Sunday, January 31, 2010

Monday Moaning


"Every picture tells a story...Don't it?"

That's how the Beeze was feeling Sunday morning...And I'm well on my way of looking like this Monday morning too...That's what happens when you spend a little too much time with some Smuttynose Winter Ale!

Brewed in New Hampshire!

I have to say, I couldn't tell you much of what's gone on in the world this weekend...The Grammy Awards were on...I didn't watch...I quit when the y gave Jethro Tull the award for "best heavy metal act." They lost all credibility right there...Nothing against Jethro Tull, it wasn't their fault...For God's sake, it was the first time they ever got any credit for their hard rockin' flute playin'! "But Child please!"

The music industry is crap...And most of the nominated artists I don't and wouldn't listen too...

You don't agree with me about the music industry? Here's my evidence...There's this hack chick Ke$ha, who thinks so much of herself that she spells her name with the dollar sign...Twat! she's got this hit song called "Tik Tok." But clearly no talent...Her voice is totally created in the studio... Example...




Now here's Opie & Anthony fan, 53 year old virgin, nut job, Stalker Patti, after a couple of hours with one of O & A's producers...




Patti isn't very far off...It's all a bunch of crap, and some one needs to be beaten for this...

The "Pro Bowl" was on also...Nope, didn't watch it!

I don't care, I don't care, I don't care...I don't care, I don't care, I don't care! (song in an obnoxious voice)

There was some news in the hockey world...The Toronto Maple Leafs made some noise after trading forward Matt Stajan forward Niklas Hagman, forward Jamal Mayers, and defensman Ian White, to the Calgary Flames for defenseman Dion Phaneuf, forward Fredrik Sjostrom, and prospect Keith Aulie...

Then the Leafs traded forward Jason Blake and goalie Vesa Toskala to Anaheim for goalie J.S. Giguere...

Now if you're a Leafs fan, maybe this makes you happy...Hey, at least their out there trying to get something done...they got rid of some salary, like Blake...And they're getting one of the top defensemen in the league and a goalie with some serious playoff experience...That said, I don't see it helping the team this year...What do I know, I'm drunk right now!

Sticking to hockey, 'cause honestly, I don't follow basketball...I've been happy with the amount of fighting I've noticed this season...I have no stats, or anything to back me up...But I think the number of fights is up this year...And I think that's good...I know, there's a bunch of softies out there that don't like it, and don't think it should be in the game...Well, too bad...It's part of the game, and it was a lot worse back in the day...And I'm talking before I was born, back in the day...

And I always remember Gretzky being against fighting...Listen, dude was without a doubt one of the greatest ever...But he never had to worry about it...If he got challenged some one always stepped in...If he got checked, that guy was getting a beating from McSorley...So his argument doesn't count...Fighting is good for hockey...1. I takes the weapons (the sticks) out of the players hands...2. It does what crashes do for NASCAR...It gets people to watch, if only for a few minutes...Hey, the only time I've ever watched NASCAR was to see an accident...Call me an a$$hole if you want to...But we live in a violent society, I'm just trying to embrace a bit of it!

Here's an old school hockey...Well, from my school...They don''t make 'em like this anymore!




Moving along with this buzzed up roller coaster ride...The wife and I dropped the kids off for a play date at some friends' house, then went to lunch...We tried a little place called "56 West." I wish I would have gone further west!

The Mrs. had a Caprese Salad with grilled chicken...I had the B.E.L.T. It's a BLT with fried egg, arugula, roasted marinated tomatoes, and a herbed mayo...It came out on an 8 pound, stale, baguette, with 1 overcooked egg, and 2 under cooked pieces of bacon...Hardly any arugula, and one tomato...If I go back, it will only be to try something else sh!tty, so I can completely trash them by writing a blog on nothing but them and how much they suck!

Oh, yeah, these ass-hats thought they were so cute...They do a Sunday brunch...Guess what the staff was wearing...Their PJ's...REALLY!?! You look like douche bags...You could at least brush your hair gash! And I don't think slippers are up to code!

All the fans of the little Beeze, I don't have much...He's been a pain in the ass this week, but nothing crazy...I woke up Sunday morning to the sound of him yelling for help...My wife was on it...Thankfully, because I didn't want to get out of bed...I called my daughter in the room and asked her what was wrong...She said he had his foot caught inside my guitar...I don't even want to know...It's not all busted up...I'll re-tune it tomorrow...I just don't want to know...

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Dictionary is Too Racy...REALLY!?!


The Riverside County School district has taken the Merriam-Webster's Dictionaries off of their shelves after a parent complained...Why did this parent complain?

1. Because they are without a doubt, a complete and total douche bag!

2. Because their child found the term "oral sex" in the dictionary...God forbid!

Now, Menifee Union School District officials will decide if the dictionary should be permanently banned...http://www.pe.com/localnews/menifee/stories/PE_News_Local_%20W_sdictionary22.414bdf0.html

Awesome! Who doesn't love censorship!?!

