freaked out by the guy...Actually he started talking the poor guys ear off. My daughter may be starting to catch on...She said "I don't think that was the real Santa...Maybe it's one of his helpers." My wife responded with a "you may be right honey." I wasn't getting involved.

After that it was full on football, although I did mix in writing about 10 Christmas cards...We try to split up the list, and I noticed the wife hadn't done hers yet...Anytime I'm not the procrastinator is good...It give me a small and brief advantage.

Now to some Notre Dame hockey news. First of all the Fighting Irish were on the NHL network Friday night, so that was sweet for me. Saturday nights game was aired this morning...It's always cool to see some college hockey getting love on TV.

The top-ranked Irish played a home and home series with Bowling Green this weekend.

Friday night at Bowling Green, Notre Dame won 3-1. The goal scorers were...Teddy Ruth, Ben Ryan, and Christian Hanson. Goalie Jordan Pearce made 19 saves in the victory.

Saturday night in South Bend, the Irish won 4-3, taking their season record to 14-3-2. The goal scorers Saturday were....Dan Kissel, Calle Ridderwall, and Christian Hanson-2. Hanson's two goals took his season total up to 13. Pearce made 18 saves in the victory.

In other Irish Hockey news, Tim Wallace '06 was called up from the minors Tuesday by the Pittsburgh Penguins. Wallace was signed as an undrafted free agent in '06, and has been in the minors for the last 2 seasons. He's one of 4 former Irish hockey players in the NHL right now...The others are Penguins teammate Mark Eaton, Red Wings defenseman Bret Lebda, and Blues forward Yan Stastny. With Wallace, there are now 15 former Notre Dame players who have seen time in the NHL.

Have a good week, I'm sure I'll be back ranting about something tomorrow.

Later, The BEEZE.

Restaurant Review: Bistro On Lincoln Park

Tonight Mrs. Beeze and I went out for dinner at a new restaurant in Cleveland. As the title says it's called Bistro On Lincoln's a link to there site.....

A couple we have been friends with for a number of years own it. I had worked with Pete (owner and Chef) for many years, he's a great guy and very talented. His wife Megan, whom I've also worked with handles the front of the house.

The place looks great and they are doing well...It's surprising how many people are going out to eat with the economy being so bad....especially in this town.

But lets get to the good part....To start I had the Chorizo Blini - Spanish Manchego Cheese, Marinated Cabbage, Chipotle Sauce...It was great. The Mrs. had the Seared Sea Scallops - Corn Soufflé, Butter Poached Baby Leeks, Potato Gaufrette...very good.

Next I had the Venison Bolognese - Braised Venison, Fresh Fettuccini & Venison Ragu....F**king Awesome!!! Yeah, I ate some Bambi, and it was great.

The wife had the Steak & Frites - Hanger Steak and House-Made Fries...One of the most tender pieces of meat I've ever had.

I was drinking Heineken, and she was drinking Pinot Grigio....I made sure the wife never had an empty class...she's willing to get a little freakier when she's good and boozy.

For Desert she had a banana upside down cake, and I had the cookies and milk....I'm not sh!tt!ng you....Everything is made in house and fresh....The cookies are cooked to order....They were the gooiest, most outstanding f**king cookies I have ever had....And yes they were served with a small class of milk.

It was outstanding.

After that we sat at the bar for one more drink, and shot the sh!t with the bartender, who was also an old friend. Then we headed home...The car ride was nice as I convinced the Mrs. to drop and gobble...That's right, there's no head like road head.

When we got home, I paid off the sitter....Do you know what these f**kers charge? $10 dollars an hour...$10 dollars an hour to watch tv with my kids, tell them when to go to bed, and text their friends....Nice gig...I think I overpaid her...I wanted her out...Mrs. Beeze was in the mood to be dirty...Game on!

So after trying out a couple new moves, and doing a few things I shouldn't talk about, I broke out they jackhammer and finished off the Mrs. for the night. she passed out, and I like all loyal fans checked out the Rangers on the DVR...The boys bounced back after a bad loss last night and won 3-2 in a shoot out...Way to Henrik.

