Monday Moaning

There's a meaning to that picture...But I'll get to that in a bit...I have to get into the "Super Bowl" blah, blah, blah, first...The Ravens won...The 49ers were down 28-6 at halftime, and managed to get back in it, only losing 34-31...The key notes to the game....Ray Lewis was a total and complete non-factor in the game, except for CBS constantly putting his ugly mug on camera...Never once mentioning the missed tackles, and over-all shitty play...

Joe Flacco was given the MVP, even though everyone in the free world, who paid attention to the game, knows that Jacoby Jones should have gotten it...Just after halftime, after Jones returned the opening kick for a 109 yard TD...The lights went out...We had to sit through a 35 minute delay, just after sitting through that god-awful Beyonce shit!

Sorry Beyonce fans, that was crap...Bitch sang a little, but mostly shook her ass and randomly yelled into the mic while the backing tracks did the singing...Then she brought out her old friends from Destiny's Child, but had their mics down low, so their voices wouldn't show her up...Fuck Beyonce! Put a marching band out there and call it a day!

And we can't not mention the fucking commercials...Lets start by saying this...Over 50% of the ads were for CBS programming...Which means CBS had a hard time selling ad time...Who were winners...I don't know...I went for more chili, or checked on Molly and Little Beeze during a lot of them...They were in another room playing, watching AFV...My oldest, and wife were all in on the commercials...This one got my wife to cry...





I'm going to say this next one is my winner...




The Cars.com baby wolf one was good too...The Paul Harvey, "Farmers" commercial was good, but as my wife summed up, "It was touching until they cut to the Dodge truck the ad was for."

Enough of that...The game was good...It looked like a clunker, but turned around...San Fran fans should be happy they fought back...They've got lots of young talent, and they'll be back...They just need some help in that secondary...Their so-called running QB passed for over 300 yards...Kid is going to be real good...And Alex Smith is about to have some teams asking for his services....I wonder if the Browns will make a play for him? 

I was rooting for the 49ers...For no other reason than I predicted they'd win...BY all rights, the stands they I have taken, defending Art Modell, I should be a Ravens fan...In all respects that is my team...But Ray Lewis, his antics, and his hypocrisy make me sick...I'll thank my God that Ray is no longer playing...

And yes, 99% of Cleveland is overjoyed that Art Modell was shutout from the Hall of Fame...I AM THE 1%...For all the good Modell did for the NFL...For charity...For Cleveland and Baltimore...One thing is held against him...One thing defines his legacy...moving HIS team...The team HE OWNED...I was a fan...I didn't own it...The city didn't own it...You didn't own it...HE DID...We are a capitalistic, free-market society, and he did what he had to for his business...Many people would agree with that statement, until it involves the team they root for...Fucking nonsense!  Well, Art got another notch on his belt...While he is dead, and no longer owns the Ravens, his team won the "Super Bowl" again, while wearing patches with his name on their uniforms...Lead by the work of Ozzie Newsome, The first black GM, hired in the NFL, by Art...Who's first draft pick, just got selected to go into the Hall of Fame...Modell's legacy isn't as bad as the voters and Clevelanders make it out to be...

Okay...Enough football...Shit's over...Let's get to that picture...

Saturday the wife and I got a couples massage...We've done this before...And after a spill I took last week at work, I needed some work...I pointed out a knot in my back and left shoulder that was killing me...I asked this woman to focus on that...Little did I know, this horny old bitch only wanted to work on my ass...While laying face up, she got way to close to the goods...To the point where I sat up and stopped her...Laying face down she spent at least 15 minutes on my ass...Hardly anytime on my back...I was pissed...Everyone in the place knew it...I was kinda loud...At the front desk I was asked what was wrong...I explained how there is still a huge knot in my back and shoulder, because that old hag, wouldn't stop rubbing my ass, and that I had to stop her from rubbing my junk...They took off half of our total...They offered me $10 off with some one else, and said they would handle her...

Listen, if I wanted to go to a jackoff place, we all know where those are...And they're cheaper...And I wouldn't bring my wife...What the fuck bitch!  So here I sit...Pissed, uncomfortable, and a heating pad on my shoulder...And occasionally icing my ribs...Yes, that fall I had cracked a rib, bruised a couple...Fucking yeah!

All those girls I groped and felt up in high school are laughing their asses off as I'm the victim now!