At least there's one person who's trying to think about this logically...School board member Rita Peters said, "If we're going to pull a book because it has something on oral sex, then every book in the library with that better be pulled." She continued by saying, "The standard needs to be consistent ... We don't need parents setting policy."

That's a good argument...But I've got a better one...Wake up parents! Many of your kids are smarter then you...Especially when it comes to technology...Guess what...Most kids don't use dictionaries...Why? The y have their trusty PC, and whatever little hand held gizmo is the latest craze...I'm sure they googled blow job years ago!

Here, let's see what Wikipedia has to offer your kids on the topic of oral sex...

F**K! Pictures and everything...The whole damn history of dropping and gobbling! And it took a lot less time then thumbing through that big, damn, book, looking for the O's...

I just googled oral sex...Yeah, like it was the first time...First thing that popped up..."Girls Want it in the Face" Seriously... http://www.bangbrosnetwork.com/t1/cfree=x7google/



Followed by Wikipedia...And on and on and on...The info is out there people...And it's a million times more easy for you kids to get, then it ever was for us when we were growing up...


My advice...Calm the hell down...Put the dictionaries back on the shelves...And go down on somebody...We could all use a little less parental insanity, and a lot more oral sex!

Later, The Beeze.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

It Can Be Tough When You're a Rangers Fan


Lately it's been real tough...The Rangers have been getting pushed around...And they've been having trouble finding the back of the net for the last month...Had it not been for goalie Henrik Lundqvist, things would be a lot worse...

Then today I caught wind of something that happened in 1979...I was just 4 years old...
It involved Phil Esposito, Ron Duguay, Dave Maloney, and Anders Hedberg...What the hell were they thinking!?!



Can you say douche chills?

But that wasn't good enough...In 1980 they decided to drag Ron Greschner into it...



What the f**k!?!

After that...Esposito, I don't want to ever hear you on the NHL channel on XM, talking about playing tough in the slot...By the looks of this crap, the slot you're talking about was probably Hedberg's a$$!


Let's get a win tonight boys...

Later, The Beeze.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Monday Moaning


Wow! Look, I guess he isn't the second coming of Jesus!

That's right...Brett Favre and the Vikings lost to the Saints 31-28...I'm not taking anything away from the boys from New Orleans...They played a good game...I especially liked the part where they continually knocked Favre on his ass!



But lets be honest...It's a little easier to win a game when the other team turns the ball over 5 times, (2 Favre interceptions) and you only turn it over once...

The Saints will face the Colts in the "Super Bowl" after beating the Jets 30-17...It really was a better game then the score suggests...I was pulling for the Jets, but when I saw Braylon Edwards 80 yard touchdown reception in the second quarter, I thought to myself...'Holy shit, is this f**k-tard the Browns trade really going to end up in the "Supper Bowl"?'...I have to say, I felt like I was going to puke in my soup...

Sorry Jets fans...It was a nice run...




So what else happened this weekend...Well, I was losing my mind...My Internet connection had been dropping out randomly since Monday...It got worse Friday...Saturday, was no good at all...I guy from AT&T, who I actually knew back about ten years ago, ended up being the poor bastard having to figure it out...He ended up replacing everything on their end...It seemed to finally be working okay...Around 4:00PM we had to leave for a birthday party...Nothing like getting the little Beeze wound up late in the day to make bedtime more insane then normal...So he calls it quits for the day, gives me his home phone, and says, "If you have any problems tonight, call me...I'm working tomorrow, I'll figure it out." I thought that was pretty cool...Well it started crapping out almost non-stop...I called...

He showed up at 9:00 AM...Checked some more things...Then hooked up a new modem...All signs had said it wasn't the modem...It was...Then he hooked up business class one...He said it was built to handle beating I would give it...You know, between all my porn and blog writing!

I never knew, not having my computer working properly would make me feel so empty!

The highlight of my weekend...This tweet from Comedian Jim Norton....

"
JimNorton
Jets fucking blow. They remind me of Up In The Air. Sorry to all of the man-pussies who chuckled all the way through it."

Yep...I got called a man pussy by Jim Norton...That's awesome!

And yes, I saw "Up in the Air" Friday night with the Mrs. I was worried it may be a "chick flick" but it really wasn't...The lead, George Clooney, is basically a corporate hit man...He shit cans people for companies who lack the yam back to do it themselves...How great is it, that we can outsource firings!?!

Anyway, he's cold, and disconnected...Then some chick, of course, comes along and f**ks that up for him...But wait...There's a bit of twist...

I don't know...Yes, I chuckled through it...And I think I liked it...It felt weird to say I liked it...Maybe because there's some kind of stigma on it...I'll watch it again...Just to be sure I liked it, and not just because I had cut a hole in the popcorn bag, and Mrs. Beeze kept her hand in there all night...


(Get it...Do I have to draw you a picture?)




This past week there was a lot of fights in the NHL...I wrote about the mess between the Rangers and Flyers Thursday night...http://yougabsports.com/pt/Marian-Gaborik-vs-Daniel-Carcillo/blog.htm

Well that same night I was also jumping over to the Bruins vs the Blue Jackets...Another good game...And a good fight between a couple of animals...



