The Weekly Hat-Trick (10/18/15)

The Hat-Trick is late this week...I apologize, but after getting the big move done Friday, and then working on unpacking, and getting things settled, I was just too damn tired, and felt the best option was to crash on the couch with some football playing background music...But now, I'm slightly recharged...


-PINK

I'll start with the NFL...My favorite target...Every week, they pull some more stupid bullshit...Over the past however many years now, the NFL, and all other lower levels have followed, have ruined football teams color schemes by mixing in pink for breast cancer awareness...Pink gloves, pink shoes, pink wrist-bands, pink socks, pink towels, pink whatever, all over the place...I have firmly stood with Bill Burr's stance on this...We haven't forgotten about cancer, we're aware...But hey it's here, and while it seems to have toned down this season, it's not going anywhere...It makes the NFL a boat-load of money, then they donate 3% of the proceeds to charity, and the "Pink Lady" takes her cut of that before it is spread out...

But then, Steelers RB, DeAngelo Williams, and DE, Cameron Heyward said they were going to wear pink the rest of the season to pay tribute to family members they had lost...The NFL said no because it would violate the leagues "uniform policy"....This league is amazing...They will fine these guys each week after October for wearing pink...They fined a guy for pretending to take a nap using a football as a pillow, after a touchdown...But they let criminals like Greg Hardy continue to play in their precious league...It's okay for Jerry Jones (an owner) and Hardy to talk about another player's wife, (Tom Brady)  but no pink after October...

This league tried to cover up CTE and ruined the Doctor that found this happening to football players...That's all perfectly okay, but don't fuck with our uniform policy....The level of which I hate the NFL is unmatched...There is no level of pain and suffering that will be enough punishment for Goodell and his top aids...These fuckers all need to go...Or even better, choke on a cock and die!

Here's a taste of some of Bill Burr's thoughts that I share...






- Unwritten Rules

Throughout all of sports, we have always been told about "The Unwritten Rules"...I've often thought about this, and how it's a load of bullshit...I think a better way to describe these so-called "unwritten rules" is, 'You're a fucking pussy and just can't take it!'

All the media talking heads were buzzing after Jose Bautista crushed what would be the game-winning, 3-run, home run, against the Texas Rangers in game 5...Bautista watched his handy work, and then did a power bat-flip...



This is where dolts chime in and say you don't "show a pitcher up" like that...It's an "unwritten rule"....Fuck you! The pitcher should have made a better pitch...And the dick-bag pitcher, Sam Dyson started talking shit after this, which caused the benches to clear...Fucking entitled pitchers are cunts...If asshole Dyson would have struck Bautista out, I bet he would have pumped his fist, or put his yell face on...Pitchers do that shit all the time...Aren't they showing up the hitter...The next time up, the hitter doesn't just swing and throw his bat at the mound...So why is it an "unwritten rule" that a pitcher "getting shown up" warrants a bean-ball?

It's the pitcher's job to get the batter out...It's the batter's job to get hits...Why are pitchers allowed to celebrate and batters aren't...Fuck your "unwritten rules!"

It was a tense game...Both teams were playing for their lives...The umps seemed unable to make a call on anything in a timely fashion...and the rowdy Toronto fans turned into total (Philly-like) assholes, constantly throwing shit on the field...but even worse on fellow fans below...

Bautista's flip was bolder then a normal bat-flip...But it fit the tone of what was going on...I loved it...Pitchers pumping their fist, and hitters flipping bats, baseball players showing passion and emotion is good for baseball...Please MLB, talking-heads, and fans, don't fuck up baseball the way football has been getting fucked up.


- No More Nudes in Playboy

"This whole world has gone crazy, God's gotten a little lazy"....


News that Playboy will not be publishing nude spreads broke this past week...As someone who likes porn, with was shocking news...I had myself quite a stash of Playboy mags, before the Internet found it's way into my life...

Now, I will never be the guy who said I got Playboy for the articles...Yes, after breaking off a load or two, I would thumb through and stumble across some quality reads...Playboy always got the big interviews, and got questions answered then many other didn't...And they had great fiction and non-fiction stories as well...Ray Bradbury often wrote short stories for Playboy...It really was great magazine, after you off-loaded...

And, while the no nudes news is sad...Sometimes barely dressed women can be pretty damn sexy and tantalizing....Like one of my favorite Playmates, and 1998 Playmate of the Year, Karen McDougal...

No nudes in Playboy....I don't know about this...


Until next time....

Monday Moaning

Well Happy 4th of July gang...The wonderful celebration of Nation's birth...I feel I'm a patriotic person, so don't take this the wrong way...The 4th of July is one of those holidays I don't look forward to...Why? Because drunk ass rednecks shouldn't be playing with fireworks...And they sure as shit shouldn't be playing with them at 3:00 AM...But there's always one asshole in the Neighborhood who just can't stop blowing shit off...

Hey, I'm all for firing up the grill...


Putting on the ball game, and drinking some beers...Later on the kids and I go to the corner, and we watch some guy a street over blow off fireworks that probably cost him six months of his salary...Funny how the poor guy buys the professional grade shit...Sadly he thinks he's helping the economy, but the good stuff is made in China...

F**k I'm not sounding very Patriotic...



That's better...Anyways, I hope everyone had a good 4th, and didn't blow their dicks off...And I hope my friends up north had a great Canada Day...

Now let's get to0 some sports...First I want to ask..."What does Elin know, that Tiger doesn't want anyone else to know? Seriously, He's giving her $750 million in the divorce settlement, and 4 of their house, and all she had to agree on is, to shut the f**k up...'No books, no interviews, don't ever speak of me, or the 21 bitches I banged behind your back...Or I'm taking my money back'...What is he hiding, that she actually knows about?