To take my mind of it, my daughter and I went to the rec center, and watched the St. Edward Eagles ruin Senior night for St. Ignatius, as the "Holy War" took to the ice...

The Eagles won 5-2, lead by Gabe Lampron's 2 goal effort...Bringing a smile to my face...I know his dad...He's weighing is options between taking a Scholarship offer, or taking a shot juniors...Kid is good!

That's it for now...Have a week...

The Beeze.

Another Kid Touching Creep...

Unreal...It seems we can't go a couple weeks without some public figure in the sports world being outed for being a kid toucher...I saw it on DEADSPIN today that this fat ass Philadelphia Daily News Sports Columnist made a habit of getting his creep on with kids...Family members' kids, friends of his kids...Boys and girls both...

When I first saw him on ESPN's "The Sports Reporters" I knew right away, I hated him...I just assumed it was because he was a Philly guy...We all know how I hate Philly sports/fans...So their reporters have to be assholes as well, right? I guess so...At least this one...It doesn't matter what the fuck he ever wrote about sports in Philly...Read those accounts in Deadspin, and you'll hate the fat bastard too...

And for the parents who found out, and just gave him a stern warning, and kept their kids away from him from then on...You're assholes too...The damage was already done, and you didn't do enough...How you don't get the police involved, I just don't understand...Actually, I don't understand why no one killed him...Let me make this clear...Anyone ever messes with any of my kids, they're dead...And no one will ever find the body.

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Here we are again...another Monday...They seem to come to quickly...Well what do I have for you this week...I'm not sure yet myself...Lets see where this cup of coffee can take us...

The New York Rangers raised two more numbers to the rafters Sunday...This time it was Harry Howell (3) and Andy Bathgate (9 shared with Adam Graves)...Two Rangers legends getting their due...I guess the organization thought if we retire Graves number for being a great guy, great teamate, and having a few great years...We better retire some greats from the past...

(Howell on the left at Bathgate's induction in the Hall of Fame)

After the festivities, the Rangers took on the Maple Leafs...Once again the Rangers inconsistent offensive play showed up...Down 2-1 with less then a minute left Michal Rozival scored the tieing goal....But the lack of offense, and the soft defense brought home an overtime loss...

I've got nothing of importance to write about baseball yet...As a Browns fan I'm starting to get excited about the draft...Hey we take what we can get...We've got a new Coach...New GM...It feels like anew attitude...A high draft pick...It's a new season, and I'm staying positive until they prove me wrong...(I really hope they don't this time)

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This weekend's highlight from the Beeze family...Of course it came from the little Beeze...He's a chip off the old block...Little dude has eczema...When it gets bad we have a couple of creams we use on him...Well the other evening he wasn't listening when we were getting them ready for bed...(as usual) My wife was trying to cream him up...Then the little perv stands up on his bed and says..."CREAM MY PEE PEE!" as he thrusts his junk in her face....I could'nt stop laughing...It was A.) Hilarious the way he did it....and B.) Seemed like something I would do....

I don't mean to step on Frag's toes...I know he's the movie guy...But on't spend money on the movie..."Still Waiting"...I knew it wouldn't be able to match the first one, but hoped it would be good...It had some good parts...and lots of hot chicks...but it seemed like they were trying too hard...

If you haven't seen "Waiting..." well what the hell is wrong with you...It's a must see....

Now to Notre Dame Hockey....

The Fighting Irish traveled to Nebraska-Omaha this weekend...

Friday night the Irish won 4-3 in overtime....The goal scorers were...Christiian Minella, Christian Hanson, and Billy Maday with 2 including the OT game winner...Jordan Pearce made 21 save in the victory...

Saturday, the Fighting Irish clinched the CCHA regular season title with a 1-0 victory over the Mavericks...The lone goal scorer was Dan Kissel...Pearce made 17 saves in the shutout victory...

In other Notre Dame News...I thought I'd share this years Notre Dame Football recruits...With a little help from BlueandGold.com...