Monday night the Little Beeze cracked his head open in a doorway...he likes to climb up in the doorway...He slipped and...CRACK...THUD...SCREAM....CRY...BLOOD...MORE SCREAM and CRY...

Turn everything off...We were about to have dinner...Get in the car, go to the hospital...Now he's calm...Me not so much...There's nobody in the waiting room...The triage nurse still makes us sign in...As we're doing that with a 5 year old bleeding from the head...This tw*t wheels in her mother...And in a panic says, "She's having trouble breathing!" No shit, she's 5'8" and 380 pounds...Of course she's having trouble breathing...They took Fatty McFattenstein right on back...We waited 20 minutes...I'll bite my tongue, and not say I hope fatty stroked out...But now you know what I was thinking...

So they take the boy back...Now, all the sudden, he's the calmest, sweetest, most polite little kid in town...Waiting to get staples in his head, he's great...Any other time...Royal pain in the ass!

He's fine...And it didn't slow him down at all...He wanted to climb the doorway 5 minutes after we got home...And yes, he was a complete pain in the ass once we got home...I think that actually began when we were in the car, and he said, "I'm allergic to you."

What a dick!

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

10 Things That Cause Me to Smile

So I was tagged Frank...Of A Frank Angle http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2010/01/23/on-ten-things-causing-me-to-smile/

I've never been one to shy away from a little game of tag...So, here is a list of 10 things that cause me to smile...In no certain order...

1. Watching the New York Rangers win the Stanley Cup back in 1994! I never get tired of that DVD...What a team!

2. Stopping by the following blog...
http://hockeyhotchicks.blogspot.com/ I mean, really...Hockey and Hot Chicks...Just give me some beer and it's game over Johnny!

3. Watching TV personalities blow their careers live on TV!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRc4msoUj_Q



Speaking of O & A...

4. The Opie and Anthony Show...For bringing stupid weathermen to our attention...For putting great comedians on the air...For their ability to trash people...Their brutal and honest views and comedy...And all the laughs I get from all of it...



Since I'm getting dirty...

6. Blasting a load on females glasses...Yeah, I like chicks with glasses!

Okay, instead of using the rest of this for all the sexual activities that make me smile...Let's just have it noted, that anytime I have an orgasm, it brings a smile across my face!

7. A good meal...A really nice 4 course meal, with good friends...Eating and drinking...Laughing, and offending the other tables around us!

8. Sitting in an "Old Man's Bar" with my dad...Watching football, or baseball...Knocking back some beers.

9. Going to the movies with my wife...It's one of her favorite things to do...She always lights up when we catch a flick at the theater...

10. My kids...They often make me crazy...And most the time on this blog, that's the stuff I share...But the good always out weighs the bad...The cause me to smile every day...

Bonus:

11. Writing...If I didn't, I'd probably lose my mind, with all the crazieness that's going on upstairs...

Later, The Beeze.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Marian Gaborik vs Daniel Carcillo?



That just doesn't sound right....

But it happened tonight...I'm a loyal Rangers fan...My father, a loyal Flyers fan...I always make it a point to watch Rangers vs Flyers..."Kids, go to bed...You shouldn't see your father like this!"

I'm not one of those softies that thinks fighting should go away in hockey...I'm all for it...But there are certain guys who fight...And certain guys who don't...Tonight Gaborik had just his second fight of his career...And honestly it wasn't really a fight...It was just Carcillo punching Gaborik repeatedly, until he fell to the ice...

Gaborik, a sniper...Carcillo, a guy who wouldn't be in the NHL if he could fight the way he does...Nothing wrong with being that guy Carcillo...Love most guys like that...But Not Carcillo...Not when you pull a bitch move like he did tonight...He grabbed Gaborik from behind, got in front of him...The jostled...Gaborik tried to push him off...They dropped the gloves and Carcillo started pounding...A couldn't believe Gaborik actually got his gloves off before hitting the ice...




After the players were in the penalty box...Dubinsky from the Rangers let Carcillo know what he thought of him...The whole thing started when Dubinsky was scuffling with a couple Flyers after the play...If you can read lips...Dubinsky told Carcillo he was a, "F**king P*ssy!"


Rangers coach John Tortorella said about the same thing to the Flyers bench...

If I was out there...The next shift Daniel Briere was out there for...I would him grabbed him and pounded the shit out of him...You see, Briere plays a similar game to Gaborik...Then my next shift...Either Jeff Carter, or Mike Richards is getting it...Sorry, but you go after my top scorer, I'm taking a couple of yours...

The Rangesr played tough, in their 2-0 loss...But not tough enough...Like I said, I'm all for fighting...But a thumper jumping a guy like Gaborik is a bitch move...And the Blue shirts needed to get some revenge...But I don't think they did...Sean Avery did drop the gloves with Carcillo...Say what you want about Avery...But he's a team player...



I like Torts, but there are times I wonder why I'm not coaching this team...

Later, The Beeze.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

For Real...There's One of These I haven't Done?