I know this isn't my normal style of posting...except for the sex talk....but I try to keep this blog real, honest and open. Often I get on here and rant, but I want to share the good stuff too....I had a great night, and I wanted to share the highlights...I tend to open up more after booze and sex.....That and I wanted to give my friends a free plug.

Later, The BEEZE.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Why The New York Rangers are Great

Not just because of game winning goals..........

And not just because of great saves.........

And not even for former greats teaching kids how to skate.....
This is why........
Later, the BEEZE.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The BEEZE'S Hump Day Survey

I'm short on time so let's get right to it.

1. Which New York Football team will do better in the Playoffs?

a. Old man Brett & the Jets

b. The Plaxless Giants

2. Who should be the NFL rookie of the year?

a. Matt Ryan

b. Joe Flacco

c. Chris Johnson

d. Matt Forte

e. Other

3. Who wins this week between the Steelers and the Ravens?

4. Is the Indians offer of of nearly $20 million to Kerry Wood too much?

5. How many games will C.C. Sabathia win in his first season of being a New York Douche....I mean Yankee?

I feel this is worth asking again, because I'm still not sure ....

6. Should Notre Dame have fired Charlie Weis?

7. On this fine Hump Day which of these Santa's Little Helpers would you most like to Hump?



OR d. Johnny Chotchwad.....

Sorry, You can't have Mrs. BEEZE.

Read and Respond.

Later, The BEEZE.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Tales From the Fish House

Back for more? I knew you would be. Now let's remember the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

This time around I'm going to introduce you to one of the many freaks from the Fish House. Tonight we meet a guy by the name of Tammy Nova....Yes I said guy, named Tammy Nova. We'll get to why he has been given a female name in a minute.

Tammy is that guy...The guy who wants to be the man...And it's his desire to be the man, and willingness to do anything to help his standing with the man, that leads to the man using and abusing the $h!t out of him....He's a dummy....He's going nowhere....nobody likes him because he's a kiss-a$$ and a back stabber....And the man sees this crap, so he doesn't like him, but he uses the hell out of him, because Tammy doesn't get it.

Tammy is the guy that everyone rips on....They'll do it right in front of him, and he doesn't even get it...He stands there and laughs too....If there are 6 people in the kitchen, including Tammy, the other 5 will be in on the joke and dude just plays along like he's in on it too....Dummy you're the joke!!!!

Maybe this all sounds harsh....well it's a harsh business, with people who aren't cut out for the white collar world....we believe in only the strong survive...And Tammy has lasted a while now, so maybe his stupidity is what keeps him strong.

Now why do we call this dolt Tammy Nova? Well on his very first day at the Fish House he comes at us with this (I should first tell you that when he speaks he sounds like he has a mouth full of sh!t)....."Have you ever hooked up with a chick, and then found out she was a dude?" "What !!!" Along with a puzzled expression on our faces, was our response....He then replied with..."It's not gay, she's having all the right operations." Hold on a second dude...She isn't having the operations....He is!!! A dude is a dude, and you hooked up with a dude.

Strike One......okay we all make a mistake sometimes...we don't all hook up with dudes but whatever.

The next warning came a little while later when he told us about when he worked at Johnny Rockets and on Halloween the whole staff dressed up...He dressed as a chick.

Strike Two......okay now we're seeing a trend.

He's always done creepy gay stuff, and don't start getting PC on me....I work in the restaurant business, I know gay people, I have gay friends, the best male servers are gay, I'm all for gay marriage...Why should us straight people be the only ones to suffer.

Any who, recently Tammy hit us with this. See I run a Fish House Fantasy Football league, and Mr. Nova is in it. We all like to bust balls, and make side bets on our games....the $1000 pot isn't enough for us degenerates...So Tammy was facing this big dolt of a meat head...We'll call him BD...short for Big Dummy. So Tammy wants to make a wager with him....He says to BD, "If I win you have to dress like a chick and go out with me to the bars." WTF!!! BD was like "what the f**k is wrong with you? F**koff."

Strike over....If the saying you are what you eat is true...Then dude is seriously hungry for a d!ck sandwich.

Every kitchen has that douche that nobody likes, ours just happens to be a closet case....Now we're all waiting for him to come out and see who he hits on first.