Name
Position
Ht/Wt
Banks, E.J.
CB
5-11/181
Bullard, Alex
OG
6-3/275
Calabrese, Carlo
ILB
6-2/225
Cowart, Jordan
SNP
6-2/255
Eifert, Tyler
TE
6-6/220
Evans, Shaquelle
WR
6-1/203
Fox, Dan
OLB
6-4/219
Golic, Jake
TE
6-4/220
Martin, Zach
OT
6-5/270
Motta, Zeke
OLB
6-2/207
Riddick, Theo
RB
5-10/185
Stockton, Tyler
DT
6-1/290
Tausch, Nicholas
K
6-1/180
Te'o, Manti
ILB
6-2/225

(Te'o is expected to make an immediate impact)

Toma, Roby
WR
5-9/160
Turk, Ben
P
6-0/190
Watt, Chris
OG
6-3/280
Wood, Cierre
RB
6-0/192

Also, The Irish have put 33 offers out there for the 2010 class, and have already received 3 verbal commitments...

That's it for this Monday...I've got to get to bed...Have a good week...

Later, The Beeze.

Ask Doctor Beeze

I have to be honest...I'm hung over, and I've been dealing with a slight case of writer's block...I've started 4 posts, but been unhappy with them all...So they have been sh!t canned...There hasn't been anything p!ssing me off lately, like Oprah...Football season is basically done...You know, except for the "Super Bowl" of course...The NHL season is on their All-Star break....Watch the skills competition tonight...Skip the All-Star game on Sunday...Like most All-Star games, it's crap...Oh and the stupid fans vote in the wrong players....Any who...

You may be asking yourself what's with the title...Well gang the Beeze has a PhD in sh!t talkin' and bullsh!ttin'....So I thought I would put these skills to use...So I'm going to start taking questions from readers...Leave your questions in the comments section, and I will post my advice/answers....

I have recently been asked a few questions, and I thought I would share them with you, along with my answers...

The first question comes from Tim in Cleveland..."Why won't my wife give me a BLUMPY?"

First for those who don't know...A BLUMPY is when a women...or man gives you a blow job while you're taking a crap....Well Tim, you sick f**k, Your wife probably won't give you a BLUMPY because, because she has self-respect...Oh and because it's gross...Yes I know the combination of getting your knob slobbed, and dropping a deuce at the same time feels great, but only for you...That's the type of thing hookers do...good hookers...not your wife.

The next question is from a JURK...http://turkthejurk.blogspot.com/

"Why do My co-workers give me sh!t about being such a huge Radiohead fan?"

Well Jurk, it's because even though Radiohead is talented, many people are tools and just want to hear hits...They want another "Creep"...The other reason is that those cats from Radiohead seem like a bunch of fruits, and even though the people you work with play grab-a$$, and the "penis showing game" they are still somehow homophobic.

I hope this was helpful...Feel free to ask the Beeze your questions...T

Take it easy, the Beeze.

Monday Moaning

How's it going gang? Time for so more Monday Moaning...here's how the weekend started....It all began with a nice steady snow fall Friday afternoon, that carried on through Saturday night...Friday night I spent some quality time talking trash with my brother-in-law in Boston....The Cavs were playing the Celtics, and even though I don't really keep up on basketball, and I don't really care for LeBron, (that whole wearing a Yankees hat thing) I'll never pass on a chance to talk $h!t....

Next, Saturday started with some snow shoveling, so I could get to work...After work was more shoveling and playing with the kids in the snow...they love this crap...The evening was filled with watching Football, and Hockey...I can't believe the Cardinals beat the Panthers....And so convincingly...I knew the ex-Browns, I mean Ravens could handle their business against the Titans....they are looking hard....

Saturday night we found out our son is a bit of a freak like his old man...It was time to get ready for bed, and he wasn't listening to my wife....Now 99% of the time I'm the "bad cop", beacause he just laughs at her...Well she starts getting mad and tries to be the "bad cop"...."Tomas if you don't start listening I'm gonna spank you!"...Now for the record she doesn't spank...he knows this...So what does he do....He turns around, bends over, and says...."spank me, spank me, spank me hard." I couldn't stop laughing...My wife was in tears she was laughing so hard....Although ther could have been a little sadness there too...Now that she realized her son is a perv like his old man....

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On the Hockey front, there's something that's been bothering for awhile now....each week I watch Hockey Night in Canada...I'm not Canadian, but from what I know, it was always a big deal for our neighbors to the north...But what's bugging me is that 99% of the time, the Prime-time game is a Maple Leafs game...There's other teams in Canada fellas, try spreading the love around...By the way, the Leafs aren't that good...Please stop cramming them down our throats....

My beloved New York Rangers lost Friday in a shoot out against Buffalo...Saturday they came back strong and blanked the Ottawa Senators....