I thought I had done all the Facebook notes there are to do...Then I tagged for one I hadn't yesterday...Some of the answers are inside jokes...Too bad..The rest are me just being the ass that I am...


1.Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? A CHALUPA...A STRINGBEAN...AL SHARPTON...BILL O'REILLY...AND A WHOLE LOT MORE

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? I SLAP IT WITH MY HOG...HOW DO YOU THINK DUMMY?

3. Do you wear your seat belt in the car? YES

4. Do you have a crush on someone? FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS NOW

5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. WELL SINCE I ALREADY RAN OUT OF MONEY...I'LL SAY TIME

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? THIS AWESOME BLOGGER WHO CALLS HIMSELF "THE BEEZE"


7. What are your favorite pizza toppings? SAUSAGE, BACON, HAM, GREEN PEPPERS

8. Do you crack your knuckles? YES

9. What song do you hate the most? PARTY IN THE USA...I'LL HAVE THAT GASH "Nodding her head like YEAH! Moving her hips like YEAH!" Idiotic shit!

10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? YES!

11. What are your super powers? NEVER ENDING SEX DRIVE...VERBALLY ASSAULTING SERVERS...THROWING FISH...

12. Peppermint or spearmint? PEPPERMINT

13. Where are your car keys? KITCHEN COUNTER

14. Last song you listened to? THIS SONG BY BILLY THE KID...




15. What's your most annoying habit? INSANE RANTING AND RAVING

16. Where did you last go on vacation? BOSTON

17. What is your best physical feature? MY YAM BAG

18. What CD is closest to you right now? "THE LOST CAUSE"


19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? MILK...BEER...PIZZA

20. What superstition do you believe/practice? ENTER WITH MY LEFT FOOT

21. What colour are your bed sheets? BLUE...WITH WHITE STAINS!

22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? BIRD...I'M ALLERGIC TO FISH, SO THAT WOULD REALLY F**KING SUCK!

23. Last thing you broke? A SERVER'S SPIRIT!

24. What are you having to eat tonight? YOUR MOM'S BOX!

25. What colour shirt are you wearing? BLUE...WITH WHITE STAINS!

26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? MAKING MORE STAINS!

27. Do security cameras make you nervous? YES

28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be? IT"S IN THE WORKS...THE TITLE IS, "UNDERSTANDING MY INSANITY"

29. Last time you went to a cemetery? JULY 13th

30. Last concert you went to? OUR LADY PEACE

31. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? OUR LADY PEACE

32. Next concert you're planning to attend? BILLY THE KID somewhere in Ontario or AN EVENING WITH OUR LADY PEACE in Buffalo

33. Do you talk to yourself? ALWAYS

34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? NO

35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? YES, HIS NAME IS LITTLE BEEZE!


Later, The Beeze

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Monday Moaning

"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression,will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today."

In case people forgot why they have today off...That's why...To honor a the man who had the courage to say those words, and many more, back in 1963 when thoughts and ideas like these weren't popular, and weren't spoken publicly...

That said, I'll be at work, cooking for all you lucky folks who have the day off...

So I must get on with the Moaning, and get to bed...And see what happens tonight...
http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2010/01/what-hell-happened-here-last-night.html

First I want to talk about the NFL's Defensive player of the year...Charles Woodson won the award...And he had a great season...Although if I was going to go with a corner back, I would have gone with Derrelle Revis...Dude knuckled up again today, as the Jets...The JETS, beat the Chargers 17-14...Boy, I'd hate to be Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding right now...Missed 3 field goals in a playoff game...Some one put him on suicide watch...

But in my opinion The Defensive Player of the Year should have been, Jared Allen of the Vikings...50 tackles...42 solo...14.5 sacks...4 passes defended...5 forced fumbles...1 interception...
Not bad considering most of the time he's getting double teamed...Oh, and there's this...


The Jets will face the Colts, as they beat the Ravens 20-3...In the NFC, the Vikings, lead by their defense, beat the Cowboys 34-3...They'll face the Saints, who beat the Cardinals 45-14...How about that Arizona defense!

I'll make my picks now...I'll go with the Saints and the Jets...Why not the Jets...I never thought they'd get this far, so what the hell!

So before I sat down to watch the second half of the Jets, Chargers game...I served up dinner...We had stuffed peppers...I was inspired by a dolt I work with...He made Stuffed Pepper soup last week...Except it didn't taste like stuffed peppers...Maybe because he didn't use any peppers...It tasted like sausage and tomatoes...It was good if you like that Chef Boyardee taste...So I had to make some old school Stuffed Peppers...I'll be punching him in the face with one tomorrow!


After dinner I flipped on the Rangers and Canadiens game...My boys in blue have been struggling to score goals lately...And it didn't look good when they went to the first intermission down 2-0...But they showed some serious fight tonight...They played with an energy they've been lacking...An they played a full team game, in both ends...Final score, Rangers 6, Habs 2...It was nice to see Lunqvist get some help for change...I hope they can keep it up...

Sticking with Hockey...NBC has to be happy with their first two games this season...First the Winter Classic...Then today, Red Wings and Blackhawks...

