This is Where My Life Is?

Okay, so that picture isn't exactly the way it is...But excuse me while I vent...

Things are crazy here lately, as we prepare for child number 3...My oldest is about to turn 9, and the boy just turned 6, and this week I just registered for a Babies-R-Us rewards card...We weren't planning on #3, but you know, I should have shot somewhere else!

My wife says I'm crabby or angry, all the time...That's not true...It's just that she comes home when I'm starting to lose it...I get the kids to school, go to work...Pick the kids up...Hang at the playground with them...Go home, do their homework with them...Do the dishes from the morning, and night before...Make dinner...And so on, and so on...

This week I felt it spinning out of control...My sanctuary use to be the bathroom...I'd sit down on the shitter to drop a deuce, and read The Hockey News...Many times, I'd stay in there for an hour...I had been done offloading for 45 minutes, but no one was pestering me for a snack...Or a cup of milk...Or asking me to draw them a shark...Or whatever...But this week it was made clear to me, that is all gone...

Yesterday I'm taking a dump...My daughter knocks on the door...She wants to do her multiplication flash cards..."Okay honey, let me finish." ..."No Dad, I have to do them now." She was adamant about it...So there I am, on the crapper, reaching flash card out the door, and waiting for her answer...

Of course the Little Beeze then needed some attention...So he just pushes the door wide open and starts explaining how he can do the monkey bars backwards...I already no this, because I was there, at the playground when he did this...I try to explain that, but if you interrupt his speaking, he goes bat-shit crazy...Funny how that works 'cause he's constantly cutting some one off...Then he asks for a cup of milk..."okay, buddy, just let me finish."

Then the girl comes back with the sheet from school, that has to be signed and dated, proving that she did her flash cards...

Then the wife comes home, and as I'm trying to wipe my ass, she pops the door open, to show me a blanket we got for the baby...I push the door closed and say, "Can I please just take a shit!"

I come out of the bathroom to a dirty look, and I'm told "You're always in a bad mood."

I promise, I'll never be in a bad mood, if you people just let me take a shit in peace!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

Well, if I learned anything this weekend, it was, never bet against Calvin Borel in the Kentucky Derby...Never again! This guy has a knack for winning "the run for the roses."

The Beeze family headed into Erie, PA to see my wife's parents, and of course...Hit the track...Best thing that town did was put in slots and a horse track...Table games are coming soon! They saw Ohio approved Casinos last year and figured they better stay ahead of the curve...Don't worry PA...This damn town hasn't even broken ground on this big money maker we've been promised...City and state officials are spending too much time with their heads in their asses!

So Derby day is always fun for us...I take my children's college fund, and try to make a little extra scratch...I let them play too...Why not get them started young...The boy...The famous, little Beeze, was the only one to make any money this weekend...He put all his money an Paddy O'Prado, so he made a few bucks...Now he has another reason to bust balls!

After the race we stopped at a great little place called Sara's ...Old school in every way...It has a classic drive-in feel...Excellent burgers, and dogs...The best onion rings...Great fries...Even better shakes...And the prices are great...Especially after you blew too much money at the track!

Awhile later, we got the kids to bed, and told grandma and grandpa, "see ya later!" We headed out for snack...A little pricier than Sara's...Without a doubt the best restaurant in Erie...AltoCucina

We both got our favorite appetizer, Fontinella Cacchione...Baked Fontinella cheese in puff pastry topped with mushroom ragu...Incredible...We sat at the bar, eating, me drinking, and watching the Cavs vs. the Celtics...These people were rooting for the Cavs...Then after some chit-chat, and it came out that I was from Cleveland...The questioned my green Boston red Sox cap...I had to inform them, that until Mark Shapiro is fired, I won't be Johnny Indians fan...Then I was asked if I was rooting for the Celtics..."Yep!"

They questioned this also..."How could I not want 'The King to get a Ring'?" Okay, first, I'm really sick of this f**king slogan...People in Cleveland and God knows where else, all acting like LeBron James has suffered through a 15 year career with no shot at a title...Bitch please, grow the hell up!

Second, there is only one king! Elvis...Costello!



F**k Elvis Presley! That no good, hillbilly, lump of shit...All he did was take other people's songs and shake his ass...

Third, I'm a hockey, fan and could really care less about basketball...But I bet on the Celtics, just to piss off some co-workers!

Fourth, I'm sick of the LeBron love fest! Everyone wants to tel you what a great young, man he is...Let me give you a couple tidbits you may not know...He's a shitty tipper...When you work in the restaurant biz, that's a big deal...Rich douches that tip for shit, can go eat a dick!