Then Sunday came, and so did I....Oh sorry...More fun out in the snow with the monsters...My son hasn't figured out how to snowball fight yet...He seems to like getting hit...He makes a very good target...My daughter was getting revenge finally for all the crap he gives her...He took one in the face, that gave him a shiner and he was just laughing....The kid is insane...
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After that it was time for more football....The Eagles got it done again, and I know I shouldn't but, I'm saying they're going to the "Super Bowl"...I'm so glad the Giants lost....I can't stand Eli Manning, or the whole Manning family for that matter....Then the Steelers knocked off the Chargers...They seemed to be firing on all cylinders today...Ravens vs Steelers next week....This is gonna be a good one folks.....



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Next up, my favorite part...Notre Dame Hockey....This weekend the Fighting Irish took on the Nanooks from Alaska....
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Friday the Irish won 2-0...The goal scorers were....Ryan Thang, and Senior, captain Erik Condra....Goalie Jordan Pearce made 16 saves to earn the shutout, and the victory.
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Saturday night Pearce recorded his 4th shutout of the season, and 8th of his career on, as the Irish beat the Nanooks 3-0....The goal scores were...Christian Hanson, Ben Ryan, and Ryan Thang.

This weekends victories take the #1 ranked Irish to a 18-3-2 record....Next weekend Notre Dame travels to Lake Superior State for two games.
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I hope everybody had a good weekend...I'll catch you later,
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The Beeze.
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One more thing...TCP, you may want to check this out for your little, and anyone else who has a Thomas the train fan in their house.....
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http://thomasthetankenginefriends.blogspot.com/

Tales From the Fish House

Back for more? I knew you would be. Now let's remember the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

This time around I'm going to introduce you to one of the many freaks from the Fish House. Tonight we meet a guy by the name of Tammy Nova....Yes I said guy, named Tammy Nova. We'll get to why he has been given a female name in a minute.

Tammy is that guy...The guy who wants to be the man...And it's his desire to be the man, and willingness to do anything to help his standing with the man, that leads to the man using and abusing the $h!t out of him....He's a dummy....He's going nowhere....nobody likes him because he's a kiss-a$$ and a back stabber....And the man sees this crap, so he doesn't like him, but he uses the hell out of him, because Tammy doesn't get it.

Tammy is the guy that everyone rips on....They'll do it right in front of him, and he doesn't even get it...He stands there and laughs too....If there are 6 people in the kitchen, including Tammy, the other 5 will be in on the joke and dude just plays along like he's in on it too....Dummy you're the joke!!!!

Maybe this all sounds harsh....well it's a harsh business, with people who aren't cut out for the white collar world....we believe in only the strong survive...And Tammy has lasted a while now, so maybe his stupidity is what keeps him strong.

Now why do we call this dolt Tammy Nova? Well on his very first day at the Fish House he comes at us with this (I should first tell you that when he speaks he sounds like he has a mouth full of sh!t)....."Have you ever hooked up with a chick, and then found out she was a dude?" "What !!!" Along with a puzzled expression on our faces, was our response....He then replied with..."It's not gay, she's having all the right operations." Hold on a second dude...She isn't having the operations....He is!!! A dude is a dude, and you hooked up with a dude.

Strike One......okay we all make a mistake sometimes...we don't all hook up with dudes but whatever.

The next warning came a little while later when he told us about when he worked at Johnny Rockets and on Halloween the whole staff dressed up...He dressed as a chick.

Strike Two......okay now we're seeing a trend.

He's always done creepy gay stuff, and don't start getting PC on me....I work in the restaurant business, I know gay people, I have gay friends, the best male servers are gay, I'm all for gay marriage...Why should us straight people be the only ones to suffer.

Any who, recently Tammy hit us with this. See I run a Fish House Fantasy Football league, and Mr. Nova is in it. We all like to bust balls, and make side bets on our games....the $1000 pot isn't enough for us degenerates...So Tammy was facing this big dolt of a server...total meat head...We'll call him BD...short for Big Dummy. So Tammy wants to make a wager with him....He says to BD, "If I win you have to dress like a chick and go out with me to the bars." WTF!!! BD was like "what the f**k is wrong with you? F**koff."

Strike Three......game over....If the saying you are what you eat is true...Then dude is seriously hungry for a d!ck sandwich.

