2. Never in my life : DID I THINK I WOULD WANT A MINI-VAN
3. When I was five : I WAS ALREADY A PRO AT MASTURBATION!
4. High School was : A PAIN IN THE ASS...BUT I LIKED IT
5. I will never forget : THE DAY MY KIDS WERE BORN
6. I once met : K'S CHOICE
7. There’s this girl I know who : WHO'S ASS I'D LIKE TO STRAP ON MY FACE LIKE A GOALIE MASK
8. Once, at a bar : I HAD SEX (gotta do that again)
9. By noon, I’m usually : COOKING
10. Last night : I HAD SEX...THEN STILL LOOKED AT SOME PORN AND SQUEEZED OFF ANOTHER ROUND
11. If only I had : A MILLION DOLLARS...WHAT A PARTY WE WOULD HAVE
12. Next time I go to gym/church : WILL BE THE FIRST IN A LONG TIME
13. Terry Schiavo : DEAD LAST TIME I CHECKED!
14. What worries me most : DYING ALONE (too deep?)
15. When I turn my head left, I see : A WALL
16. When I turn my head right, I see : A WALL
17. You know I’m lying when : I TELL YOU I'M LYING!
18. What I miss most about the eighties : CHICKS WITH HAIR UP TO THE CEILING
19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : HOW THE F*CK DO I KNOW...I DIDN'T RIGHT IT...ASK HIM
20. By this time next year : I HOPE TO BE RETIRED FROM THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS
21. A better name for me would be : I'M FINE WITH WHAT I GOT
22. I have a hard time understanding : WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN'T SHUT THE F*CK UP!
23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : GET A DEGREE IN HISTORY AND PROBABLY WON'T USE THAT ONE EITHER
24. You know I like you if : I SAY I LIKE YOU!
25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : THE PERSON WHO GAVE ME THE AWARD
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro : 4 PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN IN MY KITCHEN!
27. Take my advice, never : LET SOMEBODY LICK YOU ASS!
28. My ideal breakfast is : MY WIFE SITTING ON MY FACE!
29. A song I love, but do not own is : IF I "LOVE" IT, I OWN IT.
30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : GOING TO BOSTON INSTEAD
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips, & track stars : = NONSENSE
32. Why won’t people : REALIZE...IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS...THEY AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT
33. If you spend the night at my house : YOU WILL WAKE UP HURTING!
34. I’d stop my wedding for : A BLUMPY!
35. The world could do without : FLIES...i HOPE OBAMA KEEPS KILLING THOSE F*CKERS...F*CK PETA!
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : THEN THE BELLY OF MY CHALUPA BOSS!
37. My favorite blonde is : JENNY McCARTHY
38: Paper clips are more useful than : A SHORT, FAT, LAZY, BROKEN ENGLISH SPEAKING, BOSS!
39. If I do anything well, it’s : BEING A SMART-ASS
40. And by the way : "KNOCK KNOCK...WHO'S THERE? ...GO F*CK YOURSELF!"
Later, The Beeze.