You're Offended? Tough Shit!

So the Internet has been buzzing about comedian Daniel Tosh making a rape joke, while doing a set at the Laugh Factory...Well, not about the joke, but about the dumb-ass, easily offended, woman who stood up and told Tosh that rape jokes aren't funny...Which of course lead him to play the rape card right back at her...She then left, took to Twitter, and her blog, and pissed and moaned about being offended...She also didn't like Dane Cook's set...Maybe it's just me, but those are two popular comics...If you don't like them, maybe you should stay away from comedy clubs...

Now I've got a lot to say about this...First, this whole 'Rape jokes aren't funny' thing...Maybe...Maybe not...But who is this bitch to say what a comedian can tell jokes about...Let's ask the late, great, George Carlin...




And then there is the fact that there are people like this woman who think comedians shouldn't say things that could offend people...The late, great, Patrice O'Neal had plenty to say about that...




Now I'm not a comedian, but I play one at work, so it really bothers me that there is this double standard towards comedy...The world raved about how Heath Ledger played the role of The Joker...The Joker, who murdered countless innocent people...He was so good at playing a nut-job...That's fine...But you comic watch what you say...Comic Jim Norton Tweeted this...

"Comics are pigs for making rape jokes, but Christian Bale is a great actor for American Psycho. Everyone can go fuck themselves."
Exactly!

And what about Rap music? In my 36 years on this Earth, I have seen Rap music change quite a bit...When I say this, I'm talking lyrically...Most Rap lyrics now are heavily filled with the words, BITCH, FUCK, HO, and NIGGER (or NIGGA...I don't care how you explain it, it means the same damn thing)...Now none of those words offend me...But I've heard plenty of people complain about how they don't like those words...Yet, people love Jay-Z, Eminem, Kanye, and plenty others who hammer out those same shitty lyrics...Often praising them for their "Talent" and "Genius"...

Hell, why haven't we heard from PETA about "Tom & Jerry" cartoons? I mean, why is okay for us to find a cat and mouse beating the shit out of each other funny? It's done in a comical way......Just like stand up comedy...What the fuck people!?!

But Daniel Tosh takes crap for a joke...This fucking world gets more fucking retarded every day...Yeah, I said retarded...Did that offend you too!?! If you don't like a joke, don't laugh...Don't applaud when he's done...Leave...But don't stand up, heckle and make a scene...Just shut up and be miserable...

Tosh has since apologized, which I think stinks...I wouldn't have...Here's his apology via Twitter...

“All out of context misquotes aside, I’d like to sincerely apologize," Then linking the horrible bog, that I won't link...“The point I was making before I was heckled is there are awful things in the world but you can still make jokes about them #deadbabies.”
Well at least he got the #deadbabies in there to offend a bit more...

You know, I use to say how I'm sick of people thinking they have the right to not be offended...I'm still sick of that, but I've come to love seeing people offended...Hell, I love being the person who offends them...Christ, half the reason I masturbate so much is because when I see that I've offended some one, I just get so fucking horny...Seriously, if I offend you, I've done good...For that brief period of time, I did something that finally flipped your idiotic brain on, or struck an emotional chord that you've had shut off for who knows how long, as you shuffle through your miserable existence...People should be happy when they get offended...It actually lets them know they're still alive...

I'm sure things in this post have offended some people...But I know it's been some time since I pissed off my friend sin China, so let me just say to them, again, FUCK_CHINA!!!

In closing, stop shitting on comics for doing their job...And if you get offended, fine...But just know, if you voice it, people like me are going to come back at you...You fucking gash...Have another "Cookie for Breakfast!"

Later, The Beeze.

Celebritards Speak onCyber Bullying

So Here I go...I'm going to rant a bit...What a surprise! My own version of Cyber-Bullying if you will..But before I get into it, let me say, I am all for Gay rights...I've been in the restaurant business since I was 13, so I know plenty of gay people, and guess what Christine O'Donnell...They won't turn us all gay...They are people just like the rest of us...Even dummies like you!

That said, there has been a recent rash of young gay people committing suicide over being cyber bullied, or just struggling with their feelings and being gay, in a place where it's hard to be gay...Now is it really a sudden surge of this happening, or is it just the thing to cover on the news this month? Something tells me, gay kids have been having these feelings forever, and sadly, been killing themselves over it for years...We're just hearing about it now...Yes, I think mass media sucks, and they cover what they want, when they want...

So this surge has brought out a number of celebritards to throw out there thoughts on the topic...I first saw it from a couple of posts from friends on facebook...I won't be bashing Ellen Degeneres...She's real, and honest, and as always shared her true feelings on whatever the topic may be...Who am I going after?

FIRST, Perez Hilton...This douchebag posted a video about how it's bad to cyber-bully...And how he knows how it feels to be gay, and trying to be there for gay youth...

MTV Shows

Now this could have been an admirable thing...If he wasn't full of shit! This dolt makes his living, and made his name by being nothing but a cyber-bully...He is famous for drawing cum on the faces of celebrities...He draws cocks on celebrities faces...He tells the world who's doing blow...Oh, and he was more then willing to except credit for outing Lance Bass...So where the fuck does this cunt get off saying shit to anyone about cyber-bullying, and about the hardships of being gay...

The kid from Rutgers that killed himself, was outed online, by his roommate, with live video of him with another guy...Why? Because we live in a sick voyeuristic society...We (generally speaking) eat this shit up...Whatever gossip is out there, we jump on it...Scandal, Hell yes! Who's doing who? We have to know! And people like Perez Hilton have been feeding us this shit religiously, so why are we surprised that some stupid college kid set a camera up on his roommate?

Now, the celebritards are all getting out there and doing their LOOK AT ME videos...Nothing would bring me more pleasure than to see this douche Perez set on fire!