Now let me ask you this...How many kids does Lebron have? The media would like you to believe 2...they don't talk about the other one...Who's mother was paid off, and told to shut and and go away..."The King" isn't so squeaky clean people...And he isn't "The King."

LBJ, you want to be the king? Meet me on the ice!

Speaking of Ice...The NHL Playoffs continue to not disappoint...In the West, San Jose has taken a 2-0 series lead over the Red Wings...Could the Sharks actually be putting it all together? Vancouver is is up 1-0 on Chicago...Both teams have good firepower, but the Canucks have the advantage between the pipes...

In the East, Montreal and Pittsburgh are tied at 1 game each...This one looks like it may go seven games...Saturday the Boston Bruins took a 1-0 lead on the Philadelphia Flyers after a game winning, overtime goal by Marc Savard...That's the way to come back from a serious head injury!

Last, the wife and I are taking suggestions in the name department...I'm sure it will be easier once we find out if it's a boy or girl...Right now, on top of the boys list is, Finn...On top of the girls list is, Anna...Let us know what you think.




Nothing like pounding away while she snacks, and people talk shit to ya!

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

Monday Moaning

My God I hate the Flyers! I hate Philly in general...Then of course there is the fact that I thought the Devils would end up in the Stanley Cup Finals...After losing to the Flyers Sunday night in OT, then the above gang bang took place, the Devils slipped behind 2-1 in the series...And these bastards from Philly have some serious momentum...Although sooner or later their shitty goaltending will show up again, and they'll get bounced...

If you aren't a Hockey fan, now is the time to check it out...The playoffs are exciting as hell, and you can expect the unexpected...(yeah, I just wrote that...Hey Bettman, give me a job in the PR department...Hell give me your job , you f**king hack!)

The other playoff series right now look like this...Phoenix leads Detroit 2-1...Pittsburgh Lead Ottawa 2-1...Screw the Pens! ...Nashville and Chicago are tied at one game each...As I write this San Jose and Colorado are also tied at 1-1, but are playing right now...Montreal and Washington are tied at 1 each, as are Boston and Buffalo...Those are looking like they may be a couple of tough series...And Vancouver and LA are tied at 1 game each...The fun has just started...So try and find Versus on you provider...(Bettman, F**k You! Pay Me!)

Moving on to a little Baseball...Yeah, I said Baseball...It's that fun time of year where the NHL playoffs are getting revved up, and Baseball as started their long ass marathon season...I get into Baseball early...But then lose interest when the NHL Finals near...By that time the Cleveland Indians are out it, and I'm saying Go Red Sox...Frighteningly, the Indians and their 6-6 record are doing better then the 4-8 Red Sox...

But the BIG Baseball news this week has got to be, Ubaldo Jimenez of the Colorado Rockies throwing the first no-hitter in franchise history...Jimenez threw 128 pitches in the feat against the Atlanta Braves, and is off to a great start...3-0 with a 1.29 ERA...

The Braves bounced back Sunday with a 4-3 victory over the Rockies, lead by rookie Jason Heyward...I don't normally get excited about the hyped up rookies...But this kid looks like the real deal...He's got great instincts...Tons of talent...And great patience at the plate for his age (20)...He's hitting .301 with 3 home runs and a .423 on-base percentage...Not a bad start.

Alright, enough of this sports stuff...I'm kinda of happy, yet a little sad to report, The Little Beeze was pretty damn well behaved again this week...He still has his moments where he puts up a fight about something stupid...But he's been really good...So Sunday I treated him to a bit of a reward...He loves going to the Cleveland Museum of Natural History...Dude loves the Dinosaur bones!

(Look at that b!tch wearing a Red Wings hoodie! I know the Cleve doesn't have a NHL team, but damn...Detroit!?!)

So after checking out The Dinos, and all the Planetarium, and all the other cool shit...It was gift shop time...He really loves that place too! He got a stuffed animal snake...A brother for the one he got last time...He also grabbed a pack of some toy animals...Then he though it would be a good idea to get something for his older sister...So he grabbed a set of 4 blank lizards that came with paint and brushes so, you can make then look really f**ked up...My daughter painted 1...The boy painted 3...And you'd think he was on acid when he did them...

Now, for those who may be wondering how my attempt at weight loss is going...It's going well...For those of you who don't know...The wife made a deal with me...If we drop 25 pounds, I get to pop her in the dirt star...

I'm leading the race...I'm down 15 pounds...And pushing her...We just brought the "AB Circle" into the mix, and she's diggin' that...

When I told her how much I had lost she said, "I like my fat hog." I replied, "You never have to worry about losing your fat hog!"

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Now as I wind this down...Here's a random hot ass shot...Just 'cause!

Before I go..Last week I talked a bit about my inner geek...I saw this via twitter last week, and loved it...So I had to share it...




Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.