Tonight's recipe....Lobster and Goat Cheese Ravioli with Pesto cream sauce.

Now you can find pre-made raviolis at some good stores and specialty shops, but if you want to make your own here it is....

Get raw pasta sheets...we have a great place called Ohio City Pasta, they make great stuff. Layout the sheet, use a round cookie cutter, or ring mold, and press it down through the dough. Layout your round doughs and brush them with a little egg wash...then you put a little of your filling in the middle, put another dough on top, and pinch the edges together.

Now for the filling....take a pound of fresh chopped lobster meat, some fresh chopped herbs, (basil, chives, rosemary) some softened goat cheese (4-8 oz.depending on how goat cheezey you want it) salt & pepper. Mix in all together in a bowl...use your hands...get is sexy...messy hands are sexy...sorry I get a little into sometimes.

Sauce...If you want to buy it that's cool, but if you want to make it here you go....Fresh basil, pine nuts, garlic, salt & pepper, a tiny bit of Dijon mustard, and spinach..I use the spinach to stretch it, and brighten the color up. Throw all that in a food processor, and slowly add olive oil as it is just want it to be pasty.

Then you heat some heavy cream and whisk in your pesto.

Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it. Also thanks for reading my other crap. the wife just caught up on my blog today...I thought I was going to be in trouble....But she's cool about me telling everyone everything...and she liked how I picked myself apart a little in the last Monday Moaning...Mrs. Beeze is the Sh!t.

Laterr, The BEEZE.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Sean Avery vs Gary Bettman....Who's the Douche?

I'd like to talk about the Sean Avery controversy....If you don't know he referred to his ex-girlfriends as his sloppy seconds, as an attempt to be funny, and to taunt a player (Dion Phaneuf) on an opposing team, who is dating Elisha Cuthbert...One of Avery's ex-c**dumpsters. That was mean...I apologize...But she has made a few other trips around the NHL, so is it really that mean?

So the NHL has suspended Avery for 6 games....6 games for talking sh!t....I played hockey at a Catholic high school (3 state titles), and our coach said worse stuff to us at practice....I've said worse on the ice in my beer league....and worse things are said on a nightly basis in the NHL.

Let me get this straight...You can punch dudes in the face, but you can't talk sh!t
about them....WTF!!!

The biggest reason for the suspension is Gary Bettman and other league officials don't like that Avery has called them out in the past...Most recently in an interview on E:60. This comment was nothing new for Avery who has made his living by being a pest....There have always been pests in hockey and there always will be.

Avery has been a wanted man by Bettman ever since last years playoffs, when he stood in front of Martin Brodeur and kept waving his hand and stick in his face in an attempt to distract him....It worked....he scored shortly thereafter.

The next day the league was putting together a new rule..."the Avery rule"...prohibiting a player from doing such things. The NHL has decided to change the rules whenever they see fit...or at least whenever Sean Avery pisses them off....WTF!!! I have always thought Avery was a douche, even when he was playing for my beloved RANGERS, although I was glad he was on my team instead of the others. I still think he's a FIRST CLASS DOUCHE...but so is Gary Bettman.
That's it for now,
Later, The BEEZE.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The BEEZE'S Hump Day Survey

The Hump Day Survey is back.

We're gonna get right into it this week.

1. Who will C.C. Sabathia sign with?

2. Which of these NFC teams will not make the playoffs?

a. Dallas

b. Atlanta

c. Carolina

d. all of the above

3. Which of these AFC teams will not make the playoffs?

a. New England

b. Baltimore


c. Indy

d. does Miami have a chance

4. Was the NHL right in suspending Sean Avery?

5 (a). Should Notre Dame go to a bowl game?

5 (b). Should Notre Dame have fired Charlie Weis?

6. What is your favorite music to celebrate Hump Day to? When I say celebrate, I mean....hump...bone...gettin' some stank on the hang low.

7. On this fine Hump Day...Which of the desperate house wives would you most like to hump?

a. Eva Longoria

b. Macia Cross

c. Teri Hatcher

d. Nicollette Sheridan

e. The other chick

Or for the ladies.....

f. This dude.

Read and Respond

Later, The BEEZE.