Yes, Rihanna, we're gonna stand there and watch him burn!

SECOND, Sarah Silverman had this to say...



While her point may not be totally wrong...I actually agree, parents or a lack thereof are a big part of what is wrong with douchebag kids today, but FUCK HER! So it's okay for an average comic like you top throw around gay jokes on stage whenever you want..But then you think you can preach to America about being nice to gay people...Eat a dick you hack!

THIRD, Dane Cook posted this...



When the fuck did you get a PhD. in Psychology!?! Really America? This is who we are turning to when we need help...Dane Cook is our Walking Book of Knowledge now...Have a problem, ask Dr. Cook! He ends by saying, "We all deserve to have our voices heard, so make your voice heard."

Is this thing on? Can you hear me now? HEY DANE, FUCK YOU AND DON'T STEAL ANYMORE JOKES FROM LOUIS CK!!!

Cyber-bullying, just like any other bullying sucks...It's been going on forever, and I'm sure it will continue to happen long after I'm gone...Sorry to break it to you folks, but that's the way it is...There are always going to be shitty, narrow-minded people in the world...Those are the ones you tell to fuck off!

Since Dr. Dane Cook wants all voices heard, here's my advice...Be active in your kids lives...Even if you have to force it...Do your best to know what's going on, actually listen to them, and not like they are background noise...You can also give them the pointer I gave my daughter when some little bitch was giving her a hard time...I simply told her, "She touches you again, punch her in the throat!

You hear me asshole!?!

Oh, in Sports News, Roy Halladay pitched a no-hitter tonight!


Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Thoughts on an "Isolated Incident"

Last night Mrs. Beeze and I went down to the "Q" (Quicken Loans Arena...The house that LeBron built)...to see the Dane Cook Isolated Incident Tour...I've been to comedy clubs, and seen a number of comedians...I love good stand-up...

Dane Cook does it a little differently...His shows have more of a rock concert feel...And by the look of most of the audience...They thought it was a rock concert...I've never seen such a collection of Douche bag guys, wearing the 'look at me, my T-shirt is way too f**king tight' gear...And the girls...and most were girls...not women...Actually we should change that to whores...Holy sh!t...I have never seen so many chicks, so tramped up...Why not just tattoo 'I'll suck your d!ck Dane' right across your forehead...If my daughter ever tries to dress like that...I'll f**king kill her!

Anyway...When we got to our seats...Which cost about $70 dollars...My wife said we should have paid the extra 30-40 dollars to sit on the floor...I didn't care...Our seats were good and we could look at the jumbo tron for when his back was to us.(he played in the round)...Seconds later a "Q" staff member came up to us and asked if we wanted front row seats...OKAY! What's the catch? Nothing...Just that we ask that you don't get up during the performance...ENJOY!

So we headed down to the floor...Front f**king row...If I would have paid the $110 dollars these seats cost...I would have been pissed...They were fold out seats, and you had no room...Everyone was cramped...But what the hell...Then while waiting for the show to start we notice lots of empty seats in the second level...After talking to some of the people around us...Well, seems like Dane could sell those expensive seats in Cleveland, because there were a sh!t load of people who got the same deal as us...

Onto the show...The first opener was Al Del Bene...He did 10 maybe 12 minutes...All of them funny...I'm sure after this tour he'll be bouncing around through the clubs...Check him out...

Then Al brought Robert Kelly out...Kelly is a long time friend of Dane Cook and was the straw that stirred the drink on "Tourgasm." You can Also hear him often on my favorite radio show...Opie & Anthony...Kelly came out strong cracking on the Cleveland Fatties...He then cracked on "skinny f*ckers"...No stone unturned...He gave the audience a great 30 minute set...Much of it talking about sex with his wife...And just giving his wife sh!t...Although one bit that stuck out was when he talked about farting in a baby's face...Ending the bit by pleading with us all to fart in a baby's face before we die...Maybe you had to be there...It was funny..."F*ck you and your baby." is a line I hope to use on someone now! Ha!

Then came Dane...Well, after a big buildup...He never stopped showing love for the audience, and referring to us as "the Cleve" ...Much of the hype about Cook's new material was that it was darker and edgier...It wasn't...he made reference to his parents dying....That was as dark as it got...Yes there was some non-PC things...Why wouldn't there be...But it was still Dane Cook telling funny stories...

I was watching for any stolen jokes...That has been a beef some people have had with Cook over the years...Well There was one...He ripped one of Robert Kelly's jokes...But I think that was the point of it...

Dane (like were f**king buddies) knows how to play the crowd...He referred to his "big fat c0ck" about 10 times...Which got the whores screaming and creaming...He also did a couple "call backs" to some of his classic bits, which got lots of noise from the crowd...

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One of the highlights may have been when a dumb ass drunk guy tried to get on the stage...Cook's back was to the guy at the time...He heard the crowd noise pickup and turned...Just then security had the guy down on the edge of the stage, trying to flip free like a fish that just got caught...Dane (there I go again) was laughing it...Spent the next couple minutes talking about it...He told the audience...Anyone who got pictures or video of it...That he would pay them for it...He said "send it to me tonight...I'll put up on my page." Then he told security to keep the guy backstage...He wanted to do a one-on-one interview with him...

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All in all, it was good show...We had fun...And it's kinda cool to see comedy in a different atmosphere, then just the little clubs...It's also cool to see somebody famous telling their fans just how grateful he is for them...Maybe it's BS...But the way Cook interacts with his fans online, I don't think it is...

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If you want some good laughs from Dane Cook, but aren't planning on seeing him live...Checkout "My Best Friends Girl"...LMFAO!!!

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Also his "Isolated Incident" special air Sunday on Comedy Central...

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Later, The Beeze.