It was a hard-nosed, back and forth game that couldn't be settled in regulation...The action in OT was non-stop...Both team with great chance...Both goalies with great saves...That still wasn't enough...time for a shootout...This game is turning into the NHL's wet dream...3 shooters aside wasn't enough either...After Daniel Cleary, Detroit's 4th shooter was stopped...Chicago's Patrick Sharp put in the game winner...

At the start of the year, I half-heartedly mentioned a Rangers vs Blackhawks Stanley Cup final...Well, maybe if the Rangers can keep their heads out of their asses, they could have a fighting chance...The 'Hawks...They've got a real good shot...Tons of talent...Lots of firepower...Strong on the blue line...Solid goaltending...they can play in both ends, and they aren't afraid to mix it up...We'll see if and how the Olympic break screws things up...

Yeah, I'm one of those guys that don't like the pro's in the Olympics...we'll get to that in the next week or so...

I've got nothing new with the kids this week...The girl has been well behaved, as usual...The boy...Well, he's just been a royal pain in the ass...To hell with the terrible two's...He's a bigger pain at 5...Everything is a battle...He's trying to find some independence...But he just can't be trusted...Considering the brand new, $47 tube of cream for his eczema is empty, and there's a huge creamy stain on the carpet in is room..."I didn't do it!"

Yeah, and I'm not about to make my own big stain on the carpet, next to the computer!

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

Friday, January 15, 2010

What the Hell Happened Here Last Night?


So last night both the kids ended up in our bed...So I setup camp on the couch...Not B-Dub's...Mine...Somewhere around 2:00AM I was watching something on the History Channel...I can't remember what...I was quite sleepy...I felt myself falling asleep...

Then the weird kicked in...Now I've had plenty of heavy drinking nights in my life...But I've never had one where I couldn't remember what happened the following morning...Last night I was stone sober...That's what really makes this hard to figure out...

Like I said, I was asleep on the couch...When I woke up this morning, I was laying in the little Beeze's bed...Covers on...Arm wrapped around one of his stuffed animals...According to the wife, I left the TV on...I started running around in a panic looking for my glasses...Not having my glasses...Not knowing where they, sends me into complete and total insanity...I found them in his bed, out of the way where they wouldn't have gotten crushed by my fat ass...

Then after I got to work...I realized all morning my ankle was hurting...It's still hurting, and swollen...I also realized there were a bunch of toys in his bed last night...But when I got up, they were all put on the floor, at the side of the bed...

Was I abducted by aliens? My ass doesn't hurt...Did a ghost move me? Patrick Swayze what did you do to my ankle!?! ...Too Soon?

Was I sleep walking? That's never happened before...And seriously, What the hell happened to my ankle? Why can't I remember a thing about this...Why would I get up off my couch...I love my couch...What the hell happened...

I felt like I was in an episode of "The Twilight Zone"...Which by the way was and is one of the greatest TV shows of all-time...Drama, scares, thrills, chills, comedy, and amazing ability to mess with your head and make you think...Great show!

I don't know...Let me know what you think...

Later, The Beeze.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Some Pent up $h!t

So all week I've been wanting to post something...Each evening went by, and I never got around to it...The kids have kept me busy...The wife is sick, which has the kids keeping me a little more busy...

After leaving work, picking up the kids, getting them a snack...I make a pot of coffee...The get on with the rest of my duties...I've been knocking back a pot of coffee everyday this week after 4:00 PM...Yet, by the time I get everyone to bed, I've just been wiped out...I'll watch some hockey and doze in the chair...I take a quick look on facebook, and twitter, and shut it down for the night...

Today I got home and said, "I'm posting a blog after dinner." Well, technically, it's still after dinner...I've spent about 2 hours just catching up on reading other blogs...And well, a number of things I was going to talk about have been touched on...Some even beaten to death...

But here I am...So I'm just going to rattle off some stuff, and get it out of my head...

Pete Carroll will be a flop in the NFL...Again! Way to run away from that little storm that's been brewing at USC Pete...

Lane Kiffin showed once again that he's a douche...After one year at Tennessee, he's running off to USC...I don't get why this guy seems to be in high demand...He just leaves a bucket of sh!t where ever he goes...And now the kids he recruited are screwed...Coaches can leave whenever they want, no matter how long their contract is for...But the players they recruit, get punished if they want to transfer somewhere else, (lose a year of eligibility) after this douche left them high and dry...That my friends is bull$h!t...

Then there's the whole Big Mac story...

So the other day I go to McDonald's before work...I order a Big Mac...They're like, "Sir, we're serving breakfast right now." And I say, "What? You don't have any Big Mac's lying around until after 10:30AM...This is McDonald's for God's sake!"

Oh, you thought I was going to talk about Mark McGwire...F**k that ass-hat!

So anyway, I say, "Listen thaw me out a Big Mac...Give me a chocolate shake...And ya know what, I'll have a couple of those hash browns!" I settled for a Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit...F**king McDonald's all uptight about not mixing lunch and breakfast...