Next up a little Baseball...Sunday the "All-Star" were announced...No real surprises...What does surprise me is all these people that think Strasburg should be in the game...6 starts doesn't earn your way in the "All-Star" game...Even if he actually would have won all six, and struck out ten in each of them...But his performance Saturday was proof that he doesn't belong there...He had to battle and struggle to get through 5 innings...Sorry folks...I think he's gonna be the real deal, but he isn't there yet!

The Arizona Diamondbacks fired there manager A.J. Hinch this past week...I believe they also cut loose their GM with his 5 year contract...That's the American business plan I love..."We'll pay you, just get the f**k out!' ...From what has been said, including from Hinch, it was clear to everyone that Hinch didn't have the full attention, and respect of his players...Here comes Kirk Gibson to save the day! Then these f**king ass-hats go out Saturday night and make 6 errors, and struck out 12 times while losing to the Dodgers 14-1...Maybe it wasn't Hinch...Maybe these f**k-tards just suck!

Now let's get to this week's tweets of the week...

michaelianblack
Friendly reminder: Germany, please don't let a World Cup victory confirm any lingering thoughts of a "master race."

sarkastickunt
A lot can happen in twenty minutes. And by A LOT I mean sex. And by twenty minutes I mean not even close.

ShittEyeHear
Go ahead and blink, there's nothing to miss.

Now in other news...

Author Judy Blume's grandson has been arrested by Martha's Vineyard Police for raping a 17 year old girl...I don't mean to sound like a dick, but I we really surprised...With all the smut she wrote...Christ, her books were the first thing I jerked off too...Then I found 8-Track porn!



Ahhhh, the good ole days! You know women were really treated like shit back then...My God, Shit like this was acceptable...




F**king James Cagney!





Next time I hear some old bitch talk about how much she loved James Cagney, I'm showing her that shit!...Then I'll smash a grapefruit in her face!

speaking of people being treated like shit...The little Beeze was being a dick to his older sister...She finally got pissed enough to actually take a shot at him...She has shown amazing restraint over the years...So she kicked him in the ribs...After he got his breath back, he stood up, pointed his index finger at her, and said, "I hate you forever bitch!" Which she replied, "MOM!" as she punched him in the arm, and put him on the ground...Sadly, Mom, had to walk out of the room because she was laughing...

He of course got the talking to that was needed in this circumstance...As did I because he most likely learned the word from me...I also gave him a talk about not being a douche to his sister...They buds again minutes later...And I'm sure he'll be a dick again, soon!

That's it for now...Oh wait...The big finish...




Later, The Beeze.

Sex Addiction = BS

I've been thinking about this for awhile now...There seems to be a trend happening lately...Every time some one famous like Tiger Woods...Or slightly famous like Steve Phillips, gets caught cheating on their wife...They play the "I'm a sex addict" card...Then the head off to some bullsh!t sex rehab program...

Then afterwards we have douche bags like David Duchovny, and Phillips doing interviews, telling us how this is a disease...IS IT!?!

So I started wondering, 'Am I a sex addict?' Honestly...Now I haven't cheated on my wife...But I do love sex...If have sex today with my wife...I'll still find time to rub one out...At least one! I think about sex all the time...I want to f**k all the time...Ask her...I'm always hounding her for more! Thinking about this made me do some research...God bless Google!

I found this when looking for symptoms: "It is thought that sex is used by the addict as an escape, a means of avoiding stress, emotional strain, boredom, anxiety, and the pursuant shame and isolation that results from their compulsive behavior. Sex may be used to feel powerful or desirable."

Okay, raise you hand if you haven't in any of those ways...We're all screwed!

I also found this..."Other signs of sex addiction include regularly engaging in the following:

-Excessive (compulsive) masturbation (self-stimulation to produce sexual pleasure) or use of pornography

-Obsessive dating (e.g., through personal ads)

-Phone sex or sex via the Internet (cybersex)

-Sex with anonymous partners (e.g., one-night stands)"

Okay, I do masturbate a lot, and I like pornography...I use to get into the phone sex...Until the wife found that one huge phone bill...Who hasn't had a one night stand in their youth?

I've spent a couple hours looking at all these sites that want to tell you all this stuff is bad...Sex is good! Actually, it's f**king great! Masturbating is good...Having sexual desire is good...Ruining your career and marriage is bad...But, these dolts didn't ruin these things because they are sex addicts...They ruined things because they're assholes with no self control...

I want to f**k all the time...But my wife isn't willing to spent 20 hours of the day bumping uglies...So I tug one off when I can...I don't go banging other woman when ever and where ever I can...Unlike Tiger Woods...It's self control...Just like fatties...If you don't want to be a fat tub of yuck...Don't eat half a dozen donuts every day...

I'm trying to lose weight...Which means I need to have the self control to not eat twenty Oreos at 1:00AM before I go to bed...All these douche bags are just trying to save their ass...

Worst thing is, average Joe could play the sex addict card...Say average Joe gets caught cheating on his wife, average Jill...If tries to tell her he's a sex addict...She's slapping him across the face, and throwing his sh!t out the door...She knows it's bullsh!t...And what good does it do her to stick with him...He's not rich like these other so-called sex addicts...Plus if she did buy it...The average family can't afford to send Mr. Horny to sex rehab with that bullsh!t artist Dr. Drew...That guy needs to choke on a c*ck!

I think this sex addict stuff is a bunch of crap...If it isn't, then I better get some help...I wonder if I can get disability for being a horn-ball!

Later, The Beeze.