Every kitchen has that douche that nobody likes, ours just happens to be a closet case....Now we're all waiting for him to come out and see who he hits on first.

Tonight's recipe....Lobster and Goat Cheese Ravioli with Pesto cream sauce.

Now you can find pre-made raviolis at some good stores and specialty shops, but if you want to make your own here it is....

Get raw pasta sheets...we have a great place called Ohio City Pasta, they make great stuff. Layout the sheet, use a round cookie cutter, or ring mold, and press it down through the dough. Layout your round doughs and brush them with a little egg wash...then you put a little of your filling in the middle, put another dough on top, and pinch the edges together.

Now for the filling....take a pound of fresh chopped lobster meat, some fresh chopped herbs, (basil, chives, rosemary) some softened goat cheese (4-8 oz.depending on how goat cheezey you want it) salt & pepper. Mix in all together in a bowl...use your hands...get dirty...food is sexy...messy hands are sexy...sorry I get a little into sometimes.

Sauce...If you want to buy it that's cool, but if you want to make it here you go....Fresh basil, pine nuts, garlic, salt & pepper, a tiny bit of Dijon mustard, and spinach..I use the spinach to stretch it, and brighten the color up. Throw all that in a food processor, and slowly add olive oil as it is running....you just want it to be pasty.

Then you heat some heavy cream and whisk in your pesto.

Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it. Also thanks for reading my other crap. the wife just caught up on my blog today...I thought I was going to be in trouble....But she's cool about me telling everyone everything...and she liked how I picked myself apart a little in the last Monday Moaning...Mrs. Beeze is the Sh!t.

Laterr, The BEEZE.

Tales from the Fish House

Welcome to the first installment of "Tales from the Fish House". Once a week I will share a story from my many years in the restaurant business, along with one of my own recipes. These tales, for the most part won't be clean. There are some sick people in the food service industry....Myself included. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see the movie "Waiting...." It's hilarious, and yes, some of us are that f**ked up. These events are true...The names of the not so innocent have been changed.

For the first tale, I'm gonna go way back. I was 19 years old. I had jobs in kitchens since I was 13, but now I was in the big leagues...Summer, fine dinning seafood restaurant, run by a group of managers who couldn't stay sober for four hours....And when it came to perverts, these sick f**ks were the kings.

Back then we got our grated parm delivered in cartons, like milk cartons, but bigger. When they were empty, we washed them out and kept chicken scraps in them for when we made stock. We had found a couple with holes in them, and wonder what the hell is that about. Most of the time those got thrown away, but I can't be sure they did all the time.

So one afternoon, my boss Bill(a short, angry, drunk bastard), and I were shootin' the sh!t heading into the walk in cooler. He was going to get some fish to cut, and I needed to restock a few things on the line. We open the door and walk in....and there it is....One of the sickest things I've ever seen....This stoner, prep cook, named Ken, is cramming his ram rod into a carton of chicken scraps. I am not sh!tting you.

My boss's face was the reddest red you have ever seen. I thought his head was going to explode. Ken the prep cook, had that Oh Sh!t look on his face. You know that look....the look that only a stoner who is balls deep in a box of chicken scrap can have.

Bill starts screaming, "get the f*ck out of my restaurant before I f**king kill you! You f**king a$$h*le...What the F88k is wrong with you? Get the f**k out!"

There's nothing like seeing a stoner trying to figure out if he should pull his c**k out of the chicken before he runs, or if he should try and run with the box of chicken on his junk. It was hilarious...gross, but hilarious.

Maybe I'm just twisted....Okay I am. That was when I knew I was in the big leagues. I hope that doesn't ruin your Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, how about a recipe.

This time of year, we always need snacks, here is a salsa I make that my wife and a bunch of her friends like.

STRAWBERRY MANGO SALSA

2 Mangoes...peeled and diced

2 pints of strawberries diced

1 green pepper diced

half of a red onion diced

1 T of sugar

1 T of chives

1 t of minced garlic

1 T fresh chopped basil

couple dashes of hot sauce (the amount of heat is up to you)

salt & pepper to taste

Size of the dice is up to you...however chunky you like it.

Mix and serve....I like to serve it with Pita chips, but any chip will do.

I hope you enjoyed my tale, and I hope you try the recipe. Don't be afraid to come back next week for seconds.

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Thanks for reading, The BEEZE.