Since we brought up McGwire...That whole thing was such a bunch of crap...Nobody was surprised...We all knew you did it...Stop the crying you f**king child...I hope this sudden bit of honesty keeps his juiced ass from ever getting into the Hall of Fame...As a matter of fact...Who the hell are these few writers who vote for him? What the hell is wrong with you!?!

Let's see here...Bert Blyleven and Ron Santo can't get in...But some f**k-tard is gonna vote for this cheating piece of sh!t...If any of these juicers get in, Pete Rose better get in with them...What a buch of crap...

What the hell else has me fired up tonight...I watched the New York Rangers lose to the Ottawa Senators, and some rookie goalie tonight...WTF! They lost 2-0...One goal was an empty netter...Hey guys, Lundqvist can only do so much...He stopped 32 shots...Ya think maybe you guys can score a couple goals here and there, just to make his life a little easier...Torts needs to light some people up!

The same goes for you fellas from Columbus...The 'Jackets lost to the Blackhawks 3-0...This lack of offense from the teams I follow is killing me!
-
I think that'll do it for now...But I want to leave with something that cracked me up today...I was listening to the Opie & Anthony show, and at one point comedian Jim Norton was plugging his show at the Cleveland House of Blues in February...He said how he loved Cleveland...That "Cleveland had the best chicks." Opie asked what made them so special...Norton responded with, "They have the fattest, meatiest p*$$ies!" and that "they really know how to f**k."
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So true!
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Here's a taste of his twisted humor...It my be offensive to some viewers...



Later, The Beeze.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Monday Moaning


I'll start by saying this...Thank God I didn't bet on any of this week's playoff games...And thank God I didn't post any predictions...If I would have, I would have been 0-4...

The original Browns beat the Patriots 33-14...Was that Tom Brady playing QB or Greg Brady?

How about that Green Bay vs Arizona game...The Cardinals win the battle of who can play the least amount of defense...I thought maybe they changed the rules to, the first team to 100 wins...And some how, the Cards win on a score by their shit defense...Unreal...

Saturday the Jets took it to Ocho and the Bengals again...Not shocked, but I would have gone with the Bengals...Then, as I sat in Dina's Pizza & Pub that night...The Cowboys beat the living sh!t out of the Eagles again...Holy Tony Romo won a playoff game...Old Jerry Jones must have creamed himself...

Since I brought up Saturday night...A good time was had by all...The Mrs. and I went out with our friends Bryan and May...We had some good eats, and plenty of drinks...Dina's is normally gentle on the wallet...But it's pretty amazing how those $2 shot specials add up...

I spent plenty of time groping and embarrassing the wife...Note to the DJ...If you don't want to hear me sing...Don't play Journey while I'm drinking...I was also catching some glances from a "male hair dresser"...They may have been because I was simulating oral sex on a beer bottle...AWKWARD!

And I can't forget the dancing lady...I would guess close to 50 years old...She was there with her bald husband, and making him feel very uncomfortable...She was down with OPP...And everyone got a good sot of her shaking her old fat ass all over the place...Then May got up and danced one with her...AWKWARD! Or was the awkward part when Bryan and I gave Baldy the rock when we were leaving, and he looked at us like 'who the f**k are you?'

After that...Pay the sitter...Get upstairs...Clothes off...It was time for some old school bumpin' uglies...I was feeling this morning too...After dropping the morning deuce, I think I strained my oblique muscle wiping my ass...

But after a pot of coffee...4 Motrin...And a snowball fight with the kids while the wife took a nap, I was feeling better....

Some more football news...Word on the street is Pete Carroll will be leaving USC and become the new head coach of the Seattle Seahawks... http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/seahawks/2010761357_hawk11.html

Well, it may be time to throw away my Seahawks cap...Carroll had it made at USC...I don't know why he'd want to leave...The egos in the NFL have got to be much harder to deal with, then in college...That combined with the fact that his last stops in the NFL didn't go so well...Some guys are cut out for it...And some aren't...I think Caroll is built for the college game...Just like Steve Spurrier and Butch Davis...I'm predicting this as another fail for Carroll...

Next I want to talk about something that went on last week at Facebook...One day I noticed a number of female friends statuses were simply one word...A color...Most of my friends said white...there was one pink...A black...And there was a NONE...My status became a question...WTF is this about...A friend pointed out that it was just females, and to "use your imagination"...So then I thought 'is the type of c*ck they like?'...Then I thought, 'what about the chick with the "Pink with brown and lime green polka dots?" She needs to see a doctor!'

In the end, I found out it was their bra color...This was suppose to raise breast cancer awareness...I don't know if it worked...But it raised something!

So for the gents out there...This week, I'd like to raise some junk swing awareness...Your status should be either left or right...If you say down the middle, you better be naked, or you're just not packin' much...So let the world know how your junk's hangin'...

Speaking of junk hangin'...This week the Little Beeze was in rare form...When isn't he...One night I was getting him ready for bed...He was a bit wound up...So I took his hands and said lets shake the craziness out...And we shook the hell out of him...He was really liking it...Then he said, "Mom come here!" When she came in the room he started shaking himself around and said, "Look at mt pee pee swing!"

