I've been working on a book for awhile now, and this post is a brief chapter from that book...
For some time now I've had a theory about babies...But I feel that just now, with my third child, that one up there, that my theory is correct...With my oldest, when she was a baby, I was working 70 hours a week...I didn't have nearly as much time with her as I would have liked...Then with my son, I got more time with him...
Thanks to some health issues, I was up with him every night...Mrs. Beeze is evil without sleep, and I can get by with little...So, the only way he would sleep comfortably was in my arms, some what propped up on the couch...Laying on his back in his crib lead to serious reflux, and awful gas pain...So for about a year, we hung out on the couch, while his gastrointestinal system matured and worked through it all...
So I got to watch him closely, and began to think about this theory again...And now my youngest, who I spend a lot of time with...I get up with her in the night...Again, the Mrs. needs her sleep, and I need her to get it...And I'm not working as much, and I play a bigger Mr. Mom role these days...
So after all this build up, here it is...Babies are all knowing creatures...That's right...When we are born, we know everything...As we get older, we become less intelligent...Almost as if we are reset, and have to start over...Let's take a look at this...
The life of a baby is golden...They eat, sleep, piss, and shit...By eat, I mean they are fed, first by breast/bottle, then spoon fed...Then cleaned up...They're allowed, and encouraged to sleep as long and as much as they want...That sounds GREAT! They don't have to worry about getting to the shitter...they just drop there waste in diapers and then they are cleaned up with those wonderful wipes...They do no leg work...No heavy lifting...They get carried here and there, rolled around in their personal chariots...They are treated like Gods, and if they cry...The world stops for them...Whatever it takes to make them happy...
Babies are the ultimate puppet master...Proof of that...Watch a baby use their hands...They're Ambidextrous! All babies are switch-hitters...Now I'm trying to get the 6 year old little Beeze try and swing lefty, and it's a bitch!
When does it all slip away...Because they do become dumber...They lose their powers...It has to begin when they start talking...Why do you think parents get so excited about those first words!??! The talking takes off, and soon they start doing dumb shit that pisses you off...Like coloring on the walls, or trying to write their name on your Eddie Van Halen Peavey Wolfgang Guitar...
Like I said, there is a point when the reset button his hit and it's all over for them...Everything goes black...Think about it...When is your first memory from...Most people can get back to 4, maybe 3 years old, and that fades with ages...Then we have top learn everything...And many still end up stupid...They won't even get close to the genius that they held when they were an infant...
It's so very sad...We start out our lives in diapers having some one clean up our shit, and saying how cute we are...And many of us will end our lives in diapers having some one cleaning up our shit, and being disgusted by us...
Love those babies while you can, because one day they're gonna be a pain in the ass!
Later, The Beeze.
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