That's my boy!

Another night when he was being a pain in the ass...I said, "Little Beeze, I'm tired of this!" He responded completely straight faced and serious with, "Dad you're suppose shit at the end of that."

That brought on a dirty look from the wife...This kid is gonna be the death of me...

That's it for now...Have a great week...
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Later, The Beeze.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Beeze's Thoughts on Josh Cribbs


This may seem nuts, but there has been non-stop Cleveland Browns talk in this town...First all the will Mangini be fired or not talk...Then Holmgren finally showing up, and his first press conference...Then more will Mangini be fired talk...Then Josh Cribbs...

For months there has been all kinds of "Pay Josh Cribbs" talk...There's even a Facebook page...Now some people may be surprised by my thoughts today...But here me out...I joined the "Pay Josh Cribbs" page...I like Josh Cribbs...he's a hard working, hard nosed football player...he also does a lot of work in the community...Often very quietly...Do I think he's underpaid...Yes, by NFL standards he is...But in 2006 he signed a six year, $6.77 million contract extension through 2012...

Cribbs' has wanted a new contract since last off season...I respect that he played through the talks and didn't hold out, and play all those a$$hole games...He went out and busted his a$$ for his team...He did whatever was asked of him...Once again, he was without a doubt, the Cleveland Browns MVP this year...But I've never been a fan of renegotiating contracts...

Now his agent is trying to push the Browns into making Cribbs' contract their #1 priority...How about you let Holmgren get his staff hired first...

Then last night Cribbs comes out and says he's "insulted" by the Browns contract offer of "only" $1.4 million a year...Really? Yeah, it's probably below market value but...Is really a wide receiver? NO...Is he a Quarterback? NO...Is he a running back? NO...He's the best special teams player in the league...Who plays a "Slash" role as well, because he's on one of the worst teams in football...

If I was running the Browns this is how things would go after he said he was insulted..."You're insulted? F**k you!" Then I tear up the offer..."I guess you're gonna have to finish out your existing contract...And no, I won't trade you! If you play that I'm holding out crap...You won't get paid...And I'll sue you for breach of contract."

Like I said...I like Cribbs...And he's a stud...But him and his agent, who has already said, they will ask for a trade if this isn't resolved soon, are both being a couple of dolts...Feel free to suckle me!

Later, The Beeze.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Colts are Full of Crap


That's right...I said it!


Can some one...Anyone...Please explain why going for a 16 win season wasn't important to the Colts...But for some dumb ass reason, little individual goals were...I thought Football was a team sport...Yet, when the team was looking at possibly having a perfect season last week, the coaching staff and upper management felt it wasn't important...And that they should rest their starters...

So Sunday the Colts go to Buffalo to play the Bills in a winter wonderland...Peyton Manning started the game...Because his streak of consecutive games started is much more important then his health...Who cares if could slip on the icy turf and break his ankle...That personal goal is so much bigger then the team...

Manning stayed in the game until he got both Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne to 100 receptions for the season...Alright, put Manning's two best weapons out there, because those personal milestones are much more important...Right? Once Manning was done throwing screens and short passes to his boys, they were all taken out of the game...I won't lie...I was hoping all three would have been injured in that beautiful Buffalo snow storm...Too bad they stayed healthy...

But I'm honestly puzzled by this...Why were these personal achievements so important...More important then taking a shot at perfection...I don't get it...So as I said in the title...The Colts are full of CRAP!

Thank God I'm not a Colts fan! I'll thoroughly enjoy rooting against them in the playoffs...Again...

Don't forget to scroll down and check out Monday Moaning...

Later, The Beeze.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Monday Moaning



OH NO! This is not what Patriots fans want to see...Even worse then the pictures...Boston.com is reporting that wide receiver Wes Welker tore his ACL and MCL in today's loss to the Houston Texans...Not good at all!

Other NFL news, the Cowboys handed the Eagles a whoopin'...Baltimore made it in...And it looks like Chad Ochocinco won't be doing any dancing, as the Jets are thumping the Bengals right now...And he's in the locker room...The Jets win will put them in the playoffs...

In amazing NFL news, The Browns won their 4th straight game...They started 1-12, then they started to play some hard-nosed ball and win their last 4...WTF!?! I look at Mangini and don't know if I want to high-five him, or punch him in the throat!

Now I have to be honest...I haven't watched many of the College Bowl games...To be honest, since they put TCU and Boise State against each other...I just don't really care...I think 'Bama is gonna pound on Texas...I did watch a bit of Florida's thrashing of Cincinnati...Wow did that hurt...But once they started talking about their "Tebow Cam" I just wanted to see him break every bone in his body...But that wasn't going to happen against Cincy"s piss-poor defense..."F**king "Tebow Cam." Are you kidding me? Ya know, one day some evil shit is gonna come out about that guy...Some Tiger Woods shit...And I'm gonna laugh my ass off...
Oh, and good luck in the NFL Tebow...I can't wait to see the pros take you apart...I can't wait for everyone to see that you can't make all the throws...You'll be begging for some snaps in the stupid "Wildcat" formation...Douche!

Since I'm talking college football...I had to get this in...Another ESPN dolt, showing what a total and complete C*nt she is....




New Year's Day I was all about the Winter Classic..."Old Time Hockey" at it's best...
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Something that Gary Bettman hasn't screw up yet...Please just keep your idiotic hands off of it...It's a good thing...Don't get greedy...Leave it alone!

Moving on to the life and times of the Beeze...The boy hasn't done anything crazy...I mean he's always a little wired and shit, but he's been alright...There's snow on the ground and he can play outside in that shit all day long...Gets it from the Norwegian side of the family. (Mrs. Beeze...Funny since she's always complaining about being cold)...So we spent some time playing in the snow...He threw a snowball at me...Oh shit! It was on...He kept saying, "You can't hit me!" Oh yeah...This is no bullshit here people...I put that kid on the ground about twenty times...No head shots! but I was unleashing it on his ass...5 years of all the headaches he's given me were coming out in snowballs...And he just kept laughing and asking for more...

Cut to a couple hours later...I'm alternating ice and a heating pad on my once torn rotator cuff...And this kid is running around like a maniac completely unscathed...Unreal!

The girl...All of 8 years old, started wearing a training bra...WHAT! That was pretty much my reaction about it...My wife is telling me not to freak out...My mother is telling me not to freak out about it...Ad my father of course says the only logical thing..."Let's go to the pub for a drink."

My feeling is kids are developing too fast due to the growth hormones and God knows what else they put in the food these days...All I know is, I'm going to be gun shopping soon!

I was looking for more advice about dealing with kids...So I turned to one of my Christmas presents...Louis CK, "Chewed Up."


This next bit made me think about some of the dumb young girls that work at the Fish House...As opposed to Woman, like my wife...





I think that's a good place to end this week...

Later, The Beeze.

Now This is Riding a Bike!

Got this from Sully at You Gab Sports...It needs to be shared...




Later, The Beeze.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010...A Beeze Odyssey? I Hope!


I hope everyone had a fun and safe New Years...If not...Oh well!
Did you watch the Ball drop? Did you hear Dick Clark struggle to count it down again? Please Dick, stop...Give it up already...And can we Stop calling it New Year"s Rockin' Eve...None of those acts are rockin'!
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In the last few years I have found myself watching ESPN on New Year's Eve...There's something about watching a guy put his life on the line that's more exciting then a flashing ball being slowly lowered down a pole...This was last night's big stunt...



That was pretty damn cool...But I don't think it was as bad ass as Robbie Madison's jump last year!




Either way...It's a cool way to bring in the New Year...I hope 2010 is better then 2009...

As a matter of fact...I've got a few things I'm hoping for in this new year, and new decade...Let's make a list!

I hope to lose the weight required, so that I may ultimate prize...Love ya honey!
Deep frying chocolate cover Oreos isn't gonna help that goal...But I had to try something new...

I hope to finish the book I'm working on...And it brings me great wealth and enough notoriety to get me into some cool parties!

I hope to win the Mega Millions...Quit my job...Blog all I want...Move to Boston...Take a trip to Toronto and Vancouver...

I'm sure once I move The Cleveland Browns will win a "Super Bowl."

I'd like to see Brian Kelly turn around Notre Dame and bring it back to some bit of greatness that it once was...

I'd like to see the New York Rangers pull their collective heads out of their asses and win the Stanley Cup...1994 was great, and us Rangers fans don't want to do that whole waiting 60 years crap again!

Lastly, I hope that my family and friends all have happy and healthy years...With very limited hardships...2009 had some highs, but it has felt like a lot more lows...I'm a very lucky man, but I wouldn't mind more luck...How about you?

It's January now, which is when I really get into hockey season...Football is almost done, and of course New Year's Day brings the "Winter Classic." It's become a tradition on New Year's Day, and I love it...This year it was in Fenway Park...Bruins vs Flyers...It was great game...Not filled with all kinds of scoring as some would like...But it was filled with lots of old time hockey...Plenty of physical...Lots of defense...And the first fight in "Winter Classic" history...



Late in the third period the Bruins tie the game up at 1-1 on a power play goal by Mark Recchi...The game went to overtime, and we had to keep hearing the announcers repeatedly call it extra innings...Get it...'Cause they were playing in Fenway...Douches!

In OT Bruins winger Marco Sturm scored the game winner on a feed from Patrice Bergeron...

This was a great way to sell the game...Good non-stop action...Good defense...Physical play the entire game...And a thrilling finish...The NHL has to continue this tradition...I just hope the don't ruin it y having ten of these a year...Commissioner Bettman has a way of screwing things up...I hope he doesn't mess this up too!

Here's a New Year's resolution for the readers out there...If you're not really much of a hockey fan...This year, go checkout a game live...In person...It doesn't have to be NHL...the minors will do...Or College...Give it a shot and let us know what you think...

That's it for now...I gotta go deep fry something, and eat on the exrcise bike...

Best wishes to all in the new year...

Later, The Beeze.